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So remember the story of Laura and Brandon? I've talked about them a lot because they're just consistently a fucking mess. Long story short (but still kinda long) Laura and Brandon have been dating on and off for 2 years. And I mean on and off like a goddamn light switch. It's a constant back and forth of fighting, breaking up and then getting back together and being in love. They broke up for the first time a year ago then Brandon went off and had sex with PeriodGirl. Laura found out about PeriodGirl, all the bloody details.
Then Brandon found out that she cheated on him with her child's father who she was living with throughout their relationship but swore she wasn't fucking. They broke up and got back together 80 more times and then they finally got back together and stayed together a couple months ago. She finally moved out of her baby's father's house because he was on heroin and couldn't clean up his act. They still fight constantly but they stopped breaking up.
So anyway back to my original story. Brandon refuses to wear condoms, ever. He always complains that it's because he can't feel anything. I personally think it's because he has a small penis (I haven't seen it, that's just what literally everyone who has tells me) and he probably isn't buying the right size. But anyway he doesn't wear condoms. He's had multiple pregnancy scares, he caught an STD from one girl. Hasn't stopped him. And Laura isn't on birth control. He's a granola eating, all natural whole foods type trick. She's overboard. She's vegetarian but trying to become vegan. She doesn't take birth control. Never has because she "didn't want to put foreign substances in her body." I politely informed her that birth control isn't foreign, it's just an extra dosage of hormones that are already found in your body. She had no idea what the fuck I was talking about.
See the problem is Laura is Catholic, and stupid. Mostly stupid. She already has a child. A 4 year old that she had when she was 19. How did she get pregnant with him? BY HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX. And now she's HAVING MORE UNPROTECTED SEX. She's had a baby AND caught an STD. Does that resonate with her? No. I've had multiple conversations with this girl to educate her about the world around her. She claimed she wasn't going to vaccinate her 4 year old because of the toxins in the vaccines. I wanted to hit her but I informed her that he should get vaccinated and that vaccines don't cause diseases and autism. We've argued about the birth control issue more than once and all she had to say was "I'm just not going to do it ok!" That was when I let go and let god and I let the girl live her life because as the end of the day it's really none of my business.
Guess who sends me the "I'm pregnant what do I do to get an abortion" text...
You guessed it. I didn't immediately say I told you so even though that's what I wanted to do. I just answered her question and directed her to Planned Parenthood. She's freaking out and I'm seriously rolling my eyes because I can't believe she didn't see this coming. You can't have unprotected sex consistently and then be surprised when you end up pregnant. I've never had a pregnancy scare (because I fucking use birth control) so I wasn't really sure how to calm her down or make her feel better. All I could really say was "Really sis? You can't say you didn't see this coming. I'm a bad person to go to when situations like this happen. I'm too much of a bitch to handle them with tact. But I think overall I handled it pretty well. She started asking me all these questions about abortions. Like does she take the pill at home or in the clinic? Does it hurt, will she be hungover? And honestly I don't know the answers to her questions. I can barely even get laid let alone have a pregnancy scare. So I told her that this is a really serious situation and in these kind of situations she needs to talk to professionals who know what they're talking about and can answer all her questions. I can't do that, and everything I know I learned from Planned Parenthood, so she should go to Planned Parenthood. I don't have the answers. I'm not Sway.
Then Brandon found out that she cheated on him with her child's father who she was living with throughout their relationship but swore she wasn't fucking. They broke up and got back together 80 more times and then they finally got back together and stayed together a couple months ago. She finally moved out of her baby's father's house because he was on heroin and couldn't clean up his act. They still fight constantly but they stopped breaking up.
So anyway back to my original story. Brandon refuses to wear condoms, ever. He always complains that it's because he can't feel anything. I personally think it's because he has a small penis (I haven't seen it, that's just what literally everyone who has tells me) and he probably isn't buying the right size. But anyway he doesn't wear condoms. He's had multiple pregnancy scares, he caught an STD from one girl. Hasn't stopped him. And Laura isn't on birth control. He's a granola eating, all natural whole foods type trick. She's overboard. She's vegetarian but trying to become vegan. She doesn't take birth control. Never has because she "didn't want to put foreign substances in her body." I politely informed her that birth control isn't foreign, it's just an extra dosage of hormones that are already found in your body. She had no idea what the fuck I was talking about.
See the problem is Laura is Catholic, and stupid. Mostly stupid. She already has a child. A 4 year old that she had when she was 19. How did she get pregnant with him? BY HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX. And now she's HAVING MORE UNPROTECTED SEX. She's had a baby AND caught an STD. Does that resonate with her? No. I've had multiple conversations with this girl to educate her about the world around her. She claimed she wasn't going to vaccinate her 4 year old because of the toxins in the vaccines. I wanted to hit her but I informed her that he should get vaccinated and that vaccines don't cause diseases and autism. We've argued about the birth control issue more than once and all she had to say was "I'm just not going to do it ok!" That was when I let go and let god and I let the girl live her life because as the end of the day it's really none of my business.
Guess who sends me the "I'm pregnant what do I do to get an abortion" text...
You guessed it. I didn't immediately say I told you so even though that's what I wanted to do. I just answered her question and directed her to Planned Parenthood. She's freaking out and I'm seriously rolling my eyes because I can't believe she didn't see this coming. You can't have unprotected sex consistently and then be surprised when you end up pregnant. I've never had a pregnancy scare (because I fucking use birth control) so I wasn't really sure how to calm her down or make her feel better. All I could really say was "Really sis? You can't say you didn't see this coming. I'm a bad person to go to when situations like this happen. I'm too much of a bitch to handle them with tact. But I think overall I handled it pretty well. She started asking me all these questions about abortions. Like does she take the pill at home or in the clinic? Does it hurt, will she be hungover? And honestly I don't know the answers to her questions. I can barely even get laid let alone have a pregnancy scare. So I told her that this is a really serious situation and in these kind of situations she needs to talk to professionals who know what they're talking about and can answer all her questions. I can't do that, and everything I know I learned from Planned Parenthood, so she should go to Planned Parenthood. I don't have the answers. I'm not Sway.
