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Erase/Replace

Posted by Mishelle, 22 November 2015 · 259 views

Has anyone ever had to break up with a friend? I think I'm going to have to break up with Aurora.

 

Ive already written about 2 pump. Quick recap for anyone who doesn't know, 2 pump is this slim shady trailer trash looking motherfucker that Aurora has been sleeping with for 2 years. He has a girlfriend who he has no intentions of leaving and Aurora is constantly complaining about him. She complains about the disrespectful ways he asks her to come fuck. Complains about his attitude, complains about him sending mixed signals. Sorry sis but if a dude has been fucking you for 2 years he's not leaving his girlfriend. and there's another guy named Kurt who again only shows up to fuck and she complains about how he goes months without talking to her. Um well if you keep letting a guy go months without talking to you and still fucking him every time he comes back why would you think he's going to stop? He has no reason to, he's always getting what he wants. And let us not forget PrisonBae. The guy who is in prison for getting high off meth and robbing a convenience store and all of a sudden when he gets sent to prison he wants to reach out and have a relationship with her. And she really thinks this guy is her actual boyfriend and that they're going to have a relationship when he gets out in a year.

 

I've told her a million times that these dudes are just using her for sex and entertainment. Notice how these dudes only contact you when they need something. PrisonBae is in prison, he doesn't have fuck else to do with his time and yet he's still gone months without talking to her. He said it was because he was in solitary confinement. So not only is he in prison but he doesn't even seem to be using his time productively to fix his life in prison. He's in there fucking up!

 

So finally I told her that if she's not going to help herself and get rid of these dudes who she clearly has issues with I don't want to hear about them. I don't want to hear about them. I have no interest in them and watching you do the same stupid shit with the same stupid people over and over again is boring. She said she knows I've been saying the same thing and getting more aggressive about it every time. I'm getting aggressive with you because you're being aggressively stupid. You're 24 years old, it's time to take some fucking responsibility for your life. She said that she knows and she's trying. I told her I don't understand why you have to TRY to stay away from dudes who treat you like shit. It should be pretty simple. She tried to blame her lack of self control. She's all "I wish I could be like you but I can't. If I had self control I would weigh a lot less"

 

Like are you kidding me? You don't need self control, you need some self esteem if you really think it's a challenge to stop fucking dudes who treat you like you're disposable.

 

Now she's jealous because I've started hanging out with new friends. My new friends like to go out and have fun. My new friends like to socialize and she doesnt. She never wanted to go out with me but now that I'm going out with other people she wants to feel a type of way about it. She does this thing where she will randomly show up at my home unannounced and I told her she needs to call and ask because I'm not always home and there have been multiple instances where she's showed up at my house and I was out with my other friends. WE HAVE PHONES FOR A REASON, USE THEM FOR MORE THAN YOUR HOTLINE BLING, KTHNX.

 

My birthday was when shit really hit the fan and I made the decision that I wasn't fucking with her anymore. I wanted to go to the trampoline park. She showed up with Liv and I showed up with John. My cousin Draya showed up later. Aurora immediately walks in "where is everyone else?" Clearly they couldn't make it. Most of my friends are broke like me and they don't have cars so they said they would show up if they could make it. Plus it doesn't matter if they showed up or not, you did. But her and Liv refused to jump. How are you going to show up to a trampoline park and just sit there? So of course I was annoyed that I had 5 people but only me and John actually jumped but me and John still had a blast, we always do.

 

Then after I was done jumping for an hour and 15 minutes I was tired. I'm fat ok, I needed to catch my breath. She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I was fine. She asked what we were doing after and I told her I wanted to go to dinner. On the way out I asked if she and Liv were coming to dinner and she said "I don't know, I'll let you know when we're on our way" why not just let me know now? Why are you acting like a cunt because all of my attention isn't on you at my birthday party that you're not even participating in? Why did you even show up?

 

So we get to the restaurant and I asked her if they were coming so I knew how many seats to ask for for a table. She basically told me that Liv doesn't want to go and she doesn't either because she's feeling sick and she'll give me my present later. Then she had the nerve to text me the next day asking me if we're still cool because she doesn't want to lose anymore friends (she only has me and Liv left, she doesn't have anymore friends because she pulls stupid shit like this) and I basically dragged her and gave her a list of grievances as to why no, we're actually not cool. I got stuck in fucking Oceanside at 2 am for your fucking birthday and you can't even jump on a trampoline and go to dinner for mine? Really bitch? Fuck you.

 

She tried to say that I was acting icy toward her at the trampoline park and when Liv decided she didn't want to go to dinner she didn't want to go because she would feel like an awkward outsider because I'm so close to John and my cousin.

 

WHY ARE YOU MAKING MY BIRTHDAY ABOUT YOU THO? Obviously I invited you because I wanted you there. She pulls the same shit with me and Willie. She refuses to hang out with the both of us because she doesn't get our inside jokes and because we're such close friends she feels like a third wheel. They're called inside jokes for a reason tho. And we never exclude her from anything she purposely excludes herself but then complains about feeling like an outsider. Of course you're going to feel that way when you go out of you way to be an awkward outsider. So after that i was pretty much done. I just told her "I'm sorry you felt that way" and ended the conversation. I didn't talk to her for like a week after that and that bitch went to go see Mockingjay without me when we had plans to see the double feature for a year and then Liv had the AUDACITY to post spoilers on Facebook. I read the books so I knew it was going to happen, but still. Have some decency, hoe.

 

Last Thursday I went out with my work friends Danielle, Jessica, Josh and Christine for Josh's birthday. I was planning on spending the weekend with them at Danielle's house but on Friday I found out my cousin Kara committed suicide. I went home to lay in bed and cry my eyes out. Aurora is texting me random groupon for wine tasting. She's saying she wants to do that and she wants me to invite my friends (because she doesn't have any). I told her I can't talk about that right now because my cousin just died and I'm trying to make sure my mom, and aunt and everyone is ok.

