Chappy's Scraps~

I've been gone for a while so here's some updates :

 

Finally out of college
Full time job at an oral surgeon office (Just front desk stuff), which means I have time to be here.
(I make appointments and listen to angry customers right before they get their teeth pulled)

 

My writing has gotten worse and I need to read again.

 

Oh right I got into make-up.

 

But I still live with my parents.

 

Tada~ You've been updated and now we're all caught up

 

If you got any books to read (via kindle or pdf), suggest them for me please
I need some education XD

 

p.s. I missed you all. Idk why I left but the important part is I'm back~

Is that even the right word. I'm going to just rant to clear some space in my head. Grammar errors will be on here. I know.

It's summer break and I literally don't want to be anywhere. I don't want to be home. Nothing is wrong. If anything it's going well in the house. (*knocks on wood*) I just have no ambition for anything. I'm not depressed, but the word "Meh" comes to mind.

 

I'm still crafting, but it also feels like "Meh". Don't really want to socialize anywhere besides maybe Instagram. Is that even a place where people socialize?
It's not even loneliness. If anything I feel lost as hell.

 

Everyone I know in the Christian community that I'm involved in is going to missions. FB is just filled with that and since I'm not going I don't really care to go on when I have to skim down for 5mins to get normal news. (Not saying mission isn't important here, but I almost wish I went again.) I decided not to go since I wanted to find some job over the summer at least.

 

My other close friend is going to an internship/trip for Anthropology which costed like 5 grand. She had the school scholarship to cover it. I really wish I could have gone to that. It's guaranteed helpful for the future, but I don't have 5 grand hanging around.

 

Idk what I'm doing. Everyone here seems like they have their shit together. They know where they are going and what is next.
I hate it when people ask me what I'm going to do in the few years. I just don't know. I do think about it. If anything I stress so much about it haha

 

I'm about to graduate soon and I'm terrified. Bet like 90% people are like: WHY YOU CHOSE STUPID MAJOR?
But that's what I wanted. I was really passionate. I was really excited to do some research and something to my major. And now I feel nothing. Literally nothing. No ambition. I feel like I'm in a film where everything is still moving and I'm on pause. I'm not unhappy, but I wish I had that passion and social attitude I had before.

 

I'm not looking for a solution to my problem. The problem won't be solved by others except through myself.
I just wanted to clear some thoughts and be honest with myself somewhere.

 

TLDR: Meh. I usually love to socialize and because I have no idea what I'm doing in the future I stopped socializing.

So this is part one because I have a huge jetlag situation. I keep falling asleep everywhere and then am awake at like 3am -_-
Things may seem like it's bad ,but the ending is the best part :3 Pictures may come in another section.
This is just my experience. Yes I am religious so please don't get offended by anything. If it doesn't make sense or perhaps you think this is b.s. I apologize ,but this is just my 2 cents.
So our team to Thailand had 10 people including our leader (call him Mr.S).This consisted of 6 girls and 4 guys~ One guy was our "father" and the other was our "mother" of the team. (tis an Korean club thing I think)

When we got to Thailand we right away had to take a 10 hour trip to the orphanage. So this orphanage is a little different than what we image one to be. It's actually refuges from Burma (Even though it changed it's name the people call it still Burma) who ran over to Thailand. In Thailand they have a reserved area for them, but they can't leave it since they don't have a Thai ID and Thailand can't just accept tons of people. So they do have parents, but usually it's just the mother or their siblings. We stayed 3 days with them but had to make 3hr trips back and forth since we couldn't officially stay with them. (Government issues) There were 2 orphanages about 10 minutes away from each other. I normally dislike children, but these kids would melt your heart. they had nothing, but was always smiling and laughing. We made them bracelets which they adored. They cherished adornments just like we do except they collected everything. Safety pins were considered special. Seriously anything metal or could be a bead is kept and worn by them. We taught them little bits of English, but weirdly enough they were more focused on learning Thai. They have their own home language and we were very lucky to have a translator from a university help us. I was really touched by them ,but after we left I had some personal struggles.

