LEMONADE: The Review

Ok so before I get into this review I want to be totally honest with y'all because I feel we have a really close relationship and I don't like lying to the people I love.

I'm friends with Aurora again. Kind of, but not really. I ignored her for about a week and she kept messaging me as if nothing happened. Like she messaged me some shit about a book club, and then she messaged me some other shit. First I thought she finally went off the deep end so I texted her "so I'm assuming you aren't hormonal anymore?" and she's all "no, I'm assuming you are?" and then she was like asking me what I was mad about and telling me to let her know so we can talk it out. So I basically explained everything in the last blog about how she doesn't like willie but has the nerve to get angry when I don't ask her to hang with me and Willie when she told me she doesn't want to hang out with us. She said she had no idea that she pissed me off that much but that's what sucks about me, I'm a terrible communicator when I don't want to be. When I get really angry I get into this mode where I either drag or I shut down and shut out completely. At that moment I chose to shut down. She told me she apologizes and never meant to make me angry and she also told me the next time I do that just to drag her so at least she'll know what's wrong. So the next time she pulls some shit with me I'm dragging her for filth now that I've got the ok. We don't really talk as much or hang out as much as we used to though. Mostly because I've been going out with my other friends and like I've said, she doesn't like to exist in public.

ANTYWAY...

Onto the greatest album of 2016, Beyonce's visual album LEMONADE.

Me rn:

The Beyhive has been buzzing about this album coming out since late march but no one knew it if actually existed, what was on it, or when it was released. There was a bullshit set list going around saying she was going to release the album April 1st but of course that was an April Fools joke. When I saw the preview for LEMONADE on HBO I flipped the fuck out. We didn't know if this was another single like Formation, an album, a movie, a documentary or anything. The best case scenario that we came up with was that if was a music video and that Beyonce was going to air the music video and then drop the album. I was so excited that she dropped this album because

1. I'm still pressed that I paid $150 to see the Mrs. Carter Tour and she dropped her self titled album like a week and a half after I saw her live so I didn't get to see ANY of her new music performed live. (I still got my life tho)
2. IT'S BEYONCE I'M EXCITED BY ANYTHING THE QUEEN DOES. It can be an hour and five minutes of her breathing heavily while eating a macho burrito and I would still demand a Grammy nomination for Album of the Year.

The album opens with Bey in her head wrap and her robe singing on stage. Even though she's dressed like she's ready for bed we know she's about to take us on an epic journey and slay our entire lives. I should have wrapped my hair too, maybe I'd have some edges left. But I didn't and now I'm bald.

The first song is PRAY YOU CATCH ME which is basically a song about how she has an intuition that her man is up to some snake ass shit. She's just sitting there wishing a nigga would slip up and she catches him cheating. She doesn't know if he's doing anything for sure yet, but she just feels it in her soul that something isn't right. She's just waiting for shit to pop off. The video has so many homages to Black culture from the head wrap, to the 19th century fashion, to the hoodie (RIP Trayvon) that we just know this is about to be a Black ass experience.

Then you see Beyonce and she's standing on top of the building and she's about to jump. I was literally screaming "BEY DON'T DO IT I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO WATCH YOU DO THIS OVER SEAN FUCKING CARTER OF ALL PEOPLE! DON'T KILL YOURSELF OVER A CAMEL, BEY!!!!!!"

But she jumps anyway into the busy street and lands into an ocean. She's downing in her own thoughts and insecurities. During the poetry segment she tells a poem about how maybe she just needs to be a better woman for him. If he's wandering she should try to be better than all of them so he won't feel the need to look for anything in any other woman. But at the end of the day after all she went through she still couldn't help but wonder if he was cheating. And he was, because he's a punk ass bitch.

Then the album moves into Hold Up where she knows for sure that he's cheating but for the life of her can't figure out why. "Why are you treating me like this when you know that I'm the only one who loves you this fucking much?" Like why the fuck would you settle for day old Taco Bell when you have fresh carne asada fries right in front of your goddamn face? IDGI Sean, explain yourself.

