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Real Talk, With Your Host: Plunk!



Ayyyyyyyyyyyy, come take a look at my baby!

Posted by Plunk, 17 July 2017 · 708 views

We finally got some ultrasounds done where the baby looks like a person and not some sort of amphibian's first stage in life. Check this shit out:

 

This one is a side view and it actually looks like a baby. Pretty awesome.

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This one is the 3D view they did, and looks like something out of "The Hills Have Eyes".

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And somehow we managed to get a picture of both of it's footers!

Spoiler

 

And that is pretty much all for today, except for one little thing. We've decided not to tell any family members the gender because they're putting WAY too much emphasis on it, but I feel like I can tell you guys because you're just gonna be excited and not make a huge deal out of it.

Spoiler




Everybody's doing it!

Posted by Plunk, 08 July 2014 · 351 views
50 questions
What was your favorite food when you were a child? Spaghetti-o's.
What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod? Probably "She is Beautiful" by Andrew W. K.
What is one of your favorite quotes? "I feel like my job interview went about as good as my lovemaking, mediocre at best and probably would have been better if I hadn't been crying the entire time." - My friend David

What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? I enjoy snowmobiling, songwriting, singing, and playing my bass.
What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Dishes. I'm allergic to dish soap, so whenever I do dishes, my hands either turn bright red and itch like crazy, or if I do them for too long, they crack, bleed, and itch even worse.

What is your favorite form of exercise? Not exercising!

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? Around 2AM, Thursday and Friday because I usually go hang out with my friend Daryl, October, that's when I go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? Skateboard. I am entirely uncomfortable on one.

What is your favorite body part? My spleen.

What sound do you love? The hilarious high pitched whine my dog makes just about all the time.

If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I'd throw a gaming party like I used to all the time with my friends in high school. Hook up a ton of Xboxes and TVs, load up Halo or some Call of Duty game, then just all destroy each other.

If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? Molasses pond. It's absolutely beautiful out there.

If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? 22 seems pretty good so far, so I'd say 22.

If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently? Nothing now, it's 2014. I'd be too dead to do anything.

If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? Bill Murray. He seems to have tons of sage-like advice.

If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? I'd like to go back in time and see Nirvana in concert.

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Have better control of my singing voice. It's not bad as is, but occasionally I miss a note or two.

If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? Possibly cheating here, but I'd work on finishing all the songs I've started writing.

If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? That depends on if Immortal also means impervious to harm, in which case I'd go skydiving. That way, if my parachute didn't open, I'd be fine and wouldn't die of internal bleeding as soon as midnight rolled around.

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Tyler. It's my last name and I always thought it would be funny if I was named Tyler Tyler.

If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? Dead: Teddy Roosevelt. He seems pretty badass. Alive: Max Beemis, the singer from Say Anything.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Pay off my dad's medical bills and pay for any and all future medical treatments he may need.

If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be? Turtle/Mountain Dew/Bubblegum.

If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? Who took the cookies from the cookie jar?

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Louise from Bob's Burgers. We're basically the same person anyways.

Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? Chris Farley/Jack Black

What do you want to be when you grow up? I'd absolutely love to be a voice actor or singer.

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? Usually watch an episode of a TV show or I'll play a game of ARAM on League.

What would you name the autobiography of your life? "Who Farted?" - A Collection of Unimportant Events From the Life of Someone You've Never Heard of.

What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? This Night I Call Bad Luck by Mister Monster is essentially my life's story.

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? My first girlfriend told me she was going to Texas to spend Christmas with her family and never came back. Then I found out she was cheating on me with three guys.

What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? I wouldn't really call it a party, but my friend Ethan was getting ready to move to New Jersey and wanted me to come hang out for the week before he left. I hung out at his apartment with his super awesome roommates and Ethan and I drank a ton of Vodka, played League of Legends and Strife, and then drank even more vodka while playing MTG.

What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? Doctor Who. When the 11th Doctor gave his last big speech and then "saw" Amy. (Actually, that show's made me tear up a loooooooot.)