 

This bitch shows up to my house unannounced AGAIN. She brought me my birthday gift (vodka and weed) and immediately starts talking about how PrisonBae says they're officially in a relationship (after 2 years of her driving to Northern California to visit his bitch ass in prison, writing him letters and accepting his collect calls. NOW she's his girlfriend, before she was just his "girl")

 

Ok so I'm telling you my cousin just killed herself and you randomly show up to my house to talk about your deadbeat, meth head prison boyfriend? Get the fuck out of my house. It's at that moment I realized that I was her friend version of 2 pump. I was just there because she has no other options. We don't have a real friendship anymore, I'm just there because it's literally just me and Liv and she's clinging to me because it's easy. And then she got mad at me that I decided to go to LA to see my family for Thanksgiving break because apparently she had all these things she wanted to do and made all of these plans for us (again, not consulting me first). I told her whelp, deal with it. Excuse the fuck out of me for wanting to be with my family when one of them just died. My bad that her death interfered with YOUR plans. At that point I just stopped talking and watched The Vampire Diaries until she left to go do her Lyft job. I know I'm done with someone when I don't give a fuck about them anymore. I don't want to argue with her, I don't want to explain to her to stop being a self centered THOTrocket, I just want her to go away. It sucks because we've been friends for almost 5 years now but what's the point in continuing a friendship when I legitimately can't stand to be around you?

 

I've never had to break up with a friend before and I have no idea how to go about telling her to kick rocks.




Things Fall Apart

Posted by Mishelle, 18 October 2015 · 370 views

So we've already established that I'm perpetually single because I'm perpetually crazy but this time I really tried my best not to be crazy, That's not exactly how that ended up working out..... but still, I tried.

 

Things with Alex was pretty good but I noticed that I always went out of my way to be available for him but he didn't do the same for me. Like if he texted me and I was busy he would continue to text me and I would respond because I'm not ignoring him, I'm genuinely busy. I even keep my read receipts on for that exact reason, so you know I haven't read it and I'm fucking busy. But it wasn't the same in reverse if he didn't want to text me back he'd go a whole day without texting me back and it was fine.

 

So at first I tried stating it in the sane way "you know I've noticed that I always seem to make time to respond to you and make plans with you but when I want to make plans or talk to you and you don't have time you don't even try to make time." And he tells me how he's a full time worker and a full time student and all that jazz. I get it, I've been there. But you're telling me all this shit about how you want a relationship but in my opinion for something to be a relationship you both have to make time for each other instead of one person always having to work around your needs.

 

And then I got drunk and he ignored me and I completely flipped out because I'm nuts and we already know that. I told him that this isn't worth it and that I'm deleting his number. I'm tired of always feeling like I make time for you and you don't make time for me! It's been a week and a half and I'm sick of it!

 

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I didn't even get a response or anything, Didn't hear from him for a couple days, and it's not like I could text him to apologize because I deleted his number in a drunken rage.

 

I wait a couple days and finally he decides to text me. "Hey. It's Alex." And I'm at work so I want to text him but I was on the phone so I texted back "Hi. I'm busy right now I'll text you later." Then after I get off the phone I read another text "Actually, I'm just trying to figure out who this is."

 

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So I text him with "How are you texting me if you don't know who this is?" Because that doesn't make any sense. If you deleted me then you wouldn't be texting me. And I highly doubt you memorized my number, forgot I existed and then randomly decided to text me. He responds with "Don't be shy, what's your name?"

 

I want to hit him because I know he's playing games and I don't have time for this at all. So I just text back "If you don't know who this is, then how did you get my number?"

 

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He doesn't respond. I text him again because he's genuinely making me mad and I'm trying to find out what the fuck his problem is. He continues to ignore me so I blocked him and then deleted his number again because I don't have time for this shit. I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid. I know a dumb little fuckboy game when I see one.

 

And the sex never got any better. The struggle continues.




I'm cursed.

Posted by Mishelle, 07 October 2015 · 263 views

So yeah things with Max definitely didn't work out. He basically stopped really talking to me and would only text me back if I texted him first. After about 2 weeks of not talking I texted him like "what's wrong?" Because I don't understand how we can go from talking all day every day to not talking at all. He basically gave me this monologue about how he's sorry and he was just afraid of getting attached because he was so confused about what he wanted. I told him he didn't have to worry about me getting attached because I'm really just looking for someone I can have conversations with and occasionally have sex with. That's why I'm on Tinder, if I wanted a husband I'd join eHarmony or some shit. He just kept going on about how he was indecisive or whatever so I just point blank asked him if he wanted to be my friend or not. He said he didn't think it was realistic since we never see each other (it's not like he even made an attempt to try to see me again so that was a weak ass excuse) so I was just like okay and ended the conversation. I don't have time for this, I had a date that evening.

 

They be fallin like the rain so we ain't runnin out! /RihannaVoice

 

I've been talking to this guy named Alex. He used to go to Palomar but he transferred to Mesa. We went out for coffee and I did tell him I wasn't going to fuck him but I was down to make out and cuddle. I was lying to him, I was lying to myself. I figured after almost 2 years of self imposed celibacy I deserve to hoe out a bit. I told Alex about my celibacy, I told him about how I slept with Max and it only lasted a few minutes and he never spoke to me again. Alex was like "oh well at least with me it'll last longer than 3 minutes."

 

Why did I have the same exact problem with Alex that I did with Maxwell.............

 

Huge dick, very uncomfortable. And after about a minute it was over. "oh this has never happened before, I can't believe this"

 

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I couldn't even help it, I started laughing. I couldn't stop! I felt like such an asshole but I told him that I wasn't laughing at him I was laughing at the situation. He said it was ok if he were me he'd laugh at him. We made out for a bit more and watched American Horror Story until he had to go home. And he's already texting me so he's way better than Max already.

 

Posting pictures for a hotness comparison. Vote in the comments! Max is the ginger.

 

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Mishelle Breaks The Dry Spell

Posted by Mishelle, 19 September 2015 · 394 views

So before yesterday I hadn't had sex with anyone since Cody which was January 2014. It wasn't anything conscious on my part I just hadn't met a guy who I wanted to have sex with. I've made out with plenty of dudes and I did let my ex eat my ass once but that was just weird. I really don't get the appeal.