"What's worst? Being jealous or crazy, jealous or crazy?
Or like, being walked all over lately? Walked all over lately I'D RATHER BE CRAZY!"

I'm sitting there thinking of course Bey would sing the lyric that captures my entire fucking life perfectly.

In this part of the visual album she's dressed as Oshun, the orisha of femininity and love, and she's fucking shit up. We finally find out that Hot Sauce is actually the name of her bat (bet Hillary didn't see that shit coming) and she's using this bat to tear up the whole damn city. My favorite part is when the guy is popping wheelies in his t-shirt that reads "In memory of when I gave a fuck" and then Bey gets in her monster truck and drives over every damn car in the city. She makes it very clear she's fed up and ready to burn this motherfucker down to the ground.

Then the album moves into my favorite song on the entire album DON'T HURT YOURSELF where she basically says if you love that bitch so much I'll kill her and wear her skin. I'll dismember that hoe piece by piece and make her a part of me to become your perfect girl.

Lightskins are crazy.

The scene switches to the parking lot where Bey has her cornrows in her head, her fur across her shoulders and her ankh around her neck looking fly as hell. And that's she asks the million dollar question:

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?!?

She's fucking BEYONCE, Sean! The queen of the goddamn world! The girl you've been rapping about on all of your albums for 10 fucking years now. You know you're never going to do better, so why even bother with these lesser bitches? She's the one who helped make you what you are today since you were fucking irrelevant and in your 3rd round of "retirement" before she came along and UPGRADED U. She's beautiful, talented, rich and loves you to death and you really think you're going to sit there and cheat on the best thing that's ever fucking happened to you and get away with it? Really, Sean Carter?

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK SHE IS?????????
SHE SMELLS THAT FRAGRANCE ON YOUR LOUIE V BOY!
SO GIVE HER FAT ASS A BIG KISS BOY!
TONIGHT SHE'S FUCKING UP ALL YOUR SHIT BOY!

This is basically her ultimatum. Either you get your shit together or she's leaving your ass and you can watch it bounce to the next dick that will most likely be bigger and richer than yours. It should've been "if you try this shit again you gon lose your life" because we all know Solange is gonna beat that ass and put him in the grave if he tries that shit again.

Then we have an interlude called Apathy where she recites one of my favorite poems on the visual album.

"So what are you gonna say at my funeral, now that you've killed me?
Here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart I broke without a gun to my head.
Here lies the mother of my children, both living and dead.
Rest in peace, my true love, who I took for granted.
Most bomb p*ssy who, because of me, sleep evaded.
Her god listening.
Her heaven will be a love without betrayal.
Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks."

Then we progress into Sorry where she takes Princess Blue Ivy Carter and gets the fuck out of Dodge. If Jay needs a shoulder to cry on he can call Becky with tha good hair because Beyonce doesn't have time for that shit. In the video she switches places with Serena Williams which gave me my entire life. When first watched it I thought Serena was Beyonce until I realized it wasn't but she can twerk just like her.

MIDDLE FINGERS UP
TELL THAT BOY BYE
BOY BYE
BOY BYE
MIDDLE FINGERS UP
I AINT THINKIN BOUT YOU

The story progresses to 6 INCH where she's a boss ass bitch on her own and don't need no goddamn man. This is an ode to all the ladies on their hustle making their money and doing the damn thing.

I have no idea what the point of this video is. If there was an American Horror Story: Beyonce this would be the intro because it's creepy as hell (but still flawless). From what I've read there's a lot of imagery pertaining to wombs, blood and menstruation.

The song ends with Beyonce singing "come back" because even though she's doing her own shit, making her money, and living her life she still misses her man and wants his sorry ass back.

There is an interlude which is a tribute to all Black women of the past and in the future. It features cameos from Quvenzhané Wallis and Leah Chase. The poem symbolizes how these relationships repeat themselves because it passes from mother to child. If a child grows up seeing her mother beaten and cheated on she will end up marrying a man who will do the same thing and repeat the cycle.

