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Posted by Salade, 07 December 2015 · 430 views

rant personal

Okay so first of all i've gon from typing like this u feel to somewhat correct. That is all. Thank you. It started to irritate me.


Uh second of all, this is going to be a rant. Just have to get some things off me heart.


So yesterday I got rejected by a guy I had been seeing for roughly 7 months. Seeing as in doing grown up things. This included said grown up things + cuddling + sleeping over and some rare trips to the cinema. Saw some great movies that I'll never be able to rewatch without thinking of him. Well, OF COURSE MY BRAIN has to produce happy hormones. Which eventually translates into love. Had that realization exactly a week ago when I was intoxicated and just thought 'I want to see him now and the thought of him being with someone else than me really hurts?'.
Met up with him at station near where he lives, got in his car and plonked the fact that I had developed feelings for him onto him. Not very long story into very short: He had thought about it, but no feelings for me. Bummer. But deep down I had known because he had never wanted to meet my parents (I still live at home), which is fairly normal where I live, even if you aren't dating. Plus some other things.
I probably fell into my own version of him, seeing as we only saw each other once, maybe twice a month and mainly communicated via text. Plus he has long hair, I really really REALLY dig long hair on dudes.
And now my body is in withdrawal. My chest feels tight, I've got mad anxiety, racing thoughts, sweating, throwing up, craving what I can't have.


But at the end of the day, I'll know I'll be fine some time into the future. One day he will be gone from my memory, contrary to now where everything reminds me of him. But I know that day will come because my memory is rubbish. And I'll read through this and not remember writing it.


Also having Seasonal Affective Disorder does not help.


TLDR: Got rejected and now it hurts. I'll be okay one day.

Aww. I'm sorry he rejected you. I suppose eventually, it's for the best, I only hope that in the present time you can adjust and cope. It really sucks he ended things with you.

On the topic of SAD, I have heard UV lamps can help and/or taking vitamin D. I used to live in Alaska, where during the summer (yes not winter), many Alaskans felt poorly due to SAD. In any case, I hope the SAD lets up and you're able to get out of the strangle-hold. It sucks being miserable, feeling depressed and generally unwell. 

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me, about anything.

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