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Probably saying goodbye to Ethan the night before he left. We were super drunk and we were just talking about bad experiences in our lives and I told him about one of my ex-girlfriends telling me she wanted me to move out in response to proposing to her. (She had cheated on me and I hadn't found out at the time.) Ethan just turned to me, pulled me into a hug and said, "I don't normally do this, but I'm drunk and you're like a brother to me. I'm really gonna miss hanging out with you after I leave." I cried like a baby.

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Probably the whole "proposing to my girlfriend only to have her ask me to move out and finding out a month later that she'd cheated on me while on a trip" thing.

What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? I said "fuck" once and got in a lot of trouble.

When was the last time you had an amazing meal? Last week. My friend Daryl and I went to this great Chinese/Japanese restauraunt called Shinbashi and I got General Tso's chicken, Egg rolls, Crab Rangoons, Pork Fried Rice, and started it all off with a roll of Eel and Avocado sushi. (And our waitress was our friend Jen, so it was super awesome.)

What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? Best gift given: A big bottle of Vodka to Ethan before he left. That, or a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew to his roommate AJ every time I left the house. (It's the thought that counts.)
Worst gift given: Really cheap hair clips to my sisters every year for Christmas when I was a kid.
Best gift ever received: My car from my dad, or the one my neighbor gave me that I sold to pay for my college books.
Worst gift ever received: I don't really think there was one.

What do you miss most about being a kid? Having friends over and being invited over to places all the time.

What is your first memory of being really excited? (Nerdy as it is) Being in first grade and having the teacher assign me third grade math and reading because I was way ahead of the other kids in my class and was getting bored. I was so excited to be learning new things.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money? Probably candy.

When was the last time you were nervous? The last time I went on a date.

What is something you learned in the last week? Team Plasma (Pokemon) decks are really, really OP.

What story does your family always tell about you? It used to be the time I crashed my bike doing about 35 down a dirt road wearing nothing but flip-flops and swim trunks when I was seven or eight, but now it's the time that I blacked the fuck out in my sister's bathroom for no reason and ended up curling in a ball and crying.

At what age did you become an adult? I don't know that I have yet.

Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate. It depends on what the picture is. Some pictures can't be described in less than a thousand words, and some can be summed up in as few as ten, or even three. "Oh, that's me."

Where’s Waldo? Waldo, Maine? About 50 miles from me.

The best part of waking up is? Hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep.

How now brown cow? Wat.

Whasssssuuuupppppp? Uh, Nothing?


Dreams can be pretty deceiving.

Posted by Plunk, 16 June 2014 · 295 views

Have you ever had a dream which, during the dream, felt totally and completely real?

I woke up about a half an hour ago from one of those dreams, and I must say, it was extremely disappointing that the dream wasn't real. It started off with me doing something I used to do all the time as a kid. I went down to my dad's garage with a quart sized Mason jar in hand, asked if I could go digging around in the cars for any loose change or items of value, and if there were any cars to steer clear of.

For the record, I've had some great finds in cars that my dad has bought outright off people. Generally, when someone sells my dad a car, they don't bother to clean it out and tell him it's his problem. This has lead to such finds as: 1. An entire glove compartment stuffed full of $1-$20 winning scratch tickets, totalling up to nearly $800. 2. A trunk full of books and PC games including Starcraft, the Diablo 2 Battle Chest, and the entire Harry Potter series at that point, consisting of books 1-5. 3. A set of Homestar Runner coasters, sealed in plastic that I still use to this day. 4. Someone's MTG trade binder which held a dozen or so cards worth $15 or more.

Dad told me, (back in my dream) that all the cars were his at this point, (sometimes he puts customer's cars down there if they haven't picked it up and it's been a few months) and that I could take anything good that I found. The dream began like every other time I've gone looking through the cars. I went through the ash trays and cupholders digging out small amounts of change before crawling in the back seat and checking those little pockets attached to the front seats to see if there was anything good in there, to popping the trunk and generally finding nothing but a spare tire, but occasionally finding a few books or other items of interest and throwing them into my backpack.

