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Mishelle's Blog

I'm so done with bars

Posted by Mishelle, 04 November 2012 · 843 views

I live in a small city right next to the biggest marine base on the west coast. That is also the only city where you can find bars, and this doesn't bode well with me. Every time I try to go to Oceanside to go their bars some shit goes down because it seems no one there knows how to get drunk without acting a hot mess. It's also the only place one can catch a train to leave the city. I had to come here to LA on Friday so after work I made plans with my friend Willie to go drinking at one of the bars there before my train comes. In my mind I felt that since we were going during the day, it will be better and there will be less alcoholics ruining people's nights.

I was wrong.

We're not even in the city 10 minutes before we encounter some BS, Willie is quite feminine so people just look at the way he walks and make comments about his sexuality. We're passing one bar to get to our bar and this neanderthal practically falls out of the bar, looks at us and goes "DAMN EVEN THAT GUY LOOKS HOT. I WANNA FUCK BOTH YALL, HEY EVERYONE! I'M GOING TO FUCK THAT GUY RIGHT THERE!" We try to ignore him because he's just drunk, stupid and not funny.We go to the liquor store to get some vodka to pregame because we still have time before happy hour starts. We walk down this alley into a secluded corner that smells like pee to pour our 99 Bananas into our bottles of apple juice. Which tastes amazing, you guys should try it sometime. So we're leaving the alley and walking and we pass this couple and the guy like looks as us and then grabs his girlfriend really tight. Idk if it's because he didn't want to catch Willie's gay or because I was obviously going to pull a gun out of my bright pink rolly backpack, Willie was going to pull a gun out of his off the shoulder Donald Duck sweater and we were going to rob them on the spot. Cuz we were totally planning to do that. We finally get to the Cantina and we take full advantage of happy hour. Then it's time to leave and I have to go hop on my train. I'm bag lady and I have my rolly suitcase and my giant hobo bag and I'm trying to dig through my bag to find my train tickets and I have Willie pull my suitcase. We're walking and from far away we hear faint yelling "faggot! faggot! hey faggot!" I flip them off because that's just obnoxious and they call me a bitch, of course. After we try to ignore them. But they still keep going. I turn around to just get a look who these assholes are and they're far away behind us and they're just standing on the corner yelling obscenities. At this point I realize, ok we've got some mini cholo gangster wannabes over here. They're far away but I can still tell I'm about the same height as both these guys and Willie and I could totally take them. Sadly, I have a train to catch so me and Willie just start screaming shit back at them because we're drunk and bold.


As you can see, we're super witty drunk people. But of course they keep calling me a bitch, and him a faggot, and staying firmly put on their corners. They're probably on parole or something and just want to look hard. Thirsty ass children. It's times like this that makes me wish I had a gun and lived in Nymh's town because these people really needed a killin.

Anyway, I make it on my train and I spend the rest of my train ride sitting next to this marine who blasted nothing but dubstep and Nicki Minaj from his iPod. I had to finish my drink on the train to deal with that crazyness.

Black barbie up all night having fun I like to party just like the White ones

Posted by Mishelle, 27 October 2012 · 593 views

I've pieced together the events of last night. First here's what I remember.

We get to the party and it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. I had to walk across gravel and rocks in my expensive stilettos to get to the party. So I'm already not happy. I'm dressed as Nicki, obvi. My friend Adi is a French maid. Willie is Beyonce and Brandon is a Tequila boy. Brandon offers to pour our shots the entire night, something I take full advantage of. I start off with 2 shots of tequila.

Then we have to go and take pictures. They have this fog machine that's working way too fucking well and I can't even see shit. And they have this big hairy spider that drops from the ceiling at random and freaks everyone out. At first I was kind of uncomfortable since the party seemed a bit cliquey. All the people who knew each other were just sitting in circles talking but I got over that and got the party started.

Adrianna, the girl who threw the party. Had her boyfriend giving crazy ass truck rides around the property. I opted out because I heard the last time they did that shit the truck almost flipped over. Plus I wanted to keep my wig on my head. So while my friends were getting the truck ride I started playing fetch with this OCD dog and talking to Adrianna, and taking more tequila shots. I swear that dog was fucking efficient. Every time I would throw the ball she'd have it back in like 4 seconds and if you didn't throw it she would just nudge it closer and closer to your feet and give you puppy dog eyes. So finally I decide I'm gonna give this dog the time of her fucking life, so I launch the ball super far away. She brings it back, so I'm like, ok this time I'm gonna throw it a bit further and I throw the damn ball so hard I lose balance in my heels and I fall. But it's ok, I'm not hurt so I just take that as a cue that I need to get the fuck out of those heels and I switch to black flats.