This 10 hour trip was exhausting and also unfortunately Korean pop was played for the whole ride. Even though I'm part Korean I really dislike K-pop. There was only one other dude who wasn't Korean that didn't like K-pop. (We became buds through this trip) So the rest of the team bonded super well. I sat quietly because I obviously wasn't into it.
Not that I didn't like my team or anything, but for some reason at the end of week 1 no one really liked me. Everyone contradicted each other when later in the week I asked why each of them decided to avoid me. One said I was too quite, too talkative, too open, too emotional, or didn't seem to care. I will admit I was super insecure about myself. As many here know I have a hard time being confident. So I was silent during that car ride and I wasn't being the normal me. I think that really hurt the team as it seemed like everyone else got along. Only 3 people we're avoiding me. One was Su - super pretty and popular in our group,our leader Mr.S, and Steven- the non Korean dude. Even though Steven and me got along we couldn't spend time or really talk because everyone's conservative and there would have been a possibility of rumors being spread. I really didn't want him to get in that mess. So I was alone for more or less the first week.
At this point I was really frustrated and hurt. There were benefits to being alone such as you get one bed to yourself, alone time/time with God was great, and of course less K-pop music. Lord behold after praying so hard the Thai students/Staff came in. We went to evangelize at Silpakorn University in Nakhon Pathom , which is technically Bangkok region. I can honestly say that I got so close to these Thai friends that one could have been my best friend. They instantly noticed the group wasn't digging me & they took care of me. They talked to me, with our equally broken language, and always kept me by their sides. They also chose me over the other kids when it came up to making teams (with games) and I'm extremely thankful. There isn't anything better than that. Seriously, it wasn't so bad after that and my team did slowly open up to me again. (On the last 3 days of our trip we all felt like a real team)
When we evangelize we approached them slowly. We build a friendship and usually asked how they felt that we were Christians. It was up to them then if they wanted to hear more about Jesus & God. Most have never heard of Jesus and we would have deep religious conversations. They loved comparing and sharing Buddhism too. They were so curious about it that it really didn't feel like we were bothering them. We simply answered anything they wanted to know to the best of our abilities. There were never arguments, but just simple conversations. I really enjoyed that. We weren't pushy and it left it up to the Thai student to decide what they wanted.

Some other parts will be up soon.

As some of you know, I am hoping to go to Thailand this summer!
I'm super excited and so nervous~
I waited a super long time to tell you guys this so I'm sorry about that.
In Thailand we're going to an orphanage to teach English and then later a university :3
In this particular team even though we bear the ministry mission's name, this is the only team that doesn't make us bible push. We have stuff if they are interested and we'd be happy to share, but only if they ask.
I'll be gone from June 10th-July 17th
I've never been out of the country so if you guys have any tips for traveling or being on the plane I'd appreciate it greatly ^w^

So I think some of you guys want to know what will happen to the "Draw every week" thread. I apologize that it's been off and on. Im not quite sure what to do with it. Maybe make Romy tag or something. I'll have to come up with some more ideas for things.
I'm just so sorry that I haven't been on here often. Like actively posting, lurking yes XD
It's been kinda crazy since I've been busy fundraising, school - freeking finals, and family things.

I always think of you guys as something special and helped me a lot through my depression and stress ^w^
I really wanted to share with you guys this info and thanks for reading~
Thank you guys and I hope you like this update XD
~~Chappy

So I asked for some inspiration. Ugly or not I'm putting my seal :3
As Seal got two votes~!

It's pretty bad....in real life its not as bad XD


Second image.



End of the day: I need a better camera and like...lighting. lots of light. boop.

Yay another slightly stupid blog~ I thank anyone who reads this. Seriously it's midnight and I suddenly feel the urge to rant.
I also have run on sentences and there is no real good reason for that. -fair warning-

I may get lot's of shit for saying this, but I'll accept what I say and the consequences. So much anger and rage here. If you think of me any different well sorry. *shrug* This is me being judge-ish....wtf am I even saying.

I guess this is about my neighbor 2 houses down.