I specifically remember getting into the front seat of one car and reaching into the cupholder to grab the change there only to realize that it's previous owner had spilled a bunch of soda in with the coins and they were now sticky and stuck together in a near-solid clump. I threw as much as I could dig out into my jar of change, then opened my backpack, pulling out a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a rag I'd brought with me, using them to clean my hands. I'd done this plenty of times before and knew how to be prepared. I remember saying to myself, "Well, when I get home I'll just throw it in a bowl with some vinegar. That should take care of it. And besides, money is money."

It was then that I saw the van. It was one of those giant, windowless Ford vans that when someone sees it, they expect to find, "Free Candy" spray painted on the side. Except this one was bigger. It was a bit taller, slightly wider, and much, much longer, as if someone had decided to make some kind of pedophile stretch limo. I opened the side door, and immediately spotted something that made me excited to see what else the van would hold. There were fishing poles, four if I remember correctly, leaning against the door on the opposite side. Tackle boxes were sitting on the floor, and bolted to what appeared to be a homemade stand between the front two seats was a small, flat-screen TV. Now, this TV didn't make me question the validity of what was going on at all. You wouldn't think that anyone would be stupid enough to leave a flat-screen in their vehicle, let alone a bunch of fishing gear, but I've seen things worth a lot more than that just sitting in car trunks before.

I looked to my right and realized that behind the seats here, someone had built a wall with an opening that would serve as a door on the left side. I walked through it and what I saw should have immediately tipped me off that this was a dream. The remainder of the van had been sectioned off into this back room, and in it was the gaming room I would make if I was rich and for some reason wanted a gaming room in a stretched-out windowless van. A much larger flat-screen, I'd estimate it at about 42", was attached to the side of the van, and below it sat an average sized entertainment center which was completely filled with game consoles. There were PS1's, a PS2, a PS3, a Sega Genesis, a Dreamcast, an Xbox 360, and every Nintendo console from the NES to the Gamecube. To the right of this, there was a giant rack bolted to the floor containing dozens of games for each system, organized alphabetically by console. And this was just the left side of the van.

On the right half, there was what appeared to be a children's cash register toy, but when I opened it up, it had about fifteen $10 bills stuffed into it. Next to that, a rack full of DVD's and books. (I completely forgot to mention until now, but the floor was carpeted, and the walls had been painted black with a multitude of stars painted onto the roof and walls, many of which depicted various constellations.) There was a large plastic container further towards the back, and I immediately went to check it out. Upon opening it, I discovered that it was absolutely full of MTG starter decks, duel decks, and various other sealed product. Random booster packs were floating around in the box, as well as quite a few loose cards. I began to go through them, and only two things happened that made me not question this moment. I swear I could feel the cards in my hand as I shuffled through them, and most of the cards I was going through weren't in any way amazing. It was what I expected to see in a box of random bulk cards. Lots of commons, a few basic lands, very few rares, and even some of those weren't worth anything. I pulled out the few good cards I found and set them aside.

The last thing I remember about the dream was laughing and saying, "I'm gonna need a bigger backpack!" and then immediately smelling something awful, like someone had just farted directly in my nose. I closed my eyes, asked, "God... what IS that?!" and when I opened my eyes, I was laying in bed with my dog sitting on my chest and breathing straight into my face.


Plunk Went Fishing (And some cool stuff went down.)

Posted by Plunk, 02 June 2014 · 295 views

After spending a long weekend in the sun, I decided to take a trip down to my family's camp and do a bit of fishing. I brought my phone with me to take pictures of any fish I caught, and figured I'd throw pretty much everything back unless I caught a Catfish or a few Black Crappie. (They're absolutely infesting the lake and it's encouraged that you harvest them.) So, I grabbed a chair, a bucket of bait, a few sodas, and my tackle box, carried them down to the dock, and threw my line out to see what I could catch.

After two hours and eight casts, I began to wonder if the fish weren't exactly interested in my bait. It was slightly disappointing since I'd been looking forward to this all day. I rarely ever get to go fishing, so of course when I do, nothing's biting. Then, I noticed the reason why the fish seemed to be steering clear of my bait. My bobber was floating near the neighboring camp's floating dock, when something came out from underneath it...

