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Too much baggage

Posted by KaibaSama, 17 April 2014 · 353 views

love life boyfriends random stuff
Well, here's my first post. Thought I might as well make a blog because they seem interesting and you're all pretty nice people, so I don't need to worry about people posting things in the comments. I'll just ramble on about random things, like an old man, or Coltrom might.
Ramblings on Love
So, I got a new boyfriend. I'm just having a ton of problems with him. I'm sort of a guarded person with my feelings, but honestly, he's too open. Every single little thing, he just has to tell me he's depressed all the time and shaking because of whatever, be it something I did or something else.And how there isn't anything good in his life. You know the show on GSN, called Baggage? (if you don't, it's a dating game. People have these suitcases with secrets, and they get bigger as the game goes on, and then the person who's trying to get a date will send one person away each round with the words "I'm sorry you have too much baggage"). That's how I feel.

Then he's started going through my posts here as a guest, and getting all annoyed/mad/ when he finds something I didn't tell him about. I don't have to tell him about everything, damm it! It's just creepy that he went through all my posts. Why would you even do that? I have a right to privacy. (Well, this is the internet, so that's a kind of a no on privacy, but still I digress).
That brings me to my next point, clingy. He made a Tumblr just to follow me. I just ignored him. You don't create something just so you can follow one person. I use Twitter, as people my age do, and he got annoyed multiple times that I wasn't following him on Twitter. What he tweets about is of no interest to me really, and I don't see a reason to follow someone who posts things I have zero interest in. I finally blocked him and set my tweets to private. Twitter won't tell someone you blocked them, but if you try and go and follow them it won't let you. So he tried that, and realised I blocked him because he went through his damm followers list and noticed I wasn't on it. This same thing happened with Instagram, and the same result.

He comes to Choir with me, because he has study hall, but I want my alone time. He doesn't have to be there 24/7 with me!

I'm lying through my teeth about when I'm busy and if I make plans, I lie saying something came up just to get away. I'm pretty much lying about everything I say.
Honestly, there's too much baggage for me to handle, and I'm worried if I break up with him (with all his "I"m so depressed" message daily) he's going to get more depressed and could possibly attempt suicide. (there's no complete indicator, but getting depression messages multiple times every day is a bit worrying).If I have to continue this through my senior year, I'm breaking it off in college. I don't want to be tied down during college, I want to be free.
I miss my old boyfriend
.
I was thinking about making a blog because I saw all of yours and really liked them, but I wasn't sure. This has spurred my blog. I wanted somewhere I could ramble and make it so he couldn't read it. Plus, I like you guys,so I'd thought I would make a blog here.


Thank you for listening/reading my ramble if you got this far!



Lord above, you poor thing, sounds horrendous.

 

To be honest, it doesn't sound like you want to be with this guy but maybe that's just because you're in ranty mood at the minute! Having to block your boyfriend on basically all social media is pretty insane and not a feature of a healthy relationship. Have you tried explaining that you need a bit of a space? Likewise, has he explained why he wants to spend so much time with you? It may be that you just have differing opinions on how much time should be together in a relationship and with a bit of communication you can find a compromise. Would it hurt to just follow him on Twitter? I can't imagine being with someone I found so monumentally uninteresting that I couldn't bear them being in my feed (she says. when she doesn't use it)! Perhaps then he'd feel he had a bit more contact and a direct connection and wouldn't need to keep fighting his way in? Pure speculation of course!! But talking about it calmly would be my first step.

 

Ultimately, you are not responsible for someone's mental health and it's not fair for him to hold his depression over you so that you feel threatened by it and it heavily affects your actions. It's not healthy to feel like you have no choice but to lie to someone, especially in a relationship.

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Just from what you've said about him, I would break it off. It seems he's dragging you down. And if you really aren't that interested in him, why drag on the inevitable? 

You can't blame yourself for the actions of others, there's a difference between feeling depressed and being suicidal (though they can come hand in hand). Can you talk to him about how he's making you feel? Sounds to me like he's very co-dependent and needy, and it sounds like you are opposite of that.

 

Hope you figure things out *e-hugs*

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I find him interesting, in the friend sort of way really. I really just don't like him insisting I follow him.  I believe it was around the 1 or 2 week mark where he started saying "I love you". That still freaks me out. I'm nervous to tell him to back off because his depression and other things freaks me out a bit. 

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Do you have some sort of guidance counsellor at your school you could direct him towards? If you're concerned that it's a serious problem and so can't tell him to cool it, then it's enough that you as a 17 year old shouldn't be dealing with it alone. I presume he is a similar age, it can be a confusing time and perhaps he really needs some support; but that doesn't mean you should be the (sole) person providing that support.

 

Again, I completely get freaking out about him saying he loves you so quickly, but it's the sort of thing that needs to be discussed. Some people think they feel things that quickly, others take a lot longer. He needs to understand that you feel it's too soon for big proclamations like that and you can't just go along with it because you're afraid of what he might do.

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I might just go talk to my guidance counsellor, I have to see him anyways on a credits issue.

This is why I love you guys! You give great advice and you're all so nice. *e-hugs everyone*

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What Ali said. You shouldn't feel pressured to say yes just because he might hurt himself. In the end, if he has depressions, you're not going to solve his problems, he can only do it himself. All you can do is drag it on for longer until the time bomb explodes which is still going to happen, whether you're there or not x_x" So don't feel responsible, it's not healthy for you and not for him.

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On top of everything that's been said above, if you end it and he threatens to harm himself, just know that type of manipulation is abuse. 

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