That's when we move into DADDY LESSONS where she reminisces about her dad giving her life advice. Daddy is telling her that in your vulnerable moments fuckboys are going to come and try to take advantage of you. Daddy knows how the game works because daddy is a fuckboy too. Daddy tries to tell her that her man is playing her and she should grab a rifle and shoot that nigga, but of course Beyonce's stupid ass doesn't take his advice. Instead she takes Jay's sorry ass back and tries to make it work.

Queen Tina didn't play that shit. As soon as Matthew had that baby with that side chick she took that ring off. But of course Beyonce just loves her some Jay Z and that's when we move into LOVE DROUGHT.

LOVE DROUGHT is basically an ode to their love. She believes their love is something so powerful that she can't let it go. Even though the relationship may be dry as fuck at the moment she believes if they just love each other enough they'll bring El Nino into that bitch and make it rain like Lil Wayne.

And that is when we move into SANDCASTLES where she's basically saying she knows she said she was going to leave but it just didn't work out like that. She made him cry, broke all the dishes, cussed his ass out, but she still wants him back even after all of that. She's willing to make it work as long as he completely submits himself to her and dedicates himself to making this relationship work. Then we move into FORWARD where they try to move forward from this giant shitstorm that is their relationship.

That's when we move into FREEDOM which basically gives me all of the Marvin Gaye, James Brown, freedom fighter music vibe. This song is basically an ode to all the Black people fighting for freedom.

I BREAK CHAINS ALL BY MYSELF
WONT LET MY FREEDOM ROT IN HELL
HEY! IMMA KEEP RUNNING CUZ
CAUSE A WINNER DON'T QUIT ON THEMSELVES

]

She's basically saying that yes she understand that whenever we say #BlackLivesMatter some dusty ass basic bitch is going to pop up out of a garbage can and say #AllLivesMatter. She realizes that every time we point out that the prison industrial complex some Mayo Saxon is going to pop up and ask "but what about Black on Black crime?!?!" We know that white people are going to get ~tired about hearing about race~ because they have the option of leaving the conversation and trying to shut everything down whenever that white fragility kicks in and they feel "attacked" but we're still going to keep fighting for our liberation. We're still going to keep marching, screaming, petitioning, voting, and occasionally fucking shit up until we see the change we deserve.

Then we get back to the story and we wrap it up with ALL NIGHT LONG. Where they've realized how in love that they are and that they want to be togetha 5 eva. This video is basically an ode to all the love out there. It's just a montage of beautiful happy as couples that will either make you tear up from the cuteness or feel lonely as hell.

Then the credits come and make sure you watch the credits all the way to the end THEN IT'S TIME TO GET IN FORMATION, BITCHES

YOU MIX THAT NEGRO WITH THAT CREOLE MAKE A TEXAS BAMMA!!!!!!

Formation an ode to Beyonce's blackness. Even though in the beginning of her career she did what ALL Black entertainers have to do which is dilute her Blackness to appease a white audience, she's done with that shit. She put in the work, stacked her paper, became a goddamn billionaire and now she's doing whatever the fuck she wants. She tells you point blank that you can't take the country out of her. She carries hot sauce in her bag and will fuck your shit up if she has to. She twirls on her haters and she wants all us flawless Black girls to get in Formation and SLAYYYYYY.

So that's the entire album in a nutshell. I laughed, I cried, I twerked and it was amazing. If you haven't seen the visual album I recommend watching it. The poetry is amazing, the visuals are genius and there's just so much to analyze and deconstruct. Every time I watch it I notice something new. I definitely recommend watching the visual album first and then listening to the audio.

It's so upsetting to me that she released this amazing ass album with these flawless ass features (Jack White, James Blunt, & The Weeknd) but all anyone seems to be able to talk about is Becky with the good hair. Fuck Becky and her hair. If I ever find that bitch she's gonna be bald.