 

Anyway I decided I was going to get on Tinder and see if any attractive men existed in my neighborhood They did, however most of them just wanted to have sex right away. They'd start their conversation with absolute gems like "wanna come to my place?" "What kind of panties are you wearing?" "I like your curves" and my personal favorite " *eggplant emoji*"

 

Ugh. No thanks.

 

But I did meet this guy named Max and he actually started a conversation with me and we ended up talking all night so I gave him my number. We ended up texting, he found me on snapchat, and we basically talked damn near every day for a month and a half. We kept making plans to meet but it never worked because we have super conflicting work schedules. He works during the day, I work nights and he has to be home by 8:30 because he still lives with his mom (I don't judge, rent is too damn high). And the really shitty thing is that he works at my old university so if we had met a few months ago this wouldn't be a problem but I graduated so I never step foot on that campus anymore. Like all the time I spent on that campus and your sexy ass was there all along hiding, why?

 

Anyway back to the story. I decided to take Friday off work since I usually just end up texting for 6 hours and not doing much of anything. At least with a day off I could catch up on my laundry since my washing machine was broken for a month and the landlord just fixed it. Plus this particular Friday was one of the rare moments where my deadbeat cousin actually had work. He does this program called Labor Finders where they'll basically just call him the day before and tell him they have work for him. It's better than nothing, I guess. He's still not paying any fucking bills or rent around here, but it's nice to have him gone occasionally.

 

So I texted Max like "I'm out running errands but when I get home I'll text you and you can come over"

 

Sidenote: on my way home from errands I stopped by my local Planned Parenthood and made a donation because Republicans are fucking lame, and they gave me free condoms.

 

So I get home and I text him and he literally is at my house in 8 minutes. I didn't even have time to finish the Panda Express that I bought. So we hang out for a bit talking and I have no idea how this is supposed to go. I've never hooked up with someone I met on an app before. We were just sitting on my bed talking about random stuff like Supernatural, the books on my bookcase, the gentrification of Inglewood, and whatever else. Then he asks to use the bathroom and when he comes out his hands are wet and he starts drying his hands on my thighs and he's just like "You know this is actually urine" it's clearly water so I play along and I'm like "Oh well that's nice, I don't think you're going to get anywhere drying your hands on my thighs" and he's like "I know but is this a good first move?" and he starts using his fingers to flick water on me and I'm just like "You're a modern day Cassanova, Maxwell." Then I just grab his shirt and kiss him because I know if I don't do something he's just going to keep flicking water on me.

 

Everything was great until the actual sex part. I wasn't prepared for how uncooperative my vagina was going to be. Apparently if you don't use it you really do lose it. Not to mention the fact that this was one of the few moments where a dick is actually bigger in person than it is in pictures. So we try a couple different positions and finally we settle into missionary because it's the only position that doesn't feel like my insides are being rearranged and then he cums. If I had to clock the actual sex, including putting on the condom and the position changes I'd say it lasted 3-4 minutes total. And then this conversation happened.

 

Him: ...It usually lasts longer than that
Me: Posted Image
Him: It sucks because when I was on my way here I was just like "I'm really gonna give it to her" but then....
Me: It happens, I'm really not mad.

 

Like what the hell am I supposed to say? Is there a protocol for premature ejaculation? So we hung out for a bit more and talked, then I walked him to his car. We haven't really spoken since. I still want to be friends with him but I don't know if I want to have sex with him again. I'm low key hoping he never talks to me again because I don't want to have that conversation. I don't know how to human. I'm bad at this.




Mo money mo problems

Posted by Mishelle, 28 July 2015 · 279 views

My grandpa died a couple months ago from complications after lung transplant surgery. We'd been talking about getting his affairs in order because he was still dealing with the death of his older brother and the death of my great grandma. So while he was trying to inherit their things he was also trying to finish up his own will in case he died. Well he died before he could even get his will finalized and now everyone is fighting over his assets.

His girlfriend first tried to claim that they were common law married which is impossible since there is no common law marriage in California. Then she tried to say they had a civil union. Now she's saying that they got married back in 2013 and got this minister lady to cosign saying that she officiated the wedding. I think it's complete bullshit because my grandpa and I talked all the time. Never once did he call her his wife. He called her his girlfriend or Lola, that's it. He never told me they were married. And she didn't even pay for his funeral. My uncle did.

Now she's taking my dad and my uncle to court over this trying to claim his dead brothers house because she wants to live in the house. She can't even afford to live in the house. It's a 700k house if she can't even afford a funeral how the hell is she gonna afford the property taxes? This chick is beyond delusional.

My uncles wife Ruth has been basically taking care of the legal stuff because my uncle still has health issues from his kidney transplant and my dad is mentally ill he can't handle this mess. Ruth has Crohn's disease and just had to go to the hospital because she had a flare up. Probably from the stress.

It just pisses me off that she wants all of the benefits but none of the responsibilities that are coming from his death. When my grandpa and I spoke he always told me that he wanted everyone to get something and with all of his property and assets it's totally possible to divide it all up and let everyone get something but she wants to take everything. It's pathetic.


I Hate Clubs (Part 2)

Posted by Mishelle, 10 July 2015 · 290 views

The very next weekend after the eventsPosted Image of my last blog another birthday comes up. It's Aurora's birthday and she wants to party. Aurora and Franco have the same birthday so the plan was to go to Felicita Park and celebrate. The park allows beer and since the park is huge we can usually get away with smoking and no one will find us. Liv and Aurora brought lots of food and we also made hot dogs for the BBQ.

Since I left LA I've had very little experience with ratchets. Like I call things and people ratchet but it's been a while since I've come into contact with a bonafide ratchet trap queen. Well I met her at the picnic, and her name is Iris. Iris is a very large and in charge chola woman who loves sharpie eyeliner and cheetah print. She has two kids, a baby daddy that she hates, a boo on the side, and every now and then she'll pick up random dudes at the club and fuck them. We told Liv not to invite Iris because Aurora hates her, but Liv invited Iris anyway. And Iris decided to bring her two kids to a party she knew would have alcohol and weed.

