Mishelle's Blog

It wasn't my decision things just kind of ended up that way, and it was a damn mess. And all the white people involved were the same white people from the last white people party blog so you know this shit is going to be ratchet.

I was under the impression that it was just going to be me, Aurora, Brandon and Wille drinking at his house but as soon as we got there Willie told me that they were next door partying with Danny (another marine) because it's his birthday. He also told me that Val and Brian live with Danny now. I think I've already talked about Val on this blog before? He's this latin man who's in the marines and Willie has the most pathetic crush on him even though Val goes after everything with a vagina (and a couple things with penises). So I walk over there and immediately run into Val and he's drunk as hell. He can barely keep his eyes open.

Val: Oh my god heyy give me a hug I haven't seen you in forever!
Me: We saw each other like three weeks ago
Val: Yeah that's like forever! I remember I saw you, you looked really hot
Me: I remember that day and no I really didn't.
Val: You look really hot right now

So this night is already starting off bad. Val is drunk as fuck and he keeps grabbing me and hugging me and I'm just casually ducking and running away from him. Finally I get fed up and I kicked him, then I punched him in the chest but he has a really strong chest so all that did was fuck up my wrist but he left me alone for the rest of the night so it was worth it.

This party was different because there were actually girls there! It was amazing. Brian's girlfriend was there and she was white girl wasted. And Brian's girlfriend had a friend, I don't know her name either. We called her Beyonce the whole night because her boyfriend's name was Jay Cee and for a while we thought it was Jay Z. I asked Jay Cee if he wanted to be my beer pong partner and he said yes. We were playing against Aurora and this guy named Shaun. As soon as we're setting up Danny comes out with some kind of lizard on his shoulder. Immediately the lizard shits and pisses all over his shoulder, the floor, and the beer pong table. Danny leaves.

Brian's girlfriend was nice enough to clean up the lizard poop off the beer pong table and we played the game. We totally lost but I was expecting that because I suck at beer pong. Then Kim shows up (the one who had sex with Brandon while she was on her period) and she's already toasted. Danny changed his shirt and cleaned up so he was back at the party with his beer horn. Kim decides to randomly slap his beer horn and spills beer all over her, the couch, the floor and Aurora (who already hates Kim) and her response is "Oh, there's something in there." Danny cleans the beer up then goes to Kim and says "Kim, you spilled my beer" and she goes "You can get another one."

Boom. Rejected.

Brian's girlfriend wants to go to Willies house to play with his dog then they start arguing for like 20 minutes over whether or not Luca is a girl's name. I really didn't want to listen to that so I went back next door to the party. Ray (Mr. I'll Have You Calling Me Honkey) shows up to the party which is weird because I specifically remember seeing his 3 kids running around his house, I guess he put them to bed or something. Ray immediately zeroes in on me.

Ray: Hey
Me: Hi
Ray: I know you want me
Me: What?
Ray: You heard me, I know you want me.
Me: That's not true.
Ray: I have some premium tequila in my bar in my apartment, if you want it you can go downstairs and have some
Me: The same apartment I saw 3 kids running around?
Ray: They have their own room and I have mine
Me:

Then Josh gets home from The Jumping Turtle and he wants to play beer pong. He ends up playing on the same team as Ray which we find weird considering Ray had sex with his ex girlfriend while he was deployed in Afghanistan. I think it's really sweet that they can put their differences aside and play beer pong together. They're playing against the reigning champs of the night Shaun and Aurora. Shaun and Aurora pretty much won the game but Ray got the final rebuttal, he decides for his rebuttal shot he's going to pull his pants down and show his dick to the entire party.

There's a list of things I never needed to know and Ray's prince albert is at the very top of my list.

I think Ray realized that pulling your dick out in a party is too much and he went home and went to bed. Danny still wants to party and says we should all go to the bar even though there's only 2 hours until last call. Josh is a nice guy and offers to drive everyone to the bar. Right when they're supposed to leave Willie gets into a fight with Shaun about whether or not men in the military should be respected because they put their lives on the line blah blah. They're going back and forth and it's just really uncomfortable because when Willie gets drunk he just wants to argue. He has no idea what his position even is he just want to argue about it and we know that about Willie but Shaun doesn't. So we keep telling Shaun to just drop it and go get in the car but Shaun won't drop it. Finally I tell Josh "Dude you just gotta heard them up like sheep" so Josh does this huge whistle and goes "EVERYBODY GET IN THE TRUCK!"

And they went and got in the truck. It was beautiful. Josh is a talented man.

Me, Aurora, Willie, Brandon and Kim decided to stay behind because we had a ton of alcohol at the house and Kim is too young to get in a bar. So we go back and we're hanging out but then I wanted to take a shot with Brandon but we didn't have any chaser. Brandon cannot take a shot without chaser so I tell him to go next door and get some of their chaser since they're all gone anyway. So we go over there and we see Val passed out sitting upright on the couch. I wish I would've thought to take a picture because it was perfect. I was nice enough to push him over so he could lay down and then we stole their chasers.

He didn't lie but wtf....











Nope.





Non



And finally, the your/you're HALL OF SHAME. So far I've only gotten one so at least that's an improvement?

A couple weeks ago I went to my friend Kayte's birthday party. I meant to write a blog about it because it was a hot Caucasian mess but I never got around to it. Long story short I got super wasted, I met a guy named Caleb and we made out.

My friend Aurora told me last night that for new years eve there was going to be a bonfire and I told her I was down. I planned on coming home later tonight on the train but I even booked and earlier train so I could make to the bonfire since it was in Oceanside and that's where my train stops. Aurora told Kayte to plan the bonfire and invite people so she did. Kayte picked me up at 2:30 and we found out pit. It was just me, Kayte and Marshal until around 4 or 5. Then Robin, Derek and this other guy showed up and we hung out. Then my friend Laura and her brother came. We hung out for hours until around 7:30 and Aurora still didn't show up. It was her party and she was 5 hours late. It got really cold and we and were all over it.

