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Hoe things/incoherent mess

Posted by Salade, 16 May 2016 · 394 views

Note: I use the term hoe in a postivie light. To me, a hoe is a person who is proud and comfortable with their own sexuality and doesn't feel the need to hide it. And that is what I strive to be.


I have no idea where I'm going with this. I should probably preface with the fact that I'm generally a shy person around strangers. Especially in groups, I just go under. But once it's one on one I turn into a small talk genius.
Anyway, I used to be a wallflower, glasses, braces, shit haircut, ya feel me? Wasn't able to talk to people who weren't family/friends.
Plus having a chronic case of resting bitch face doesn't make you seem approachable so people are always reserved around you before they get to know you.


Guess who's shit at being coherent? Not me. But if you're reading this and have always admired those guys and gals who always seemed so comfortable in their skin and with their sexuality, here's some small things you could do (aka things I did) to eventually get there.


This is all written from my point of view, the heterosexual female one.


1. First of all, get rid of the thought that having lots of sex is a bad thing. Unprotected yes, if you use condoms and birth control GO OUT THERE AND GET EM. Hoes with an STD don't get to do that, mkay. Anecdotal evidence: My amigo from Sweden who is the biggest manwhore ever and basically beds his entire village without a condom got chlamydia. There. Chlamydia ain't nice, and there's even worse things out there.
2. Love yourself by
3. Caring for yourself by
4. RUBBING COCONUT OIL ALL OVER YOUR BODY except maybe your face because coconut oil clogs facial pores in most people like there's no tomorrow. But get that virgin unrefined cold pressed coconut oil, it smells heavenly and you can put it onto your morning toast too. Tastes good, is good for your health, not too expensive, has many uses... If you do this everytime after you shower your skin will be so soft and smooth and everybody will want to touch your body. Which brings me onto
5. LOVE YOUR BODY??? No matter what shape you are, love your meatsack! Go stand infront of a mirror with good natural daylight and admire your striking physique from every possible angle. Don't do that in a changing room, everyone looks like shit in that harsh af lighting.
6. Once you feel comfortable with the meatsack hanging off your bones, flaunt your meat. Subtle or not, as long as you feel comfortable (and fuck those creepy stares and wolf whistles) flaunt your yum yum assets. Trust me, any negative response is from people who want to be as self-confident as you and are jealous about you. I used to be that person, I freely admit it. Then I went full hoe mode and haven't looked back since.
7. Do sexual shit. Try everything you want, make mistakes, discover new things BUT ALWAYS USE CONDOMS THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Tinder is great, don't spend too much time texting, only verify that the other party is not a creep trying to kill you, then meet up for a first date and see if there's sexual energy between you. If you feel like it, fuck 'em, literally, on the first date. If you don't, well, you don't fuck 'em. Do whatever you want without guilt, do it fot yourself, not for others.
8. Masturbate more. Good for the brain, good for your overall health and you get to know your physical responses to certain stimuli. If you're worried about trying something new with another person you can always try it out alone in your room.
9. Back to the coconut oil: Works great as lube if you're not using a condom/something with latex. And if you want to make your man happy rub that shit on his nether regions and go to town with whatever orifice you feel like.
10. Pee after intercourse, always.
11. I have so many more things I could write about but I'm afraid that they'd be too sexual.
12.Always voice your opinion. Be direct. If you don't want a dude to kiss you, tell him. If you don't want your girl jamming her finger in your bum, tell her.


I think I'll edit this or expand whenever I feel like it. If you've read everything, may I ask how and why?

Love your meatsack. Haha. I love it.
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