Does Iris care? No. She smokes around her kids, drinks around her kids, curses around her kids. She doesn't give a shit. Iris sends her kids to the play area to play and we randomly started up a game of truth or drink because no one wanted to do a dare. Iris admitted that she eats ass but when I admitted that I own a dildo she's all "Oh I've never touched myself because that's just nasty." BITCH, YOU EAT ASS THO?!

Iris decides that she really wants to go out clubbing. She tries to get us on the guest list at some club in San Diego. I have no desire to go clubbing in San Diego and neither does Aurora. Liv, Lerissa and Iris want to go to San Diego. The boys Franco, Eric and Daniel want no part in any of this, they're going home to go play video games and shit. While Lerissa is in the bathroom Aurora tells me that she really doesn't want to be stuck in San Diego with Iris. I don't either because Liv and Lerissa like to tell stories about how they lost Iris and found her in the parking lot fucking some guy. That may be cute to you but it's not cute to me. That's a buzzkill to me. I freak out when I lose my friends I don't let them wander off to fuck random people unless they directly tell me that that's what they want and that's what they're going to do. So we all get ready to leave. Iris decides to pack up all the food that was brought for the entire picnic and take it home with her, even though all she brought was a fruit plate. She even took Aurora's storage container to take all the food, most of which Aurora brought. That's when I decided for sure, nope, I'm not going to San Diego with this bitch. She's clearly inconsiderate. I'm already still pressed from last weekend when the fucking party bus guy decided to be late. I'm not trying to get stranded in San Diego again.

While I'm in the car with Lerissa I tell her that me and Aurora really don't want to go all the way to San Diego to party. We'd rather just stay local-ish and go to Oceanside. Oceanside is 30 minutes away instead of an hour. Lerissa agrees and says that all she wants is for Aurora to get really fucked up for her birthday. Lerissa offers to be the designated driver and to drive us to the club. So we all go home to take naps, get ready and all that shit. By the time she comes to pick me up I'm ready to go. I feel fine, fresh and fierce. Aurora brought a bottle full of some kind of alcohol mixture for us to drink on the way there. In Lerissa's car it was me, Lerissa, Aurora and Shonda. In Iris' car was Iris' sister and Liv. Pay attention because this is going to be important later.

Shonda says that if Lerissa doesn't want to DD that she'll drive us home because she doesn't really drink alcohol. Lerissa says "Oh don't worry I got it."

We end up going to this club called The Basement because it's literally the basement of a two story restaurant that was converted into a club (so clever). What does Lerissa do when we walk into the club? She immediately starts fucking drinking like a fish. This girl is one of those health nuts because she lost like 100 pounds in 8 months. All she eats is kale and water but tonight she's knocking back Hurricanes like it's nothing. Not even an hour into clubbing and she's drunk as fuck. Iris, her sister and Liv finally show up. We all start dancing together. This shifty cholo looking dude pops up and starts dancing with Lerissa. She's dancing with him and the dude starts like touching her and kissing her and licking her neck. She clearly looks uncomfortable so Aurora steps in and breaks them up. We take Lerissa and move her back into our circle. The dude won't give up though, he keeps coming up behind her and continuing to dance with her. Iris is all "She doesn't like that she's not that kind of girl" so we break them up AGAIN and this time we all leave the dancefloor and go to a table to sit. Shonda had a couple beers. I only had the drink during the ride to the club and one drink at the club. I wanted to stay alert because I wanted Aurora to get drunk. Usually she's the responsible one and I'm the messy wasted one. I wanted to do her a solid for her birthday. Aurora gets smashhhheeedddd . She's not acting drunk because she can handle herself, but I can tell she's drunk because her eyes are like glazed over.

We end up going back to the dance floor because they played my song, and guess who shows up again? Cholo dude! And guess who he goes for? Straight to Lerissa. She's dancing with him again and at this point we decide fuck it. If she's not going to tell him to fuck off we're going to stop trying to save her. You're on your own sis. It's Aurora's birthday and aint nobody got time to keep playing captain save a ho with your drunk ass. I leave and go to a table where it's just me and Shonda. Eventually Liv, Iris and her sister show back up. We're at the table having a good time when Aurora shows up. Iris decides to reach out and just grab Aurora's boobs. Aurora flips her off and walks off. Shonda asks me to go look for her so I get up and do a once over of the entire club. She's no longer in the club. So I go back and get Shonda because I can't find her. We go upstairs into the restaurant and Aurora is sitting on the couch practically passed out because she's drunk as hell.

We decided to get Aurora up and take her to the beach to go walk and sober up a little bit. The beach is probably a 5-10 minute walk away, depending on how fast you're walking. We go to the beach, chill out there for a few minutes, and then we decide to head back to the club because Aurora is feeling better. We get back to the club and they won't let us in because it's almost last call. That's when we decide to just go wait by Lerissa's car until last call hits and we can go home. Shonda is sober and she says that she'll drive us home because Lerissa is clearly still drunk after drinking multiple strong drinks. We call Lerissa, she doesn't pick up. We text her, she still doesn't answer. At this point I'm just fucking relieved we didn't go to San Diego or else I wouldve dragged her ass. Finally we manage to find Liv, Iris, and Iris' sister. Apparently Lerissa had no problem picking up the phone for them. She tells them that she's not at the club anymore. While we were at the beach taking care of Aurora, Lerissa decided to leave the club with cholo guy and go to his house in San Marcos to have sex. They're going to San Marcos with a couple of his friends. We dont want to go because:

1. It's 2 am and we're tired
2. Those dudes look shady ass hell

But Iris wants to bang one of the shady cholo's friends because apparently these chicks don't love themselves or something. None of these guys are remotely attractive! Aurora says that it's fine if they want to go but we don't want to go. Iris has Lerissa's keys and Aurora asks for them so they can go because Shonda offered to drive us home. Aurora said that Lerissa can pick up her car from Aurora's house since they only live like a block away from each other. Iris totally freaks out, "NO YOU CAN'T HAVE HER KEYS, IM A REAL ASS FRIEND AND I'M NOT LEAVING HER. I AINT NO FAKE ASS BITCH. I DONT LEAVE MY FRIENDS! BLAH BLAH *incoherent wharbleglarble*"

Sis, your friend left you. And we're not asking you to come with us. We're just asking for the keys so we can get home. Iris refuses. Her and Aurora have an argument in the parking lot. Shonda decides fuck this she's going to call her mom to come pick us up. Shonda's mom gets up at 3 am on a work night to come pick us up because she's the real MVP. Still none of us have heard from Lerissa and we are all very much pissed off.

