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A small relationship rant, I suppose

Posted by Salade, 21 May 2017 · 571 views

personal relationship

(Was originally going to post this in the bad thing that happened to you today thread but then it got super long and I haven't been putting anything into my blog lately. So here we are.)


Not a bad day per se, just a bad weekend. My boyfriend and I both have exams tomorrow and the next few weeks, and we're both very stressed. Plus I have 0 self confidence atm because I lost so much weight from having pneumonia and basically my ass deflated. It's a Dutch pancake. Sad. Anyway, people have been telling me even more often to eat more, that I need to gain more weight etc. GUESS WHAT. I know, cheers. Thanks for telling me almost everyday, every single week. Ain't that easy for me, y'all. And then my boyfriend said on Saturday morning during breakfast "Your ass is kinda flat, eat more." And I kind of got a bit pissed at him, because like I said, 0 self confidence and people having told me that several times already. He never ever compliments my physical attributes, so that just rubbed the wrong way. I know that what he said was more him being concerned and trying to push me to be more active physically, but naaaah. And ever since then I feel like he's either trying to provoke me and/or I'm still very very sensitive. Annnd this morning I asked him if it was okay if I left a hairbrush at his place (out of courtesy, I knew he'd say yes but I always need to be polite about shit like that...) and he didn't answer my question and mocked me. Well fuck me for wanting to be polite????? Then I got kinda moody and he noticed when we were on the tram, I explained him why and of course he didn't understand. We both revised at different locations, and we decided to meet up for lunch. He was waiting for me infront of a shop, and on the way there I decided to apologize for my moodiness that morning. Turned out he arrived a few minutes prior to our agreed time and bla bla, I told him he should have told me as he needn't have waited because I was only a 1 minute walk away. he said something along the lines of "Naaah, it was okay, it gave me the chance to look at the women" and that just rubbed me the wrong way again because he knows that I haaaate when he mentions other women in a checking out kind of way infront of me. Something he'd done a few days earlier and I reminded him that I personally find that disrespectful, especially because I have asked him in the past to not make such comments. Was still feeling a bit meeh from that. But then I had a little think about what he'd said and my first thought was that he'd been trying to provoke me. Orrr he was just making a joke. Thing is, I can hardly ever tell if he's joking or not. So I asked him and he said he had indeed been joking. The mood was a bit lighter but I still felt very distant from him and we didn't talk much. I did most of the talking but he didn't seem awfully interested in keeping a conversation going. And then we both went back to our respective study locations and that's that.


Also I do realize that I'm very problematic (low self confidence, sensitive af...) but meh. I hope this is a one time thing due to both of us being stressed. I understand why he might have not been interested in talking to me any further, not wanting to accidentally say something that I'd be able to misniterprete and be a sensitive little shit. I wish I could explain all this to him without him telling me that I'm trying to find excuses or telling me it's all my fault for not doing sports. Because according to him, sports is the answer to my eternal social anxiety/shyness, anxiety in general, me being underweight, everything.


Right now I just want to tell him that I'm sorry for my part in the last two days, especially since we haven't been able to see each other as much. And he has to prepare for an exam too, so a sensitive girlfriend probably isn't helping with his stress levels. But I'm also super scared anytime I have to talk about my feelings with him, because most of the time it ends with me crying because he just doesn't understand what I'm trying to say and it's my fault anyway. I think we both feel a lot of resentment towards eachother at the moment. Sighhhh.


If you've read all this, cheers. I just needed to vent a little. I might call my mum.

Idk that seems a bit harsh for a joke.

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Sorry to hear about your recent illness and am glad to hear your health has returned. 


You have the right to be a sensitive person and have the reactions you did about the comment made about yourself and your boyfriend's comment of gawking at others. The first one is more of bluntly put no sugar coated mention while the second one just seems more out to sting than the mentioned 'joke'. Make mention sometime of your sensitivity, explain how those two comments hurt, and see if he gets it. It should not be hard to learn that "comments a and comments b = pain to loved one so no do". A relationship isn't a one way street. Hope things turn up and good luck with your finals.

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Focus on your health and exams for now. The relationship stuff can wait til you both finish your finals. If it's really bugging you, can you stay somewhere else til exams are over? The last thing either of you need is additional stress during an already stressful time. After the last exam, you can rip him a new one for being an insensitive prick.


His idea of being supportive baffles me and I am rather pissed off on your behalf. I can't imagine why he never compliments you. I mean he's with you because he's attracted to you, so what's wrong with mentioning that you're gorgeous? Also, being afraid to discuss your feelings because of his response will likely kill whatever you have together.


After exams, it'd be a good idea to get together and figure this stuff out, to see if you two can still connect emotionally. But for now, your well-being and exams are of the highest priority. I agree with Amethyst and hogan. I also feel your other half is being incredibly immature and deliberately provocative, and you're just reacting to it and it's spiraling from there. Maybe he's got some things going on that are making him pissy and he's taking it out on you. Either way, it needs to be addressed and he should definitely be a lot more respectful towards you.


And there's nothing wrong with having a flat ass! Your ass/body does not define you. You define you. I always try to remember that my body is my own personal vehicle that's taking me through life. Its purpose isn't to look pristine with a big ass/boobs or a tiny waist but to get me through this life and interact with the world. We spend so much time worrying about how it looks, and never really think about or appreciate how amazing it is, doing everything it does while we're alive. It's your body, and it's special and beautiful.


So prioritize, ignore what you can't deal with now, and kill those exams. Eat properly so that your vehicle is healthy and strong enough for you to deal with whatever comes your way. Call your mum, because (I'm assuming for you) most parents love their kids more than anyone else will and will always consider your best interests. It's always nice to be reminded of that, especially when you're feeling down. Sorry this got a bit longer than I intended, but you are amazing, don't forget that!

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to be honest especially in a relationship especially when both of you are stressed, a simple text such as "I'm sorry for being extremely sensitive lately" can take both a lot off of you and your boyfriend. Hopefully everything gets better between both of you and good luck for exams! Mine are coming up very soon as well.

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