41 replies to this topic

[Indigo]

How do you deal with this? I'm nearing my wit's end of being nice and polite and selfless about it.
Word for word transcript as follows.

Him= "So have you decided if you want to hang out tomorrow?"

Me= "I want to, but I also want to hang out with this one fag."

Him "I wanted to hang out with you and that fag, but I don't want to drive all the way to that fag's to come get you."

Me= "You don't have to, it's alright"

SUDDEN EXPLOSION OF TEXTS FROM HIM= "That sucks I also wanted to do shit at the place when I picked you up but you fucking suck it sucks I mad!"

Me "Your birthday is on Tuesday. I just spent $20 worth of 2 fucking Magic cards as a fucking present and am taking you to see the Batman at le cinema. and spending another $50 on a small size popcorn"

Him= "bitches fucking lie you say you miss me but yet you don't want to hang out with me and you want to see your faggot gay friend instead and I'm so insecure and selfish I can hardly even sleep at night but I'm a leo so it's totes okies"

I think it's because of following reasons:

-he literally has 1 other friend {who has a similarly controlling and equally obnoxious girlfriend}
-he's too attached {friends with benefits}
/
-he's totally in love with me and just in some hardcore man denial.

I used to be in the same exact insecure/jealous/angry raging mad state he was in. Then I started meditating more and realizing that I can't be with everyone all the time. But in the end, I'm still wanted. And that's all that matters. Blah blah.

A little more backstory would involve me saying that this happened after I saw him YESTERDAY for a few hours {we played cards for around 7 hours at the card shop}, stayed with him over the weekend and came home on Tuesday, and stayed over the entire week before that. He chalks up that logic to my "staying over so I can get tired of him and ditch him for a weekend he would otherwise be completely planless". In reality, I don't want to overstay/eat all his food.

I am trying my hardest to speak my mind without offending him, because believe it or not, I actually like this guy, and losing him would be shitty. But the constant threats and insecure rants he goes on take a toll on me, since there's always a chance this is the time he gets really upset and wants to leave. I feel threatened and hurt. All of this I tell him explicitly, but he either doesn't understand or is incapable of justifying my means.

-end girl post.

Edited by Indigo, 26 July 2012 - 09:46 PM.

[Scot]

It's like I'm on reddit

[Ladida]

I'm trying to read this, I really am, but the herpes derpiness is hard to follow. Can you include an English version please?

[Indigo]

It's like I'm on reddit

I thought the exact same thing.

I'm trying to read this, I really am, but the herpes derpiness is hard to follow. Can you include an English version please?

Rage has been removed because I just brushed my teeth.

[NapisaurusRex]

Boys are stupid.

[Plunk]

Seriously, no one ever just stops, sits the person down, and talks to them. Just tell him exactly how you feel about him, that you need your space but still want to be with him, and that he can't have all his plans revolve around you. That's it.

Also, the title of the thread should be possessive man, not MEN.

Edited by Plunk, 26 July 2012 - 10:12 PM.

[Mishelle]

Tell him to get a life.

[Romy]

We aren't all that bad! D:


Edit: And he is TOTALLY in love with you.

Edited by Ivysaur, 26 July 2012 - 10:35 PM.

[Ladida]

Rage has been removed because I just brushed my teeth.

Yay, thank you

Turn the tables and tell him if he doesn't stop being such a whiny little bitch, you're done with his drama. Your life cannot involve him every second of every day, and he can't expect you to be around him 24/7. You have your own life, he really should have his own life as well or things can get messy if things do go downhill (if you're all he lives for and all). If he can't deal with that, you need to be the strong one and walk away. That sort of relationship isn't healthy, and you shouldn't have to put up with his immature, insecure hissy fits. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells wondering when he's going to explode. He needs to grow up and stop being such a drama queen, and you need to take control of the situation and steer it in the direction you want it to go. Definitely time for a ultimatum.

[GoGoGoJon]

I am trying my hardest to speak my mind without offending him, because believe it or not, I actually like this guy, and losing him would be shitty.

He's not worth your time.

If he continues to bother you, just tell him to "fuck off". It's simple and it's effective

Spoiler

Or mace him

[Indigo]

Yay, thank you

Turn the tables and tell him if he doesn't stop being such a whiny little bitch, you're done with his drama. Your life cannot involve him every second of every day, and he can't expect you to be around him 24/7. You have your own life, he really should have his own life as well or things can get messy if things do go downhill (if you're all he lives for and all). If he can't deal with that, you need to be the strong one and walk away. That sort of relationship isn't healthy, and you shouldn't have to put up with his immature, insecure hissy fits. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells wondering when he's going to explode. He needs to grow up and stop being such a drama queen, and you need to take control of the situation and steer it in the direction you want it to go. Definitely time for a ultimatum.