IT WAS A FAMILY OF DUCKS. There had been a family of ducks sitting under the dock the whole time, scaring off the fish. Immediately, I did what anyone would do in that situation. I reeled in my line, ran up the hill to the camp, grabbed an entire loaf of bread, and brought it down to feed the ducks. I fucking love ducks. They're one of my favorite animals, and by far my favorite bird. You have no idea how happy I was to just be sitting there, throwing little pieces of bread into the lake and watching the baby ducks having the time of their life chasing them down.

After about 10 minutes, the ducks seemed to lose interest and swam off. I went back to fishing, and about ten minutes later, I caught this guy.
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Just a ridiculously small, largemouth bass. I laughed for a bit about the fact he'd gone for my bait, which was just a little too big to fit in his mouth, took the picture, and dumped him back in the water. He didn't seem to want to venture away from the dock, so I tried throwing him a bit of bread too, but he didn't seem to be as into it as the ducks had been.

I cast my line again, and about 15 minutes later, my bobber went straight down. No toying around with it like fish usually do, no movement whatsoever, just straight down. I fought for about 10 minutes, but I couldn't seem to get whatever was on the other end of my line to move at all. I figured it was just a fish that had wrapped itself in the weeds. Eventually, my line snapped and I reeled in nothing but my bobber. A few seconds later, a very, very large snapping turtle stuck it's head up from where my bobber had been and stared at me for a few seconds before ducking back under the water and swimming away.

Now, I like ducks as much as the next guy, (Probably a lot more actually) but I absolutely love turtles. They're my favorite animal. I was super excited and immediately started throwing bread all over the place in hopes the turtle would come after it, but luck was against me that day, and I never saw the turtle again.

Hours went by with no bites, and I threw my line out one last time before packing it in. I definitely should have just grabbed my stuff and left, but noooooo, I had to try just one more time. My bobber sat in place for about 10 minutes, when I noticed something was swimming around it. It was around 11PM at this point, and it was completely pitch black. (My bobber has a light built into it by the way) I pulled out my flashlight and shined it at the mysterious figure to determine what it was.

It was a beaver, and apparently my bobber had offended it in some way, perhaps by insinuating it'd had sex with the beaver's mother or something? The beaver was swimming circles around my bobber, occasionally grunting, and trying to bite it. I just stared for a second before figuring I should reel in my line. Now, here's where things get REALLY interesting. Apparently, if a beaver is pissed at something, the last thing it should do is move. The beaver flipped it's shit and absolutely DESTROYED my bobber. There was nothing left. There were a few random pieces of plasting floating around, but other than that, nothing. The beaver grunted again, turned away, and swam to shore to start eating trees or whatever it is beavers do.

In silence, I grabbed all my stuff, carried it up the hill, loaded it into my car, and began to head home. About halfway there, I stopped at a red light, and finally yelled the one thing that had been going through my head since I left. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BEAVER'S PROBLEM?!"


Plunk and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Posted by Plunk, 21 May 2014 · 380 views
terrible, horrible, no good and 1 more...
Yesterday, Plunk had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

He went for an interview at a job which he had been guaranteed. The owners of the shop told him that they'd decided not to hire anyone else as they could do the work themselves.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

He decided to go to a shop and pick up some shisha for his brand new hookah. He arrived there at 8AM. The shop didn't open until 10AM.
It continued to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

He went to Walmart to pick up some Mountain Dew. He hadn't had soda in a while and figured he could use some. He got out of his car and began walking through the parking lot, when suddenly a car started to back out even though he was right behind it. The driver kept backing over Plunk until Plunk punched the trunk of the car as hard as he could to alert the driver to his presence. The car had been backed up far enough that Plunk was halfway under the car when it finally stopped. The driver got out and started yelling at Plunk for punching their car and threatened to sue for damages.
It was still a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Plunk went back to the shop at about 9AM and sat in the parking lot for an hour rather than drive the half hour back home, only to have to immediately turn around in order to be there when the shop opened. After ten minutes or so, it became extremely stuffy in the car. "I know! I'll take off my hoodie and roll down my windows!" Thought Plunk. He removed his hoodie and rolled down his windows. Not two minutes later, it began to lightly drizzle, and within another two, it was an absolute downpour.
Terrible, horrible, blah, blah, blah.

