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I told you guys shit was going to hit the fan and it finally did.
In my last blog I talked about how our friend Josh is OBSESSED with Willie's best friend Nicole. None of us know why because they've only known each other a few months. Well I found out why, it's because he's fucking crazy. Willie asked me to come over his house and drink with them on Friday so I was like sure but I'm going to be late because it just takes me longer to get out of bed on Fridays. So I finally showed up and I even brought alcohol. Willie always keeps his door open so I walked in and immediately as I walk through the door I just feel tension. Nicole is on one end of the couch, Willie is on the opposite end, Josh is on the other side of the living room on the floor and Brandon is in the dining room sitting in a chair and nobody is saying anything. So I'm just like "Hi everyone" and I go to the kitchen to make myself a drink because I know this is going to be a long night.
Willie has giant margarita glasses so I make a giant margarita and sit down at the table and ask everyone how their day was. Josh immediately gets up, goes into his room, slams the door and screams "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" and starts punching walls and throwing a tantrum.
Ok dude, I won't ask you that again then.
Nicole comes over to the table to me and she talks about how her spring break is coming up and she wants to go to Vegas and how she wants us to come with her. The issue is that her spring break is the week after our spring break so we'd have to take off work. We're trying to discuss logistics while Josh is in his room acting a fucking fool. Finally Josh come out of his room and he brings his portable speaker and it's blasting death metal. He sits it on top of the book case right where we're talking then slams some stuff in the sink. Then he leaves and goes back in his room to freak out some more.
At this point I'm just like
Finally Nicole gets up and goes into Josh's room to talk to him. I ask Willie what the fuck is going on here why is he losing his damn mind? Willie tells me that when Nicole came over of course Josh pulled her away to go talk to him. He basically told her that he can't wait for her anymore and she's either going to break up with her boyfriend and be with him, or he's going to do his own thing. Nicole tells him to do his own thing because she has no intentions of leaving her boyfriend. And that's when Josh went crazy and started slamming things and breaking things because he loves her more than she loves him.
They've only known each other for like 4 months....fucking military dudes, I can't.
So Nicole leaves and walks out the door but she's drunk so we tell her she can't drive. She should just walk around or something to sober up. While she's gone Josh comes out and he's clearly been crying and he's just like "Where's Nicole? She has my phone! I can't find my phone!" I try to tell him to chill out she hasn't left she's just walking around somewhere and she probably doesn't even have his phone maybe he left it somewhere. He's all "no she has my phone she was trying to go through my text messages earlier she stole my phone!" So I have Willie call her, she doesn't answer. Josh runs outside and just starts screaming like a lunatic. I'm just at the table like
I guess Josh finds her and they go back into the room to talk some more. I ask Willie if Josh has any guns, I'm not trying to be around crazy people with guns. But Willie says he doesn't have any. Eventually Nicole and Josh just start screaming at each other and he calls her a cunt. Brandon tells Willie that he has to step in and do something because they shouldn't just be in there screaming at each other. Willie walks in and Josh is all "You can't be in here get out!"
Willie: I'm not going to leave, that's my friend and I'm not going to let you talk to her like that.
Nicole: YEAH YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
Willie: And you need to leave, Nicole.
Nicole: I'm going to leave soon just give me 15 minutes.
And Willie left out the room and that seemed to calm things down.
Willie: Oh my god I thought he was going to punch me.
Brandon: What would you have done if he punched you?
Willie: Fall down. Cry.
Brandon: I would've backed you up don't worry
Me: I'm not going to fight Josh for you but I'll gladly call 911.
Since things finally quieted down with them we commenced the party that I originally came for. We're in Willie's room watching Vine videos and finally Josh's dog feels safe enough to come out. The whole time Josh was freaking out the dog wouldn't come from under the table. He tries to jump on Willie's bed and in the process hits the bottom of my giant margarita. All of the drink flies up and basically baptizes me from my head to my lap. What a waste of alcohol
Willie gave me a towel and some of his clothes. I was still mad about my drink though.
Aurora showed up late as usual and I had to explain all the mess that she missed to her. Finally Nicole comes out and she says that they fell asleep together. (how cute after he just yelled at you and called you a cunt, that's really romantic) She says she has police academy tomorrow and she goes home. Now it's my turn to be in trouble.
Brandon is drunk enough to get bold with me and starts complaining to me that him and Laura are fighting (again) and that she calls Kim PeriodGirl now so obviously she learned the term from me and Aurora.
Brandon: Why is she calling Kim periodgirl now she obviously learned it from you guys
Me: She did, but before that she called her subway girl but period girl just works better.
