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I broke my rule and went to a white person party

Posted by Mishelle, 09 February 2014 · 740 views

It wasn't my decision things just kind of ended up that way, and it was a damn mess. And all the white people involved were the same white people from the last white people party blog so you know this shit is going to be ratchet.

I was under the impression that it was just going to be me, Aurora, Brandon and Wille drinking at his house but as soon as we got there Willie told me that they were next door partying with Danny (another marine) because it's his birthday. He also told me that Val and Brian live with Danny now. I think I've already talked about Val on this blog before? He's this latin man who's in the marines and Willie has the most pathetic crush on him even though Val goes after everything with a vagina (and a couple things with penises). So I walk over there and immediately run into Val and he's drunk as hell. He can barely keep his eyes open.

Val: Oh my god heyy give me a hug I haven't seen you in forever!
Me: We saw each other like three weeks ago
Val: Yeah that's like forever! I remember I saw you, you looked really hot
Me: I remember that day and no I really didn't.
Val: You look really hot right now

So this night is already starting off bad. Val is drunk as fuck and he keeps grabbing me and hugging me and I'm just casually ducking and running away from him. Finally I get fed up and I kicked him, then I punched him in the chest but he has a really strong chest so all that did was fuck up my wrist but he left me alone for the rest of the night so it was worth it.

This party was different because there were actually girls there! It was amazing. Brian's girlfriend was there and she was white girl wasted. And Brian's girlfriend had a friend, I don't know her name either. We called her Beyonce the whole night because her boyfriend's name was Jay Cee and for a while we thought it was Jay Z. I asked Jay Cee if he wanted to be my beer pong partner and he said yes. We were playing against Aurora and this guy named Shaun. As soon as we're setting up Danny comes out with some kind of lizard on his shoulder. Immediately the lizard shits and pisses all over his shoulder, the floor, and the beer pong table. Danny leaves.

Brian's girlfriend was nice enough to clean up the lizard poop off the beer pong table and we played the game. We totally lost but I was expecting that because I suck at beer pong. Then Kim shows up (the one who had sex with Brandon while she was on her period) and she's already toasted. Danny changed his shirt and cleaned up so he was back at the party with his beer horn. Kim decides to randomly slap his beer horn and spills beer all over her, the couch, the floor and Aurora (who already hates Kim) and her response is "Oh, there's something in there." Danny cleans the beer up then goes to Kim and says "Kim, you spilled my beer" and she goes "You can get another one."

Boom. Rejected.

Brian's girlfriend wants to go to Willies house to play with his dog then they start arguing for like 20 minutes over whether or not Luca is a girl's name. I really didn't want to listen to that so I went back next door to the party. Ray (Mr. I'll Have You Calling Me Honkey) shows up to the party which is weird because I specifically remember seeing his 3 kids running around his house, I guess he put them to bed or something. Ray immediately zeroes in on me.

Ray: Hey
Me: Hi
Ray: I know you want me
Me: What?
Ray: You heard me, I know you want me.
Me: That's not true.
Ray: I have some premium tequila in my bar in my apartment, if you want it you can go downstairs and have some
Me: The same apartment I saw 3 kids running around?
Ray: They have their own room and I have mine
Me: Posted Image

Then Josh gets home from The Jumping Turtle and he wants to play beer pong. He ends up playing on the same team as Ray which we find weird considering Ray had sex with his ex girlfriend while he was deployed in Afghanistan. I think it's really sweet that they can put their differences aside and play beer pong together. They're playing against the reigning champs of the night Shaun and Aurora. Shaun and Aurora pretty much won the game but Ray got the final rebuttal, he decides for his rebuttal shot he's going to pull his pants down and show his dick to the entire party.

There's a list of things I never needed to know and Ray's prince albert is at the very top of my list.

I think Ray realized that pulling your dick out in a party is too much and he went home and went to bed. Danny still wants to party and says we should all go to the bar even though there's only 2 hours until last call. Josh is a nice guy and offers to drive everyone to the bar. Right when they're supposed to leave Willie gets into a fight with Shaun about whether or not men in the military should be respected because they put their lives on the line blah blah. They're going back and forth and it's just really uncomfortable because when Willie gets drunk he just wants to argue. He has no idea what his position even is he just want to argue about it and we know that about Willie but Shaun doesn't. So we keep telling Shaun to just drop it and go get in the car but Shaun won't drop it. Finally I tell Josh "Dude you just gotta heard them up like sheep" so Josh does this huge whistle and goes "EVERYBODY GET IN THE TRUCK!"

And they went and got in the truck. It was beautiful. Josh is a talented man.

Me, Aurora, Willie, Brandon and Kim decided to stay behind because we had a ton of alcohol at the house and Kim is too young to get in a bar. So we go back and we're hanging out but then I wanted to take a shot with Brandon but we didn't have any chaser. Brandon cannot take a shot without chaser so I tell him to go next door and get some of their chaser since they're all gone anyway. So we go over there and we see Val passed out sitting upright on the couch. I wish I would've thought to take a picture because it was perfect. I was nice enough to push him over so he could lay down and then we stole their chasers.



I was in third grade with a girl named Luka. Luka Duncan. She was 'dating' the guy I was in love with who was way out of my league.
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