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The Relation Between a Substandard Childhood and Useless Adults

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#1 NapisaurusRex

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 12:19 PM

Not everyone who is raised in substandard living conditions turns into a waste of space. Maybe shitty parenting and hellion children somehow share a correlating demographic, but I don't really think there's statistics on the subject. [...] I just don't like the generalization that shitty parenting automatically = useless offspring.
 
I feel like this should be a separate debate xD


I believe not *everyone* who is raised in substandard living conditions will turn into a waste of space, but I feel like they will more often than not. There are a few people who will rise to bigger and better things, but I think this is due solely to random personality traits and potentially a single positive impact in the early childhood.


Is there a correlating demographic between shitty parenting and hellion children or is it an effect of random genetics and personality? Does everyone have an equal chance of being something in life?

#2 MishaZheleza

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 12:45 PM

Well, as I quoted in my Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice debate, my boyfriend's living conditions were sub par, and still are compared to most. Let me compare his siblings to him, using slightly different names just in case for some reason you know them.

 

Nate, 16 (my boyfriend)-

  • On the honor roll
  • Doesn't even drink coffee, let alone abuse drugs or alcohol,
  • Has had the same steady girlfriend(me, lol) for about 4 years now
  • Already looking into many colleges for electrical engineering OR digital animation
  • Has a steady job
  • Currently in the process of illustrating a children's book

Cindy, 14-

  • Has an eating disorder
  • 14 and Pregnant
  • Complete Bitch
  • Almost flunked the 8th grade
  • Is addicted to X

Brody, 10-

 

  • Lazy
  • Very ungrateful
  • Steals his sister's drugs
  • Tortures their poor dog
  • Masturbates in the living when everyone is home
  • Almost failed the 4th grade

Those are just his older siblings. I can't judge the younger ones, since their fathers has custody of them. The mother of this household is VERY rude and honestly a complete bitch, yet somehow can hide it enough to work in HR. She has 4 different baby daddys, though she's 'changed' and is married to a redneck who is an abusive alcoholic to my boyfriend, which she is too, since he 'isn't grateful enough' to be her son. Nate's father is a british man, and while he did most the raising for Nate, he wasn't always the best of fathers, often sleeping around with multiple women, and always getting drunk, however, he is always kind to Nate and I, always made sure food was on the table, and a roof over their heads, but he can't keep a job to save his life, in and out of jail for not paying custody, and apparently might have an illegitimate child somewhere in the world, along with the fact I've been told by Nate's mom and his dad's former girlfriend he beat them. Nate came out pretty good for having these living situations, and tries his best to always be better and not end up like his parents.

 

This was just kinda a small ramble, but also to show that even with these bad circumstances in his life, he still rose above them and is probably one of success stories of having a shitty childhood and life.



#3 Syntax

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 01:05 PM

Is there a correlating demographic between shitty parenting and hellion children or is it an effect of random genetics and personality? Does everyone have an equal chance of being something in life?

 

Yes. I strongly believe that 99% of who you are is a direct response to your environment and by extension, your parents. I also honestly believe that the circumstance that you're born into is the biggest factor in whether you can become "something in life." Not saying that everyone can't be something, but depending on where you're born and how you grew up, the fight for success per se, is gonna vary in difficulty.



#4 Adam

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 01:10 PM

Holy copy and paste nappers haha

#5 MishaZheleza

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 01:23 PM

Holy copy and paste nappers haha

Hey! I typed mine from scratch!



#6 Adam

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 01:26 PM

Hey! I typed mine from scratch!


It was a good read, it's great to hear success stories like that. I was talking about Napi copying and pasting what I said xD

#7 Mishelle

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 01:37 PM

I think it has a huge bearing on how a person turns out because I feel more often than not kids turn out just like their parents it becomes a cycle. If you watch any of those prison shows a lot of the people say that they were introduced to crime at extremely young ages either before puberty or just getting into puberty. There are some people who are able to pull themselves together like my cousin grew up in an abusive household and she has a good job and she's out on her own but she still follows in her mom's footsteps by constantly getting into abusive relationships herself.