The store finally opened and Plunk went inside and picked up some mango shisha. It smelled absolutely amazing. He drove home in the rain, and got out of his car. He grabbed his hoodie under his right arm, and grabbed the case of Mountain Dew with his right hand. As he began walking toward his house, the handle gave way, and the box of soda collapsed to the ground. Six cans of soda broke, with one of them spraying sticky, stupid soda all over his now sticky, stupid face.
Terrible... you get it by now.

In frustration, Plunk screamed into the sky, "THIS IS A SUMMATION OF MY ENTIRE GODDAMN DAY!" In disgust, he begain walking toward the house and threw his hoodie up into the air. He grabbed a few grocery bags and went back outside to salvage what he could of the soda. When he looked around, the hoodie was nowhere to be seen. "Odd..." thought Plunk. He looked upwards and found his hoodie, hanging on the power lines.
Fuckthisterriblehorriblenogoodverybadday.

Plunk went inside and threw himself down into his computer chair. He filled his hookah, and began to smoke. The smoke tasted strongly of mangos, and the smell and flavor relaxed him. He began to sit back and just enjoy that the horrible day seemed to be turning in his favor. He scooted his chair forwards, and in doing so, accidentally pulled the hookah along the floor towards him. The bowl fell off the top and crashed to the floor. Luckily, it didn't break, but the coal that had been sitting on top of the bowl was now shattered and lit chunks of absolute goddamn bullshit were now strewn across his floor, some dangerously close to, or sitting directly on top of flammable items.
Are you fucking kidding me with this Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?!

He managed to scoop up the chunks of the coal before it started any fires, and placed them back on top of the bowl, burning his hand on the bowl in the process. "The universe is shitting directly on my life right now." Thought Plunk as he sat there with his face burried in his hands. Then he heard a familliar "bloop!" sound. He had recieved a message on Facebook. "What now?!" Thought Plunk. "Can't I have one single moment to just wallow in self-pity?!"

The message came from a girl who Plunk had gone on a date with the week before. He had messaged her during the weekend, but she hadn't responded. "Sorry I didn't reply to you before," The message read, "but my internet got shut off for some reason and we just got it back on. I wanted to tell you that I had a great time, and I can't wait to hang out with you again sometime. Just make it soon, okay? :)"

Plunk sat there for a moment, rereading the message over and over, looking for the part that would make his day even more miserable, but he couldn't find it. Astonished, he wrote back, "Yeah, I'd love to! We'll have to figure out sometime that we're both free."
She replied, "I've got nothing going on this weekend. If you want, you can come over on Friday and just hang out until Sunday. We've got a spare room here that you could stay in."
"Sounds great!" Plunk replied.
It was the end of Plunk's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.


The Story of how I Fractured my Foot

Posted by Plunk, 09 March 2014 · 468 views

It was about a week ago when I made a ridiculously stupid decision. I stepped out of the house, bringing the dogs out to do their business, when I noticed something that made me extremely excited. I got an idea, and decided to follow through on it. The snow and ice that had been on top of the trampoline had finally melted, leaving it ready for me to do super awesome flips and shit. I brought the dogs back inside, lit up a cigarette, and headed down to the trampoline.

Climbing aboard, lit cigarette in my mouth, I noticed that three or four of the springs were missing. No big deal, I know at least two were missing last summer, so it's probably the same number missing as before. I started bouncing, trying to get myself a ridiculous distance off the trampoline, getting ready to do the first front flip of a new year. I got myself about six feet off the trampoline, about ten feet off the ground, when I looked down and noticed that there was a problem.

At the edge of the mesh, close to where the springs connected to the elastic-like fabric of the trampoline, there was a large, thin tear around the edge, and it was starting to get worse. "Well, I guess I better bend my knees to take some of this impact, slow myself down, and get the fuck off here." I thought to myself in mid-air. As I came down, I bent my knees, tightened my lips to get a better hold of my cigarette, and waited until I hit the mesh, slowed down, and could get off.

Unfortunately, that moment never came.