Some other people showed up and we let them join our bonfire since all the rest of the bonfires were taken and we were leaving soon anyway. Finally Aurora got there but by then everyone was ready to go home because we were freezing our balls off. Kayte told me there was a party in Escondido and I wanted to go but Aurora didn't. Kayte told me that Caleb was going to be there, I remembered I made out with him and he was hot. I tried to convince Aurora to come to the party and she wouldn't. She said she was going to go home. So I said ok, I was going to go home and drop my shit off then I was going to call her and we could spend New Years together. The plan was for Kayte, Marshall and I to go to the party til 10 pm then I would go home and call Aurora and spend New Years Eve with her. That's not what happened though.

As soon as we showed up to the party Aurora texted me saying she was at my house. I told her I thought she was going home and we got into an argument whether or not she said she was going home. That fucking ho did say she was going home but tried to say she didnt to make me feel bad. Why did I want girl friends again? I forget sometimes.

So I just say whatever I'm not going to argue with this bitch and I go inside. Guess who's the first person I run into when I walk into the door? Caleb. And Caleb is ugly. My immediate reaction is I'M SO UPSET. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME CALEB WAS REALLY UGLY?! I thought they were my friends, a real friend would've told me I was fucked up and Caleb isn't that hot. My friends didn't tell me that. They egged me on to go after Caleb when in reality he's ugly as sin. THOSE. BITCHES. BROKE. GIRL. CODE. So Caleb said hi and hugged me and I pretended we've never met before.

Then I proceeded to get wicked drunk and stoned for an hour because we couldn't leave til 10pm and I didn't know anyone at the party except Kayte and Marshall. I took some shots and met some new people. I met this girl named Julia we are now snapchat buddies. And there's this little woman who I always see at my job, I finally got introduced to her. But I was still mad because Caleb was ugly and no one told me.

So I got home and I texted Aurora and she was really mad. She said we ditched her. And we did, I thought I could have my cake and eat it too but I failed miserably. I told her straight up that I'm sorry. I wanted to get it in, and I put dick above our friendship and I'm sorry. She said she'd hang out with me in the new year.

But the bright side is I really missed Eevee and I came into the new year snuggling with my cat which is all I ever wanted. #crazycatladylife

I reopened my OkCupid account for the lols. Mostly I've gotten a million "Hey gorgeous/beautiful/cutie/etc whats up" but I've also gotten a couple of these gems:



Wat.


Aexy as fuck, yo.



You are very one much too sir as well



U GAY BRO?



Dude why do you look like one of the village people in your profile pic?



First of all, no one cares. Secondly I go to this dudes profile because he looks like a total dweeb and and I want to make fun of him. He's a total Jesus freak that's on okc looking for casual sex. Super godly.









And lastly, the your/you're Wall of SHAME










I can't even.

If any of you have read my past blogs about my shenanigans with my friends Willie and Brandon, well I'm sad to say there will be no more. We have disbanded and it's all Willie's fault.

Back in my birthday blog I explained that Willie missed my birthday party because there were going to be 2 girls there that he didn't like. I was pissed off about it for about a week, then I realized I don't really care, he's the one who missed out on a good time so there's no reason for me to even be mad. I went to Willie and told him that I was done freezing him out and we can be friends again. But the problem is that Willie and Brandon also had a fight over my birthday party. They're like a married couple, they'll fight about ANYTHING. Apparently Willie thought that Brandon was trying to make him look bad by saying it was just because he didn't like Laura and Freya. It was also because he just didn't want to go out that day. Him and Brandon got into a text fight over it and Brandon called Willie crazy and said he was being a bad friend. Willie called Brandon a punk and a bitch and said he's a bad friend and shouldn't be telling Willie how to be a friend. But when I stopped freezing Willie out over his bullshit Brandon said he was cool too and wasn't going to hold a grudge over the text messages.

And we thought we'd have a happy ending from there. Sadly, this is not the case.

Fast forward to Friday night: Brandon, Willie and I are engaging on our Friday After Work tradition of getting fucking wasted. Brandon bought a bottle of vodka and I bough a bottle of cosmo. Brandon also bought weed and was sharing his weed with us. Willie's room mate Josh comes out and that dude just rubs me the wrong way. He's one of those people who I strongly believe are fully capable of killing you at any given moment. I don't like being alone with him for extended periods of time. And he wears hipster glasses and for some reason those make him look 100 times more terrifying. He's talking about how he has 10,000+ songs on his MacBook and he has all kinds of music. He's playing all these songs and then he goes "hey guys you want to listen to a really racist song?" I say no. Willie also says no. Josh plays the song anyway it's some country song about hanging niggers from a tree. Willie just goes NOPE WE'RE NOT LISTENING TO THIS, and shuts the whole thing off. I guess Josh got embarrassed (as he should be) and he went to bed but left the speaker. Willie played some of his music and wouldn't let anyone else play any music. Brandon was smoking us out with his weed and first Willie knocked Brandon's pipe over the 2nd story balcony into the grass. When Willie went to get it Brandon got control of the music and started playing rock songs. We got into a conversation about all the bands we used to listen to back in high school and got super nostalgic. We played all the hot mess punk bands: Sum41, Green Day, Good Charlotte, etc.Then we see Willie coming back up and Brandon tells me, "He's going to turn it down then he's going to come and change the music to something he wants to listen to.

