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Words of Peackocky

Living a Lie

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 29 November 2018 · 830 views

I look in the mirror. And see my reflection
And all I want is to feel a connection.
To the outside world I may seem ok.
But if you really knew, I'm fading away.
The flame I had that once burned bright
Is barely more than a flicker of light.
Everything around me is dull and dreary,
As my soul grows lone and weary.
As I go on with this life.
All I will feel is turmoil and strife.
I cannot tell whether my smile is real,
So I look to my reflection to understand how I feel.
To you my eyes seem happy and bright,
But to read my mind would give you a fright.
Long gone are the days of true happiness and glee.
When my daughter passed on, so did a part of me.
No one even suspects; I put on a good show.
Everyone thinks I am strong, but that's only what I want them to know.
Every day I wake up is a true struggle.
I'd rather be somewhere else; let me walk through that tunnel.
They say that only the strong survive,
So I guess that's why I'm still alive.
But every day I put on a smile,
And wonder when I will walk my last mile.
Life is precious I know this is true.
And that is why I live like I do.
So just know every day is a lie.
Instead of smiling, I just want to cry.
I wish I could show my true emotion.
But that would cause you true commotion.
I'm empty inside, but only you see
The lies I live, and forever will be.
The heaviness I feel will burden thee.
Which is why I wish my soul was free.
Free from the hurt and all the pain,
And all the thoughts that put me in vain.
And now I'm pushed up against the wall,
Falling faster, please! Just let me fall!
Once I hit the bottom, then you will see!
Then, and only then, will my soul be free.
No more hurt, and no more pain.
Just the moment, I meet my daughter again.


Author: Jozie (Bobbie) Zbierajewski

Job update!

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 12 November 2018 · 637 views

So, I now work at the courts. I didn't want to be a sitting duck to being fired so I just transferred out of the hospital and to the courts. So far, I love working the courts. It is easy work. The only difficult thing is Wednesday thru Friday, I am standing 7 hours of my 8 hour shift. And Saturday and Sunday it feels like I am working a 12 hour shift instead of 8 hours. But I can't complain. Saturday and Sunday I work at Night court so I can play on my phone and watch TV and stuff. Weekends are dead at night court so not many interruptions. Oh yeah and the soap and water at night court makes my hands extremely dry!!! I hate that feeling. Good thing I have lotion in my work bag! I like all of my coworkers so far too. All seem down to earth. Still have my guard up though because I am still trying to figure out who I can and cannot trust!

I love my job so much.... BUT

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 19 October 2018 · 611 views

So, the worst thing you can do as an armed guard is fall asleep! That is a big no no! But, I was caught sleeping! Yup, I was that person dumb enough to let myself doze off for a few minutes; 3 according to the video! But, none-the-less, I fell asleep! So, I was written up! I have NEVER EVER been written up before in my entire work history! So I was NOT expecting the harsh write up I received. I was OK with being written up but DAMN!


The punishment? I was automatically put on final warning, meaning one more write-up and I will be fired. I also am losing some of my hours, meaning I won't be scheduled my contracted 40 hours. I don't know how many hours I am missing yet until the schedule is made. I have tried to contact my site supervisor, but he has not answered my calls, called me back, or text me back! Then, I will remain to have those hours lost until I "earn them back!"


The Good News: Working for G4S means the days I am not working, I can pick up a shift at other locations such as courts, libraries, or other hospitals, etc. So, it is like a blessing in disguise because I really want to work in the courts and have been meaning to pick up OT at the courts, but I have been working so much OT at my own site, I am too exhausted to go pick up even more hours at the courts. So, now I will be able to do so!

Work, work, work, work, work!

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 27 May 2018 · 583 views
cpo, armedguard, securityguard and 1 more...

So, now that I have a job, tomorrow I will be reporting to my hospital site for the first time! I start my physical training there this week. I am super excited about it though! This hospital is rough, in a bad part of the city. But I think I will do very well here. Hey, I am making $16/hour now so I am very happy. I may have to use weapons on people as well to protect myself and other. I am certified to carry my Glock, X2 taser, OC Spray, Friction Baton, and Hand Cuffs. I feel like I am at boss status! Well, I think I look like I am in boss status since I have to wear a weapons belt and bullet proof vest! I won't get all of this until my armed guard card comes in so, for now, I am shadowing for my training. I can't wait to see how things go down!Posted Image

Possible Beauty Contest Entry

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 27 January 2018 · 735 views

I am not exactly sure if this will get accepted, but I entered it anyways and am crossing my fingers... even if it gets booted from the BC contest, it's a cool art piece!


