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Awkward Everyday Stuff



2017 According To the Hunger Game's Distant Uncle That No One Talks About

Posted by Keil, 09 March 2017 · 272 views

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This is from the 1989 movie "The Running Man" with a tight Arnold Schwarzenegger in an equally tight yellow jumpsuit. A good cheese film so much so the lactose intolerant would enjoy it.

 

In a dystopian society, Schwarzenegger's character gets framed for mass murder through the same television techniques that makes the GOP Health Overhaul Plan, a comedy sitcom for people who actually still watch TV. As "punishment" for his crimes, he is forced to play the #1 rated show "The Running Man" where he must run to the finish line before being killed. Along the way, he chokes am energetic Asian dude who just wants to play hockey and chainsaws a Hulk Hogan impersonator in the dick. I assure you, this is not a porno, unless a predictable slew of bad puns is your fetish.

 

Bush did not do 9/11...

 

alone.

 

p.189




How do you respond to this:

Posted by Keil, 06 January 2017 · 284 views

"You remind me of my best friend who killed themselves."

 

Seriously, how?




a succinct metaphor for inescapable emptiness

Posted by Keil, 10 November 2016 · 416 views

That was an edgy title, right? Good shit, I just thought of it right now. I know how most of you function. It's edgy or nothing for the lot of y'all bottomless holes for entertainment and good self-esteem.

 

As many of you've probably figured out, the reason why I asked such weird questions is because I face similar situations in my real life and want advice from people who know nothing. There is always that one of of three questions in the AMAs I've asked that I've faced personally and am struggling at the moment. It's a more interactive way and engaging way to get people to do the things I want (in this case, tell me an honest answer without getting too big for one's britches) without other people quickly seeing a selfish ulterior motive, from the way I seem to comically frame them. So now I want advice on something, but this time I'll provide context. At least enough context to work off from.

 

Context:

 

I think I've fallen in love. Not like "spread my legs and roll out a red carpet from out of my pussy 'cause you look doable", but actual romantic love. Like "you make me not worry about the future and if you surprise hug me from behind, I won't judo flip your ass" type of love. It reached the level where I wouldn't mind filling out their name on my tax forms under spouse. Yes, I know. It's deep.

 

The person in question is in my graduating class and we've been hitting it off since we both entered school... as best friends. I'm just super comfortable where we are. I know there is no love interest in the other party so I have a chance. My issue is whether or not to ask them out because we'll be graduating in the spring and we've both secured jobs in different states. And let me tell you, I wouldn't turn down this job opportunity for a relationship that may or may not fly off.

 

My question is: should I still ask them out?

 

I know what you're thinking: why didn't I make a thread asking for advice? Simple. Blogs aren't bumped into oblivion as quickly as new threads. And why did I use "they" instead of "he" or "she"? To that I say, get on the program, dude. It's 2016 and gender pronouns are the new masculine pink shirts. And to the very few of you that kinda know me better asking me: why are you asking us for advice when you went to school for this shit to answer other people's problems. And the answer is: fuck you. Get your head stuck in Trump's wall.




Admit it: You're dumb and lazy.

Posted by Keil, 27 May 2016 · 452 views

Brace yourself. This is yet another of my trademark puzzles. There's no prize for this one, but at the same time, I will never confirm if your answer is correct. However, if you need the answer with haphazard diagrams and minimum explanations poorly demonstrating the logic, I'll sell you the answer for 50 USD through paypal. I am not shitting you. I want money for smokes.

 

glhf

 

gg

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The Villa with 14 Doors

 

A sadistic, self-loathing, and openly misanthropic prick named Kelvin finds an old abandoned villa. It’s not dilapidated nor show any sense of collapsing, but it reminds Kelvin of those haunted houses where horny teenagers have sex and imagine serial killers chopping them up for the sexual thrill. Suspicious of the place, he walks around it to take note of any peculiarities (you know, to see if it was just another thieve's hideout, underground drug lab or worse--horny teenagers procreating. Did I mention he hates teenagers and believes they should never reproduce their stupid?). After circling around the perimeter and peeking through the windows, he learned three things about the place:

  • The villa is completely empty, or at least it appears that way after peaking through the windows.
  • Excluding the surrounded courtyards and gardens, the villa building itself is in the shape of a one story cube.
  • There are 3 windows, one on each side of the walls with the exception of the fourth side having the entrance-way which has the only door leading inward or outward. The windows are always in the center of the wall.
It looks like it is going to rain so he decides to go in for shelter. Upon entering, he finds a plaque on the wall and two numbered doors. The plaque says two odd statements:
  • In any given room, two or more numbered doors leading in/out of that room will never lead to the same room.
  • There will always be a door between two rooms if they share the same wall.
As of right now, he sees the door “1” and “2”.

