200 replies to this topic

[Mishelle]

Are you saying that you consider cuddling anyone that you like as being "emotional cheating"?

 

I don't think that showing any kind of affection to a person that you like can be "emotional cheating", or you'd end up living a woefully insular life.

 

 

I'm pretty sure I already said 

 

 

 

In general if friends hold hands is fine although I wouldn't do it or have a problem with my SO doing. Cuddling, I'd be shifty about it and wouldn't want my SO doing it. But in this particular case with the back story involved I would call both emotional cheating.

 

 

An emotional affair can be defined as follows: 

 

"A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage.

Edited by Mishelle, 26 February 2013 - 06:24 PM.

[NapisaurusRex]

are you saying that you consider cuddling anyone that you like as being "emotional cheating"?

 

 

I don't think that showing any kind of affection to a person that you like can be "emotional cheating", or you'd end up living a woefully insular life.

 

Yeah, I got the translation, I've just never heard the phrase. I was asking if it meant the same as "grabbing a bull by the horns"

 

 

I lost my quoting thingies wtf. I'm quoting Sweeney, I think.  

It's not just 'showing any kind of affection'. You can show affection without touching them, like by smiling. To me, emotionally cheating is when you are  engaging in a relationship that damages the one you have with your SO. You can do that just by talking.

[Sweeney]

I'm not sure I buy that definition of an "emotional affair". It relies on the other half's interpretation of the exchange.

If I'm holding hands with one of my female friends, and Nymh doesn't like it, that doesn't mean I'm having an emotional affair.

 

I have an emotional attachment to my female friends, possibly even an "intimate" relationship with one or two, but I'm not being unfaithful when I touch them, no matter how much anyone else might insist that I am.

 

Which is why, as I said several pages ago, talking about it with your partner is the best way to deal with problems in your relationship.

[NapisaurusRex]

I'm not sure I buy that definition of an "emotional affair". It relies on the other half's interpretation of the exchange.

If I'm holding hands with one of my female friends, and Nymh doesn't like it, that doesn't mean I'm having an emotional affair.

 

I have an emotional attachment to my female friends, possibly even an "intimate" relationship with one or two, but I'm not being unfaithful when I touch them, no matter how much anyone else might insist that I am.

 

Which is why, as I said several pages ago, talking about it with your partner is the best way to deal with problems in your relationship.

Oooh, many posts.

So if I were having sex with someone else and yung didn't like it, it wouldn't be an affair unless I thought it was?

 

(I'm not disagreeing about the talk to your partner part)

[Drakonid]

So if I were having sex with someone else and yung didn't like it, it wouldn't be an affair unless I thought it was?

 

(I'm not disagreeing about the talk to your partner part)

No, you wouldn't be having an emotional affair, you would be having a merely sexual one.

(at least that's what I'm understanding from his previous post)

Edited by Drakonid, 26 February 2013 - 07:08 PM.

[Sweeney]

So if I were having sex with someone else and yung didn't like it, it wouldn't be an affair unless I thought it was?

 

(I'm not disagreeing about the talk to your partner part)

 

Assuming you'd agreed on a monogamous relationship, then you'd be having a physical affair. But not necessarily, as Drak noted, an emotional one.

[NapisaurusRex]

No, I understand the difference between emotional and physical. I got that part. I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into words on this topic. 

 

 

Edit: wait wait. I got it. ok. So holding hands is still a physical affair.

[Drakonid]

No, I understand the difference between emotional and physical. I got that part. I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into words on this topic. 

 

 

Edit: wait wait. I got it. ok. So holding hands is still a physical affair.

Well, that depends where you think the affair line is...

[kidbit]

I know that the discussion have already taken a different way but here's my opinion

 

I think whether something is considered cheating or not depends entirely on what has been agreed by both partners and what would hurt someone's trust on one another, there is nothing set in stone. Also depends on the situation.

 

I for instance have been in a exclusive relationship for 3 years, and have a male best friend for much longer than that. We talk about absolutely every thing and also a lot about sex, we are very affectionate with each other, he had even sent me pictures of him naked and we by no means intend to have sex, we had never before I had a boyfriend and we don't do now. My boyfriend knows about everything and doesn't care, I wouldn't care either if it was the other way around.

 

As for the having sex/doing favors as something frequent I'd be uncomfortable because in my opinion that's what crosses the 'exclusive relationship' line, if it was just once I wouldn't mind much... If I was in a open relationship that would be ok of course

[NapisaurusRex]

Well, that depends where you think the affair line is...

Shit. I thought we were talking about emotional vs. physical.

[Yung]

Well, that depends where you think the affair line is...

 

And that comes down to the personal opinions of the people involved. Swingers for example generally don't have an issue with their partners having close intimate encounters with others. Not necessarily just strangers but friends as well so that could be taken into consideration here.

[Sweeney]

Edit: wait wait. I got it. ok. So holding hands is still a physical affair.

 

To a crazy person.

[Yung]

To a crazy person.

 

Jealousy can make some people crazy.

[Drakonid]

Shit. I thought we were talking about emotional vs. physical.

It'd be silly to isolate parameters...

[Sweeney]

Jealousy can make some people crazy.

 

Hand-holding only makes already-crazy people jealous.

[Mishelle]

I'm not sure I buy that definition of an "emotional affair". It relies on the other half's interpretation of the exchange.

If I'm holding hands with one of my female friends, and Nymh doesn't like it, that doesn't mean I'm having an emotional affair.

 

I have an emotional attachment to my female friends, possibly even an "intimate" relationship with one or two, but I'm not being unfaithful when I touch them, no matter how much anyone else might insist that I am.