And that's exactly what happens. First he turns it down really low, then he comes out and tells Brandon "I don't want to listen to this turn it off." Brandon tries to explain to him that these are songs we listen to back in high school and we were just reminiscing. Willie goes into this rant about how he can't relate to that because he wasn't allowed to listen to music in high school. He was raised a Jehovah's Witness and his grandma was Mexican so they listened to Mexican Jehovah's Witness music. I felt bad for him, that sounds awful. So yeah Willie changes the music and puts Lady Gaga on and Brandon goes "see what I said." And Willie goes "said what, what did you say, were you guys talking shit about me behind my back?" I told him Brandon said he was going to turn the music down and change the song, and he did. Then I went into the house because it was cold.

So we're all in the house and we're taking turns playing songs until Willie and Brandon have ANOTHER fight over the music and Willie turns everything off. Then Brandon goes outside again to have a cigarette. While Brandon is out Willie talks about how Brandon is such a shitty friend and is always putting him down and making him feel stupid. He said that he feels that someday Brandon is just going to stop being his friend and he's going to forget he ever existed. Mind you, Willie says this every time he gets drunk. He picks a fight with Brandon and when Brandon leaves he talks about how Brandon is going to stop being his friend and stop talking to him. I tell Willie that if Brandon didn't want to be his friend he wouldn't be, but he still continues to hang out with him, so obviously it's not true. Willie says that well he doesn't know if he wants to be friends with Brandon, and that Brandon is a shitty friend.

Little does Willie know that the walls are not made of concrete and Brandon heard everything Willie said about him. Brandon completely goes off on Willie talking about how if he has something to say he should say it to his face instead of talking shit about him when he's right there. I start tearing up because when I'm in tense situations I tear up. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Then Willie tells Brandon that he called insulted him by calling him crazy, Brandon tells him he is fucking crazy. That instead of being upfront he gossips like a little girl. Then Brandon storms off and all Willie says back is "don't slam the door when you leave." Then Willie goes into his room and shuts the door. I felt really bad for Brandon because it must feel so bad to have someone you consider your best friend talking shit about you and calling you a bad friend. Just the weekend before at my birthday party when we were smoking with the 50yr old guy Brandon told him that Willie was his best friend and Willie helped him get over the homophobia he was raised with. And now this happens, and mixed with the alcohol I was a drunk emotional mess so I just burst into tears. I went out on the balcony to try to get myself together and I hear something behind me going *pssst psssttt* it's Brandon from the other size of the complex wall.

Brandon: Did he say anything? Why are you crying?
Me: I tear up in tense situations. He just went into his room, are you really going home?
Brandon: Yeah he's not just going to talk shit about me and have me sit there and take it. I'm done with him.
Me: I guess I understand, I'll see you later.

Willie text messages me the next day asking me what happened trying to pretend like he doesn't remember anything. I tell him Brandon got upset and left when he heard him talking about how much of a shitty friend he is. Willie says it's probably for the best, Brandon wasn't a good friend to him anyway.

And you thought that was the end of it. Of course not. Not even a day after Willie says that he texts Brandon asking to talk about what happened. Brandon says he doesn't want to talk, he's not going to deal with him anymore. Willie says that Brandon needs to talk to him about this because if not he's going to start building resentment against Brandon.

Like what kind of fuck shit? "You better talk to me or I'm going to resent you." What kind of threat is that? Anyway Brandon tells Willie he doesn't care. And now Willie won't stop bitching about how much he hates not talking to Brandon and how he wishes Brandon wouldn't ignore him. It's so hard having a messy queen for a best friend.

In loving memory...

Have you ever awkwardly ran into a person you never wanted to see again? That happened to me today. It was pretty awesome.

I guess I should tell some backstory first. When I first moved down here to San Diego it was to go to college with my cousin. She was living here and told me that we could live together in an apartment with her girlfriend Sherray. Nobody told me Sherray was a fucking psycho and if ANYONE had warned me my life would've turned out so much differently. The first thing I learned about Sherray was that she hated being alone. She always had to have someone around her to hang out with so she was constantly throwing parties. She would drink and do drugs every day. You guys know I have no problem with a party, but I'm also trying to go to school here. You can't study when you're having to deal with listening to E-40 throughout the night. She was also a fucking sociopath, she could fake every single emotion. She had trained herself how to cry on cue so whenever she would start a fight with someone she would start crying and telling a sob story about her past so she looked like the victim. When my cousin finally broke up with her it's because she caught her and her own sister in bed with 2 other girls. Sherray and all her evil bitch glory decided to get back at my cousin for kicking her out of the apartment that she would steal all of my cousins stuff while we were away. She didn't get everything since I caught her in the act, but needless to say my cousin was pissed. Sherray also put videos on Facebook accusing my cousin of being abusive and that she just escaped the relationship with nothing.




Sherray's own sister called my cousin and told her where Sherray had moved because even she understands that her sister is a lying thieving whorebag. She told us that Sherray would be gone at a party so we could break into the apartment and get my cousin's stuff back. After that Sherray cried about it in some more Facebook videos but other than that no consequences came of it. People finally realized on their own that she was cracked out when she took a bunch of ecstasy and tried to run a Black Student Union meeting. She was acting so hyperactive and crazy that a lot of people walked out of the meeting. She eventually dropped out of university and I never heard from her again. That was back in 2009.

Fastforward to 2013 and my aunt decides that for her birthday gift to herself she'd buy herself a new Jeep. She had a old Jeep (also back in 2009) and her crackhead ex crashed it. We drive over to the dealership and guess who works there. Sherray. This manipulative bitch would become a used car sales person. It's so her. Anyway she tried to act like we were old friends and everything was great.



My aunt was dead set on walking out with a Jeep so she ended up buying a car which means I get the old car. Too bad I still havent learned how to drive yet. I need to get it together.

