I guess, take this as me opening up one of my biggest issues from a weird 20 year old.
I'm not. I just want someone to listen without telling me:"just pray about it". I get it and I do, but its just not what I want at all.
Again I apologize and even if no one reads this I'll feel better XD
I'll try to make more interesting blogs or something...I don't actually know what is suppose to be on blogs.
Pretty much this is me hating my dad. There's some part of me that loves him, since he's not all good,but I can't pinpoint when he's been nice. The bad parts pretty much eat up the good. I assume some of this is because he's Persian (culture wise) and old (65). He's racist, sex-ist, and every -ist hater on the planet. He hates everything breathing that doesn't do something for him or make food.
I don't mind helping him, but I hate his attitude. He's not stupid or anything and could google search and do actually a lot of things that are quite impressive. I do want to help except it's always vague and he gets extremely angry when I don't understand exactly what he wants. I think he needs to go see someone for his anger issues. They are insanely long and while yes ,cursing is fine it's kinda stressful hearing you dad say your a fucking stupid ass. My least favorite is when he directly says "FUCK YOU" to me. It's like, seriously I'm your daughter and I don't think that's ok to say that to me when I'm helping you.
That's a small issue. Honestly his favorite argumentative standpoints are: "you don't understand English" & "You don't respect me".
My #1 worst experience is when he asked me to mail a large envelope to a PO box via Fedex and asked for me to get a receipt. Fedex does not ship to PO box so I went to the post office. I then mailed it off and got a sales receipt. He comes home and then starts screaming at me because he wanted a "tracking/the person to sign that they got it" with the letter. He never said he wanted a tracking number or anything and that is not a regular receipt. I'm not exaggerating when it was almost 4hrs of him yelling at me saying how he KNEW that Fedex doesn't ship to PO boxes and that I had no RESPECT for him since I didn't call him when I was at the post office to mail the package. Also that I don't speak English because I didn't know what a receipt is. When I listened to this bull shit for the whole time I calmly asked him why was he yelling and couldn't just tell me that I was wrong and we could send another together.
He then starts to yell saying because I was wrong and made a mistake I deserved to hear all those curse words and dealing with his anger. Then mostly it goes down him saying how I make him stressed in life. I usually tell him to do it himself so he doesn't get stressed out. 90% of the time it's: So you can learn about life. Later you'll thank me.
Sorry for this stupid rant, but I always feel a small bit of resentment towards him. He never has done anything to physically hurt us so it's not illegal or anything like that. I just hate that I depend on him. I'm trying to get a job and stuff, but with no work experience its like playing the lotto.
Last few things. I just want to say, yes my life is not as bad as others. I know that. I'm only 20 and even that's not a justification for the things I am not. I know I should be grateful since I have luxuries like my own room or someone who buys me baking butter, but I can't help but feel how I do. Many apologize for I speak funny. I may not reflect my understanding of the English language well, but I understand English. Especially broken English.
There's really nothing to say except I'm sorry if you guys felt like I sound like whiny bitch. I'm not trying to be. I guess I'm just your typical weirdo ^w^
Thank you~
Naw! *hug* I had almost the same experience with my Dad - minus the curse words. I feel like I have to write an essay about how similar my situation is! All will be just fine in time. It's a power game. Only you can work out the rules to the game, but one important tip is you need to master the rules of the game better than he does. It's unfair but this is a challenge of life - honour and respect yourself by not walking away, continue loving him and don't ever treat him how he treats you. One day you'll leave home and you will be the gatekeeper of your own emotions - remember, no one has the right to hurt you without your own permission. So don't give it to him, and don't give him the enjoyment of reacting the way you do. Don't get upset, be rational, be kind - even when you're (unjustly) being yelled at. Soon his minimising tactics will wear off.
Believe me it works - it's what $1000 of weekly therapy does for me.
Stay strong beautiful!