Screw the money, I have rules

A-kon 30 was this past Thursday-Sunday in Fair Park! I got so many compliments and picture requests for my fem Kaiba, which is odd because I figured it would be my Star Guardian Lux cosplay that'd get more pic requests. I've also started up a FB Cosplay page for me, which is Cosplay Kiki (@CosplayerKiki)! If the image is me as fem kaiba, you've got the right page. My instagram, setsuna_kaiba has also been added to the fb page, and has become my cosplay instagram. I'd change the IG so it goes along with the FB page, but I already told people it's name, so I don't want to change it just yet.

 

Sadly, A-kon had panels separated by curtains so I couldn't hear my panels if there was another panel shouting. They didn't have much time to plan since they suddenly changed the dates and location. Hopefully next year will be better, and they've already said they're going to announce a new venue.

 

This year they actually had someone in cosplay repair! She had a sewing machine and a ton of glue guns! Which is great for me since mine jammed and wouldn't work. Usually we just get boxes of random stuff, so it was great having someone in there who knew what they were doing and actually had supplies.

 

I wish I lived closer to Texas though since there's always a ton of conventions down in that area.

 

IG: https://www.instagra.../setsuna_kaiba/
FB: https://www.facebook.../CosplayerKiki/

 

Fem Kaiba:
Sadly my blue contacts rolled up so I couldn't wear them.
Star Guardian Lux:
You can't tell but I do have violet contacts in

Here's the finished fem Seto Kaiba outfit! Everyone loved it! I will be wearing this for all my conventions. Next convention will have some upgrades, including the KC belt and the duel disk!

 

Apparently Konami once made an official KC belt, but I have yet to find it. I've tried to find the belt other ways, but it seems most of what I find is just the buckle. Which would work, but then I'd have to find a green belt that would work with it.

 

The duel disk is very expensive unless I manage to find one at a garage sale or another con where they don't know the price.

 

I would like either a blue eyes plushie to keep on my shoulder for the next one (or a mokuba plushie I can carry around and then leave places and run around panicking). Yes, I did ask people at the convention if they had seen Mokuba. Some people couldn't tell if that was a serious question. It wasn't, there was no one dressed as Mokuba.

 

I didn't like the way the belts kept falling, so I will be using dog collars instead. (We had another Kaiba who looked wonderful running a Yugioh NO shipping panel who used dog collars).

 

The jacket will have silver button instead of the white, and I'll try and make the inside red instead of pink. Probably will just sew in another line (once I figure out how to sew stuff).

 

New shirt will be acquired. This one, when I sprayed fabric refresher on it (as I stupidly only brought one to texas where it's hot), leaked all over the jacket. Hopefully I can fix the jacket, otherwise I'll have to get another.

 

It is my biggest wish that one day someone dresses up as Mokuba. Either a friend, or someone else at the con. If it's a friend, I'm putting them on a kid leash.

 

There was a wig station at the con who were kind enough to help shape my wig. Next year will have better eyebrows, I don't like the ones I had.

 

There was one taken by a professional, and I have his card, but it won't be available for a while.

 

 

'Twas the Night Before Sithmas, floating through space, was the Supreme Leader but no starkiller base.

 

The troopers were sent out, to control and command. Except Phasma, dead by rebel scums hand.

 

Aboard the shuttle was the one most special, Supreme Leader Ren so damn perfect he's shredded.

 

Hux tried to command, but above his station, ended up thrown into the wall by the Supreme Leaders anger.

 

He stepped off his stuttle, saber in hand, screaming to the sky this was the end.

 

The rebel base silenced. All finally calm.

 

Off flew the Finalizer with one final song

 

'LONG LIVE THE FIRST ORDER, AND SUPREME LEADER REN. FOR YOU REBELS, THIS IS YOUR END"

 

Up in heaven grandpa Darth Vader sighed.

 

His grandson was powerful, that much was true.

 

But he had forgotten the most important thing to do.