Apparently, I'd torn the trampoline too much, and it'd had enough. As soon as my feet touched the mesh, I plowed through it, coming down about ten feet, landing on uneven, hard-packed ice, with the outer side of my left foot hitting a chunk of ice that was a good three inches higher than the rest of the area. This chunk of ice would be what caused the fracture. Also, on the way down, I had something slap me in the side of the face, and I had absolutely no idea at the time what it could have been.

Since my knees were bent, and not ready for such an extreme impact, they buckled as my feet hit ice, and I slammed into the ground at full speed. I lay on the ground, talking to myself. Saying such phrases as, "Well, this isn't good.", "I'm gonna feel that tomorrow... hell, I feel that now.", "I think my foot might be broken. Is my foot broken? It's probably broken.", and my favorite, "I'm just going to stay here until someone gets home, then they can come down here and carry me inside." After a good ten minutes or so, I finally stood up and started walking towards the house. On my way, I noticed something shiny sitting in the snow. It was one of the springs from the outer edge of the trampoline. I looked back and realized that the trampoline was around fifteen feet away. What had hit me in the face was most likely one of those springs.

I assume my foot was/is fractured as the first day there was nothing but a small, almost black bruise over the area, but on the next day, the bruising had spread to almost the entire top of my foot. There's also a ridiculous amount of pain any time I accidentally put weight on the outside of that foot. Needless to say, when I mentioned this to my mom and sisters while asking for a ride to the hospital to get it checked out, they replied, "Aw, don't worry about it, it's probably just sprained!" (They're always doing what's best for me, like when I blacked out and they refused to take me to the hospital, instead opting to take me to get my hair cut.)

So, that's the story of how I fractured my foot, a tale of terror, action, and intrigue.

Tomorrow, I'll upload a picture of the trampoline so you guys can see just how fucked it is. I'd do it now, but it's 1:30Am, so it's a bit dark.


The Tale of the Most Terrifying Moment of my Life.

Posted by Plunk, 16 February 2014 · 361 views
creepy, weird, fuuuuuuuu-
As a bit of backstory, this event took place over a year ago, the summer of 2012. My girlfriend at the time had just come back from a trip to Costa Rica. Wanting to spend a bit of time alone together, we went to her family's cabin on Molasses Pond in Elsworth, Maine to spend a week swimming, sleeping, cuddling while watching movies on the couch, and doing adult things. (Such as enjoying some fine wine.)

The first night we were at the cabin, I experienced the single most terrifying thing I've ever seen. We'd been up all day, doing stupid fun things like swimming, kayaking, watching half a season of House, a few episodes of Adventure Time, and to lower the IQ level a bit, we watched a bit of QI. (See, it's a joke, because QI is an extremely smart show.) Eventually, we got super tired and decided to go to bed. My ex fell asleep almost instantly, but I couldn't seem to drift off no matter what I did. I just laid in bed, thinking about how awesome our week together was going to be, deciding what I wanted to do the next day, and for some reason, wondering what Abraham Lincoln would think of Dubstep.

Suddenly, my ex sat straight up in bed, just staring ahead at the wall. "Annie? Everything alright?" I asked. Her reply came, "Nosotros. Estamos. Listo." My initial reaction was, "What the actual fuck?!" I asked again, "Annie, you okay?" She slowly turned and looked straight at me. "Nosotros. Estamos. Listo.... We. Are. Ready." She turned towards the wall again, and slowly lowered back to the bed. "R-ready for what?" I asked in a shaky voice. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" She started snoring. More insistently I asked, "NO! READY FOR WHAT?!" She was out cold, and I never got a reply.

The next morning, I told her about the incident, not remembering the exact words she said, just the "We. Are. Ready." bit. She asked what exactly she said. "Nostro Esta-something Liste?"
"Nosotros Estamos Listo?" She asked. "Yeah! That's it!" I replied. She said, "That's Spanish... it means 'We are ready.'"

Needless to say, I didn't sleep extremely well that night...


The Story of why I got my Hair Cut. (An oddly exciting tale)

Posted by Plunk, 09 February 2014 · 410 views

I recently went from having foot long, flowing blonde hair, to having only an inch and a half of hair on the sides and back of my head, and approximately 5 1/2 - 6 inches of hair on the top. AND HERE'S WHY!