It's not even my birthday yet but I've been partying since Thursday because, why not? Tomorrow I will officially be 23 so I decided to use these past few days to get all the ratchet 22 yr old behavior out of my system, so yes this is going to be a long post. The first thing I did was break rule number one, do not drink with marines. But it wasn't my fault, I originally planned to be an alcoholic and drink by myself in bed with my cat until my friend fuckbuddy Cody called me and informed me he was 10 minutes from my house and he's going to pick me up and buy me dinner and alcohol. I was already drunk so all I could respond with was "Do i have to wear shoes or can I keep on my fuzzy slippers?"

Slippers, of course.

I feel like the night would have been fine if it were just me and Cody but his best friend Daniel was also there. Daniel is the Black version of Cody and he's constantly pushing my buttons. They went to high school in Alabama together and they're both fucking meatheads. Their first bright idea was to build a fire then put three giant piles of wood on top of the fire to see how big they can make the fire get. The fire got so huge that we all had to move everything back because it got so fucking hot and we were afraid something was going to catch fire. Then Daniel stole my purple fuzzy slippers and wouldn't give them back. He said if I wanted them back I had to take them off his feet. I was drunk enough to where I thought "6ft 230lb black man? I can take this guy no problem." As soon as we locked arms he just picks me up by my wrists and dangles me like I child. At that moment I thought maybe this wasn't such a bright idea. I had to fight dirty and went for the sack grab. It worked, I got free. But I only managed to get one slipper back. I got my second one back later.

Then my cousin called and fucking Daniel keeps jumping in my conversation trying to get me to tell my cousin to come over. I kept telling him Daniel she's gay, and all he kept saying was "but is she hot?" And he was like arguing with me telling me my cousin wasn't gay. He's never even met her! I just screamed at him

Me: SHE'S SUPER DUPER GAY. SHE WAS BORN GAY. SHE LIVES WITH HER GIRLFRIEND, SHES GAY.
Daniel: She wasn't born gay no one is born gay!
Me: People are born gay just like people are born straight
Daniel: Are you saying being gay is natural, it's not if everyone were gay the world would die out!
Me: But not everyone is born gay. We have gay people, we have straight people, bisexual people, the human race isn't dying out, you're not making any sense!
Daniel: You don't understand what I'm saying! I'm saying people aren't born gay!

And it went back and forth like that for a good 10 minutes until I finally gave up and said

Me: Ok fine. I understand your opinion, but I disagree with it.
Daniel: i would kill my son if he were gay
Me: And what the fuck would that accomplish?
Cody: Would you kill Greyson (Cody's son) if he were gay?
Daniel: No I wouldn't kill your son, that's your kid
Cody: You wouldn't hurt your son. You need to have a kid of your own before you can understand how much you can love someone. It's a whole different kind of love. If my son came to me and told me and told me 'Dad I'm gay' I would just tell him 'Ok, I love you son. You go be gay.' I would just kill any guy who tried to talk to him because no guy is good enough for him.

Idk about you guys but I thought that was beautiful so I declared the party over and left to go have sex with Cody.

The next day we went to breakfast then he dropped me off at home and I literally slept the day away. I didn't wake up until almost 5pm, I was that hungover. My whole body was sore from fighting Daniel. It was just a bad day. My friend Aurora came and nursed me back to health with a lot of marijuana, food and Starbucks. Then I basically smoked weed and played Neopets all night because that's what cool kids do.

Saturday morning afternoon I got out of bed and started getting ready for my party. Freya and Brandon had planned a birthday party for me and I invited all my friends. Everything was going smoothly until Willie started acting like a bitch. Willie doesn't like Freya because he says she's annoying when he's drunk. She's just really Chinese and he gets annoyed when he has to repeat things to her and explain what words mean. He was also upset that Brandon was bringing his friend fuckbuddy Laura and Willie doesn't like Laura. I asked him why is it about them when it's my birthday party? I was with him for his birthday even when he was acting like an ass but he can't put his own shit aside to come to my party. Then he texted me and said he was coming. I asked him how was he getting there and does he need a ride. He told me he doesn't know ask Brandon. Brandon told me he was getting a ride from Laura and since Willie doesn't like Laura he should ride with me. I called Willie and told him I was picking him up. He didn't answer. I texted him. Called some more. Finally I just decided fuck it and left to Freyas. Willie texts me like an hour later.

Willie: I'm not coming
Me: Then you shouldn't have even wasted my time
Him: I never asked you to come get me
Me: Whatever. I don't even care, bye.
Him: Well maybe if you did care you wouldn't have wasted your time (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?)
Me: If you cared you wouldn't have wasted my time. It's my birthday and you're trying to make this about you. So you have fun alone in your world.
Him: No I'm not, seriously. No one told you to pick me up.
Me: I'm not picking you up I'm already at Freya's house. I don't understand why you're continuing to speak.

And that was that. Fuck Willie. We're not friends anymore. I had an amazing party, everyone was super sweet. All my friends showed up and I even made new friends. We got wastedpants and I got to hang out with Laura and she's not the bitch that Willie is constantly telling me she is. She's a super sweet person with an amazing son. I think Willie is just jealous that Brandon is fucking Laura and not him. Freya was an awesome party host until she decided to drink the entire shot chess table and spent the rest of the night with her face in the toilet. Freya lives with this really nice 50+ yr old couple, they were the fucking best. Turns out they were stoners so I smoked them out. It was amazing, I've never smoked pot with old people before. The party ended around 3am when everyone passed out. I took the train back home and now I'm about to get ready for phase 3 of my birthday party weekend. I'm going to Sky High! TRAMPOLINES, BITCHES. All the walls and floors are made of trampolines and we can jump from the trampolines into foam pits. Best birthday ever!