 

He enters door “1” and sees doors “3”, “4”, and “6”. He also sees a window. He checks himself out in the reflection in the glass. He may be self-loathing, but he’s also narcissistic.

 

He goes back to the entrance-way and this time enters door “2” this time. He sees the doors “3”, “8”, and “12” but this time, no window. Is his mind playing tricks with him?

 

He returns to the entrance-way (because he was confused as fuck) and sees something whittled into the walls below the plaque. Someone in the past also trespassed into the abandoned villa and explored the place. It says ‘’there are 14 doors in total and all the rooms with a window has all of its doors add up to a multiple of 14. Cool!”.

 

To check this statement, he goes through the “2” door, then takes the “8” door and finds two additional doors marked “9” and “11”. He’s relieved that he finds a window this time. He checks himself out again.

 

Bored and unamused as fuck (there’s only so much time Kelvin can waste checking out his own reflection), the prick keeps opening doors and finds the villa completely empty with the except of spiders, dust, and display cases of whatever. It’s not worth looting and carrying all the way city so he can pawn them for smokes.

 

He is getting bored of the place, but at least he can leave once the rain passes. While waiting, he explores the house and finds out that assuming that light passing through windows can illuminate the entire room, no light can pass through the roof and if all the doors are shut tightly, then there are several doors that never see the light of day.

 

Question:

 

If you add up the numbers on these specific doors, what would be the sum of all the “lightless” doors?


Bonus question:

 

Assuming that all the doors of the villa are closed, what is the minimum number of doors needed to be opened to access every room?




"A love story" by Kelvin

Posted by Keil, 17 May 2016 · 337 views

They both fell silent, blinking.

 

It took a second for Jamie to process that Taylor was underneath him after the sudden fall. To retain as much dignity as possible, he sprung upward, but Jamie felt belted down by two slender arms.

 

"Where's the rush?" Taylor's tongue smoothly flitted along two rosy lips.

 

Jamie felt a chill. Something bad would happen if no action was taken. He struggled to think of an excuse to get out or at least a clean getaway that would not harm the person underneath him.

 

Taylor saw a square silhouette outlined in the pocket of Jamie's windbreaker shorts.

 

"Oh," said Taylor with a sensual groan that trailed on for a second. "You planned this, didn't you? This was no accident. If you wanted some, all you had to do was ask."

 

Taylor closed both eyes and the hand that previously held down Jamie's shoulder was now running down the side, towards the hips, and now into his pocket. Jamie shivered and gritted his teeth during the entire journey.

 

"The fuck?" Taylor shoved Jamie off and crawled backwards to retreat. The once relaxed face twisted and winkled at the sight of something slimy and white on the tips of the fingers.

 

Jamie smiled. He scooped all of it out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth.

 

"It's ravioli. It has lobster inside."




what is wrong with you?

Posted by Keil, 09 February 2016 · 566 views
this is tumblr

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The Bloodhound Puzzle

Posted by Keil, 14 January 2016 · 1,565 views
haha you cant, solve this and 3 more...

I have this puzzle I made. I bet you something valuable (and tangible to which I can deliver) on the line that no one will ever solve this puzzle. Anyone can who can view blogs and post replies in this blog post are allowed to participate. You just need to have the motivation to catch my furtiveness and may even need to do some research if you haven't tread this world. It doesn't matter if you're a staff member, regular member, advanced, or private. Eyeing this blog post overtime for new revelations from other members may help you solve the puzzle first. Can you solve this mystery?

 

I'll help you out. You can ask YES/NO Questions and I will pick and choose. Get the truth out of me--hopefully intelligently.

 

Don't be intimidated by numbers. You have both strength and friends in numbers.