The next morning still no call or text from Lerissa to apologize. We asked Liv and she told us that Lerissa ended up sleeping with the guy and they took her home the next morning. Liv also tells us that the reason Iris wouldn't give us the keys is because Lerissa told her specifically not to give us her keys. I have no idea how she expected us to get home with no keys. Liv also said that Lerissa got a ticket for leaving her car parked in Oceanside overnight. Aurora is all, "Karma is a bitch, I hope something bad happens to her for each person she left." The whole weekend passes by and we don't hear from Lerissa so finally Aurora decides to text her and tell her that she's still really upset with her for leaving us at the party. Lerissa is one of those people who can never be wrong and never apologizes so she pretty much responds with a blatant lie. "Oh I left because Shonda said that she would drive you guys home so it was ok." How exactly was Shonda supposed to drive us home when you told Iris not to give us the keys? Are we supposed to hop in our invisible Cadillac and drive that? I don't get it.

We tell her that, and all she responds with is, "I don't why you're not over it, I'm already over it." OF COURSE YOU'RE OVER IT, YOU DIDN'T GET LEFT IN ANOTHER CITY YOU STUPID HEARTLESS JEZEBEL! Aurora is conflicted because she's so insecure she starts to believe that maybe Lerissa is right and we're just overreacting. I'm having none of that shit. I grab Aurora's phone and I drag that bitch for filth. I point out every flaw in her argument, every promise she broke, every fucked up thing she did and every time we've ever had to deal with her selfish bullshit. Like I keep telling you guys, I'm fucking petty, and I never forget when someone fucks me or someone I care about over. Lerissa is the queen of fucking people over and that's why I never hang out with her unless I'm hanging out with Aurora. Aurora is such a nice person that she's always letting her slide with that shit. Not today sis, you're not going to fuck over my best friend and make it out like it's her fault. I really wanted to snatch out her raggedy ass extensions and smack those overdrawn eyebrows off her face, but this was via text so I had to use my words.

Lerissa still responds like she doesn't understand where this is coming from. She thinks that we're overreacting and we should just get over it and she's not going to apologize because she didn't do anything wrong. I tell her fine. We're not friends anymore. If Aurora still wants to be friends with you then that's fine but I'm not fucking with you until you apologize to her. I don't even want an apology for myself. I want an apology for Aurora because it was her birthday, you wanted to get her drunk, you got her drunk and then you left her. That's really fucked up.

I haven't spoken to her since. She still tries to like my posts on Facebook and shit. Stop it bitch, IDFWU.

Then comes Monday morning and Aurora goes into work. Everyone is asking how the birthday went and Aurora tells them about what happened. Lerissa then texts Aurora totally livid that Aurora had the nerve to tell people at work that Lerissa abandoned us to go fuck some dude she met a the club. Aurora is sorry and immediately wants to apologize even though Lerissa has yet to apologize to her. I keep telling Aurora fuck that bitch. She deserves to have her feelings hurt because she's an inconsiderate, self-centered trollop.

Aurora is way nicer than me and apologizes anyway, but tells her that she's still upset with her for what she did and if she's not going to take any responsibility for it then they're not going to be friends anymore. What does Lerissa do? Completely ignores it. Doesn't respond or anything. She does however wait a day to hit Aurora up asking if she can get weed from her. Aurora just said: "no."

She's a better person than I am. I would've cussed her out, again.

Since then we don't talk to Lerissa, but we did hear that not only did she get a ticket for leaving her car parked overnight but not even 2 days later someone busted out the window of her car while she was at some smoke shop. Then a couple days after that she rear ended someone and they were suing her for damages. Aurora's curse came true. Something bad happened to her for each person she left. I'm happy it did. I hope something bad happens to her for every day of her life. Fuck her.


I Hate Clubs (Part 1)

Posted by Mishelle, 10 July 2015 · 245 views

I'm turning 25 in November and I feel like I've finally become a real adult. I've tried to make good decisions because I like to think of my future and what I want it to be. Does this stop me from getting trapped in bullshit? Nope. But I still try.

Let me kick this blog off by strongly stating how much I hate clubbing. I fucking hate it. I hate the overpriced drinks. I hate the crowds. I hate the dudes who always think it's ok to grab my ass just because I agreed to dance with them. I hate the fact that it's so loud you can never hear what anyone is saying. I hate all of it. The only time I have ever stepped foot in a club is to celebrate someone's birthday. That's it. I don't club for fun because clubbing isn't fun.

So it was Justine's birthday and she wanted to rent a party bus and go to the club. Me and Willie decided to tag along because didn't have anything better to do and it was only $35 for the bus and entry into the club. The party bus was BYOB so we stopped and bought a bottle of vodka to share on the ride there. The first issue arose when the party bus was late to pick us up, when it finally got there I was not pleased. I don't know where she found this guy, but it wasn't a party bus. It was a tiny little van with a dinky ass pole in the way back that no one could get on because the inside was so cramped. They said the bus could fit 20 people, we only had about 16 people and we were squished. But we had lots and lots and lots of alcohol and the bus driver said that it was ok if we smoked weed on the bus. The ride there was great. We spent it drinking, smoking, dancing, and taking selfies. When we got to the club we were all pretty drunk. The driver asked us when we wanted him to pick us up, we told him to come back at 1:30.

Willie and I were in the club having a good time. Justine invited her boyfriend Jake and his brother Josh. Willie is absolutely obsessed with Josh and has been for years. I'll admit that Josh is pretty hot, but he had like the first 3 buttons of his shirt undone so that pretty much solidified to me that he was a fuckboy and I would probably be better off avoiding him. I stuck with Willie on the dancefloor.

Everything was fine until Willie's drunk ass decided he would just walk away from me and disappear into the crowd. I have no idea where he went. I was just me, this other girl I met on the party bus, and her boyfriend. I feel someone creep up behind me. Guess who it is...

