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Posted by Chappy, 19 June 2016 · 441 views

life meh blah

Is that even the right word. I'm going to just rant to clear some space in my head. Grammar errors will be on here. I know.

It's summer break and I literally don't want to be anywhere. I don't want to be home. Nothing is wrong. If anything it's going well in the house. (*knocks on wood*) I just have no ambition for anything. I'm not depressed, but the word "Meh" comes to mind.


I'm still crafting, but it also feels like "Meh". Don't really want to socialize anywhere besides maybe Instagram. Is that even a place where people socialize?
It's not even loneliness. If anything I feel lost as hell.


Everyone I know in the Christian community that I'm involved in is going to missions. FB is just filled with that and since I'm not going I don't really care to go on when I have to skim down for 5mins to get normal news. (Not saying mission isn't important here, but I almost wish I went again.) I decided not to go since I wanted to find some job over the summer at least.


My other close friend is going to an internship/trip for Anthropology which costed like 5 grand. She had the school scholarship to cover it. I really wish I could have gone to that. It's guaranteed helpful for the future, but I don't have 5 grand hanging around.


Idk what I'm doing. Everyone here seems like they have their shit together. They know where they are going and what is next.
I hate it when people ask me what I'm going to do in the few years. I just don't know. I do think about it. If anything I stress so much about it haha


I'm about to graduate soon and I'm terrified. Bet like 90% people are like: WHY YOU CHOSE STUPID MAJOR?
But that's what I wanted. I was really passionate. I was really excited to do some research and something to my major. And now I feel nothing. Literally nothing. No ambition. I feel like I'm in a film where everything is still moving and I'm on pause. I'm not unhappy, but I wish I had that passion and social attitude I had before.


I'm not looking for a solution to my problem. The problem won't be solved by others except through myself.
I just wanted to clear some thoughts and be honest with myself somewhere.


TLDR: Meh. I usually love to socialize and because I have no idea what I'm doing in the future I stopped socializing.

February 2019

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