 

Every poem must end with the correct finalizer.

 

To all except the rebels: Merry Sithmas, and good night!

 

So I got bored in class and decided to write a whole bunch of Star Wars themed really bad V-day poems. They're in the theme and poetic style of the classic "roses are red" poems but I wouldn't directly call them love poems. I'd give the names of who the poem is for, but I think it's pretty obvious.

 

My suit is Black
I'm on the attack
My Kids tried to kill me
At least my grandson is with me
-----------------

 

Lightsabers are Red
Grandpa is dead
I talk to his helmet
While crying in bed
--------

My hair is Red
Ren's a whiny bitch
I love my cat Millicent
So I bought her catnip.
---------

My lightsaber is Red
A jedi's is blue
I hate everything
Especially Luke

------------
My armor is Chrome
Starkiller Base is my home
FN-2187 Deserted
So I need to hurt 'em.

--------
My name is Matt
Kylo Ren has an 8 pack
He's totally shredded
So I molded myself after that
---------
Hi I'm Matt
Kylo Ren has an 8 pack
I saw him in the shower
He's got some great power

------

Lightsabers are red

Some are blue

I've got a scarred head

I'm a creep too

-----

I like little boys

I take them for the Order

One is a knight

The others are fodder

--------

My lasers are showcased

As I hurtle through space

I'm the Death Star recreation

Kylo's Starkiller Base

---------------

The fangirls love me

My hair is fluffy

I'm incredibly sexy

So they all want to fuck me

Be warned: I'm ranting and venting again because I don't have anyone to rant and vent to in person who can give me a hug.

 

It seems odd, but I can't stand confrontation so I tend to just give up really easily, which makes it seem like I'm being really nice. I don't want to be nice, I don't like being stepped on, but I'm too afraid of confrontation to do anything about it. I have social anxiety, so confrontation is very difficult for me. I had to have my CA there just to ask my roommate if I could move her desk so it was by her bed instead of right next to my bed and my desk. It's finals week, and I really did not want her boyfriend in our room at all this week. I have insomnia, and have an early final tomorrow, so not being able to go in my room until 11pm or later isn't good for. Issue is, last time I refused to let him, (they wanted to watch a tv show after having the room for 2 WHOLE HOURS), I got the whole "it's not just your room" speech from her. She did sign a roommate agreement that says no opposite gender visitors, and I'm really on the verge of taking it to our CA for help because I can't tell her otherwise I'm just going to get the "it's not just your room" speech over and over again.

 

It's 9:30 and the ice cream thing our college does during finals week isn't till 10, she could use it now, but she won't. She doesn't think, and as I said I'm too afraid to do anything about it. I don't even want ice cream, but I'm being forced out. And then she goes "Darling, you had all day to study but you played league". One: DON'T EVER CALL ME ANYTHING OTHER THAN MY NAME AND TALK DOWN TO ME! Two: I have insomnia! It wasn't about studying, it was about how much time it takes me to fall asleep when I have an early final tomorrow! I need sleep to be able to perform at my best!

 

Then there's the fact that I'm just the "backup" roommate. She originally wanted to room with her friend Sam, who got study abroad for the year. I was the second choice. And I'm glad Sam isn't here for the whole year, because when she was, I was completely ignored by everyone. My roommate is constantly rubbing the fact that she'd rather room with Sam in my face (unintentionally, but it still hurts). There are apartment style dorms on campus for four people, and I suggested that if we could find a fourth we could room/live in one together. Instead I hear "oh me, sam, sarah and kerri are living together".

 

Problem is, then I internalize my hate and utter depression. Yay.

 

It's only the 13th and I'm already out of Holiday Cheer.

Warning: I'm ranting and venting at the same time. Contains mental health issues. Proceed with caution! (Also, trigger warning!)