Pretty much its a lady who gives my mom a hard time. Shes been married 3 times and to put it nicely she clearly has the "pants in the relationship". From my own experience with her she's very controlling. She's extremely noise (I swear if google didn't correct me on that word). There's a fine line from being curious and starting up shit. She essentially gossip with the whole neighborhood.She literally asks questions that are way to personal and are provoking. Anything that goes to her will spread like wildfire so it's not like we seek her out.

We usually say stuff like twice a year (christmas and birthday cards). My mom and her spent a few more times this year since she's retired and has free time. She heard our situation with my family, my dad being physical and us needing a social worker, and takes my mom out for lunch. She knows we're having a economical situation (who the fuck isn't?) and said to my mom: "I'll treat since I don't have to count penny by penny anymore like others."

Before you say anything about this being perfectly reasonable, she never says things like that before. Usually she just is generally ok person, tolerable if you could say.If she doesn't ask anything your pretty safe to assume no one will get rude or personal. Nothing to make you feel inferior except this time. My mom didn't know what to say so she just said thank you. Later on the lady asks my mom what I (yes me chappy) is doing with my life. She was all saying how smart we (my brother and I) are and how we should be successful. No pressure. I being a failure to my Asian culture did not get into the UCLA's pot of gold since I am not smart. (I have to work hard to get a stupid "C" >:C ). My mom tells her that I'm going to Long Beach and majoring into Anthropology.

This lady tells my mom: "What is she going to do with that? She won't get far with that."
My mom: "She know's what she's doing so I'm not worried."
Lady: "kids these days don't know anything."

Who the fuck are you to tell my mom that. It's like saying: "your child's decisions and dreams will not let her ever succeed. Sad day for you". That conversation ended just like that as the lady left her as she dropped my mom home. Well lady, why don't you just give some advice from your successful knowledge hole instead of just ended a conversation like that. Since she treated my mom so my mom HAD to say thank you. Even after that remark.


Now fast forward to now ~ She calls to have lunch a week ago and my mom and her both agrees to lunch at 11am. My mom told her she'd treat since she bought last times. She calls my dad's cell phone at 9:15pm to ask if lunch was still happening. She always calls the house phone. Why would you call my dad at night when you can call the house phone to get to my mom. Reminder that this woman knows my mom and dad are having serious issues. My mom is deeply upset. Who the fuck wouldn't. My mom didn't tell my dad she was having lunch since she always tells him last minute. He can't say no if it's last minuet and since they obviously have issues they don't talk much. He didn't get mad,but its like awkward. He just went to bed and that was it.

So now my mom wants to confront the neighbor about her rude-ness tomorrow. I approve fully since why the fuck is she calling my dad and saying things like that to my mom. I know she ain't sucking my dad's wang so don't call so late at night when you can contact my mom though other ways. Especially when you know she's having a hard time with her husband who treats her horridly.

I admit I am bias. I love my mom a lot. I get upset and angry at people who hurt my mom. The only reason she's still here in out family is because she wants to "finish her work". Pretty much just get my little brother to finish H.S. and she's off. She deserves better than what I could ever offer. She suffers enough without this lady hurting her feelings. The neighbor and my mom has known each other for at least 20 years and this has never been a problem. Completely different lady after she retired her job and her husband started making money.(like 3 months ago).

I know I'm not successful right now and I could only hope that I do, but to me you still shouldn't tell someone's mother that their child won't be successful. I have no idea what my mom did to deserve to hear that from someone. I hope that for sure we don't have to contact her more than necessary.

You know that great song "part of me" by Katy Perry?
Perfect.

I'm not sure exactly why, but I feel the need to let this all sort myself out here.
Please note: This may be long, kinda personal, and my English isn't up to par so sorry about that!

I'm not seeking pity points or anything ridiculous like that. I hate being weak or emotional, but it happens >:C
This is me being well...me.