#8 tri

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 05:42 PM

I have always believed that kids follow in their parents foot steps. If your parents don't set a good example or a good future for you that you will turn out like them.

 

I live in a city where you have no upper class but middle and low. I go to a school where mainly low income go too. I am not low income but you can tell that they followed in their parents footsteps by getting pregnant young, drugs etc. While the middle class that really never happens. 



#9 Adam

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 06:00 PM

I have always believed that kids follow in their parents foot steps. If your parents don't set a good example or a good future for you that you will turn out like them.

I live in a city where you have no upper class but middle and low. I go to a school where mainly low income go too. I am not low income but you can tell that they followed in their parents footsteps by getting pregnant young, drugs etc. While the middle class that really never happens.

My father is a woman abuser and a drug addict. I'm none of those. I also graduated from high school, going to college and active duty military. Neither of my parents can say the same thing. You may want to re-think the idea that children always follow their parents footsteps.

Edited by Adam, 04 August 2013 - 06:02 PM.


#10 201211

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 06:32 PM

It's a general trend, one that I believe can be vouched for by both statistics and scientific study. Of course, you will have outliers and exceptions. But people who've endured abuse/trauma as a child are much more likely to turn into troubled adults themselves. I agree with Syntax. Childhood plays a crucial role in shaping a person's morals, ethics, character, personality, etc. I would go so far as to say a childhood defines that person, and can explain their actions, their beliefs, their reactions to certain situations, etc.

 

I think there are generally two ways children react to abuse. The first case is when the child understands what is normal. The child knows that the abuse is wrong, that the parent is in the wrong for doing whatever they are doing. The child will probably experience hatred, which he/she will keep deep in their heart and harbor resentment to their parents long after they grow up. This kind of child, despite living in a substandard environment, whether because of outside influences or what, knows what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, even as the child goes through a troubled childhood, he/she can vow to himself "never to be like his parents."

 

That's case A. More commonly though, we see cases where the kid just never understands what is "normal." The child is essentially isolated from the outside world, from "normal people", basically raised in a substandard childhood with no absolute way to discern what is right, what is wrong, more importantly, what life *should* be like. In this case, the kid will take after the parent, as there is no alternative to take after. Contrary to logic, the child will not harbor any resentment to the adult or authority figure because that child has been raised believing all along that being abused was "normal." In the most severe of cases, where the parent is absolutely abusive, and the kid is continually abused,  the child will completely lack any understanding of how children, people, spouses, etc. are supposed to be treated. Here's where you tend to see severely troubled people, where you get psychopaths, where you get people with no empathy, no sympathy, etc.

 

In most cases, though, parents will just neglect the child, and so the child grows up to be a bum who was never disciplined as a kid. 

 

The key difference in between these two types of children is exposure to the outside world. Does the kid know what a happy family feels like? Does the kid have the opportunity to explore, in school, how other families are like, etc.? If the kid has trouble communicating socially, which is highly likely among substandard childhoods, then the kid could very well live his entire elementary school life without knowing "normalcy." 

 

Well, I've had my fair share of experience with a crappy childhood. And in my experiences, a childhood is a kind of past that you sometimes just can't run away from. It'll get to you. Most people with substandard childhoods, will turn into substandard people.  It's just because they had that big of a setback they had to overcome just to get even with people who had normal lives. If you compare life to a race, it's basically like being set fifty meters behind the starting line. It's not that you can't win. It's that you're just going have to run 50 meters just to break even, and then you've still got the rest of the track to finish.

 

Wellp, I'm rambling. Just my two cents. 