By the time I get back my friends are done with the truck ride and they want more shots, but tequila boy doesn't pour tequila, he pours us all 151. Oh shit. One of our co-worders, well ex-coworkers because she quit recently was there and we just don't like her because she says stupid shit. For example, me and Tequila boy are chilling by the drinks and he talks about how this is the first party he's been to where the music has been good. I'm like "yeah I was so excited when I walked in and Black Sabbath was playing. Melissa jumps in and says "you know Black Sabbath?" and I'm like "yeahhh" and she goes "Oh I'm sorry I'm just surprised when Black people know good music."

.....ok bitch. Me and Brandon side eye her and make our way back to the kitchen.

Once we get back to the kitchen we have to keep trying to stop this Chinese exchange student Freya from drinking because she has to drive home. She keeps talking about how in China drinks have more alcohol content and I'm trying to tell her "bitch this is AMURKA, if they catch you driving drunk you're going to be fucked." So I steal her drink and I drink it. So me, tequila boy, willie, adi, adrianna and freya are sitting at the kitchen table because it's cold as hell outside and Freya starts up a game of spin the bottle. Adrianna opts out because ~she has a boyfriend~ even though there's only one straight boy at the table. Adi opts out, just because. So it's just us four and for some damn reason the bottle keeps landing on me. Everyone wants a piece of Nicki. Then they peer pressure me into giving Tequila boy a Nicki-esque lapdance and I do and fucking Adrianna tapes it. I'm not happy with my shenanigans being filmed. Tequila boy slaps my ass and tries to hit on me, I tell him he aint ready for this jelly and I go get a beer.

Finally Beyonce has had too much and passes out at the kitchen table. So of course we all take pictures posing around passed out Beyonce. We move the queen to the couch and we continue partying. Tequila boy drags me to the beer pong table and makes me be his partner even though I've stated over and over that I suck at this fucking game, he's trying to get me wasted and he's not getting in my dress. Of course the other team who just got to the party and is sober kicks our asses. Queen Beyonce wakes up and wants to go home so we all get back in the car. After I got into the car I blacked out.

I remember waking up to throw up but I don't remember where. Willie told me Tequila boy gave me his sombrero to throw up in. How sweet. I still don't know how I lost my wig and one shoe but Willie woke up and told me that he has them in his room. Tequila boy walked me to my door and I just remember ripping all my clothes off, throwing all my jewelry on the floor and passing out in the bed.

It was a good night. I'll post more pictures when I get them.

Here's one of me in full make up.

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Bad Money Decisions

Posted by Mishelle, 19 October 2012 · 314 views

I cannot walk into a sex shop and not buy something. I just now realized that yesterday when I went with my friend just to look around and walked out with pink and black eyelashes and pink handcuffs.

Yes. I like pink.

While my friend and I were looking at the 50 Shades of Grey box sex and laughing our asses off he brought up that whenever we go window shopping here I always buy something and he never buys anything. Which is totally true, but I think it's because there are just some shops you cannot just go in and not buy something. Sex shops and Bath and Body works are my kryptonite. But he's one to talk since he spends $30 on candles, I would never. I also have an NC buying problem and every time I buy it in my head I'm like I NEED TO STOP THIS SHIT, IT'S NOT EVEN REAL. But then I see super cute stuff. :(

It still sucks take all of these financial and accounting classes and I still suck with spending my money. Maybe it's genetic because my mom text messaged me today because she over drafted on her visa so she needed me to use my visa to pay the satellite bill. She had her boyfriend put the money in my account and he gave me an extra $50 to keep so I'm happy about that since it's like the stupid shit I bought last week never happened.

Hungover shenanigans

Posted by Mishelle, 08 October 2012 · 457 views

So I wake up this morning and I have to get ready for work and it starts out a bad day. I wake up with a headache because I'm hungover. I'm on my period, and I'm still dealing with residual sickness from this weekend. All in all, I'm mad. So I'm walking to my fucking job, it's 9 o'clock in the morning and already hot as fuck and I see this douchebag standing in the student union yelling at people. He's calling them perverts and telling us we're all going to go to hell if we don't accept Christ blah blah blahhh waving his fucking sign around like a dick.

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I instagrammed him because he's instacraycray.