Its strange for me to say this since I don't share most of my life with people. You guys are the first (well who ever reads this stupid thing) to know about it beside my very close group of friends.
I'm a admit that I'm very emotional. I have mentioned on here before my dad uses lots of words that I think no one should ever say. I don't want to call it verbal abuse or of that sort. He's just an asshole who really can hurt with words...
A month ago (almost) my dad went physical on my mom and brother. Now over time its worked itself out I suppose. (social worker and all that jazzy jazz)
I personally had a hard time with it. My mom told me I betrayed her because when it happened I didn't call the cops or attempt to attack my dad. My brother did and he obviously got hit. My mom doesn't want a divorce and my brother and me wanted to gtfo. She didn't want to because of her faith in religion. Which I guess is fine.
I obviously had a lot of stress and FR and here has been really great for me. I sorta just exploded recently on here (with posts and well being normal) and so if I seemed like a nobody: HI!
I feel like this is a big moment for me right now. I honestly accepted and am moving on emotionally anyways.

I guess this is my thank you to Codex.

I feel less antisocial. I am still an introvert. I guess I'm sorry for not being active. I'm secretly afraid I'd piss someone off or someone would hate me. More amazed someone wasn't like...annoyed.

From now till the 17th of July I decided to find out about myself. Not all of me, but just you know...a part of me. I'm 20 and don't know shit about myself. You'll prolly see crafts and weird things up on here, but I hope you guys are a cool with that. I love making crafts and simple jewelry stuff. So hopefully I'll get time to do it and stuff. It's definitely a part of me I want to dedicate a few days or so on.

It's really different here. On Facebook I have to worry about what my religious friends say and how I would have to explain my situation with people I never really talk to. I'm sorry ,but I hate when they listen to my emotional rant and they tell me "Just pray about it" or they may question my faith which is really none of their business. (that was a run-on I'm sure of it :C) I just wanted to say thank you to you guys for not being like them. I feel more free here. Even though Romy's here, I'm glad its more than just him. He's been really supportive of me and I feel more confident on here. I may even joke around and stuff. If I ever do hurt your feelings or genuinely annoy you please personally let me know. I have no problem accepting that and will apologize earnestly.

So yeah... Tada!? I guess you'll be seeing more of me whether you like me or not. Prepare for awful English~!

Disclaimer: I was born here in California. There is no actual excuse to why my English is bad. If you gave me a multiple choice I understand which answer is correct, but I don't talk properly (or write...) in the right way.

I have two ideas and maybe none at the moment. They are a series in watercolors and there would be 3 in that one series.
I really want to do animals so yeah :C

Idea 1: Concept of items that commonly gets lost are taken by animals. A hamster will be stealing chapsticks, cat stealing ball point pens, and an octopus stealing socks from a laundry machine.

Idea 2: animal band maybe? Maybe all hamsters and each has a close up of the band members or something...

any other ideas would be loved. This has to be turned in on Monday Morning :C

I'm sorry for ranting, but I honestly feel like this is the only place I can do it without people asking or messaging me if I am depressed or something.
I guess, take this as me opening up one of my biggest issues from a weird 20 year old.
I'm not. I just want someone to listen without telling me:"just pray about it". I get it and I do, but its just not what I want at all.

Again I apologize and even if no one reads this I'll feel better XD
I'll try to make more interesting blogs or something...I don't actually know what is suppose to be on blogs.

Pretty much this is me hating my dad. There's some part of me that loves him, since he's not all good,but I can't pinpoint when he's been nice. The bad parts pretty much eat up the good. I assume some of this is because he's Persian (culture wise) and old (65). He's racist, sex-ist, and every -ist hater on the planet. He hates everything breathing that doesn't do something for him or make food.

I don't mind helping him, but I hate his attitude. He's not stupid or anything and could google search and do actually a lot of things that are quite impressive. I do want to help except it's always vague and he gets extremely angry when I don't understand exactly what he wants. I think he needs to go see someone for his anger issues. They are insanely long and while yes ,cursing is fine it's kinda stressful hearing you dad say your a fucking stupid ass. My least favorite is when he directly says "FUCK YOU" to me. It's like, seriously I'm your daughter and I don't think that's ok to say that to me when I'm helping you.

That's a small issue. Honestly his favorite argumentative standpoints are: "you don't understand English" & "You don't respect me".