Yep! It's Josh, and he's drunk as hell. He walks up to me like "Hey we were introduced but I forgot your name" I tell him my name. He goes "Oh well I just wanted to let you know that you are so sexy. How did you get this sexy??" I tell him I was born, and I grew up, and now I'm sexy. But he's drunk so he can't even detect the sarcasm in my voice. He asks me if I want to dance with him and I agreed to dance with him. And that's where I fucked up.

We were dancing and everything was great. He ended up kissing me while we were dancing. I kissed him back because I was drunk and he was hot. Willie comes back, sees me kissing Josh and he gets so jealous. He tells me that I'm so lucky, Josh is so hot. And that he can't just sit here and watch me make out with his straight bae so he's gonna go find Justine. I don't see anything wrong with kissing a hot person, but I guess me kissing him gave him the go ahead to practically try to fuck me on the dancefloor. He just started biting me for no reason. He bit me on the neck, he licked my mouth, and then he bit my boobs. I'm like "Josh, what are you doing?" and he just screams at me "I'M A WOLF!"

┬┐Que?

I tell him ok...I get it. He's a wolf. But I'm not food, so please stop biting me. "I just can't help it you're so sexy. I just want to take you home and eat your pussy for hours!" Ok this is escalating way too quickly and I'm too drunk to process it. He keeps telling me he's a wolf and at this point I believe him because he keeps licking me and biting me. Then he puts his hands up my dress and tries to fondle my vagina and that's when enough was enough. I told him I'm not fucking him, don't touch my pussy, and I have to pee so I'm going to the bathroom and don't follow me. He follows me anyway but he couldn't follow me into the girls' bathroom so I stayed in there for a bit. By the time I left the bathroom and got back to the group Josh had already tagged onto another one of Justine's friends and was literally hiking her dress up around her hips on the dancefloor so we could all see her whole ass. Hot dudes get away with a lot of shit in this country, it's sad.

I went back to dancing with Willie and told him how the wolf tried to eat me on the dancefloor (and apparently at his house?). Willie tells me how he has a brown girl fetish and he's always going after Black girls and Latina girls. Then he starts going on about how he wishes he was a girl so he could fuck him too because he's so hot. I continue to dance with him and try to wrap my head around the fact that my best friend is a thirsty ho. The girl's boyfriend comes behind me and starts grinding on me. I don't want to dance with him but I'm just going to be nice and keep dancnig. Then he decided to put his hand up my dress and grabbed my ass while we were dancing. I pushed his hand away and left to sit down. At that point I was pretty much done and ready to go home, but I tried to make the best of it. After that I only agreed to dance with other girls and Willie. No exceptions.

By 1 am everyone was pretty much ready to go home. We were all out on the smoking section of the balcony and Justine decided to call the party bus guy and tell him we were ready to go now. One of the dudes who came with us had gotten kicked out of the club for being too drunk so him, his girlfriend and his gfs friend were all outside of the club sitting there because they couldn't get back in. Justine keeps calling the bus guy and getting sent straight to voicemail. She texts him, no reply. The dude who got kicked out and his possee decided they were just going to take an Uber home because dude was drunk as a skunk.

1:30 came and went, no party bus.

2:00 came and went. Still no sign of him.

Finally around 2:20 the dude pulls up and says that he got a flat on the bus so he had to take it back to the HQ and pick up a new bus. This new bus is even smaller than the first bus. It doesn't even have a pole, the stereo on it is broken, and all of our liquor is gone except for one box of coors light. Needless to say we were pissed, but he was our only ride home so we all piled into the bus. He kept pulling over to try to fix the stereo. It wasn't really working. Two of the girls had to pee so we pulled over to a gas station so they could pee. While we were at the gas station he finally managed to fix the fucking radio so we didn't have to ride home in silent boozeless anger.

Josh is still trying to get with Justine's friend. He keeps handing her beers, I guess to keep her drunk enough to sleep with him. Half the people on the bus are passed out sleep because it's 3am. We get back to Oceanside around 3:30 and decide to go to Dennys. We pile into Dennys and Justine's friend who Josh has been hitting on since I told him I wouldn't fuck him is in the bathroom. Me, Willie and my friend Sidney are sitting on a bench...and there's Josh. He grabs my friend Sidney and pulls her close to him to start flirting with her. Sidney lets him know that she has 2 kids with a man who will beat his ass if he doesn't get his hands off her.

That's why she's my girl.

The party bus dude tries to say that there is a mandatory tip. Justine tells him that she's not going to tip him because we got horrible service. He was late to pick us up, twice. All of our liquor is gone, and he was just a shitty driver. He's all "Oh ok you're going to stiff me, fuck you then bitch" and he starts cursing and walking away. Josh goes after him, and Willie follows Josh because he's obsessed. Josh tries to fight the party bus dude in the parking lot, but the guy just got in his bus and drove away cursing. The waitress at Dennys told us our table was ready so I left the madness to go eat because I was hungry as fuck.

Willie comes in, "Oh that was the hottest thing I've ever seen. Josh is so sexy when he's angry." I'm sitting there with my food trying to process the fact that my best friend is a ho. Everyone else comes back in and we eat. We hang out. I take videos and shade Josh on my Instagram because I'm petty. We finally head out around 4:30 and Justine agreed to take us to Wilie's house. When we tell her we need to go to San Marcos she goes, "Oh that's far I'm not taking you home, my boyfriend will take you." The girl that Josh has been hitting on all night gets into Justine's car and Josh is PISSED. He really thought he was going to get laid that night. He's like trying to grab her and convince her to come home with him but she refuses to do it. Justine said that it was because she didn't want everyone to think she was a ho. Sis we saw your whole ass, if we don't think you're a ho now we're not going to think you're a ho if you fuck him. Willie is a ho, he screams out "I'll go home with you Josh!". Josh gets all pissy and he stops by the car to talk to his brother. On his way back to the car and I stick my head of the window and go "Why don't you take this time to go home and pray because you clearly need Jesus."

I already admitted it, I'm petty. Not sorry.