Yeah, that's probably what I'm going to say as elaborately tomorrow. Thing is, he knows what he's doing, which makes it even harder. It always goes, "I'm mad for a few thousand texts and then I apologize for being a dick." And I'm the one left nervous and stressed as all hell.

Funny thing is, he's a decade older than me and yet he acts like people my age. I appreciate his experience with other things but when it comes to relationships he's at a complete loss. One serious girlfriend and that's it. I've never met anyone so personally adverse to socialization. Though, I know this is partly because his father died when he was my age {he still lives with ma to help pay mortgage but isn't close to her at all}, and I know he regrets being a stupid teenager at that stage, so I know some of his insecurities stem from that.

About his father passing away, I tell him to talk to his mother about how pent up and angry he feels about it. But he tells me it's selfish of him to bring it up again after so many years. I know a lot of friend's whose fathers have passed away suddenly, but not myself, so it's a sensitive subject. One which I am willing to help with nonetheless.

Holy fuck, sorry for that huge ass wall o text and off topicness.

He's not worth your time.

If he continues to bother you, just tell him to "fuck off". It's simple and it's effective

Spoiler

Or mace him

I feel it! lol. There's a side of me that has already done this in a day dream or 2.

Seriously, no one ever just stops, sits the person down, and talks to them. Just tell him exactly how you feel about him, that you need your space but still want to be with him, and that he can't have all his plans revolve around you. That's it.

Also, the title of the thread should be possessive man, not MEN.

This has happened twice, which is why I'm in such a tizzy. He's immune to communication when it's all I practice and all he preaches.

We aren't all that bad! D:


Edit: And he is TOTALLY in love with you.

Dawww.

Edited by Indigo, 26 July 2012 - 11:03 PM.

[Plunk]

Oh, well in that case dump his ass. Even if you like him, it's not worth it if you have to run everything you want to do by him.

Thing is, he knows what he's doing, which makes it even harder. It always goes, "I'm mad for a few thousand texts and then I apologize for being a dick."

Also, this screams abusive to me.

Edited by Plunk, 26 July 2012 - 11:10 PM.

[Indigo]

Oh, well in that case dump his ass. Even if you like him, it's not worth it if you have to run everything you want to do by him.

I appreciate your bluntness. I'd say the same exact thing word for word if it were me giving advice.

I'm going to have a stern speaking with him. It's been long overdue. Mainly cuz I'm such a freakin pleaser I never rage hard enough.

[Frizzle]

Murder-suicide is the only way to go. It'd be like Romeo and Juliet and oh so romantic.

[Nymh]

Indigo, your situation sounds so much like the one that I just got out of that it's not even funny - even down to him being 10 years older and a complete social retard. Let me just tell you, it doesn't get any better. He will not change, this is how and who he is. So if you are happy with him controlling you and being passive-aggressive (or actually aggressive by the looks of it) when you want to do your own thing, spend time alone, hang out with other people, whatever that doesn't involve him, then you're golden. If you want to maintain your independence and have a loving partner that will embrace your individuality and encourage you to do what pleases YOU, then you need to find someone else.

[Pilot]

Poor guy sounds like a beta

[luvsmyncis]

If he was possessive, he wouldn't let you hang out with your gay friend at all, because possessive people don't let their partners go out and have fun with anyone. The problem was he was too lazy to drive to your friend's house. So, I think he's a dumbass, but not possessive.

[Indigo]

Indigo, your situation sounds so much like the one that I just got out of that it's not even funny - even down to him being 10 years older and a complete social retard. Let me just tell you, it doesn't get any better. He will not change, this is how and who he is. So if you are happy with him controlling you and being passive-aggressive (or actually aggressive by the looks of it) when you want to do your own thing, spend time alone, hang out with other people, whatever that doesn't involve him, then you're golden. If you want to maintain your independence and have a loving partner that will embrace your individuality and encourage you to do what pleases YOU, then you need to find someone else.

Agreed, glad you have experienced something like this. i am a tough gal, very independent in that I know what I need and want. I have spoke to him about it and we are on good terms. If he doesn't like it, then fuck off. <3

Poor guy sounds like a beta

Oh yes. Dx

[redlion]

Totally thought this thread was progressive men.

Your man sucks. His problem is not that he is possessive, but that he's passive aggressive.

Oh... Nymh said it earlier... but yeah.

[iargue]

Its always fun to hear a single side of a story

[Lineage]

He sounds annoying and not worth your time. Life is too short to put up with any of what you described. Move on, find better. I promise it's out there (:

[pyke]

It's like I'm on reddit

Hire a dog, delete lawyer and get facebook, AMIRITE XDDDD

[redlion]

Can't... get you out... of my head.

No Indigo, your title is appropriate. What you describe is hardly uncommon. It is one of the more common stories that when I drink tears.

It is one of the more common stories that when I drink tears.
that when I drink tears.
when I drink tears.
when I drink tears.
when I drink tears.