Honestly I have no idea whether or not I had a good weekend. It was definitely memorable I'll tell you that.

It started at work on Friday. Our Fridays are always super slow because no one in their right mind takes Friday classes. We were really just having fun. Talking and cleaning up to pass the time until our boss Diane came over. I've never seen her come to the Jamba Juice except to order some oatmeal or a smoothie. Today Diane was being a total bitch to me and micromanaging everything because the Jamba Juice marketing people were there inspecting the place. I was sitting there making a stocking list for Monday because we were completely deserted. I had my apron on the counter with the registers on it because it was wet and I wanted it to dry out for a bit while I finished the list. Diane says in front of the marketing people "where is your apron? Put it on right now, you have to have your apron on at all times" THIS BITCH KNOWS I HAVE A FUCKING APRON. She saw me take it off, she knows it's around. I'm not making a fucking smoothie, I'm not doing anything except making a list, I don't need to wear an apron to make a goddamn list. And I've been to real Jamba Juice's and they do not have to wear aprons if they don't want to. But that's beside the point. The point is she would bitch us out over stuff she knows nothing about. Telling Golnoush her greeting wasn't warm or welcoming? Wtf she tells people hello can I take your order. Do people even give a shit? They come for the fucking smoothies, not a ~warm greeting~ and for us to pretend to give a shit about them. Then she told us that the juice machines had to be filled at all times. It was 11:30, we closed in 2 hours. She made us put the juice in them anyway. And she said we couldn't start closing until 1:30, I told her it takes an hour just to take the machine apart, clean it, then put it back together. At that rate we won't be out until like 3:30! And she's just like "well clean it faster." Such a fucking bitch. We started closing anyway as soon as she left: Bitch can't tell us nothin. And instead of getting out hours late we got out right on time.



Then Cynthia drove me to my house to get my stuff and feed Eevee before we left to Willies. At Willies house it was cool. Kim was there, Freya, Willie, Brandon, and these 2 military guys Val and Brian that Willies room mate Alex had sex with. Alex's fiance who just got back from Afghanistan was also there (fucking messy). Cynthia was asking who was driving and Val said that he could drive, Cynthia said if he's driving then why is he drinking and Val was like "It's just one beer, I've driven after drinking tons of beers and I've been fine" then him and Alex's fiance got into a dickwaving contest about how many beers they've drank before driving and Cynthia completely goes off. She starts talking about how her cousin just died in a drunk driving contest and it shouldn't be something to brag about, and it escalates into a screaming match and Cynthia walks out and just sits outside. We took that our our queue to gtfo and head off to our hotel. In the car it was me, Cynthia, Kim, Brandon and Freya. We had a lot of fun in the car except it was awkward that Kim was throwing herself at Brandon religiously. She was talking about how she just freshly shaved her legs and how she wishes she weren't on her period, how she's really flexible. I wouldn't have a problem with this if it weren't for the fact that Kim works with us. Kim's boyfriend also works with us. She basically was on a mission to cheat on her boyfriend with Brandon, period or no period. We got to the hotel and we drank at the hotel and we all walked to Knotts Scary Farm. That shit was not scary and those monsters were lame as fuck. Willie scared me the most out of everyone when he hid in the fog and ran out at me. Cynthia kept saying she hoped there weren't any clowns, there were actually a million clowns. We ended up accidentally wandering into a circus type area with all clowns. It was so sad seeing her clutch Brian's arm in a death grip the whole time we were walking. Her face turned red, I felt so bad for her but you gotta face your fears sometime, right? Val was just on a mission to get drunk. He would make us stop at every place and buy beers for everyone. There was 8 of us, the beers are $10 a cup but he wanted to show off and tell us how he wasn't poor and it's ok if you want to spend money on me. We were all pretty good except for Freya. We gave Freya 2 hits of weed when we were at the hotel and she had a couple shots so she was completely off her ass. She kept leaning on everyone and stumbling around talking about how she was dizzy. Val took that as a message to go after Freya. He kept hitting on her the whole night and trying to hug her and stuff. It was really gross because Freya was not interested in him at all. Kim is all up under Brandon. Every time Brandon manages to get away from her she's all "where's Brandon?! I need to find him!" and runs after him to attach herself to him again. She kept trying to hold his hand but he wouldn't.



We were over Knotts Scary Farm really fast because that shit was lame so we walked back to the hotel room. Brian, Cynthia and Nicole left because they had to be up early so it was just Val, Willie, Brandon, Me, Kim and Freya. We started drinking and smoking. Freya was really fucked up so she got in the bed and Val like jumped on her and tried to get her to go upstairs to his room. I pulled him off and told him nobody's sleeping with Freya except me so fuck off. He got butthurt but he stayed and partied until late. Brandon and I went downstairs while he had a cigarette and when we came back up Kim answered the door in her bra and gave him the "come fuck me" look which was REALLY awkward because we're sharing a room with them. I ended up getting way too drunk and I fell asleep on the bathroom floor because I was really hot and it was cold. Then I woke up and saw that Kim and Brandon totally had sex while Freya was passed out in the bed and I was passed out in the bathroom because their clothes were on the floor and I could see period blood on the sheets. Fucking disgusting. I was too hungover to do anything except judge them as I walked by then crawl into bed and go back to sleep.