My #1 worst experience is when he asked me to mail a large envelope to a PO box via Fedex and asked for me to get a receipt. Fedex does not ship to PO box so I went to the post office. I then mailed it off and got a sales receipt. He comes home and then starts screaming at me because he wanted a "tracking/the person to sign that they got it" with the letter. He never said he wanted a tracking number or anything and that is not a regular receipt. I'm not exaggerating when it was almost 4hrs of him yelling at me saying how he KNEW that Fedex doesn't ship to PO boxes and that I had no RESPECT for him since I didn't call him when I was at the post office to mail the package. Also that I don't speak English because I didn't know what a receipt is. When I listened to this bull shit for the whole time I calmly asked him why was he yelling and couldn't just tell me that I was wrong and we could send another together.

He then starts to yell saying because I was wrong and made a mistake I deserved to hear all those curse words and dealing with his anger. Then mostly it goes down him saying how I make him stressed in life. I usually tell him to do it himself so he doesn't get stressed out. 90% of the time it's: So you can learn about life. Later you'll thank me.

Sorry for this stupid rant, but I always feel a small bit of resentment towards him. He never has done anything to physically hurt us so it's not illegal or anything like that. I just hate that I depend on him. I'm trying to get a job and stuff, but with no work experience its like playing the lotto.

Last few things. I just want to say, yes my life is not as bad as others. I know that. I'm only 20 and even that's not a justification for the things I am not. I know I should be grateful since I have luxuries like my own room or someone who buys me baking butter, but I can't help but feel how I do. Many apologize for I speak funny. I may not reflect my understanding of the English language well, but I understand English. Especially broken English.

There's really nothing to say except I'm sorry if you guys felt like I sound like whiny bitch. I'm not trying to be. I guess I'm just your typical weirdo ^w^
Thank you~

Hello (to whoever is reading) I'm not sure how to start, but I sorta have a problem with this chick in a group I'm in.
-WARNING THIS SHIZNET IS LONG-

Quick background:
She's a nice girl, but she really loves to be in the center of attention. I'm not overexagerating but she has said multiple times when we were studying or gaming (she doesn't game but she part of the group) she'll say: I'm bored, I have nothing but my I phone. I want attention, but you guys are busy..." She has a boyfriend, but he's in the Army in Korea so she's "waiting" for him. Kudos since I have no idea if I could wait a long time. In general she's flirty so it didn't seem like a big deal. I am not really close to her for...well obvious reasons.

Story/situation :Romy (bulbasaur) and me are in this group that we play games with and there's a girl that keeps on flirting with him when I'm not there. I kinda knew she was sorta overly flirty with him for a while, but I thought it was her personality.
I noticed she gives Romy extra attention compared to the other guys in the group(we got like 7 guys here and all she does is look all up on my boyfriend -__-). I show her I don't like her since this shit is going on. Romy's kinda concern and I'm obviously not happy since she apparently gets really happy and SUPER flirty with Romy when I'm not there.

I can't call her out on it since I'm not there. Even if I did call her out, I know she'll deny it and say that's just how she is. I'm bothered ,but not sure if its ok to go all "Chappy Mode" on this chick.



Personally, I want to punch this bitch, but I have to be civil since my friends are friends with her. I don't want to disrupt the group with drama of some sort. My personality is really....let's say strong compared to others. I'm blunt and when there's a problem I usually take care of it personally and toss that shit off the planet. I just want to tell her: "Bitch please >___> you don't need attention from everyone every second of your life. I know your nice, but for reals fuck off."


When I'm pissed I say horrid things so I need advice where I don't look like a SUPER bitch. (Romy said he's lurking on your advice so any help for either of us is cool)
Please don't tell me to ignore her because I can't. She's there everyday and embedded into the group we are in. We don't want to leave the group since that's like our only friends on campus. Let me clarify saying I'm not jealous because I know I'm better. I just don't want her to think its ok doing that behind my back and could potentially hurt the group.
I trust Romy so I know nothing stupid is happening.

Sorry everyone this was horridly long :C ,but I love you all~