danibanani's Blog

Today at Walmart, I went shopping with both of my kids. My oldest has ADHD and I have gone without medicating her since she is only five, and she may grow out of it. Change of diet is what has helped, but days are still really tough with her. It also doesn't help living with mental illness yourself, to keep your cool and not turn into a raging psychopath, because I already feel like I am at times to begin with.

So she's sitting in the bottom part of the cart, while her brother is sitting in the part you're actually meant to sit in. She's jumping and jumping, which I corrected that. That was the easy part. She gets distracted so easily and can't focus on one thing for more than 2 minutes and I knew it was going to be a huge hassle to go shopping, but what has to be done, has to be done. The amount of times I had to tell her no to a certain item, was extremely high this time. It's usually only a couple of times I have to remind her that she doesn't get a treat or a toy every time we go out. Once in a while, I want her to learn that in life, you don't always get what you want when you want, and when you do get what you want, it's a wonderful feeling. She's learning.

Today, she was just full of attitude and sauce, that I almost left the store. I have done it before, left my shopping cart full and walked out, almost in tears because I feel like a failure of a mother, not being able to control her children.

Not today though. I planned on sticking it out and being a tough cookie today, and that's just what I did.

I heard comments from other sides of the aisles, about how I need to teach my children how to behave in public places, or that I am too young to have kids and this is why they aren't listening to me. I got numerous dirty looks. I could have given those looks right back, or said something to those other shoppers that kept making comments about my parenting.

I try to show to my children, that even when others are trying to bring you down, and making you feel worthless or feel like you're not doing good enough, that as long as you smile, and keep your chin up, you can do anything and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you, as long as you love you, you're doing it right and everyone else can keep their negativity.

So yesterday after having had the most scary experience of my life, I felt the need to record it and share with everyone.

I'm deathly allergic to bumble bees. I could die if not given a shot right away, or taken to the emergency room. I stepped on one when I was little, and thank god for my grandparents. They knew what to do, before they anyone even knew I was allergic. Now wasps and other bees, they just hurt, but I won't die. Which is nice when you think about it.

I babysit for a living. I also have my own kids. One was at school, and I had two boys at home, both of them 2 years old and I swear, they had the time of their life just watching me, sitting on the couch like I asked because I was scared. A bumble bee managed to get inside my house. I spent the first 15 minutes after finding it, debating on how to capture it. Or kill it, but since bumble bees are good for the Earth, I decided to trap it and release it. Good on me, right? So deathly allergic and I still won't kill the stupid thing.

It landed on an empty raisin box on the kitchen table so I thought, perfect! I'll just drop a cup over top of it and it'll be trapped. It took a couple tries because I was so scared and slow that I didn't want to go near it but I knew I had to. I could hear my boyfriend laughing from the bedroom. The guy was supposed to be sleeping since he works nights, and instead of helping me, listened and laughed at me.

Finally caught the stupid bee!! I asked the boys for help to find a piece of cardboard to slide under the cup. That took a while. They thought it would be funny to let the bee go. Now it was flying around, pissed off that he was trapped. I threw a towel at it. Managed to get it under that cup again and told the boys to sit on the couch again and I would find some cardboard myself.

Fast forward to when I finally manage to get out the door, without the boys or my dogs and cat getting outside with me while I have this bee in my hands. I set the cup and cardboard on the ground, took me a few minutes to work up the courage to lift the cup up. Keep in mind, this was one of my favourite glass drinking cups, but it was the only thing closest to me, and I didn't want to go near the kitchen where this thing was buzzing about.

I finally lift the cup it, the bee is going, going, and it flies right at my face!! I threw my cup in the air and was in the door before it even hit the ground. I heard the smash. There goes my favourite glass.

The bee was gone.

Nothing else mattered.