 

RULES:

  • To win, you must write out the three fill-ins of the crossword in any order in one post in this blog.
  • Anyone can ask YES/NO questions to get clues in solving this puzzle.
  • No one person can ask a YES/NO question twice in a row, however, asking a question at every other turn is permitted.
  • I am obligated to answer a YES/NO question for every three of such asked.
  • However, I can choose which YES/NO question to answer out of the pool. For example, after three questions, I would answer the any of the three, but after the six questions, I can answer any of the six, excluding the ones I previously answered.
  • You can ask any type of questions as well, but I'm not obligated to answer them, but I can if I want to.
  • If you catch me lying at any point regarding a response to a question and provide an explanation correctly defining my lie, then you automatically win and the puzzle ends without needing to find the solution.
  • There is no time limit on this puzzle, but if I'm gone from Codex for an extended time, assume the worse on this puzzle.
  • The prize gets better with time, but I will never publicly say what it is.
  • Never PM me about this puzzle. I follow this blog entry and will check it when I get notifications. Click "Follow this entry" on the top right of the title bar to get updates.

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

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Thanks, Dave, for the game, I guess.

Posted by Keil, 15 December 2015 · 364 views

My editor told me my last submission was... crap. Bless his no-filter heart.

 

Two major reason reasons for the crappiness:

  • the lack of magic I'm willing the reader to work with (they need more substance, less concept--too much tell, not enough show)
  • characters are three dimensional, however too simplistic

 

So he forwarded me this writing game, to which he explained having often given it to authors who have zero idea about what to write. Thanks, Dave. It doesn't have a name. He just copy&pasted the rules without even copying and pasting the title or example. The rest of the email was written in the same dark green verdana text format as the rules. Bless his rush job emails.

 

I'll temporarily call it the "6 Ways to Die" Game. To all those homicidal enthusiasts out there, the game does not has as much killing as you would expect unless you want it to. I just typed whatever dice-related pun comes to mind.

 

To start off you, write a character name and an action (active or passive), but it must encompass a basic conflict you want any story to start off as.

 

For example:

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability.

 

Then I roll a die. Each side of the die corresponds to the 5W's + How.

 

1 = Who
2 = What
3 = Where
4 = When
5 = Why
6 = How

 

I rolled a five, so I then I must answer a "why" component (it can address any point) in relation to the previous statement and add it to the sentence.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness.

 

I roll again. A six. How.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A four. When. Notice how I don't always address to the last addition when answering a question.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A five. Again. Why.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A one. Who.

 

Dave the single, smoke addict editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A one. Again. Who.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother.

 

Another five. Why.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner in their childhood.

 

Three. Where.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor in Greenwich struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner in their childhood.

 

Six. How.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their childhood.

 

Two. What. I would like to mention I take a lot of liberties as to how I answer these questions.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood.

 

Five. Why.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse.

 

Two. What.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse up until the unfortunate accident.

 

Four. When.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Two. What.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Five. Why. Again, LOTS of liberties.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict from all the subliminal movie advertisements, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Six. How.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Six. How. Again.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Three. Where.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Five. Why.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Two. What (FINALLY, I CAN PROGRESS WITH THE STORYLINE)

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college when his eldest brother committed suicide.

 

Four. When.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college when his eldest brother committed suicide during a time when money was hard to come by and only less-than-ideal opportunities were left.

 

Okay so then you repeat this process until you're distracted and want to quit or feel so invested that you can't wait to roll the die to add another point to the story. In this case, let's pretend I'm facing the latter. To close off, I like this game, because it forces me to ask questions that I am often just fucking around. Makes me think what the readers would like to know.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich imposing tobacco use and unrealistic relationship development, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college when his eldest brother committed suicide during a time when money was hard to come by and only less-than-ideal opportunities were left because his eldest brother faced a wall where he, himself, needed help and was trapped in this toxic mentality to the point of swallowing a bullet which left the entire family in dire economic pitfall with the exception of Dave who became independent, funding his own college education through part time jobs in the printing and publishing industry as a lowly errand boy or factory worker and when faced between quitting his schoolwork to support his mother or abandoning her to pursue his own self-interests, he chose the latter because for one, he knew she was pretty well-off with a living space despite being supported with paltry amounts of money from the government, and two, he feels incapable and inadequate to fill his brothers shoes, so he just leaves her in the hands of people he trust without saying a word to her mother at the funeral because in the end, he can't express his feelings of remorse and weakness to her.