So her boyfriend takes us home and the whole time he's bitching about how his brother was always the hot one. His brother always gets the girls, and how he's a fuckboy (we all already knew that). Willie and I didn't get home until 5am when the sun was rising. Stay tuned for part 2 where I refuse to learn my lesson, I go to another club the next weekend for another birthday and have the worst time ever.


Coming Soon to the Real Housewives of Tuscaloosa

Posted by Mishelle, 03 May 2015 · 361 views

I have the worst commitment issues. Some days I do want to get into a relationship and settle down, but then I'll wake up the next morning and be like "Fuck that, I'm so much happier by my damn self." This becomes a problem in my relationships because I tend to go from "I really like you, lets cuddle" to "Don't you have friends? Don't you have somewhere to be? Get out of my face."

I'm working on not doing that. It's a process.

So the last time I blogged about Cody we were arguing because he refused to understand the plight of Black men and women in America. This isn't surprising news to me because he's a White man in America. As a woke Black woman, this caused a lot of head butting between us. But then after we would fight he would text me saying that he didn't want to fight over these things. Me being the person I am, can't let shit go, I would start the argument back up again because he needs to realize that he's wrong.

Like I said. I'm a work in progress.

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So after not talking for a good two weeks he texts me randomly saying "I miss you," and I missed him too. We ended up Facetiming during my morning wake n bake. He wanted to show me how fat he got since the last time I saw him. I told him how I was graduating college on the 15th, finally. He tells me that he's working a lot but he's making a lot of money so it's a good trade off. He basically offers to pay me $800 a month to do his online college work for him. I told him yes I'd fucking do it. I've been doing people's online college work for years and not making nearly as much.

Then he goes "Why don't you just move in with me, fuck me and do my college and I'll put you name on all my accounts." I started laughing because I thought he was joking.

Him: I'm serious. I know it sounds like prostitution, but it's not as bad because I also want to use your mind.

Me: Posted Image

I literally rofled. I rolled on the floor and laughed. It does sound like prostitution, but it also sounds like a marriage. But he lives in Alabama and that state is gross. No disrespect to any readers who live in Alabama but your state is gross.

He told me he really wanted me to think about it so I did, and I made a list of pros and cons.

Pros:
Money (I have to start repaying my student loans in 6 months)
Lower cost of living
I've been wanting to leave California anyway
I can choose any degree program I want so the work will be ridiculously easy
He's constantly working so he'll be gone most of the time anyway
Even though Cody got fat he could still eat the booty like groceries

Cons:
Living in Alabama
Breathing in Alabama
Existing in Alabama
Surviving in Alabama
Being an interracial couple in Alabama
Alabama.

Then I realize one huge con that's really important. Cody is allergic to cats, and he has two dogs. That means I probably wouldn't be able to bring Eevee with me. So that was the end of that discussion. I'm keeping my ass here. But I told him I would still be willing to do his college work for him and get paid because I have student loans and rent. The struggle is real, but you won't see me Real Housewives of Alabama anytime soon.


How, Sway? How?

Posted by Mishelle, 18 April 2015 · 379 views

I texted my mom and I asked her if it was true that Tony had guns in the house. She said it was true but he keeps them locked up in a briefcase since my brother has accidentally gotten to it before. I kindly remind her that Tony is a convicted felon and shouldn't have any guns what so ever. She tells me she knows and she's working on moving out. I tell her she's been "working on moving out" for years now and that she has to stop working on it and start doing it. I told her I don't want her to see Tony anymore and she has to break up with him and move out. I know you can't control what other people do in their lives but this will literally only benefit her. She says she knows and she's going to work on it. I assume that that's the end of the conversation.

No, my life is never that simple. Some bullshit is always bound to happen.

I get a text message from Tony saying that the guns are locked up. That he would never hurt my mother or my brother. That he loves them and they're always going to be safe and I don't have to worry. I'm trying to explain to him that just because he doesn't have any intentions to hurt them doesn't magically mean it can't happen. What if someone finds out about them? He's not supposed to have ANY guns. He can be arrested, my mom can be arrested, my brother can be taken away by CPS, someone can break in and steal the damn guns. commit a crime and frame him for it. THERE ARE A MILLION WAYS THIS CAN GO WRONG. I tell him that and he completely disregards me. He told me that he's always had the guns and that my mom knew about it. I tell him THIS IS STILL UNACCEPTABLE. I bring up again that locking them in a briefcase isn't a safe way to store your guns and that someone can break in and steal them. He tells me he's not worried about someone breaking into his house. Then why do you fucking have them?! If it's not to protect the house then why the fuck do you have two guns and why are you breaking it around my brother? What other reason would you need a gun for? He doesn't hunt. He's not a cop. I don't understand and I want answers. I have a lot of questions but my biggest one is this:

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I didn't get answers. He completely avoided my question and changed the subject. He asks me when I'm graduating. I tell him I'm graduating in May. He asks if I've finally made plans for my future. I tell him I've always had plans for my future and I end the conversation. He's always doing this. He always wants to talk about what everyone else is doing except for him. During our conversation he tried to shirk the blame off to my mom and when that didn't work he tried to switch the conversation to being about me. He always wants to point out everyone elses flaws but never wants to discuss his own and it drives me fucking crazy. So like I said I wanted answers and I was going to find them. Like I said last blog it's really easy for me to get to the bottom of shit in my family because no one can hold water. All I have to do is go around and speak with everyone in the circle and put the story together from there. It's true for my mom and it's true for her dumb ass fuckass boyfriend.

I called up my grandma and I told her everything:
I told her about my mom's trip.
I told her about my cousin and the cult and what she told me after the cult meeting.
I told her what my aunt told me. And I told her about how my mom told me that she would be coming down with my brother this weekend and spending the weekend with us.

That was a lie, she had no intentions to even speak to me this weekend. Yesterday my mom stopped by my apartment and didn't even text me to tell me she was in town. She just dropped my brother off and my aunt gave her a ride to San Diego Airport so she could fly to Atlanta.