I hadn't slept the night before, so by the time 4PM rolled around, I was a bit tired and decided to take a nap. After sleeping for a couple hours, my sister woke me up. It had been snowing, my uncle was here to plow out the driveway, and my sister wanted my assistance with moving the cars out of his way. I got up, put on my shoes, and suddenly the world was spinning. It was as if I was on a Merry-Go-Round that was moving at 300mph. Immediately feeling sick to my stomach, I ran to the bathroom on the off chance I was going to be sick. I was not sick, and began to feel less nauseous, however, the spinning continued, and I began to get light-headed and my legs were wobbly.

On my way out of the bathroom, as soon as I reached the door, I felt an explosion in the back of my skull. It was as if the interior of my head was Minecraft, and every Creeper to have ever spawned in every game of Minecraft ever played had just decided to detonate as a group in the back of my head. The only other way I have been able to describe it was, "It honestly felt like someone hit me in the back of the head with a sledgehammer? But like, with the force of a thousand exploding suns." I weakly muttered, "Holy shit..." before slowly collapsing to the floor, knocking my sister's bras off the door and tipping over the scentsy that was plugged into the wall, which spilled wax everywhere, before coming to a full stop on the floor. With my head in the cup of one of my sister's bras, and melted, vanilla scented wax coating the back of my head, I proceeded to black the fuck out.

I don't know how long I was on the floor, completely unconscious, but I awoke to find my sister standing over me, calmly asking me what I was doing. Her dog, an approximately five month old yellow lab decided it would be an excellent idea to start stomping on my balls, even though it was clearly not a good idea. My sister began laughing at me, as my ears started ringing with such ferocity that my head felt like that one scene from Scanners, (You know the one.) and I began holding my ears and screaming at the top of my lungs. After this went on for a few minutes, my sister realized that I wasn't dicking around and got a bit more serious. She asked if I wanted her to call mom, I asked why she hadn't already. While she grabbed the phone and asked our mother to come over, I tried to sit up. The attempt went poorly. After getting myself propped almost halfway up, I was drenched in sweat, I could barely breathe, and my back, legs, arms, and head hurt so much that I ended up dropping back to the floor, and crying in the fetal position.

My sister came back and asked if I wanted some Excedrin. I told her I wanted ALL of the Excedrin. She came back with two, helped me to a sitting position, and by the time I'd finished the glass of water, I felt pretty alright. When my mom showed up, I felt absolutely fine, aside from the quarter pound of wax caked to the back of my head. It was now past 7:30PM, (I'd been woken up at around 6:45PM) so there was only one place still open that could cut my hair.

Driving through a snowstorm on the way to Walmart for nothing but a haircut, we arived at around 8:15PM, and by 8:45, my haircut had been completed. After getting home and posting about the events on Facebook, I've heard many things ranging from, "Blood sugar maybe?" to "Probably an untreated concussion from when you fell down the stairs." to my personal favorite, "What you are describing is a brain injury. Go see a doctor RIGHT NOW." Needless to say, with no money and no insurance, I have yet to see a doctor, and don't plan on going unless I start to get the dizzy/spinning feeling again. And that is the story of why I got my hair cut.


The tragic tale of Plunk, and how he got stuck in the shittiest town in Maine

Posted by Plunk, 06 December 2013 · 307 views

Here's the story of Plunk,
And how he got stuck,
In the shittiest town in Maine.
Not a job in sight,
Nor a way to delight,
The pleasure center of his brain.

A job he did find,
While deep in a bind,
In a town merely hours away.
No cash in his pocket,
Nor gas in his tank,
He needed to be there Friday.

His insurance run out,
And with his mother's doubt,
No money for gas in his hand,
He sold lots of stuff,
The things he did love,
Things were starting to go as he'd planned.

From whom should he hear?
His friend, true and dear,
With whom he was going to live.
With bad news on board,
Because of his landlord,
A hundred extra dollars he'd have to give.

Plunk had sold lot's of things,
Some with dents, some with dings,
Sixty dollars was all that he had.
Needed gas for the car,
Or he'd not get too far,
And Plunk knew that things had turned bad.