 

All because I don't want to go to a movie with my mom (I'm 20. I'd rather go with friends). She couldn't understand why I didn't want to go to a movie with her. She talks during them (though she constantly insists she doesn't), and I'm 20. I don't want to go places with my mom right now. I'd rather go places with my friends. Of course, "other kids" go with their mom's to the movies and no one would see us. I'm always compared to other kids. That's a horrible thing to tell your kid. It's like telling your child that you'd rather have that kid instead of the one you have. You'd rather have your kid act like someone else rather than who they actually are. (I know that's not what parents mean when they say things like "other kids do x", but that's how it feels to hear it).

 

I'm 20. I'm a young adult and am trying to branch off from my family and find my place in the real world. I'm trying to be independent and build relationships with people my age who I may work with in the future. I don't want to hang out with my parents right now, I'm not the 5 year old anymore who thought her parents were the most amazing people in the world.

 

Of course this then leads to her yelling about how I never think about anyone else but myself. Excuse me, but I was going to get you Finding Dory for the holidays because I knew you wanted to see it and didn't get to when it was in the theatres. Sure, I said so us and my grandma could watch it, but that was an afterthought. It was just supposed to be a gift for you. Well, since I don't think about anyone but myself, guess I'll just use the money that movie would have cost me to get something for myself then. I could always do with more Kylo Ren stuff.

 

Which then leads her into a tirade over my study habits, game playing and TV watching. I know I have issues studying. I haven't figured out how to fix them yet. I get distracted very easily (which may be ADD, it was suggested by a Psychiatrist that I may have the diseases). I have an app that lets me plant a tree while I study and if I leave the tree planting app to do something else the tree dies. And that helps a little. I have the same app for chrome as well. The issue is, I just can't bring myself to study. I know I need to, and I want to, but I can't find the motivation to turn off the TV/my computer and open my notes. This is also due to the fact that my depression medication is too low right now. I can barely study for O Chem because all I feel when I try is failure. I made notecards for the definitions, but couldn't go any farther with studying them because my depression stopped me. It took me ages to bring myself to actually get myself out of bed to go to lecture after my alarm went off. I have an aversion now towards going to class. I know I have to, I know I'm paying for it, but it's so incredibly difficult to drag my body out of bed every morning nowadays to go. I won't see my doctor until break, which is after finals, so I have no way of getting my depression medication dosage raised.

 

It doesn't help that while yelling about my study habits that she was also yelling about how she used to think I was bright. Thanks for calling me stupid, mom. Then she starts yelling about how I'll never achieve my dreams at all. I know I won't get into med school now. So many people try, and I know that failing Organic Chemistry 1 will basically throw me right out of the race in any medical school I apply to. Which is why when I transfer to our main campus next year, I'll be talking to my advisor about adding a nursing double major (if it's even possible in my junior year), because that's my backup plan. Pediatric Emergency Room Nurse (possibly Trauma, we'll see). Sure, it'll take me some extra years, but it'll be worth it since my main dream will be gone.

 

 

Didn't help that yesterday she was telling me I wasn't creative enough to write my own music (I have tried, it's in a old notebook of mine, I just can't get it to rhyme right). I'm so creative I have many unfinished stories that I stopped writing because another idea hit me. I want to continue them, but as soon as I try, another idea hits me and I have to write about that instead.

 

She won't even come to my choir concert because she doesn't like driving in the dark. I know I don't have a solo, but you came last year and you've come to every performance I've ever had. Hearing that you won't come because you don't like driving in the dark and you feel like it's a waste of time if I don't have a solo is horrible. It's like saying all the hard work I put into this concert with the choir doesn't mean anything. Now I have no one to perform for that will be there just to see me and hear the work I've done, even if I'm signing with 23 other students.
My self esteem is not in a good place right now. My mental health is failing, and my body image isn't good either. Recently, I did start eating a ton of dessert at meals (like two scoops of ice cream plus a slice of cake, a cookie, and some pie if it was there) and then returning to my dorm and vomiting, and if I had time, exercising. It went on for a couple of weeks before I was able to stop it. Now though, I can feel the urge being to hit me again. I had a habit of using my razor to cut my arms over the last summer, and I can feel that urge returning as well.

