22 replies to this topic

[phalkon]

okay, so i'm sure a handful (or at least two or three) of you know that i'm currently engaged. i've been with this woman for over a year now. we're planning on getting married this july. love her very very deeply. never will stop, and she's said the same thing to me.

sounds simple.

well, about a month ago, i meant this other woman. at the risk of sounding like an ass hole, i find her to be amazing. we have far more interests and things in common, there's also a sexual/romantic attraction. she's great to be around, and even loves hanging around my fiance too!

problem: i want them both in my life. for those of you who don't know what polyamory is, this is pretty much that. i love them both. want them both in my life. the new girl knows this, and has already told me she would go anywhere to be with me/us. i haven't told my fiance this yet. i'm conflicted as to how to bring this up to her. i still want to get married, and i still love her immensely. i just want them both. one of them is already okay with it.


TL;DR

Spoiler

i'm engaged, and i met a new girl. i love them both, and want them both in my life. the new girl is okay with the situation, but i haven't talked to my fiance about it. advice?

[wtfints]

you suck. just stick to one.<br>

Edited by wtfints71, 12 March 2011 - 09:09 AM.

[ShadowLink64]

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your fiancee, and it would be a shame if things don't work between you two as soon as you bring up that you like this other woman. Of course, you might be saying that if your fiancee doesn't like it, you could still be with this other woman. But remember that one month into a relationship is still the "infatuation" stage, where people tend not to think the straightest and everything seems super awesome (I do know this!). I'm just saying that things can potentially backfire since a month is not really a long time to know a person. On the flip-side, there are people that make it work somehow (those corny TV specials about polygamist couples and stuff is all I have to back this up, lol).

Has your fiancee given a hint that she is comfortable around her? You mentioned the new woman is comfortable around the fiancee, but is it reciprocal?

What I would do: Keep the fiancee, ditch the other like the two above me said (or just keep them as a friend but nothing more, or something). Don't want too much, and be happy with what you've got.

Just my two cents, haha. Take it or ignore it.

[ShadowLink64]

The fiance could be comfortable around her as a friend, but not comfortable with the fact her partner (whom she is marrying) is boning this woman (if it gets that far)... There are certain things a girl USUALLY doesn't want to share (very often)... their partners are generally one of these things

Yeah, I realize that and I may have been playing the devil's advocate slightly since these relationships actually do exist (SUPER rare, but they exist).

But what you said is pretty much why I think this will really backfire on him as soon as he mentions it to the fiancee. This never comes up in the year or more they've been together, and then the conditions of their relationship suddenly change before a marriage. Won't look good.

[Trichomes]

Have you actually cheated on your fiance with this new woman?

[Kuraz]

somehow from the theory of economics... having many wives improves the state of women, for men have to compete more keen in order to marry them

back to reality...

man loves new girls I suppose. for me, I would say I like kissing every girl I meet, if they are nice enough, but after all I have to concentrate on one. like a convanent - love your engaged one, please.

[Nunc]

Move to Saudi Arabia and marry both. Problem solved

[Abradix]

Well, if you really care about them then the only thing to do is pick one. If you don't care, then just spin both plates until one falls.

Even asking the question kind of gives the impression that you really don't care that much, so go with the latter.

[Frank12]

Go with the one you can see yourself still being with in 20 years. If neither, run the fuck out

[SailorMoon]

Have you actually cheated on your fiance with this new woman?

I wish to know this as well~~




It is not fair to either woman what you are doing to them... and what you are proposing will absolutely NOT work. Neither woman will ever be truly happy, and deserve a man who will love them, and only them, enough to not need another woman.

You think this might work because it will make YOU happy.... but no woman should ever have to be told by the man she loves that he is in love with another woman. No woman should ever have to share their soulmate because he cannot make up his mind.

As a scorned woman, I can tell you with utmost confidence, if you ask your fiancee to share your love, she will be devastated and this will most likely end the relationship. The real question here should be do I love her enough to want her to be happy with just me? or do I love myself more, wanting the cake and to eat it too.

[Debbie]

Personally, I wouldn't say ANYTHING to your fiance... she wants to marry you, and you only, otherwise she wouldn't have said yes.

[Ladida]

I agree with the people above. This is gonna bite you in the ass if you spill this to your fiancee. And no, there's no way in Hell she's going to understand that you "really really love both of em!" Just. No.

When you got engaged, you were committing yourself to one girl. Your fiancee. Not to multiple women whenever you choose. That's unfair to your present woman.

I say ditch the new woman, and let her know that Nah uh, it's not gonna happen. As for following you around to be with you.. Umm WHAT? Creepy, dude.

Otherwise, ruin your perfectly good relationship, run around with this woman, and then fall asleep alone when you realise she's not that great after all. And no, your (at this point) ex-fiancee will not take you back. She'd probably be with some other dude who will be quite satisfied with only her vagina.

>.> I cannot believe you're even contemplating having BOTH of them. Do you really think that's fair on your fiancee??

[Sweeney]

Where, honestly, did you think this thread was going to go?

[Abradix]

Where, honestly, did you think this thread was going to go?

I'm pretty sure he just wanted to informally announce his new-found chauvinism.

[Tarabyte]

Polyamorous relationships rarely work. If the idea of a three-way relationship had come up previously in the relationship and she seemed open, it may be realistic to bring up the idea with your fiancee. Or if you were swingers or engaged in threesomes or anything that would make you think she's into sharing.

But, really. No. It's more likely she's going to slap you, throw the engagement ring at you, & storm out of your life.

[Blackout]

If it's sexual/romantic attraction with this new girl you should let her go. She's a distraction.
She seems to think NOTHING is wrong with what she is doing chances are she won't be the one with you 20 years from now she's probaly just a gold digger or slut.

I can tell you might have commitment issues.

Edited by Internet, 12 March 2011 - 02:48 PM.

[iargue]

Where you not married once already?

[phalkon]

to answer some questions and give some insight:

yes, i have been married before.

and this woman has actually slept with us together (threesome).

[luvsmyncis]

Hold off and marry whichever one gets knocked up first so she can get your Tricare benefits. Then buy the other some chocolate or something so she won't feel left out.

[Domehades]

pick the right choice or else ur life will be miserable

[Mahas]

ok, do not go for anyone new, if your girl still loves you then dont leave her, seriously... and punkrock xD you are funneh!