Asked for jobs all around,
Heard no peep, heard no sound,
Saw no money was there to be made.
And he knew it would suck,
To be so down on luck,
That all his wishes would fade.

So that's the story of Plunk,
And how he got stuck,
In the shittiest small town in Maine.
With no escape in sight,
Not a brief ray of light,
Or a way to get away again.


How Plunk lost approximately $200 by trusting a friend. (And so can you!)

Posted by Plunk, 10 November 2013 · 503 views

This blog thing has been here for how long? And I just figured out how to use it? Seriously? What am I, turning into my dad or something?

Alright, so it's story time.
Once upon a time, there was a guy. We'll call this guy Plunk. Plunk was me.
So Plunk was kind of an idiot. He had this one friend, we'll call him, "Captain of the assholes." Plunk and Captain of the assholes used to live together for quite a while, and they had a pretty decent deal laid out. Plunk would pay for all the food, and Captain of the assholes would pay for all the bills. This was definitely in favor of Plunk.
One day, Captain of the assholes asked to borrow Plunk's $40 pair of shoes for work. Plunk, being a kind sole, (See what I did there?) agreed to let Captain of the assholes use his shoes. Plunk moved out a short time later, and decided to let Captain of the assholes use the shoes until Plunk needed them back.
Two months later, Plunk found out that Captain of the assholes had discovered his wife was having an affair. Captain of the assholes then dropped everything and moved to a different town, got an apartment and a new job, and hadn't told Plunk about it. Captain of the assholes had left Plunk's shoes in his locker at work, and by the time Plunk found out, the shoes were gone. Plunk lost $40.

Later, Plunk decided to go through his stuff that he'd packed when he moved out. He noticed that a few items were missing. Batman Arkham Asylum, $20. Fallout 3, $20. Resident Evil 6, $50. (At the time.) Dazzle Video Capture Device, $40. Plunk asked Captain of the asshole's ex-wife if she had the items. She let Plunk come look around for them. They were nowhere to be seen. When Plunk asked the lady if she had seen the items he described, she mentioned that Captain of the assholes had packed quite a few of them right in front of her. Plunk lost $170 total.

Plunk later went down to the same town as Captain of the assholes. He was playing Magic, as he is wont to do. Plunk saw Captain of the assholes, who then said something incredibly stupid to Plunk. "Hey dude, I'm in need of a bit of cash, could you pay me the $50 you owe me for the electric bill?" Plunk was pretty pissed off. He explained, with no lack of expletives to Captain of the assholes that the agreement when Plunk moved in was that he pay for food, and Captain of the assholes and his wife split the bills. Captain of the assholes apologized and said he'd forgotten. Plunk had brought a deck with him that had a couple valuable cards. Each about $10 a piece. Four in total. Playing in a tournament requires moving quite a bit, and Plunk had a lot of stuff with him that day. He asked Captain of the assholes to hold onto the extra deck, and went on his merry way playing for the rest of the night.

Plunk had forgotten before he headed home to grab his extra deck. "No big, I'm sure Captain of the assholes will hold on to it for me."
Two months later, Plunk finally came up with the funds to drive back down, play some Magic, and pick up his deck. When Plunk arrived, Captain of the assholes was nowhere to be found. His roommate was there, and Plunk asked him for assistance finding his deck. When they found the deck, Plunk went through it to make sure it was his. It was. But he noticed something odd. The deck was missing the four valuable cards.

Plunk was pissed. He went to the Magic store and told the owner about what had happened. The owner, Joel, replied, "Yeah, he was in here about a week or two ago, and he sold them off to some kid."

When Plunk confronted Captain of the assholes with this information, his response was, "Joel doesn't know what he's talking about. I didn't take your cards. How about you just leave me alone, I'll forget the money you owe me, and we'll call it even." Plunk walked away absolutely disgusted. He shook his fist at the Gods who would allow such an asshole to walk among men. Who takes over $200 in items from someone they've known for 16 years, and then has the balls to say that person owes them money?! Captain of the assholes, that's who.

Plunk had lost $210, and trust in someone he once called a friend.

Remember kids, don't leave your stuff unattended, no matter who it's with.


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