 

Can someone invent full VR like they have/had in Sword Art Online so I can just go and live out my fangirl life dreams from a hospital bed for the rest of my life please?

Our professors can set up "beacon alerts" for us to tell us we're failing a class or close to failing. I just got one from my shitting calc professor, saying that I had a D-. I calculated my grade just last night, out of 400 points we've had so far (55/100, 53/100, 95/100, and 88/100. Explain to me how that adds up to a D-). , and got a 72%. I was confused, until I remembered that his crazy grading scale sets a 72% at a D- instead of a C- like it normally is. He told me to come to his office hours. Well, I would, but if he can't explain things in class, he won't be able to explain them one on one. His teaching style isn't going to magically change between in class and one on one. When he was teaching limits, he explained using cake for two hours. Apparently, if you have enough cakes, no one gets any cake. I'm not kidding, that's exactly what he explained limits as for 2 whole hours. I'm waiting for him to explain something else using cupcakes. I've been looking for a tutor, but the downside of a small branch campus is that there aren't any. I kept getting emails saying the learning center found one, but then nothing after. Turns out, all the calc tutors were quitting. Now I've got one that hasn't quit officially yet, but he hasn't' sent in his application that's needed to start the training for him to tutor me. I've been looking for a tutor for this awful class since the 2nd to last week of September! It's been a month now with nothing! So I decided to transfer to our main campus next year, but if I fail my classes, it's not going to look good for the transfer, and I could be stuck here for another 2 years! I even cheated on my first exam and got a 53%! Usually cheating helps raise your grade, because you have all your notes and everything to help. When even cheating doesn't help the grade, there's something wrong with the Professor, not the student!

 

I even got an 88/100 on the last homework when I used online derivative calculator to do it that had all the work and the correct answers! It's not a problem with me, it's a problem with him, his grading and his horrid teaching style.

 

And on top of that, my calc class is full of Freshman who think they're just oh so great for getting into calc 1 instead of Algebra like Freshman usually do. I had one girl who didn't get anything like me, then suddenly she gets it and starts acting high and mighty. "If i give you the answer to the worksheet, how will you learn?". Like she wasn't having just as many issues as me a week ago! It's like she's never heard of working backwards! You get the answer, then work backwards to understand the work needed to get there!

 

Stupid freshman. I thought there were two limits at the start of the learning about limits and a minute later I hear two of them go:
"Can you believe she thought there were two? How'd she even get in this class? Maybe she's disabled? (as in mentally). Maybe she slept with someone? (I'm a virgin)." And then they go on to comment about my shorts. Which ride a bit high when I sit down (kind of into my crotch a bit). Why are they looking down there anyway?

 

If I still had my sword that I bought at our renaissance faire, my calc professor wouldn't have a head anymore.

 

I want to go to medical school, but I'll never get in if it shows that I failed a class as a sophomore. As a freshman it's more accepted because you're just adjusting to college life and such.

 

On a second note, I also had a "beacon alert" for Organic Chemistry One. I failed our first test, but got a C on the first quiz. We have another quiz in a week and a half and I'm going to study my ass off. Plus, I now have my molecular modeling kit, which will help. (We can use them on our tests).

 

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I usually exercise by running a mile and maybe some core work from 2-3 in between two of my classes, but all I want now is to hide under my bed eating a giant chocolate bar. And I'm also debating skipping calc tomorrow but he gives points for attendance. Yes, he takes attendance in college.

 

On a happier note: This puts me in the right mindset to finally continue that story I was writing on the plane back from my grandma's birthday.

 

Me in calc:

 

How I feel today:

 

As you can tell I'm pissed and depressed.