I decided ok whatever he'll stand there for a bit and if we just ignore him hopefully he'll leave. I start working and every time the doors get opened I have to hear him yelling at people, and people yelling at him because they're pissed and all this religious altercation. On my break I go out just to see what this has escalated into. This guy is just being a dick, calling this one girl a whore because she's wearing a crop top and telling us all to go to church. Other kids made their own counterprotest signs and they're standing around him telling him to shut up. The campus police comes by and I'm just like "seriously you guys are going to let him stand here talking shit?" and they tell me how this is a freedom of speech campus and anyone can come on here and exercise their freedom of speech. And I'm just like "He doesn't even go here!" because I can't resist a moment to use a Mean Girls quote, they don't get it. Finally I'm over it so I go to talk to my friend Brandon.

Brandon tells me the guy looks like a porn star named Johnny, and he shows me a picture of Johnny and he really does look like the guy. So Brandon tells me to go ask if his name is Johnny. Mind you he's been standing out there for a good 6 hours now at least, this guy is really dedicated to being an asshole. So I go out there and ask him, is your name Johnny? And he's like "no," and I'm like "ok." and I go back to tell Brandon his names not Johnny and he sounds like he has a small dick.

Finally it's my favorite time of the day, LEAVING TIME YAY! I count my drawer and I get the fuck out of there and Johnny is still out there with his sign. So I'm like "Johnny, it's 5:30 and the sun is going down. If you keep standing around here they're probably gonna think you're a rapist" Because only rapists just hang out on college campuses at night, lets be real. Johnny doesn't say anything to me and just continues reciting Bible quotes. So I go home, can't say I didn't warn him if he gets pepper sprayed.

The talk, the fight and the beach.

Posted by Mishelle, 30 September 2012 · 479 views

So we had the talk today. What the fuck am I talking about we, I HAD THE TALK TODAY. On Friday my cousin was like "yeah I wanna talk to her and just say everything I have to say. I have so much say. You just come to support me and I'll say everything LETS DO THIS! LEGGO!"

We get out there and it went more like this.

Me: So, how's the job search going?
Her: I've been filling out applications online but no one has said anything, they all want me to apply online but they don't call.
Me: Well you have to call them. If you apply online it goes into a database for like every state and city, that's why you call them so they can pull your application up and schedule an interview. (THIS IS THE 4TH TIME I'VE TOLD HER THIS, MIND YOU) *pauses for cousin to say something....nothing? Ok* We don't have the money to keep supporting you at the moment, so we need you to start contributing. We're giving you 30 days to find something.
Cousin: ........
Her: Yeah I've been looking, I can't pay if I can't find a job
Cousin: .......
Me: Well like I've said there's the mall in Oceanside and the mall in Esco, they're both hiring for the season so why not go there and walk around? Things are getting expensive around here, usually our bills go down but they're not that's why we're cutting off the cable.
Her: *Gives me dirty look*
Cousin: ........
Me: *waits for cousin to say something*
Cousin: .........
Me: Well. I'm gonna go now.

Now the fight totally happened because of alcohol. I was so stressed after that awkward ass talk I needed a drink. So I got my room mate to buy me some 4loko which is FUCKING DISGUSTING but it gets the job done. So I'm drinking and I decide I actually want to get the chance to watch my cable since it's being cut off tomorrow. I can't even remember the last time I was able to sit and watch it because this bitch is addicted to tv and has it on from when she wakes up til she goes to bed. I only get 1-99 in my room because I don't have a box, but in the living room we get the movie channels and the music channels and all that shit. So I go in there and I change the channel because I want to watch some fucking MTV Hits. She's not even in the living room idk where she is, probably fucking the neighbor again. About half an hour later she comes back...

By this time I'm pretty drunk and I can get quite bold when I'm drunk, like a lot of people. I'm now aware that the conversation could've gone better but I'm just going to blame the alcohol for how it did go...

Her: Who changed the channel?
Me: I did, duhh
Her: I was watching football *smacks teeth and rolls eyes*
Me: Ok so I don't know who you're smacking your teeth and rolling your eyes at, but it can't be me. Not over my tv that I pay the cable bill for. You weren't even here you left the tv on while you were gone like you pay bills around here. You don't, you can't just leave the tv on whenever you feel like it like you pay for stuff when you don't. (drunk me has a way with words, mind you)
Her: I was coming right back you should've known that
Me: It's been half an hour and you left the tv on and you left the fan on well now I'm using it ok.
Her: *gives me a dirty look* Ok don't give me an attitude you can't just talk to me any kind of way because you live here.
Her: *gives me the look of death*
Me: Are you mad at me or something? If I were you I'd be walking around with a smile 24/7 but I can't BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK. You stay around here playing Cafeworld with the fricken cat all day!
Her: .....
Me: I'm going to my room I dont even want to watch the fucking tv anymore.

