142 replies to this topic

[Adina]

I was sexually harassed at school by someone who used to be my friend. He's 18.
I made the mistake of telling a teacher, who told a vice principal, who called the cops, who arrested him. I preferred to have a teacher know, then to have his ass kicked by all my friends who happen to be guys who really do give a shit about me.
:|

I feel guilty as fuck. I mean, everyone is telling me he deserved it but he didn't actually rape me or anything and I possibly ruined his whole life. The whole criminal record thing, losing his school credits, and losing the girl he's supposedly engaged to? I didn't mean for it to escalate this way. I didn't want my parents to be called and have to tell them what happened at school 2 days ago; something I hadn't bothered to tell them because I don't talk to my parents like that, and they'd only find a way to place guilt on me. I never imagined being escorted out of school by two cops and having the guy who assaulted me right behind me, also with 2 cops. I never imagined riding a police car, or being interrogated under video surveillance.

I didn't even tell my parents all the details of what happened because what actually happened was we were going to go out for a smoke.. can't have my parents knowing that. I downgraded what actually happened so they wouldn't be too mad I didn't tell them. I told them I didn't think it was that big of a deal to tell. Life is so difficult right now. I honestly don't even know if I'll be called for court but I don't want to go. It's too much, I'd probably pass out right there.

Discuss.
I feel so shitty for the guy. His life is fucked over.

[Scot]

You should probably tell your parents the full story. The details will come up later when he presents his side of the story in court and if you lie there, it's perjury. Of course if you want to save the guy you can always recant the whole story, without that they don't have a case against him and you look like the girl who cried wolf and no one will believe you if anything does happen again. Charges like these have a way of staying with a person for the rest of their lives whether they were guilty or not but before you feel guilty about speaking up I think you should consider the consequences of not saying anything and he gets away and rapes a girl and you'll feel 10x worse.

[equitatus]

Depends on what you mean sexually harassed.
If he made sexual remarks.......well everyone at school makes them I would say it was an overreaction.
If there was contact however i think he deserved it.

[Noitidart]

Just take back the story. Unless there is solid proof something happened and you two hate each other. Otherwise he can say that he thought you were still friends and wouldn't take it like that and he's off.

[Adina]

ouch.
so he did something that you accidentally slipped to a teacher? and you didn't mean it to be such big thing?
can't you just drop the charges?

I never pressed charges, the school called the cops.
I was in a panicked state, and told a teacher everything.

You should probably tell your parents the full story. The details will come up later when he presents his side of the story in court and if you lie there, it's perjury. Of course if you want to save the guy you can always recant the whole story, without that they don't have a case against him and you look like the girl who cried wolf and no one will believe you if anything does happen again. Charges like these have a way of staying with a person for the rest of their lives whether they were guilty or not but before you feel guilty about speaking up I think you should consider the consequences of not saying anything and he gets away and rapes a girl and you'll feel 10x worse.

I don't want to go to court in the first place.
Is there a way of getting out of that?

I can't tell my parents the truth now. It's too late.

Depends on what you mean sexually harassed.
If he made sexual remarks.......well everyone at school makes them I would say it was an overreaction.
If there was contact however i think he deserved it.

He was trying to get in my pants, bit my neck, groped me everywhere.

Just take back the story. Unless there is solid proof something happened and you two hate each other. Otherwise he can say that he thought you were still friends and wouldn't take it like that and he's off.

I can't just take it back after all this commotion.

[Wil]

He was trying to get in my pants, bit my neck, groped me everywhere.

From this it seems like he was attempting to go further. If it made you feel violated then it was the right thing to do.

[Nunc]

That's despicable. You're despicable. How could you ruin a person's life like that?

[Adina]

How old are you?

(Important info due to you mentioning his age at 18)

I'm 16.

That's despicable. You're despicable. How could you ruin a person's life like that?

Sarcasm is appreciated. He didn't ruin mine, so it's not fair.
This fucked him over big time and I'm alright.

The only thing that's bothering me is being bombarded with questions asking why I was taken away by cops today, and worrying about whether or not I have to go to court.

[Tsunade]

I don't see the problem tbh, sexual harassing scum gets arrested, problem solved

[Vivendio]

Take a step back and proceed with your life one step at a time.

Stay calm and everything will turn out alright

[Scot]

I never pressed charges, the school called the cops.
I was in a panicked state, and told a teacher everything.


I don't want to go to court in the first place.
Is there a way of getting out of that?

I can't tell my parents the truth now. It's too late.


He was trying to get in my pants, bit my neck, groped me everywhere.


I can't just take it back after all this commotion.

The state will press charges based on your testimony. You can take it back if you said you lied about it because he did something to upset you. Nothing will happen to you because you are under 18 but everyone will probably hate you. Either way someone is going down for this.

[Warriors]

If he did that without your permission it was sexual assault...Either two things can happen from when the cops talk to him

He can either plead out to something that the DA might give. It could be lenient. Or he will either go to trial..If that occurs you will be called as a witness and will have to tell them exactly what happened..

None of this is your fault. The creep overstepped his bounds and should be punished.

[jcrdude]

I'm 16.

Ouch. That's kind of a no-no, but if there's nobody to tell the story under oath (aka you), all they have is the story you told them.

It might be a good idea to try to recant the story, refuse to press charges, etc.

It was fucked that he was feeling you up against your will, so in the end it's your call.