Then I woke up and Freya was gone, she left to go buy a bathing suit or something. I fell back asleep. Woke up again. Willie and Val were in the room, Brandon ordered room service. I got a breakfast burrito but I told them I didn't want any bell peppers. I took one bite, ALL FUCKING BELL PEPPERS. So I gave it to Willie and went back to sleep. I woke up again, Willie left with Val. Went back to sleep. Then Brandon woke me up again and told us we had to check out. I'm still hungover as fuck but I manage to pull my life together in time for check out. We get into the car and Freya was like "we're going to LA." So we drove to Beverly Hills. I wanted to go shopping, I really did. But I was so hungover I couldn't even stand up for too long let alone go through shop after shop with Freya. So instead me and Brandon sat on a couch in the middle of the mall and watched football while Freya shopped. Then after that we went to PF Changs and had food and I drank a couple drinks because I'm an alcoholic and I make terrible decisions.



It's just awkward because the whole ride Brandon is not paying Kim any attention. They're barely even interacting. And Kim likes Brandon a lot, she has a huge crush on him. Brandon is just a huge fucking slut and will fuck anyone who will let him. And the worst part is he doesn't wear condoms, ever. There's actually another girl Laura who might be pregnant with his baby right now. So you possibly got another girl pregnant for fucking without a condom, then you go and fuck another girl without a condom WHILE SHE'S ON HER PERIOD. These people disgust me, I don't even know why we're friends. Anyway back to the story. We drove back to Willie's house and honestly at this point I'm sick of Freya. Freya is a really nice person but she's way older than us and it comes out. She's always telling us "Back in china, we do this. Or back in china, we don't do this." Honestly it wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't such a constant thing. Every time we do something she tells us "Don't do that we can't do that in China." Or when we tell her it's not ok to do something, like swerve in and out of someone else's lane while driving, she argues with us that it's ok to do in China. At the restaurant she said the guy was an asshole to her because he asked her if she was done with her food so he could take her plate. Then she tried to get us to not tip him because of it. I tried to explain the tipping situation in America and how it's not good to not leave a tip at all, but she just wasn't getting it and kept arguing with us and got mad when we left tips anyway. Also when was sitting on willies couch and I started bouncing my leg because I was bored and Freya is like "stop don't do that. In china if a man does that he'll be poor, and if a woman does it she'll become a whore." and I'm like "Freya I've been doing this my whole life and I'm not a prostitute yet so I think I'm fine" and she's all "I'm just saying when you have a job interview you'll do that and you won't get the job" and I'm like "Freya, I've had job interviews before I know how to conduct myself. This isn't China. This is America, we're not going to become whores by shaking our legs." She kept pushing it so basically I had to give her the "I'm a grown woman and I can do whatever the fuck I want" talk and she finally dropped it. I don't like people telling me what to do.



Ray the downstairs neighbor was having a party with his biker friends and started texting us to come down. We didn't want to come down because his biker friends are racist homophobic assholes. They act like stereotypical bikers, hypermasculine pricks who are so afraid of ~catching the gay~ if they even breathe the same air as a gay person. He told us his friends had left so to come down. We were totally having fun but Kim was being awkward again. Ray is a fucking slut, he's like Brandon except 10 yrs older. He'll have sex with any girl who will let him. He's forever hitting on me and I'm just turning him down like it's my job. He's used to it though so it's more of a joke now. But Kim is like loving the attention. She asks him for a banana and is all "Mmmm I love bananas" and shoves the banana in her mouth. Ray puts on Willie's sweater and is talking about how his nipples are so hard and he wants to rub them and Kim starts rubbing her nipples. But Ray knows that her and Brandon just had sex last night, and that Kim is only 18 years old. When she was outside smoking with Brandon he told me that he's just joking with her and that he really wants to hang out with me because we both laugh at the same things. I told him we can hang out but we're not having sex, ever, in life. He said he understands but he's still going to try. And I'm just like.



Then his fucking biker friends come back. I was hoping for Sons of Anarchy and I just got bloated old white men with broken dreams of youth.These guy were not hot at all. They're fat and greasy with low budget ass tribal tattoos. Really? What tribe are you white motherfuckers from? Someone please let me know. The slick back hair guy comes through the door and tries to hug Freya and she's like "Excuse me. I'll shake your hand but I don't know you so I'm not going to hug you." Brandon goes upstairs with Willie to get food so it's just us 3 girls and the dudes are just being pigs. One guy asks Kim how old she is then asks her to show her tits. After that we just left because they were obnoxious. Once we got back upstairs Willie realized that we left Brandon's alcohol downstairs at Rays house so I went with him to get it. We walk in and this homophobic biker asshole is like "Seriously??" and I look at him and I'm just like "Seriously, what?" and he doesn't say anything. We walk over to Ray and ask for Brandon's vodka and he said Brandon already came down and got it. Then Ray goes into this drunken monologue how I should just give him a chance. How his bed is always open and I shouldn't keep shooting him down like this. He tells me that he has ropes and handcuffs and he'll break my back, he'll have me shaking, he'll have me calling him honkey and all this crazy ass shit. And I'm just like "RAY, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS FIVE STAR PUSSY SO STOP RAPING ME WITH YOUR WORDS." and he's just like "I'm just saying, if you want me I'm here and you know where my bedroom is." He's such a goddamn whore, it's not even attractive. Then when Willie and I are leaving out the door the same guy who was talking shit when we walked in goes "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." And Willie is just like "Don't worry, it won't happen again. Ever." And we leave. We're not even going to entertain these dickheads. The dude goes running to Ray saying that we were talking shit while we were leaving. Um you're the one who decided to be a bitch and talk shit while we were leaving and then get mad when something is said back to you? Is your little ego that fucking fragile?



So Ray comes up and completely goes off on Willie saying no one is allowed to talk shit in his house. We tried to explain to him what happened but Ray is clearly drunk so Willie just gives up and goes "Ok, I'm sorry Ray can you just leave?" because Willie's room mates were sleeping and we didn't want to wake them with his drunken screaming. I wanted to stay longer but Freya was really tired. I kept telling her "Freya, you don't have to wait for me. Just go home and I'll get a ride in the morning." But she wouldn't, she was like falling asleep at the table so finally I just went to her and asked her to take me home because that's clearly what she wanted. Seriously fuck Ray though. I'm still pissed off that he thought he even had a chance with me. He doesn't have enough sophistication or money to fuck me.