So at this point I'm mad and I don't want to be in the apartment anymore so I call up my stupid ex boyfriend and I get him to take me to the beach. It was really pretty, ended up having sex on the beach because I've never done it before. I got sand in all the wrong places, I don't recommend it.

So yeah...

Posted by Mishelle, 26 September 2012 · 454 views

Hipster or Gay update. He came in on Monday in powder pink shorts. Even if he's not gay he makes bad fashion decisions which is also a deal breaker. I'm aborting my mission.

Anyway I'm having a dilemma. Yes, it's my aunt again. She's been with us rent and bill free since July and she still hasn't found a job. She had gotten hired as a temp for a high school but her background check came back and they decided not to hire her. It seems since then she's just been waiting around for a job to fall in her lap. The worst thing to happen was her getting her laptop fixed. Now all she seems to do is stay on her laptop playing CafeWorld and watching tv at the same time. I'm a broke college student so all I see is my electric bill. I told her the mall was hiring for seasonal jobs, she hasn't gone. I told her that Kohl's was hiring and my friend works there and can put in a good word for her. She hasn't gone. I told her the Babies R Us up the street and Walmart was hiring, it doesn't even phase her. Every time I talk to her she says she put in applications but they're not calling back, I keep telling her they're not gonna call you, you have to call them.

We also had a clothes situation that really pissed me off. We got invited to a dinner last weekend and she tried to come to it in a ratty house dress and no bra. So we made her change, and going through her closet all she has is house dresses, jeans and stripper clothes from Fredericks of Hollywood. I feel like even if she did get a call back, she wouldn't have any business type clothes to wear to an interview which leads me to believe that she does not give a shit about finding a job and she's not trying. I'm pretty sure if I was searching for years I'd have some business casual clothes. Instead when she goes clothes shopping she goes straight to Fredericks of Hollywood or the Sketchers store. What the fuck? When she was living with my mom and her boyfriend her bf told me that when he comes home from work and sees her just chillin with her feet kicked up, he gets annoyed as hell. And now I know EXACTLY where he's coming from.

So I decided to Facebook message my room mates because all 3 of us go to work and school so we rarely even get to see or speak to each other. Turns out they're feeling pretty much the same, if not more fed up than I am. My cousin said she already brought up her chipping in on bills and her mom did not receive it well. Our bills are $47 each, if she chipped in it would be around $35 each. I feel that if you have the money to keep up a cigarette habit in California then you have enough money to pay bills. I asked if they were willing to back me up on getting her to chip in with bills. My cousin said she's had enough point blank period and wants to give her 30 days to find a job or she has to move out within the 10th of the following month. I feel like that's a pretty decent ultimatum considering so many jobs around here are hiring for seasonal work she'll definitely find something if she'll actually go out and LOOK. I've never had to kick someone out before, let alone my own family member. I have no idea how to go about doing this but I know I am going to need back up because every time I try to talk to her about jobs she turns into a brick wall and I'm pretty much talking to myself. It's like there's been a role reversal and we just adopted a 14 year old kid or something, and nobody has time for that shit.

And completely unrelated. my ex came over last night unannounced, but he bought alcohol and weed so I let the rudeness slide. So I asked him when is he going to get his stuff that's been in here since December 2011. He says he doesn't know. It's really pissing me off and I can't put it out on the curb since county law states that if you put someone elses property outside you're legally responsible for whatever happens to it, and they can sue you over it. So it just sits here taking up space. That's such a stupid fucking law.

Hipster or Gay?

Posted by Mishelle, 12 September 2012 · 381 views

So every Monday I get a regular customer. I have no idea what his name is but I'm going to ask eventually because I have a huge crush on him. He's really tall, black hair, brown eyes, small plugs and he has a full sleeve on his left arm that is absolutely gorgeous. The problem is I don't want to jump into serious flirtation because I'm not sure if he's gay or just a hipster. He always wears tight deep v neck shirts and bright colored skinny jeans. Every now and then I'll see him in those black fake hipster glasses they sell at H&M. He's pretty quiet and kind of awkward. He can't take a compliment for shit because I can not stop myself from complimenting those beautiful tattoos. But I actually managed to have a decent conversation with him about tattoos and street art a couple days ago and his voice is pretty glorious and sexy. I wanna hit that, but his jeans are so tight, and they're so bright, it's throwing me off. Like once I was able to pretty much see the outline of his dick through his jeans. I liked what I saw, but still. I'll have to investigate this matter further.

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