Don't pull the sexual harassment card unless you need to and don't let a scumbag off the hook, either.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful

[Adina]

The state will press charges based on your testimony. You can take it back if you said you lied about it because he did something to upset you. Nothing will happen to you because you are under 18 but everyone will probably hate you. Either way someone is going down for this.

Do I HAVE to go to court? Can't I refuse?

[Mr. Hobo]

Do I HAVE to go to court? Can't I refuse?

Obstruction of justice!

[jcrdude]

Important Sidenote:

When somebody chooses to go down the route of sexual harassment, it's not the victim that "ruins their life" by reporting it, it's their fault for making that choice in the first place.

Remember that, please

[Warriors]

Do I HAVE to go to court? Can't I refuse?

You can..but he may likely go free due to lack of evidence...You don't want that to happen do you?

[Collector]

Nah his life isnt fucked I have 4 things on my record and im happy as can be.


Then again I never sexually harassed anyone.

Edited by therock601, 12 January 2011 - 05:09 PM.

[Adina]

You can..but he may likely go free due to lack of evidence...You don't want that to happen do you?

I don't care if he goes to jail or not as long as he gets some counseling, and gets transferred to a different school. He's pretty intelligent, I don't know why he'd do this.

Not 100% sure how it works due to the age gap but;
I am assuming he is up on charges similiar (but as he never actually did it not exactly) to statutory rape. If this is the case you need to really talk to your parents... Don't hide facts. Now is the one time you need to really be an adult now and tell the full story.

Then you can attempt to convince your parents not to press/pursue charges.

If it's not a "statutory" charge, talk to the police and tell them you were simply confiding in a teacher and don't want to pursue charges.

As for the other students, tell them it's got nothing to do with them it was a personal emergency/family matter.

Reason for parents decision on pressing charges = your age. You are under their care/they are your guardians and your hold your legal rights for you until you are old enough (+16) to be "responsible and make educated choices" yourself.

They said he's on "conditions" or something, and he's not allowed to contact me directly or indirectly, so there's no way I'm talking to him ever.

[Bryan]

Grow the fuck up and tell everybody the truth. Chances are he thought you were a slut anyways, which is why he was 18 and feeling you up. Of course I don't know how you guys went out for a smoke and he just randomly thought it was okay to feel you up but whatever. If the only thing you're worried about is having to tell your parents you smoke cigarettes and going to court, you're probably not too hurt about the situation that happened.

[Adina]

Grow the fuck up and tell everybody the truth. Chances are he thought you were a slut anyways, which is why he was 18 and feeling you up. Of course I don't know how you guys went out for a smoke and he just randomly thought it was okay to feel you up but whatever. If the only thing you're worried about is having to tell your parents you smoke cigarettes and going to court, you're probably not too hurt about the situation that happened.

I never said I was hurt. I feel bad for him, I didn't want him to get in trouble, I never meant to tell a teacher but shit happened and now I'm dealing with it.
I haven't talked to him in like a month, except for one time that he called me to sneak out and I said no.
He randomly texted me asking to come out for a smoke, I said sure. We were waiting inside the stairwell at the exit where everyone goes for a smoking, hoping someone will have a lighter. He asked for a hug, I didn't see a problem. Then he started groping me.

[Bryan]

I never said I was hurt. I feel bad for him, I didn't want him to get in trouble, I never meant to tell a teacher but shit happened and now I'm dealing with it.
I haven't talked to him in like a month, except for one time that he called me to sneak out and I said no.
He randomly texted me asking to come out for a smoke, I said sure. We were waiting inside the stairwell at the exit where everyone goes for a smoking, hoping someone will have a lighter. He asked for a hug, I didn't see a problem. Then he started groping me.

You feel bad for him? Hardly. I think you feel bad about what's going to happen to you because everyone is going to find out that you told.

Basically you hadn't seen the guy for a month, he's 18, the moment he touches you anywhere you should be saying no. I don't see how he 'tried to get in your pants', 'bit your neck', and 'groped you everywhere' in a place where people traffic frequently without you saying no. I'm sorry, guy's aren't stupid sex fiends. If it was malicious, more would've happened. And the fact that you're not hurt or anything makes me feel like it was more mutual than you're letting it play out to be.

[equitatus]

He was trying to get in my pants, bit my neck, groped me everywhere.

, i do not know the exact situation and for me to tell you what to do, that would be overstepping boundaries as a total internet stranger.
I do advise you to do what you think is right. If you feel that for some strange reason he was kidding, I would (and i must stress that this is just what i would do) just let it go.
If you feel that he might be an actual molester and a threat to society, i would report him. If I felt by any chance that he was not kidding and that he would actually do this to others i think reporting him would be justified.

actually reading all these comments..........wow i just realized how big a dick the internet could be.....................
i mean some of these comments are just plain messed up like the ones calling you a slut.....and there are only two explanations
1) these guys really meant it, in which yeah they are plain assholes.....
2) they are kidding.....in which case they will be less of an asshole but an asshole nonetheless.....this girl seems to be having a serious problem and everyone joking around...

If i were you...I would be leaning towards report his ass......now that i read you are 16 and he has a fiance.....the chances that he was kidding is rather slim..........
regardless of whether or not you sent him the wrong signals (not saying you did but responding to some of the comments here) he shouldn't be touching a 16 yr old when he has a fiance.

Edited by equitatus, 12 January 2011 - 05:40 PM.

[iargue]

That's despicable. You're despicable. How could you ruin a person's life like that?

Wow. Your going on my ignore list.