Brandon: She wouldn't be calling her anything if you wouldn't talk about Kim around her!
Me: She wouldn't be calling her anything of you hadn't fucked Kim behind her back, Brandon. Nobody told Laura about Kim except for you and Kim. You told her what happened and Kim made it obvious it was her by hanging around you all the time and giving Laura stink eye whenever she walks by. Hopefully you've learned by now not to shit where you eat.
Ok maybe that was harsh....but he should know by now not to fuck with me when I'm drunk. So he turns his ire to Aurora and gets mad at her. I don't want to hear it so I go back inside the apartment. Josh finally comes out, he's still been crying. I ask him to play a board game with me and he does for a bit but his hands hurt from punching inanimate objects so he just goes to bed. Aurora is ready to leave so I leave with her. On our way out we see Val on the balcony with his room mates and some random ratchet he picked up at the bar.
Val: You guys are leaving?! We were just about to come over!
Aurora: I have work in the morning so I've gotta go.
Val: Come on come back for a bit!
Me: Aurora do you want to go back?
Aurora: Nope.
Me: BYE VALERIE, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME SIS.
The whole way to her car Aurora is complaining that Brandon is mad at her. I keep trying to tell her that Brandon is drunk and mad at himself he's just trying to take it out on us and he'll be over it tomorrow. Aurora won't take it for an answer "I just hate people being mad at me when I've done nothing wrong!"
Me: Seriously Aurora, you don't have to give a fuck about his feelings, he doesn't give a fuck about yours and he'll get over it.
Aurora: I'm not like you! I just can't not give a fuck about anything! It upsets me when people are mad at me for no reason!
She is dead sober and she's freaking out like this. Calm down, bitch. You haven't even known Brandon that long. I've known him for 3 years I know how he operates.
Me: Aurora, I know Brandon, you don't. He'll be over it by tomorrow.
And look who we see walking uphill as we drive downhill. We see Brandon! Aurora pulls over and asks him if he wants a ride home. He says no he just wants to walk home and listen to music. She keeps trying to convince him and he keeps telling her no so she gets mad again and drives off. She freaks out some more that he's mad at her and I just give up on trying to talk her down because she's not listening and I really just don't care anymore, she can stay mad.
And of course the next day he was over it. Because I'm always right and my friends are entirely too emotional.
In my last blog I talked about how our friend Josh is OBSESSED with Willie's best friend Nicole. None of us know why because they've only known each other a few months. Well I found out why, it's because he's fucking crazy. Willie asked me to come over his house and drink with them on Friday so I was like sure but I'm going to be late because it just takes me longer to get out of bed on Fridays. So I finally showed up and I even brought alcohol. Willie always keeps his door open so I walked in and immediately as I walk through the door I just feel tension. Nicole is on one end of the couch, Willie is on the opposite end, Josh is on the other side of the living room on the floor and Brandon is in the dining room sitting in a chair and nobody is saying anything. So I'm just like "Hi everyone" and I go to the kitchen to make myself a drink because I know this is going to be a long night.
Willie has giant margarita glasses so I make a giant margarita and sit down at the table and ask everyone how their day was. Josh immediately gets up, goes into his room, slams the door and screams "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" and starts punching walls and throwing a tantrum.
Ok dude, I won't ask you that again then.
Nicole comes over to the table to me and she talks about how her spring break is coming up and she wants to go to Vegas and how she wants us to come with her. The issue is that her spring break is the week after our spring break so we'd have to take off work. We're trying to discuss logistics while Josh is in his room acting a fucking fool. Finally Josh come out of his room and he brings his portable speaker and it's blasting death metal. He sits it on top of the book case right where we're talking then slams some stuff in the sink. Then he leaves and goes back in his room to freak out some more.
At this point I'm just like
Finally Nicole gets up and goes into Josh's room to talk to him. I ask Willie what the fuck is going on here why is he losing his damn mind? Willie tells me that when Nicole came over of course Josh pulled her away to go talk to him. He basically told her that he can't wait for her anymore and she's either going to break up with her boyfriend and be with him, or he's going to do his own thing. Nicole tells him to do his own thing because she has no intentions of leaving her boyfriend. And that's when Josh went crazy and started slamming things and breaking things because he loves her more than she loves him.
They've only known each other for like 4 months....fucking military dudes, I can't.
