I Twirl On My Haters
This is just a stream of consciousness rant so I highly doubt this blog post will make any sense.
I hate losing friends but I know when it gets to the point where I'm just exhausted and I don't care it's time to move on. I haven't lost many friends in my life because I like to think of myself as a pretty chill person. I forgive easily, and I don't hold onto grudges if the person genuinely wants to move on. But when it gets to the point where I'm constantly having to put my own feelings aside to deal with your emotions I feel like it's no longer a friendship, it's emotional vampirism.
Aurora is an emotional vampire. Ever since I met her she has burned every bridge with every friend she's ever had and as she looses more friends she clings to the few friends she has left. She expects us to cater to her emotions at all times, to constantly deal with her temper tantrums and move on as if nothing happened. She tries to make it seem like she's always the one giving and everyone else is always taking but she doesn't realize that her childish tantrums and emotional manipulation gets really old really fast.
I've already made this rant before about how she's always doing stupid things and expecting me to feel sorry for her when it blows up in her face. I'm finally starting to leave it to Jesus and focus on myself. I have a boyfriend and I'm really trying to deal with my own issues with sabotaging all of my relationships. She knows how I am and it started to hit me that she actually encourages me because she wants me to stay single because she's single. If I'm being irrational and I'm mad at Edward about something stupid instead of trying to talk me out of exploding on him she feeds into it. She constantly want details about everything that happened when we fight. If I'm over it and I want to go see him she'll bring it up again and make me feel stupid for trying to work it out with him. Edward works 6 days a week, he's an introvert, and he lives down in San Diego so there's a lot of distance between us and sometimes we'll go a couple days without really being able to talk. This kind of thing makes me insecure even though I know I shouldn't be. She tried to argue with me and call him a fuckboy because one day he took all day to text me back. I was mad about it at first but finally logic hit me that he works 11 hour days and that I need to get it through my queen bee diva head that sometimes he's not going to be able to immediately text me back all the time even though I always respond to him within a couple minutes.
I told her that I realized I was being irrational and that I just need to deal with my own insecurities and she's just like "Well he's still a fuckboy." That's when I realized that I just need to stop talking to her about my relationship, period. I don't want to talk to someone who's going to insult my boyfriend. I don't want to talk to someone who's going to constantly point out his flaws when she's never met him and bring up old shit to try to shame me for not staying mad at him. She's the last person to talk about fuckboys when she's still fucking 2 Pump who hasn't spoken to her at all since she told him she could be pregnant. All of my friends seem to be happy for me and my relationship except for her and it really bothers me.
And then there's this cruise issue and I realize that I'm causing her an inconvenience but I feel like if you begged me to go on this cruise for you you should just be happy that I'm going and not get mad at me as soon as I don't want to do everything you want to do. We were supposed to be going on a cruise to Ensendada. First she said the cruise was $250, well that $250 turned into damn near $400. But I decided, whatever, an extra $150 won't kill me and I'll come up with the money. Then she tells me about this drinks package where you can get 15 drinks a day. I told her it sounded cool but she never told me how much it cost. Turns out this drinks package costs $172. For 3 days of drinking? Are you insane, sis?
Fast forward to the Super Bowl where Beyonce slayed my life, snatched my edges and announced her world tour. My mom, my sister and Willie wanted to go and since I'm the only one out of the 4 with a credit card I had to put the tickets on my Visa. I also wanted to get my hair braided for the cruise because I don't want to have to deal with my hair in the salt water air, that shit is torture. So so far I had to spend $400 on the cruise, $800 on Beyonce tickets and $175 to get my hair braided. I told her I don't want the drinks package because I don't even know for sure if I'm going to want to drink on the cruise. I've been trying to cut back on my alcohol plus I get motion sickness and if I have to take motion sickness pills I won't be able to drink at all anyway. She gets mad at me because the rules of the program is anyone in your room who's 21+ has to get the drinks package or no one in the room can get it. I tell her I'm sorry for the inconvenience but I don't want it. She keeps trying to guilt trip me into this saying she never gets to travel, she never gets to go anywhere, she never gets to have fun and all this bullshit. Girl, how many times have I tried to get you to go out and you said no? How many times have I tried to get you to have fun and you decided to stay home instead? So why are you trying to make me feel guilty about something you constantly do to yourself? I don't feel bad for you, at all. It's my money and if I don't want to spend it on something that's my decision.
Then she tries to say she'll pay for my drinks package if I take an online class for her. I already earned my degree, earn yours. I've already written as least 5 papers for her and now she wants me to take an entire class because she's too lazy to do her own school work? I told her that even if I were in the mental space to want to do school work (which I'm not) I would charge her way more than $172 for 3 months commitment of my time. Sis, you're trippin. And I don't even want the fucking drinks package. I don't have to get drunk to have fun. I've been on so many cruises and I've managed to have fun on all of them without having to get wasted every day. Then she tries to say "she'll chip in" because she wants to have fun and doesn't want money to get in the way of her having fun. Well if that's the case then why not just deal with the fact that you can't get drinks package (that is actually a rip off) and pay for your damn drinks? I DON'T WANT IT, I'M NOT BUYING IT. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.
I finally detail to her all of the financial obligations I have and how I don't feel comfortable pledging that much money on something I'm not even sure I'll use and that I don't feel guilty at all for her trying to get a fucking drinks plan. I don't care if she's inconvenienced. I don't care that she's frustrated. So she responds with "Oh well do you just want to cancel the whole thing so you'll have more money for Beyonce? You can use the money to get a room while you're there." Clearly she's mad that I'm willing to spend more money on Beyonce than I am to make her happy. Deal with it bitch. Yes I'm more likely to spend money to hang out with my family and best friend at a Beyonce concert than I am to get wasted with you. We get wasted on dry land with your ass all the goddamn time. I only go to Beyonce concerts when she decides to bless us with her presence.
I just told her yeah, just let me know if there's a cancellation fee or something and I'll pay it. I'm not even backing out because of the money. I have the money for the trip. I'm backing out because I'm sick of her fucking attitude. I don't want to be around her, I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to be stuck in a room with her. I don't want to be forced to be next to her and I already know that she's going to be up under me the entire trip expecting me to entertain her because she has no idea how to have fun. Plus I've already been to Ensenada three times and have no desire to see that ghetto ass place a fourth time.
I'm hoping she takes this as a queue to leave me the fuck alone because if she continues to come for me I'm going to drag her and let her know that this is exactly why she doesn't have any friends. This is why Taylor doesn't talk to her anymore. Kayte doesn't talk to her anymore. Lerissa doesn't talk to her. Brandon doesn't talk to her. Willie doesn't talk to her. John absolutely hates her guts, and now I don't want to talk to her. Because of childish shit like this. I'm too old to deal with it. I'm done.