 

And that's how you plot out chapter one.




Today's Random Thoughts With No Context.

Posted by Keil, 06 September 2015 · 423 views

1. Given that Hell does exist, mine would strap me into a chair and force me to watch every moment of my mortal life without a break, in repeat.

 

2. I have six people in Codex I want to apologize to but there's something, whether by weakness, fear, or inferiority complex, I have always found a seemingly legitimate reason to not do so.

 

3. A young boy's first true sight was of my face behind a mask. I wished his first vision was something more meaningful like that of his mother's face.

 

4. I'm at a point in my life where it's pointless to consciously show off and accept that it's okay to live as what I choose as okay. I've never been more grateful.

 

5. I have too many people that love me and it bugs me that I can't love them back.

 

6. If I were to die in the next minute and only had a pen and a sticky note to leave something behind for the world, I would make a small paper airplane and name it whatever comes to my mind at the last moment.

 

7. Wishes have expiration dates.




I am crying right now, to be honest.

Posted by Keil, 23 June 2015 · 517 views

I was reading on all the course materials for next semester (i.e. syllabus, required texts, clinical dates, conference schedules) on Blackboard. On the clinical spreadsheet, it showed who was with what hospital/institution/doctor. I found my name and I'm scheduled for Mondays at 7AM. Bummer, but I'll live. I looked through the list to see if I'm grouped with my friends (or people I particularly don't have an affinity to because I don't particularly mind them). I couldn't find Enzo's name. I double checked the list and counted the rows of students and counted one less person.

I had to assume the worst. He dropped out.

I want to assume that Doc Scherf made left this mistake remain for over a month despite being the neurotic and OCD person he is. One time he deducted one point off my pharmacology exam grade for scribbling away at an incorrect date instead of with a single strike through line.

So I'm right here at 2:50 AM just panicking because Enzo was one of the few people I would definitely never hesitate in saying he is my friend (I have a severe fear of intimacy and the label itself repulses me). When we first entered the program, we didn't talk much but the desperation to not fail out with nothing to show for it except for student loan debt brought us together. We even promised each other that the moment we feel like we're slipping in our work and studies, we (along with everyone else in our circlejerk of psychiatry students) wouldn't second guess of pounding the alarm for an emergency study group. We have no lives outside our school anyway. And believe me, our ''Coffee or Die" sessions were frequent and stressful but everyone benefited from them. We taught each other and that made the world of difference. Because of the times I helped my friends out, I even considered a possibility of being (on top of practice) a college psychology or even psychiatry professor because I enjoy teaching and hearing myself talk and people are (for the most part) motivated to listen and learn.

But back to Enzo. I knew he was not at the top of his game with the spring semester. He was getting by but barely. What bothered me the most was that it felt like he was self-defeated before the first day of the semester in January. He went to study groups, but never initiated them (which he normally did) and he basically started to fall off the face of my very narrow Earth. When we did clinicals and research presentations, he would do well in those so I would assume that every other evaluation or examination would reflect the same level of proficiency.

Even though I am fully convinced he dropped out, I refuse to think he failed out. Even though our class started with 30 students. Even though many people dropped out after the first test. Even when the wait-list people got in. Even when one of the wait-list people dropped out at the end of the first semester.

But it sucks

So badly.

I have his number. My phone record is 97% from my study group in both group texts and phone calls. If you have an iPhone, you can understand that I can keep scrolling pages and page from my own personal texts with him from all the way since July for our orientation. I just did so and his first text to me is "Ayyyyyyyy -Enzo". I probably miscounted the y's but that's not the point.

I know it's late in the night for me right now but I don't have the heart or mind to ask him about why he isn't listed in the schedule.

Being the very self-aware person I am, I know that I can handle the bad news (if he really did drop out) and make every effort to still be friends and keep in contact, but I refuse to make the first step in contacting him because I can't accept that he did drop out and would either (1) rather wait for him to confront me about it because I'm a wuss when it comes to people I give a shit about or (2) believe that I can do nothing because this could just be a possible mistake from the Doc and everything will fix itself to what it was before or better when everyone returns.

I don't know what to do.

That's a lie.

I do know what to do and how to face it.

I just don't want to face the matter on my own






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