#11 VaultBoy

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Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:18 PM

Birth order usually (not always) makes the older one more responsible (Being responsible is 90% of what makes a human "good" in the eyes of others, imo)



#12 MishaZheleza

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Posted 05 August 2013 - 06:15 AM

Honestly, I see it two ways. Your enviroment influences you no matter what. It either influences you to be conditioned that this behavior, say in my case, behavior of drinking every night and being creepy to your daughters(non-sexual manner so far thankfully) or yelling at your daughters for being complete fuck ups in life because you got a C in a subject you struggle in and then yelling about how you have no friends and your boyfriend just wants to knock you up, conditioned to see that as completely normal, or to recognize that your father is an alcoholic whose wife is cheating on him and your mother came from a household where she was also verbally abused and sometimes physically abused by abuelita(is about as sane as Mary Todd Lincoln), and to recognize that while they are family, that is NOT okay behavior, and to rise from that. Sadly, my little sister Kay, she's very gullible and easily influenced in a negative way. She's 12 now, in the age of where she starts recognizing this, I just hope she doesn't fall into the same pattern. :/

 

 

 

Oh, just in case, abuelita means grandmother in spanish. So, my mom's mom.


Edited by MishaZheleza, 05 August 2013 - 06:16 AM.


#13 resinFiend

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Posted 05 August 2013 - 04:00 PM

Another thing that should be factored in is the way we're using "useless" here. I'm seeing a lot of "violent, drug addicted, low intellect, low drive, has kids in teens" stuff, but just because someone managed to get through school, get a job, and contribute doesn't mean they aren't seriously suffering the effects of an abusive/neglectful upbringing.

My ex-girlfriend was beautiful, neat, talented, well-spoken, but only to figures of authority and coworkers. She excelled in school out of a feeling of impending doom, like the universe would end with a C. In private and with friends she's a WRECK. She's passive aggressive like it's an art form, cries hard and often (multiple times daily), has an eating disorder which ruined her metabolism and she's now very overweight, says "Sorry"  as a reflex so often that if they were gum wrappers I could wallpaper my apartment with them, she's messy and forgetful and thoughtless to how her actions effect others. She emotionally abused her best friend so badly he's filing a restraining order against her. She abuses vicodin. She's extremely suicidal and borderline alcoholic. 

Her parents never physically hurt her. She was just raised with the distinct undertone that she was unwanted, loved only out of a sense of duty. The unspoken rule was that she owed her parents perfection and to fail even slightly was to prove to them that she shouldn't have been given the chance to exist. Underneath her chaos she's really a sweet, lost person who craves affection and intimacy, but her issues make it a full-time job to love and care for her now.

Just another side of the story.



#14 Doe

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 08:31 AM

I believe not *everyone* who is raised in substandard living conditions will turn into a waste of space, but I feel like they will more often than not. There are a few people who will rise to bigger and better things, but I think this is due solely to random personality traits and potentially a single positive impact in the early childhood.


Is there a correlating demographic between shitty parenting and hellion children or is it an effect of random genetics and personality? Does everyone have an equal chance of being something in life?

Nobody has an "equal" chance of anything in life.

 

Agree with your opening statement.



#15 Atonement

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 08:43 PM

I grew up in foster homes. My mother had drug problems. I'm sort of the one foster care success story my amazing adopted father has. Graduating college within the year.

 

It's very true. Most of my foster brothers were, are, and will continue to be drains on society. Even my biological brother who went through it all with me.

I had something to distract me from my issues: girls, books, video games (no internet), computer programming (from books). The rest of them were just assholes who wanted to see the world burn.


Edited by Atonement, 28 April 2014 - 08:44 PM.


#16 Elle

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 10:04 PM

Cindy, 14-

  • Has an eating disorder
  • 14 and Pregnant
  • Is addicted to X

 

I wish this user was still around. I'd be interested to know how this ended up working out.



#17 NapisaurusRex

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Posted 29 April 2014 - 03:32 AM

I wish this user was still around. I'd be interested to know how this ended up working out.

This person reminded me of Mishatu. (Not Elle, the mishazhela one)

#18 Grandmaster

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Posted 02 May 2014 - 02:49 AM

I think it also actually depends on how early the child takes charge of his own life. If the child can take charge of his own life early, then environment does not really matter much. But if the child did not take charge of his own life early and keeps to arrangements made by his parents or other people, then environment would matter a lot. Taking charge does not mean financially independent but more of making important decisions on your own.





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