So Nicole leaves and walks out the door but she's drunk so we tell her she can't drive. She should just walk around or something to sober up. While she's gone Josh comes out and he's clearly been crying and he's just like "Where's Nicole? She has my phone! I can't find my phone!" I try to tell him to chill out she hasn't left she's just walking around somewhere and she probably doesn't even have his phone maybe he left it somewhere. He's all "no she has my phone she was trying to go through my text messages earlier she stole my phone!" So I have Willie call her, she doesn't answer. Josh runs outside and just starts screaming like a lunatic. I'm just at the table like
I guess Josh finds her and they go back into the room to talk some more. I ask Willie if Josh has any guns, I'm not trying to be around crazy people with guns. But Willie says he doesn't have any. Eventually Nicole and Josh just start screaming at each other and he calls her a cunt. Brandon tells Willie that he has to step in and do something because they shouldn't just be in there screaming at each other. Willie walks in and Josh is all "You can't be in here get out!"
Willie: I'm not going to leave, that's my friend and I'm not going to let you talk to her like that.
Nicole: YEAH YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
Willie: And you need to leave, Nicole.
Nicole: I'm going to leave soon just give me 15 minutes.
And Willie left out the room and that seemed to calm things down.
Willie: Oh my god I thought he was going to punch me.
Brandon: What would you have done if he punched you?
Willie: Fall down. Cry.
Brandon: I would've backed you up don't worry
Me: I'm not going to fight Josh for you but I'll gladly call 911.
Since things finally quieted down with them we commenced the party that I originally came for. We're in Willie's room watching Vine videos and finally Josh's dog feels safe enough to come out. The whole time Josh was freaking out the dog wouldn't come from under the table. He tries to jump on Willie's bed and in the process hits the bottom of my giant margarita. All of the drink flies up and basically baptizes me from my head to my lap. What a waste of alcohol
Willie gave me a towel and some of his clothes. I was still mad about my drink though.Aurora showed up late as usual and I had to explain all the mess that she missed to her. Finally Nicole comes out and she says that they fell asleep together. (how cute after he just yelled at you and called you a cunt, that's really romantic) She says she has police academy tomorrow and she goes home. Now it's my turn to be in trouble.
Brandon is drunk enough to get bold with me and starts complaining to me that him and Laura are fighting (again) and that she calls Kim PeriodGirl now so obviously she learned the term from me and Aurora.
Brandon: Why is she calling Kim periodgirl now she obviously learned it from you guys
Me: She did, but before that she called her subway girl but period girl just works better.
Brandon: She wouldn't be calling her anything if you wouldn't talk about Kim around her!
Me: She wouldn't be calling her anything of you hadn't fucked Kim behind her back, Brandon. Nobody told Laura about Kim except for you and Kim. You told her what happened and Kim made it obvious it was her by hanging around you all the time and giving Laura stink eye whenever she walks by. Hopefully you've learned by now not to shit where you eat.
Ok maybe that was harsh....but he should know by now not to fuck with me when I'm drunk. So he turns his ire to Aurora and gets mad at her. I don't want to hear it so I go back inside the apartment. Josh finally comes out, he's still been crying. I ask him to play a board game with me and he does for a bit but his hands hurt from punching inanimate objects so he just goes to bed. Aurora is ready to leave so I leave with her. On our way out we see Val on the balcony with his room mates and some random ratchet he picked up at the bar.
Val: You guys are leaving?! We were just about to come over!
Aurora: I have work in the morning so I've gotta go.
Val: Come on come back for a bit!
Me: Aurora do you want to go back?
Aurora: Nope.
Me: BYE VALERIE, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME SIS.
The whole way to her car Aurora is complaining that Brandon is mad at her. I keep trying to tell her that Brandon is drunk and mad at himself he's just trying to take it out on us and he'll be over it tomorrow. Aurora won't take it for an answer "I just hate people being mad at me when I've done nothing wrong!"
Me: Seriously Aurora, you don't have to give a fuck about his feelings, he doesn't give a fuck about yours and he'll get over it.
Aurora: I'm not like you! I just can't not give a fuck about anything! It upsets me when people are mad at me for no reason!
She is dead sober and she's freaking out like this. Calm down, bitch. You haven't even known Brandon that long. I've known him for 3 years I know how he operates.
Me: Aurora, I know Brandon, you don't. He'll be over it by tomorrow.
And look who we see walking uphill as we drive downhill. We see Brandon! Aurora pulls over and asks him if he wants a ride home. He says no he just wants to walk home and listen to music. She keeps trying to convince him and he keeps telling her no so she gets mad again and drives off. She freaks out some more that he's mad at her and I just give up on trying to talk her down because she's not listening and I really just don't care anymore, she can stay mad.
And of course the next day he was over it. Because I'm always right and my friends are entirely too emotional.
Youth is wasted on the young.