I have a basic acting class I needed a monologue for, and of course, I decided on Kylo Ren. Problem was, he didn't have just one scene with enough dialogue that would meet the 2-3min requirement, so I had to combine all of his scenes in episode 7. Then the issue was there was too much dialogue from other characters to just copy and paste, so I had to make everything seem reflective as Kylo talked to grandpa's helmet. So here's the script monologue I created:

 

Forgive me. I feel it again... The pull to the light... Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again... The power of the darkness... And I'll let nothing stand in our way... Show me... Grandfather... and I will finish... what you started. I will fulfill our destiny.

 

 

He’s become so old, he knew what I had come for. The map to Skywalker. I told him that he would give it to the First Order, but he refused, saying I didn’t rise from the dark. So I showed him the power of the Dark Side, grandfather. I showed him our power.

 

 

When we captured him, I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board. No one had been able to get what he did with the map out of him, it was impressive. But I got it, grandfather. I got it out of him with the Force.

 

 

But then..the traitor, FN-2187 freed him. Hux’s soldiers don’t seem very capable, yours were much better, grandad. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army, then they would have retrieved the droid, unharmed. I wanted that map. I told Hux that for his sake he had better get it. He failed. And then..the droid stole a freighter!

 

 

With the scavenger. We captured her, and she was my guest. She asked about the others, the murders, traitors and thieves she called friends. I had no idea where they were, grandfather. She even still wanted to kill me after I told her that. The droid she had was carrying a section of a navigational chart. And we had the rest. Recovered from the archives of the Empire, but we needed the last piece. And, somehow, she convinced the droid to show it to her. A scavenger. I saw it.. I saw the island... And Han Solo... She felt like he's the father she never had. He would have disappointed her. Like he did me.

 

 

Then he showed up, with the traitor, to save her. I’d been waiting for this day for a long time. He asked me to take my helmet off, I asked what he was expecting to see. He said the face of his son. Well, his son is gone! He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him. He told me that Supreme Leader was using me. I know he’s not, the Supreme Leader is wise..but..it’s too late now.

 

 

I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I asked him to help me, then I killed him. You would have been proud, grandfather.

 

I asked if I could redo it on halloween with the full costume and videotape it, so I'll post the video of the monologue on the 31st! As a note, when I was performing, I do fall to the ground and cry. I didn't take the helmet with me though, and to get it on the floor so I could talk to it, I ended up saying "Give me a hug, grandad".

Everyone wanted my "Let it Go" AC parody when I posted "Cheating Wonderland" and "Codex" back in May. I finally got around to writing it.

 

I now give you....

 

LET US CHEAT!

 

The cheating is rampant on the site tonight
Not a legit to be seen
A kingdom of neo cheaters
And it looks like we're a team

 

 

 

The legits are howling like this cheating storm inside
They couldn't keep it in, though neo tried!

 

 

 

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the bad user you always have to be
Conceal, don't show, don't let the legits know!
Well, now they know!

 

 

 

Let us cheat, let us cheat
We can't hold it back anymore
Let us cheat, let us cheat
This is all out war!

 

 

 

We don't care
What the legits will say
Let the cheating rage on,
The rules never bothered us anyway!

 

 

 

It's funny how some cheating
Makes legits seem so dumb
And the rules that once controlled us
Can't get to us at all!

 

 

 

It's time to see what we can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for we

We're free!

Let us cheat, let us cheat
We're one with the SS and Codex
Let us cheat, Let us cheat
You'll see the legits cry!

 

 

 

Here we stand
And here we'll stay
Let the cheating rage on!

 

 

 

 

Our programs flurry from round to round
Accounts are freezing in waves all about
And one thought crystallizes like an frozen blast
We're never going back,
The legits are in the past!

 

 

 

Let us cheat, Let us cheat
And we'll rise like the codex team!
Let us cheat, Let us cheat!
That perfect legit is gone!

 

 

 

Here we stand
In the light of day
Let the cheating rage on,
The rules never bothered us anyway!

