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Being a cop, atheist, liberal, & female, in Oklahoma can be conflicting...
Posted by ausername,
18 February 2015
·
1519 views
So, being as this is my first blog post... I will post some background...
I grew up very poor, on welfare, with a single mom, one of 3 kids, moved around alot, raped, molested, mentally abused, drugs in the home, criminal activity, filthy houses, roaches, dog feces covering the floor, no heat in winter....
I had about 2 friends all through high school, never went on one date, never had a boyfriend, no prom, went through a depression, attempted suicide, transferred schools, graduated.
After high school, in 2007, I moved 100 miles away from home as soon as I could.
I had a condo, a new car, enrolled in school, working making about 65k a year, and a blossoming social life. I was seeing a guy with marriage potential. In 2008, I fell down stairs, ruptured several discs, dislocated my pelvis, tore three muscles...
I lost everything, guy I was dating said it was too much, dropped out of school, and moved back home, to the same conditions as my child hood.
In the year or so of my injury, I was completely isolated from society minus the internet. I became very introverted, and insecure about my future. I had no friends, my family sincerely believed I was a pill addict and there was nothing wrong with me up until the day I met with a neurosurgeon. I had no one to talk to, nothing to do, and was left alone, unable to walk. I thought a lot about life during that time.
In November of 2009, I finally had a surgery to repair the damages in my back. I was released to work in the spring of 2010.
In 2011, I moved back to Tulsa, enrolled in college, was working, started paying off my debt. I lived alone, and did things alone.
This is when I realized that no one will make it better but me. No one was there for me during the worst times if my life. God laid it in no one's heart to check on me, to see if I needed anything, or even pay back the money they owed me. No one cared about what happened to me, except for me.
This is when I realized I was an atheist. I cultivated my political and religious beliefs during this time. I read a lot and did a lot of community service type things, exposing myself to a variety of sociological situations.
Between then and now, I paid off all my debt, got a college degree, began a career, bought a car, got my dream dog, got promoted, and bought a house. I did all of this on my own with no financial support and very little moral support from anyone.
So here I find myself an atheist, progressive, political minded, opinionated cop in Oklahoma.
Many of the social groups I find my self in for one of my life aspects, completely clashes with the other.
I find myself being too liberal to be a cop, to conservative to be an atheist, and overall too everything to be in a functioning romantic relationship.
There are a few revolving themes that are used as insults towards me when things don't go how others plan in my life...
1. I am too proud of my opinions. I do not let others change my mind.
2. I do not apologize when I offend others' beliefs.
3. As an atheist, I will be unlikely to find people that share my beliefs as a cop as well.
4. As a cop, I'll never see the good in people.
5. I expect people to be like I am when it comes to humanity and service to others.
6. I hold people more accountable than they hold themselves.
7. I am unafraid to state my opinion even if it's offensive or not if the majority and I'll willfully alienate myself defending what I believe.
I see some of these things as potentially bad, but I don't feel like I'm a bad person.
I'm 26... no kids, never married... and at the end if every dating excursion, there is a conversation about what is wrong... these things usually come full circle. I'm beginning to think it is me, not them.
I never want to be the girl that puts her whole world in the hands of another, and I feel like my strong will has put off a lot of people... I'm independent to a fault, I would say. I don't know how to back down.
I'm not sure what kind of input I'm seeking, but I mostly am going to start blogging so I can vent. This is much cheaper than therapy and more convenient for my schedule.
All comments are welcome. No negativity.
I grew up very poor, on welfare, with a single mom, one of 3 kids, moved around alot, raped, molested, mentally abused, drugs in the home, criminal activity, filthy houses, roaches, dog feces covering the floor, no heat in winter....
I had about 2 friends all through high school, never went on one date, never had a boyfriend, no prom, went through a depression, attempted suicide, transferred schools, graduated.
After high school, in 2007, I moved 100 miles away from home as soon as I could.
I had a condo, a new car, enrolled in school, working making about 65k a year, and a blossoming social life. I was seeing a guy with marriage potential. In 2008, I fell down stairs, ruptured several discs, dislocated my pelvis, tore three muscles...
I lost everything, guy I was dating said it was too much, dropped out of school, and moved back home, to the same conditions as my child hood.
In the year or so of my injury, I was completely isolated from society minus the internet. I became very introverted, and insecure about my future. I had no friends, my family sincerely believed I was a pill addict and there was nothing wrong with me up until the day I met with a neurosurgeon. I had no one to talk to, nothing to do, and was left alone, unable to walk. I thought a lot about life during that time.
In November of 2009, I finally had a surgery to repair the damages in my back. I was released to work in the spring of 2010.
In 2011, I moved back to Tulsa, enrolled in college, was working, started paying off my debt. I lived alone, and did things alone.
This is when I realized that no one will make it better but me. No one was there for me during the worst times if my life. God laid it in no one's heart to check on me, to see if I needed anything, or even pay back the money they owed me. No one cared about what happened to me, except for me.
This is when I realized I was an atheist. I cultivated my political and religious beliefs during this time. I read a lot and did a lot of community service type things, exposing myself to a variety of sociological situations.
Between then and now, I paid off all my debt, got a college degree, began a career, bought a car, got my dream dog, got promoted, and bought a house. I did all of this on my own with no financial support and very little moral support from anyone.
So here I find myself an atheist, progressive, political minded, opinionated cop in Oklahoma.
Many of the social groups I find my self in for one of my life aspects, completely clashes with the other.
I find myself being too liberal to be a cop, to conservative to be an atheist, and overall too everything to be in a functioning romantic relationship.
There are a few revolving themes that are used as insults towards me when things don't go how others plan in my life...
1. I am too proud of my opinions. I do not let others change my mind.
2. I do not apologize when I offend others' beliefs.
3. As an atheist, I will be unlikely to find people that share my beliefs as a cop as well.
4. As a cop, I'll never see the good in people.
5. I expect people to be like I am when it comes to humanity and service to others.
6. I hold people more accountable than they hold themselves.
7. I am unafraid to state my opinion even if it's offensive or not if the majority and I'll willfully alienate myself defending what I believe.
I see some of these things as potentially bad, but I don't feel like I'm a bad person.
I'm 26... no kids, never married... and at the end if every dating excursion, there is a conversation about what is wrong... these things usually come full circle. I'm beginning to think it is me, not them.
I never want to be the girl that puts her whole world in the hands of another, and I feel like my strong will has put off a lot of people... I'm independent to a fault, I would say. I don't know how to back down.
I'm not sure what kind of input I'm seeking, but I mostly am going to start blogging so I can vent. This is much cheaper than therapy and more convenient for my schedule.
All comments are welcome. No negativity.
Woooow... Heavy story! Love to see how strong you came out of it!