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Thanks, Dave, for the game, I guess.

Posted by Keil, 15 December 2015 · 363 views

My editor told me my last submission was... crap. Bless his no-filter heart.

 

Two major reason reasons for the crappiness:

  • the lack of magic I'm willing the reader to work with (they need more substance, less concept--too much tell, not enough show)
  • characters are three dimensional, however too simplistic

 

So he forwarded me this writing game, to which he explained having often given it to authors who have zero idea about what to write. Thanks, Dave. It doesn't have a name. He just copy&pasted the rules without even copying and pasting the title or example. The rest of the email was written in the same dark green verdana text format as the rules. Bless his rush job emails.

 

I'll temporarily call it the "6 Ways to Die" Game. To all those homicidal enthusiasts out there, the game does not has as much killing as you would expect unless you want it to. I just typed whatever dice-related pun comes to mind.

 

To start off you, write a character name and an action (active or passive), but it must encompass a basic conflict you want any story to start off as.

 

For example:

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability.

 

Then I roll a die. Each side of the die corresponds to the 5W's + How.

 

1 = Who
2 = What
3 = Where
4 = When
5 = Why
6 = How

 

I rolled a five, so I then I must answer a "why" component (it can address any point) in relation to the previous statement and add it to the sentence.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness.

 

I roll again. A six. How.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A four. When. Notice how I don't always address to the last addition when answering a question.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A five. Again. Why.

 

Dave the editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A one. Who.

 

Dave the single, smoke addict editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade.

 

A one. Again. Who.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother.

 

Another five. Why.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner in their childhood.

 

Three. Where.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor in Greenwich struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner in their childhood.

 

Six. How.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their childhood.

 

Two. What. I would like to mention I take a lot of liberties as to how I answer these questions.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood.

 

Five. Why.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse.

 

Two. What.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse up until the unfortunate accident.

 

Four. When.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Two. What.

 

Dave the single, smoke-addicted editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Five. Why. Again, LOTS of liberties.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict from all the subliminal movie advertisements, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Six. How.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Six. How. Again.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Three. Where.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Five. Why.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college.

 

Two. What (FINALLY, I CAN PROGRESS WITH THE STORYLINE)

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college when his eldest brother committed suicide.

 

Four. When.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college when his eldest brother committed suicide during a time when money was hard to come by and only less-than-ideal opportunities were left.

 

Okay so then you repeat this process until you're distracted and want to quit or feel so invested that you can't wait to roll the die to add another point to the story. In this case, let's pretend I'm facing the latter. To close off, I like this game, because it forces me to ask questions that I am often just fucking around. Makes me think what the readers would like to know.

 

Dave, the single and smoke-addict as a result of all the subliminal movie advertisements of lower Greenwich imposing tobacco use and unrealistic relationship development, editor struggles between security and vulnerability in his late twenties and early thirties with failed romances and diminishing friendships because he was groomed into believing that being open was akin to weakness with all his reputable models maintaining a macho facade like his eldest brother because his eldest brother was the strong-willed and cold breadwinner through various odd-jobs in their fatherless and poverty-stricken childhood from an area rich with gang violence and poor social care because his mother was in an eternal bout of depression and drug abuse of morphine up from self-loathing and incompetency until the unfortunate accident during his first year of college when his eldest brother committed suicide during a time when money was hard to come by and only less-than-ideal opportunities were left because his eldest brother faced a wall where he, himself, needed help and was trapped in this toxic mentality to the point of swallowing a bullet which left the entire family in dire economic pitfall with the exception of Dave who became independent, funding his own college education through part time jobs in the printing and publishing industry as a lowly errand boy or factory worker and when faced between quitting his schoolwork to support his mother or abandoning her to pursue his own self-interests, he chose the latter because for one, he knew she was pretty well-off with a living space despite being supported with paltry amounts of money from the government, and two, he feels incapable and inadequate to fill his brothers shoes, so he just leaves her in the hands of people he trust without saying a word to her mother at the funeral because in the end, he can't express his feelings of remorse and weakness to her.

 

And that's how you plot out chapter one.





That's a long sentence, damn.

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