 

It was a bit difficult finding rhymes for some of the words such as the programs line. I had trouble finding words that worked with codex but rhymed with "ground" and "sky". I had to use round, and then change around in the next line to about, so that there wasn't too many "rounds" very close to one another. I also had a bit of trouble trying to rhyme the word "free" with a word that meant "group" instead of "me". Us didn't rhyme well, and we was better, but it does still sound a bit odd.

I promised the lyrics last night. Two years ago, I made the parody "A Team Codex Carol" from the Christmas Carol "It's the Most Wonderful Time of The Year".
That parody can be found here:
http://www.neocodex....am-codex-carol/
This was sort of our unoffical Team Codex song.
This year, I have finally made a new song for us. Once again, it comes from a Christmas Carol/song, the song "Winter Wonderland" which I have turned into: "Cheating Wonderland".

 

Cheating Wonderland

 

 

 

 

Cup bells ring

Are you listening

On the site

Cheatings glistening

A beautiful sight

We're Happy Tonight

Sittin' in a Cheating Wonderland

 

 

 

 

Here today is a newbie

But here to say is an oldie

We sing a sweet song

As we cheat along

Sittin' in a cheating wonderland

 

 

 

 

On the boards we can build the panic

Then pretend that neopets cares

They'll say: Are you cheating?

We'll say: No man!

We're completely legit

Neopets players

 

 

 

 

Later on we'll conspire

As we talk 'bout our desires

To face unafraid

The plans that we've made

Sittin' in a cheating wonderland

 

 

 

 

On the site we can build a neo team

Then pretend that they're circus clowns

We'll have lots of fun with the neo team

Until the team tries to shut us down

 

 

 

 

We we cheat

It's so thrilling

Though your account may get a chillin'

We'll frolic and play

The Codexian Way

Sittin' in a cheating wonderland

Yeah we're sittin' in a cheating

Yeah we're sittin' in a cheating

We're sittin' in a cheating wonderland

Wonderland

Cheating wonderland

 

I also wrote a parody of Paparazzi, entitled "Neocodex" before I wrote "Cheating Wonderland".

 

Neocodex

 

 

 

 

We are the team

We're c-coming out

Got my SS on it's true

Need that picture of scores

It's so magical

We'll be so fantastic

 

 

 

 

T-shirts and jeans

Codex coolness

We're sure what this means

This screenshot of us

It don't mean a thing

Ready for those team matchups

'Cause you know that baby I

 

 

 

 

We're neo's biggest fan

We'll cheat neo until you join us

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

Baby there's no other all-star

You know that we'll be

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

 

 

 

 

Promise we'll cheat for hours

But we won't stop til that trophies ours

Baby we're famous

We'll cheat neo until you join us

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

 

 

 

 

We'll be your site

Backstage on neo

Advanced and Private

Yeah, cause you'll know

We're lurking behind the boards

Score Sender and so much more

 

 

 

 

Legits are hurt

Gold Trophy, returned

Our Sender is done

Golden confetti flies

It don't have a price

Cheating neo is cherry pie

'Cause you know that baby We'll

 

 

 

 

Promise we'll cheat for hours

But we won't stop til that trophies ours

Baby we're famous

We'll cheat neo until you join us

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

 

 

 

 

Real good, we're dancing on the site

Snap, shap, to that sit on the boards

Don't stop for anyone

We're cheaters but we still have fun!

 

 

 

 

We're neo's biggest fan

We'll cheat neo until you join us

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

Baby there's no other all-star

You know that we'll be

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

 

 

 

 

Promise we'll cheat for hours

But we won't stop until that trophies ours

Baby we're famous

We'll cheat neo until you join us

Neo-Neo-Neocodex

 

I find I prefer "Cheating Wonderland" to "Neocodex". I was going to write a Let it go parody titled "let us cheat", but I decided it was too much work to write three parodies. The video for "Cheating Wonderland" should be out by Monday. Enjoy!