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Open Relationships/Marriage versus monogamy

kate nudes always excited to open her nudes

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#1 Boggart

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 08:55 AM

Relatively recently, I met a guy whose in his mid to late 30's and it turns out he's been married to a guy for over 15 years, and dated for ~20 years. They seem to have a very stable marriage and spend all their free time together and are very much still in love. However, even more recently, I found out they actually have an open marriage. I don't know the details, but I know that both people have sex with other people (I'm not sure if it's a threesome kinda deal or if the other person has to disclose the info or what have you). This kinda surprised me until I talked to more people and I found out that open marriages/relationships aren't exactly rare.

 

So I have a few questions: What is your opinion on open relationships/marriages? Do they work? Or are they kidding themselves?

 

Why does it seem much more prevalent with same-sex male relationships? Are gay men just more honest? That sex doesn't have to equate to love and sometimes they want sex with more than just one person and that it doesn't mean they love their partner any less.

Is monogamy stupid? Monogamy is a social construct of being with one person all your life when in most cases it goes against nature where polygamy (or at least multiple women to have children) is commonly found. Are we all kidding ourselves with monogamy? Is an open relationship truly the best of both worlds?

 

I personally could not do it because I'm fuckin' crazy and could not handle my partner sleeping with another person behind my back. Plus it apparently means I'm not enough in bed which is kinda shitty. Then again I can't say I blame them since I just starfish *plop*

 

SPOILER: ME IN BED

 

Spoiler


#2 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 08:57 AM

Not my thing, but whatever people want to do is up to them.

#3 Waser Lave

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:03 AM

Yeah, not for me either, I figure it's probably going to end up with at least one of the people involved getting jealous and then everybody gets hurt. Breakups are complicated enough with just two people. :p



#4 talbs

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:08 AM

Definitely not my thing but I know a hetero couple in my age group (25-30) and they are fine with it and participate with different people, sometimes together, on occasion.


Edited by talbs, 24 July 2014 - 09:08 AM.


#5 Tubbz

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:09 AM

I think the whole point of open relationships is you're allowed to indulge sexually elsewhere if you desire. It's distinguishing love from sex. I think that's why it's difficult in heterosexual relationships, the women folk tend to get pretty jealous and assume because you have sex with them, you want more than just to get your end away. 

 

I do however know quite a few straight people who "make love" to a partner, but have sex with other people. You'd be surprised at how big swinging communities are :S



#6 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:18 AM

I think that's why it's difficult in heterosexual relationships, the women folk tend to get pretty jealous and assume because you have sex with them, you want more than just to get your end away.


Yeah, man. It's definitely only women-folk who get jealous in heterosexual relationships.

#7 Tubbz

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:23 AM

Yeah, man. It's definitely only women-folk who get jealous in heterosexual relationships.

 

Glad you agree. :) 

 

I know it's not just women, but I'd say generally men would tend to be more promiscuous given the opportunity. 



#8 Chappy

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:34 AM

Yeah, man. It's definitely only women-folk who get jealous in heterosexual relationships.

 

mmm I wouldn't say that. Everyone get's jealous one time or another. My dad is a male ,but he gets jealous all the time. I think even pets get jealous too. (I may be wrong on the last one, but they act sometimes like that.) 

You can argue with me, but honestly everyone has emotions and maybe it's rare for you in particular @Sweeney.



#9 Rocket

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:37 AM

mmm I wouldn't say that. Everyone get's jealous one time or another. My dad is a male ,but he gets jealous all the time. I think even pets get jealous too. (I may be wrong on the last one, but they act sometimes like that.) 

You can argue with me, but honestly everyone has emotions and maybe it's rare for you in particular @Sweeney.

 

I think his post was sarcastic... :p



#10 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:49 AM

mmm I wouldn't say that. Everyone get's jealous one time or another. My dad is a male ,but he gets jealous all the time. I think even pets get jealous too. (I may be wrong on the last one, but they act sometimes like that.) 
You can argue with me, but honestly everyone has emotions and maybe it's rare for you in particular @Sweeney.


I was definitely being sarcastic.

#11 Chappy

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:53 AM

I was definitely being sarcastic.

 

Derp Well sorry then! I had no idea ;/ (I have no idea how I was suppose to know that T^T)



#12 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:54 AM

Derp Well sorry then! I had no idea ;/ (I have no idea how I was suppose to know that T^T)


Because thinking what I posted as a serious thought is really fucking stupid. Which I am not.

#13 Chappy

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 09:59 AM

Because thinking what I posted as a serious thought is really fucking stupid. Which I am not.

 

I didn't mean to offend you. I didn't think it was a stupid thought....



#14 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:00 AM

I didn't mean to offend you. I didn't think it was a stupid thought....


Well, you should have :p

#15 Chappy

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:02 AM

Well, you should have :p

 

Mm I've have met people that legit thinks like that all the time. Usually they are smart people (imo) so yeah. Well sorry everyone for that whole situation!~ Sorry Sweeney XD



#16 Rocket

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:04 AM

I can see both the pro's and con's of an open relationship, however it's not really my cup of tea.



#17 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:06 AM

I can see both the pro's and con's of an open relationship, however it's not really my cup of tea.


No, we know exactly what your cup of tea is ;)

Spoiler


#18 Metigue

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:08 AM

Are you talking about Dan Savage by any chance?

 



#19 Rocket

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:09 AM

No, we know exactly what your cup of tea is ;)

tumblr_mwghv35pwK1qdbcewo2_r1_400.gif

 

It's just so beautiful *-*



#20 Kat

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:11 AM

Not my thing either, I'm far too possessive. However what other people do in the bedroom (or other bedrooms) is their business, not mine.



#21 Romy

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:20 AM

Not my think but...both @Chappy and I have agreed that if we meet our celeb crushes, we're welcome to sleep with them.



#22 Elindoril

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:22 AM

Not my think but...both @Chappy and I have agreed that if we meet our celeb crushes, we're welcome to sleep with them.


I don't think I'll ever get alone time with Weird Al. :(

#23 Boggart

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:32 AM

What about the IDEA Of an open relationship? That seem appealing? If you had bad sex, would you consider it? Or if the sex was bad that would've been a deal breaker from day 1?

#24 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:35 AM

What about the IDEA Of an open relationship? That seem appealing? If you had bad sex, would you consider it? Or if the sex was bad that would've been a deal breaker from day 1?


I thought I'd already answered the question over the idea of an open relationship... :p
I probably wouldn't want to marry someone I didn't enjoy sex with.

#25 Rocket

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Posted 24 July 2014 - 10:39 AM

What about the IDEA Of an open relationship? That seem appealing? If you had bad sex, would you consider it? Or if the sex was bad that would've been a deal breaker from day 1?

 

I would think if you aren't sexually compatible, you wouldn't really want to be in a relationship let alone get married.





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