 

Which is why, as I said several pages ago, talking about it with your partner is the best way to deal with problems in your relationship.

 

That's what an emotional affair is. I didn't make it up, that's the literal definition of an emotional affair. If you disagree with definitions than that's your problem. An emotional affair is more than just physical in nature. It can start as completely innocent but it also involves being intimate with someone else and having that intimacy drive a wedge in your monogamous relationship. That's why I said it's not just hand holding or just the cuddling is the entire backstory between them both that shows that they're both very intimate with each other.

Edited by Mishelle, 26 February 2013 - 08:04 PM.

[Romy]

Hand-holding only makes already-crazy people jealous.

 

So..it wouldn't bother you if you saw Nymh holding hands with an former SO?
Even if she told you it was strictly platonic?

[Sweeney]

So..it wouldn't bother you if you saw Nymh holding hands with an former SO?
Even if she told you it was strictly platonic?

 

No, why would it?

[Waser Lave]

No, why would it?

 

What if he had warts?

[Sweeney]

What if he had warts?

 

Hmm, a valid point. But that wouldn't be jealousy

That's what an emotional affair is. I didn't make it up, that's the literal definition of an emotional affair. If you disagree with definitions than that's your problem. An emotional affair is more than just physical in nature. It can start as completely innocent but it also involves being intimate with someone else and having that intimacy drive a wedge in your monogamous relationship. That's why I said it's not just hand holding or just the cuddling is the entire backstory between them both that shows that they're both very intimate with each other.

 

I know, you copied it from Wikipedia. That doesn't mean I have to agree with it. Arguments from authority are unbecoming.

 

The entire point I've been making is that you don't know the emotional involvement between the two people. Pilot has described it as clearly intimate, but you don't know whether it's romantic or platonic. You're making an entirely unwarranted judgement call.

[Romy]

No, why would it?

lolk

[Mishelle]

Hmm, a valid point. But that wouldn't be jealousy

 

I know, you copied it from Wikipedia. That doesn't mean I have to agree with it. Arguments from authority are unbecoming.

 

The entire point I've been making is that you don't know the emotional involvement between the two people. Pilot has described it as clearly intimate, but you don't know whether it's romantic or platonic. You're making an entirely unwarranted judgement call.

 

And the entire point I've been making is that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOU AGREE WITH IT.

 

Firstly because the title asks for my opinion and I gave it. If my SO did that to me I would consider it an emotional affair. This isn't anything to debate.

 

Secondly because you're arguing over your definition of an emotional affair and I'm talking about the actual definition. Just because you disagree with it doesn't make it not the definition.   And I already said that over and over again, other people have said it over and over again, you're just not even reading what I'm saying at this point. If you still disagree you can disagree to yourself because I don't give a shit.

Edited by Mishelle, 27 February 2013 - 08:19 AM.

[Sweeney]

And the entire point I've been making is that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOU AGREE WITH IT.

 

Firstly because the title asks for my opinion and I gave it. If my SO did that to me I would consider it an emotional affair. This isn't anything to debate.

 

Secondly because you're arguing over your definition of an emotional affair and I'm talking about the actual definition. Just because you disagree with it doesn't make it not the definition.   And I already said that over and over again, other people have said it over and over again, you're just not even reading what I'm saying at this point. If you still disagree you can disagree to yourself because I don't give a shit.

 

But that's the thing. You don't know enough about it to call it an emotional affair, even if if your SO doing it. Unless your SO has told you that they have intimate, romantic feelings for the other person.

 

And really, there is no sole definition for any one thing. Language is not prescriptive. I disagree with the definition that you gave, and have told you why. You ignored that in favour of an argument from authority, which is fallacious.

 

Finally, you write an awful lot for someone who doesn't give a shit.

lolk

 

I repeat; why would it?

[Mishelle]

But that's the thing. You don't know enough about it to call it an emotional affair, even if if your SO doing it. Unless your SO has told you that they have intimate, romantic feelings for the other person.

 

And really, there is no sole definition for any one thing. Language is not prescriptive. I disagree with the definition that you gave, and have told you why. You ignored that in favour of an argument from authority, which is fallacious.

 

Finally, you write an awful lot for someone who doesn't give a shit.

 

I repeat; why would it?

 

I've tried to discuss my opinion with you ad nauseum but since you clearly don't understand or don't want to now I don't give a shit.

Edited by Mishelle, 27 February 2013 - 10:04 AM.

[Sweeney]

The point of an emotional affair is not that the SO has significant feelings for this other person the point is that it drives an emotional divide between that person and their partner. I think you're confusing what the emotional part of the title means. And like I said, I'm using the definition as it is clearly intended, why are you arguing that you would use it differently when it has no bearing on how I feel about the term?

 

That definition is flawed. It doesn't make any sense.

 

How can you define an affair by the effect it has on the third party?

Am I having an emotional affair if my SO doesn't like it when I cuddle my female friends? How about my male friends? What about holding hands with my female friends? What about texting my female friends once a day? What about sending my female friends a birthday card once a year? What about attending a female friend's funeral? What if my relationship with my mother causes an emotional divide between me and my SO? What if my relationship with video games drives an emotional divide between me and my SO?

 

At what point does it stop becoming an affair, and start becoming another issue? Or entirely unreasonable for my SO to be affected?

 

The reason I'm arguing your definition is because it's meaningless.

I've tried to discuss my opinion with you ad nauseum but since you clearly don't understand or don't want to now I don't give a shit.

 

Too slow.