I know comedians like to joke around about the difference between partying with white people and partying with black people, but it's the god honest truth. Every time I party with white people shit goes down. I'm going to start from the beginning of my weekend because it was all just a mess.

I wanted to have a Game of Thrones marathon at my house, every time we say we're going to do it at Willie's house it never happens because Willie gets drunk and obnoxious and starts complaining about how he doesn't want to watch Game of Thrones. Plus Willie has a room mate named Alex who has a boyfriend named Josh. Josh has been over in Afghanistan for like 6 months and is on his way back home. That entire six months Alex has been fucking every Marine in the tri-city area, including 2 of the neighbors. I don't want to be around when that shit hits the fan. I invited Brandon and Freya along since we were all at work that day and we were drinking and having fun. I put on Game of Thrones and guess what happens. Willie is drunk and complains about how he doesn't want to watch Game of Thrones.

Instead we get Freya high for the first time. Brandon taught her how to smoke from a pipe and we passed it around for a bit. First she complains that she doesn't feel anything and that this weed is bullshit. She told us how she took two E pills once and didn't feel anything so this probably isn't going to effect her. Next thing you know she's crouched in the corner eating an entire bowl of noodles. I consider this a success. Then it got kind of late so Willie wanted to go home so Freya took Brandon and Willie home. I was drunk as hell and my plan was to play Neopets until I fell asleep. My friend Aurora texted me asking what I'm doing, I told her I was home alone drunk and playing neopets. She said that was sad.

She invited me to a party to play beer pong with some of her coworkers so I was like yeah lets go. She swoops me up and we get to this party, it's in a totally shady ass part of Escondido. The apartment complex looks like a mix between a prison and military barracks, but I'm just like whatever there's free liquor. At the party I swear the entire playlist was Eminem. The whole time I was at the party I heard like every Eminem song. The kicker about this mess is that all the guys were ugly. Every single one of them. And one was like following me around the whole night trying to be my friend and get my number. I tried to be nice about it but I was drunk and annoyed so by the end of the day when we were walking to the car I flat out said "I'm not giving you my number, I'm not interested." Aurora said I was mean and that i should give him a chance because he's nice.

Aurora: That was so mean!
Me: Aurora, we both saw him, he was ugly.
Aurora: He's cute! He asked me if you were single and I told him you were
Me: Why did you egg him on like that.
Aurora: I think you should've given him a chance
Me: If you think he's that cute you should've given him your number because I'm not here for that.

Then we hit up Jack in the Box and those stupid bitches forgot to give me my two tacos. Aurora was babysitting a house in the suburbs of Escondido so we crashed there for the night smoking weed and watching Disney movies. Then I had that awkward moment where you wake up and you don't know where the fuck you are but this big fluffy kitty was there laying across my lap so i knew I was safe. Me and the cat watched Prince of Egypt on netflix until Aurora woke up and took me home. I was home for all of 4 hours. Enough time to eat, take a nap and take a shower and then my ex Alex calls me telling me he's having a party at his place and I should come over. This is where it goes from regular messy to hot messy.

When I get there it's just Alex, a ginger we call Red, Robbie. We were just smoking for a bit until 3 more guys show up. One of the guys named Charlie is like model hot. His two back up dancers are meh. Then my friends Brock and Jesse show up. This party is a total sausagefest, I'm the only girl there in a sea of men, which isn't bad to look at but I don't like 80% of the things guys like. The whole night they're talking about shit I couldn't care less about, but there was free liquor so it was ok. Finally some fucking girls show up. My friend Kim from work, my friend Katie and I invite Aurora along. Aurora gets there and Alex pulls me upstairs to complain because Aurora doesn't like him and he wants to find out how to make her like him. Aurora saw us go upstairs together and left the party completely. She hates Alex that much but I thought she would stay because there were so many attractive men there. Even more people showed up to the party and it just got out of hand. There were two girls there that were drunk as fuck and humping on each other to get guys to look at them. There were beer bottles, beer cans and empty liquor bottles everywhere. I'm just going to create a list of shit that went wrong.

One of Charlies ugly back up dancers confessed to the other that he stole an eighth of weed from him so they got into a fight and the guy started crying. Then the thief drunkenly went off about how his dad is a big deal in St. Louis and we should all respect his dad, then left, threw up all over the downstairs bathroom and passed out. I went to see my friend Kim and she's complaining that boyfriend she came with named Robbie. Robbie's parents called him and was like "You better be home by 1am or we're taking the car!" and Robbie leaves, also leaving his girlfriend at the party by herself with no ride home.

At this point I can't handle it and I ended up sitting at a table and I met a guy named Nile. We started talking and decided to leave and go get McDonalds together and we told each other our life stories and stuff. I expected the party to die down a bit by the time we got back but it didn't. It got worse.

Two drunk white girls are acting a damn fool. First they're grinding on each other like it's some kind of lesbian porno. Then one of the girls gives one of the guys there a blowjob simply because it's his birthday. The other girl spills a beer and decides "Omg I party fouled I have to show my tits!" They were really nice tits though. Then the girl takes all her clothes off except for her bra and underwear and starts doing cartwheels in the living room. Mid-cartwheel, drunk white girl #1 decides she's going to write on the passed out thief because he passed out with his shoes on. She gets drunk white girl #2 in on it but they couldn't find markers so they're trying to do it with pen. The guy pops up and just starts yelling and screaming, all the guys have to like tackle him to the floor and his friend who he stole from punched him in the face. The guys the girls came with start dragging them from the party because they're acting belligerent. Nile and I are both just sitting on the couch watching all this shit go down like it's a movie. Nilel turns to me and just goes "What are you thinking?" and I'm like "You really want to know?" and he's like "Yeah" and I say "White people are crazy."