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My grandma tells me the entire fucking story of what happened but in order for audacity of this story to make sense I have to start from the beginning. About a year ago my mom was caught cheating, again. She was caught because Tony got his best friend Precious (yes, that's his real name) to spy on my mother. Precious cleans the building so he has a lot of free time and since he's there all the time he can watch her. Eventually Precious did catch her and told Tony that she saw my mom get out of a car with a man and that she was wearing some really short shorts. Every time my mother would do something Precious would snitch on her to Tony. He even called CPS and told them that my mom was leaving my brother at home alone and my brother kept getting himself locked out of the apartment. I've met Precious, he's short, he's Black and he's hideous. He had the nerve to try to flirt with me while I was trying to do my laundry last holiday. It's gross and offensive that he even fathomed the thought of having a chance with me.


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Well Tony caught my mom cheating with Precious. I don't know why she's doing this. I really don't understand why my mom would sleep with someone WHO IS IN CHARGE OF SNITCHING ON HER. Because guess what he did, HE TOLD ON HER. Not only did he tell on her, he took compromising pictures of my mom and sent them to Tony. That's my my mom won't tell me anything. That's why Tony has the guns. That's why everyone is acting a hot ass fucking mess. I don't even know what to do except shake my head. I can't fix this. Everyone wants to keep doing the same bullshit that makes them miserable and complain to me when their lives continue traveling down the toilet. And when I give them advice to stop making horrible fucking decisions I get disregarded. "It's ok, I know what I'm doing. Every thing is going to be ok, I'm going to take care of it." Well that's fine and dandy but I'm not going to be involved. I'm going to keep my ass at home come holiday time. I'm boycotting my family.

No peace, No Mishelle. #StopTheRatcheness2015


Not even Olivia Pope can fix this

Posted by Mishelle, 14 April 2015 · 619 views

This has been a really taxing year on me because I'm basically in a transition phase. It's my final semester of college, I'm basically doing an unpaid internship that they call senior experience. I'm also working part time at my job as the marketing manager, and I'm also attempting to have a semblance of a social life. The problem is that I've been so wrapped up in myself, my goals and my future that I've completely disengaged with my family because I couldn't deal with them anymore. I couldn't deal with my cousin and her archaic relationship with her control freak girlfriend. I couldn't deal with my mom and fucked up relationship with her bitch ass boyfriend. I couldn't deal with my aunt and her jailbird. I just can't deal with watching them do the same thing over and over with the same results over and over.

My mom messaged me a couple days ago asking me if she could put $500 on my credit card for plane tickets to Atlanta. I asked her why, she said she was going to see a man about a dog. I told her she could've just stopped after man. This is probably the 3509238534th time she's done something stupid to cheat on her boyfriend THAT NONE OF US LIKE ANYWAY. She doesn't even like him! If she liked him she wouldn't constantly be cheating on him. But she stays with him, she cheats, he finds out, he calls us all about it and whines to us about it but doesn't leave! He just stays year after year bitching about the things she does that she wont change. And she bitches about the things he does that he clearly won't change! But she's not going to open up to me and tell me anything so I decide I have to hit my bases, talk to everyone and put together the story of what's going on.

My cousin decides to call me on Sunday night at 11:30 at night trying to talk about shit that happened 5 years ago. The reason she's doing this is because she's joined this self help program called The Landmark Forum and they basically encourage their members to call people they don't talk to but want to talk to and basically rehash the past and resolve their demons, get closure and all that bullshit. She said it changed her life and she wants to talk to me and she wants me to show up to her graduation and support her. I'm like ok, I'll support you. I figure I'm going to go to this thing for a couple hours and then I'll have some time to get some intel about what the fuck is going on with my mothers crazy damn near 50 ass.

THIS WAS NOT A GRADUATION. THIS WAS CULT RECRUITMENT.

All they did was have people who graduated talk about how this seminar changed their lives. How they have a new perspective and new ways of doing things. How everything in their life was suddenly made better through this program. But they won't tell you how. They won't tell you specifically what they did but you can find out too for $585, and a deposit of $200. And how they get you is they get the person who invited you to volunteer to pay your deposit of $200. And during the whole spiel they're trying to convince you to not worry about money, money is no object, if the first thing you're worried about is money then you have a problem with money.

REALLY HO? A BUDGET MEANS I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MONEY?
BITCH, I HAVE STUDENT LOANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF I HAD $600 TO SPEND ON BULLSHIT, I'D GET A REAL THERAPIST.

I was so mad because this is the second time I've accidentally ended up at a cult meeting and I'm sick of it. She asked me if I was interested in registering I told her no. I'm not even remotely interested. But I told her I'm happy it's helping her. I wanted to tell her that yet again she's doing something stupid. The reason I stopped fucking with her is because every time, EVERY TIME, I follow her somewhere it doesn't go well for me. I followed her to college, she dropped out the same year. I followed her into an apartment with her girlfriend, her girlfriend was a maniac. I followed her and let her move her 2nd crazy ass girlfriend in, that didn't end well for me either. I'm not following you INTO A BLATANT FUCKING (EXPENSIVE) CULT. You're out of your fucking mind, sis.

So on the way back I'm trying to get intel on what's going on with my mom because she's not telling me anything. She told me that my mom told her that she's afraid of her boyfriend because he has 2 guns in the house. And he's cheating on her as well, but he won't admit it.

So yall are telling me....that a convicted felon has two illegal guns in an apartment with an autistic teenage boy AND NO ONE HAS CALLED THE FUCKING POLICE YET?

Pissed isn't even the word. I'm fucking livid at the blatant carelessness and stupidity of what is going on here. It's too late to cuss people out tonight that's why I'm writing here because I have so much anger. I'm mad that I couldn't check out for FOUR MONTHS WITHOUT SHIT HITTING THE FAN. I'm graduating and you bitches are joining cults, and buying illegal weapons and flying across the country for dick. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? I know she kept this from me because she didn't want me to freak out well god damn it I'm freaking out. I'm going on a cuss out spree tomorrow because I will not allow my mom to be so stupid and careless to allow guns around my brother. Guns in the hand of a psycho! Actually I can't wait, this cannot wait. I'm going to text her right now and deal with this because I won't be able to sleep tonight if this is true.






November 2017

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