Posted Image


Whatcha think?


Edit: The above entry was rejected, which I expected lol But it still looks cool as hell!


Posted Image


This is my second try!

Who wants some dinner?

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 26 July 2017 · 1,217 views
souffle, ham, cheese, hashbrowns and 2 more...

Posted Image


Ham, egg, and cheese souffle, crispy bacon, hashbrowns, and biscuits for dinner!!!! #Souffle#HamAndCheese #BakedBacon #NotFriedBacon #Hashbrowns #SourdoughBicuits #Breakfast4Dinner#BestDinnerEver


Posted by UnicornSoulX, 07 July 2017 · 1,158 views

Does anyone watch Twitch? Do you have a favorite streamer? What is your favorite game to watch?


I love watching MattyPocket when he plays Smite!


I also love to watch Baru when he is playing Friday the 13th! He is so entertaining to watch! (I may have misspelled his username lol)

New Cell Phone

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 06 July 2017 · 1,141 views
samsung, android, iphone, apple

So, I want to get a new phone. I am looking at Samsung Galaxy S8 or S8+ but I would like to hear from you all as to what phone is amazing and I should consider. I have pretty much stayed in the Galaxy family since the first Galaxy came out! I have had the Galaxy S, S2, S3, S5, and S6.


I am curious about the Galaxy Note phones!


I am curious about the latest iPhones and whether the audio jack has been implemented.


Sure I could go do my own research, but I want to hear from you all about your phone experience and which phones you love and or hate!


I am also open to any other brand of phone.


I hear ASUS phones are pretty amazing and may spice things up a bit and get an ASUS.

Do people actually read these anymore?

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 05 July 2017 · 1,195 views
random thoughts, boobs

Random thoughts


So, someone asked me the other day if I still felt like I am a mom since Kyra passed away. To that, I answered no. They looked puzzled at me but didn't further the topic. I say no because she is no longer here on this earth and I can do nothing for her anymore but think about her, look at her picture, and miss her.


I love my boobs, I love looking at them, I love holding them!


I can't wait until school starts up for me! It's my last semester and I cannot believe I am actually going to graduate with 2 degrees! Criminal Justice and Psychology.


My boyfriend is sexy!


My girlfriend is sexy as well!


Yup, we are dating another female because we can and it makes us happy.


I love our relationship.


I need to lose a lot of weight! I am 220 pounds right now. Goal weight is 140-145. For the semester, I signed up for scuba diving class, aerobic dance, and weight training. Plus, I intend on using the gym Monday-Friday (unless there is a snow day since I am a commuter).


I did lose 27 pounds in a month since Kyra was born, and I did that without breastfeeding. I am assuming my metabolism was crazy high. I don't think it's high anymore as I have plateaued.


I love to window shop online! I just go to Kohls and pick out everything I want as long as they have my size and put it in my cart... then I leave it sit there! My current total this round is $1,510.43 I tried to do this through JC Penneys but they only allow up to 30 items in your cart.... lame!


I am buying hair extensions for school so I can have longer hair! http://www.vpfashion...tml?fb=20170628 I want the pony tail ones though, not the clip in, I don't intend on wearing my hair down much!


I can't wait to apply for the probation and parole job! It will be my starter job while I fix my credit/debt so I can get security clearance to be a criminal investigator!

Just getting my thoughts off my mind right now.

Posted by UnicornSoulX, 24 September 2016 · 778 views

So, as I have announced yesterday on here, I just found out I am pregnant and told my amazing man today!


He was excited, so no worries there. Very happy!


And while this isn't my first time being pregnant, if all goes well, this will be my first time having a baby.


I lost a baby in a car accident a few years ago. And I miscarried another baby. So I am scared that something will go wrong again.


I don't want it to and for the most part I am going to keep a positive mind about it. This is the first time I am in a healthy and loving relationship. I am going to do everything I can to keep our baby healthy.


I am also scared about the day I give birth. That has always scared me. But I am crazy excited to hold our baby for the first time!!!!


I can't wait to find out if our baby is a boy or a girl! I really want a boy but I will equally be just as excited for a girl, because she can be my little princess!


Ok, for now, that's all I need to get off my mind.

May 2020

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