One guy was nice and got some frozen peas to put on the kid's face because he was obviously getting a black eye from the punch and the asshole rips the bag open and spills frozen peas and carrots all over the damn floor. Alex is drunk as fuck and notices Nile and I are cuddled up on the couch together and he keeps coming up to me and pulling me away from him and mumbling incoherently. I keep telling him to chill out but he kept doing it. Finally I didn't want any more drama so I just went upstairs and I went to bed and told Nile to call me tomorrow because I'm going to sleep.

The next day that house look like a tornado hit it. There was still puke in the bathroom. There was blood on the floor. Alcohol bottles everywhere, cigarettes everywhere, someone had a piece of bread with just mustard and ketchup smeared all over it and there was dried up macaroni and cheese all over the stove. The frozen peas were still on the floor and there were people sleeping on the floor, peas or no peas. I cleaned up a bit because I felt bad for Alex having to do it by himself. Except the vomit we made the guy who did it clean that up. It was a good party though.

Friday I had to be at work at 7am. I'm already having a bad day because I didn't fall asleep until 12:30am and Eevee woke me up around 4am because she's on crack but won't go to rehab. So I get to Jamba Juice and the first thing I do is pour 5 shots of espresso into a cup over ice and down that shit. So I'm going about my day making my 59483th Mango A Go Go smoothie and all of a sudden I start getting sharp pains in my lower left abdomen. I kind of ignored it thinking ok maybe I can stick it out until the end of the shift. I go to Brandon and ask him if he has any aspirin because my ovary just exploded or something. He asks me if I'm pregnant, I tell him no I'm not pregnant. He starts going on about how I'm pregnant with Cody's baby and it's going to be half Black half juicehead. Lucky for me my cousin has some bootleg "non-aspirin" pain killer so I take that. That shit doesn't help at all.

Finally around 12 the pain starts getting unbearable to the point where I can't even stand up straight. I tell my co-workers Jordan and Ganoush that I'm leaving early because I'm in pain and I'm going straight to the dr. Jordan keeps trying to convince me to stay til closing because they'll have to close by themselves and it will take a long time. I tell Jordan to go fuck himself with a blender. Ganoush is cool about the whole thing and tells me to be careful. So I go to Madison and tell him I'm in pain and I need to leave. He tells me to wait til 12:30 then send Jordan to get a register since I'm the only person with a register in the drawer. Then right before I'm done with my bag and everything Madison says "Are you sure you can't stay and help clean?" I tell him "Madison, I'm in a lot of pain right now. I could stay to clean but that won't guarantee that I'll actually do anything. I would most likely just stand there and bitch about how much pain I'm in. It's better for me to just leave now." And I leave.

This is where the fun begins!

I get to Urgent Care around 1pm. It takes them an hour of paperwork and processing then this bitch tells me that I haven't met my deductible and I have to pay them $105. I tell her that's not right, I don't have a deductible I have an account with over $1000 in it for them to take the money out of. She's arguing with me over MY INSURANCE PLAN. Finally I tell her to call the insurance company. So it takes her another hour to get it straightened out and I see the dr finally around 3:30. I get weighed in, tell the dr what's wrong with me. He decides he has to do a pelvic exam. Those things suck.

First he feels my lower abdomen to find out exactly where it's sore. Then he sticks a plastic speculum into my vagina and checks out what's going on down there and takes a cotton swab sample. After that's done he has to reach his fingers into my vagina and physically move my cervix around and he asks if it hurts. Then he feels my ovaries and it didn't hurt until he got to the left one. That hurt like a bitch. So he leaves and comes back and says he's not sure what's going on. It could be inflammation from my irregular periods, it could be a tubal pregnancy but he's 99% sure it's not because the pregnancy test came back negative, it could be a cyst, it could be a tumor. The only way to know for sure is to do a sonogram. So he sends me to the ER for a sonogram. My aunt had to leave for work so I take a cab over to the ER. I'm totally freaking out at this point but I have a nice talk with my super middle eastern cab driver and it calms me down a bit.

So I get to the ER around 4pm and I wait until 5pm before they call my name. I go back there and they ask me some more questions, take my blood pressure and temperature. Then they sent me to the inside waiting room. I wait some more. Then they take 4 tubes of blood to check my blood and do a blood pregnancy test. Definitely not pregnant (thank god) so they send me to the waiting room to wait for the sonogram. I'm sitting there for 3 hours guys waiting for this damn sonogram. I don't get seen til 8:30. The sonogram technician is this really nice lady who's hella pregnant. She does the over the top sonogram and doesn't see anything so she tells me I need a transvaginal ultrasound so she can get a better look. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds. Same thing happens that happens at the drs, when she's looking around the right side we're cool but once she wanders over to my left it starts hurting like crazy. They wheel me back to the waiting room, then they wheel me over to another room at the ER and I talk to the dr. At this point it's like 9:30 pm and I've been trying to find out what's wrong with me for 8 and a half hours. The Dr tells me the sonogram didn't show anything so the most likely thing is that the fact that I had 2 periods in one month and I'm anemic caused the left side of my uterus to become inflamed. All I can do is wait for the pain to subside. They said if its still hurting by Monday to go see my dr and they prescribed me some painkillers.

I was so pissed off I went to Del Taco and cried into my macho burrito. It's Day 2 and the pain is still bugging me but its not as bad as it was yesterday. I'm hoping it gets better. I wish I could just take it out and throw it away tbh.