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Describe your favorite games and make them sound terrible.


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51 replies to this topic

#1 poofka

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 09:37 PM

You're a mercenary or whatever at some school and there's some stuff about an orphanage or whatever but you basically just play cards. 



#2 Keil

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 09:41 PM

A monkey clone is sent as an angel of death to a new planet, but instead performs in shakespearian-esque plays and womanizes every hot woman he finds.

 

You're a mercenary or whatever at some school and there's some stuff about an orphanage or whatever but you basically just play cards. 

 

Ha, that is a good one xD FFVIII. 



#3 Norava

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 09:45 PM

I charge people rent randomly and plow down all of their homes so I can build hotels and eventually bankrupt everyone around me. 



#4 Foxi

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 09:48 PM

You're homeless and there's monsters everywhere. You try to build a house, but all you have is dirt, so you have to resort to punching trees for wood.


Edited by Kougie, 28 May 2015 - 09:48 PM.


#5 Karla

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 09:58 PM

You're a skilled swordsman who likes to run around solving peoples problems and save your home from some pig ugly guy who also kidnapped yourBFF also you scream a lot.



#6 Swarley

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 10:03 PM

You work for a secret agency that helps people with music. You and two other agents travel around the world and have to be on rhythm when helping people, or you'll fuck it up.

#7 WhimsicalOakTree

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 03:41 AM

You murder a metric ton of people, animals and anything that can die because other people with exclamation marks over their head offer you a payment for it.



#8 Kat

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 03:44 AM

You try to run a country without it going to shit, somehow you're immortal, and Gandhi nukes everyone.



#9 talbs

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 05:23 AM

Saw the topic and couldn't help but think of this.

 

"I think Halo is a pretty cool guy. Eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anything."



#10 poofka

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 07:17 AM

So like you're this fucking green elf who has to solve all these rudimentary puzzles and shit, sometimes you have to look shit up though cause the solutions are so stupidly obscure or Japanese and you feel like a fucking moron then cause children play these games.

#11 Jess

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 07:20 AM

You live in a town with a bunch of repetitive animals who try to tell you what to do even though they just moved in and they rip you off constantly.



#12 Swarley

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 07:25 AM

You go on an "adventure" in your country, island, or whatever that is, and you have to capture wild animals to fight for you. Your goal is to get every single animal available and collect data about them to an old man.

#13 Jess

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 07:31 AM

You're special but you don't understand why cause you're a moron and everyone is racist in some way and you kill dragons and collect their souls so you can yell made up words and jump really far.



#14 Karla

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Posted 29 May 2015 - 07:53 AM

You're a murderer but that doesn't matter because you have to protect an 8 year old stranger from horrible smelling and looking monsters that are TOTALLY not zombies also people tend to treat you like shit.



#15 ghostlyMobster

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 04:21 AM

-It's the 80s and also time for murder.

 

-Get rid of your daughter's mom, become the alpha dad.

 

-Bad writing, bad graphics, bad controls, bad script, bad voice acting. The Big Bad sells evil trees. 



#16 Nymh

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 04:43 AM

You're a fat ugly plumber who travels the world trying not to get killed by turtles, flowers and mushrooms to save a princess who keeps getting FUCKING KIDNAPPED

#17 Strategist

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 05:05 AM

You're a fat ugly plumber who travels the world trying not to get killed by turtles, flowers and mushrooms to save a princess who keeps getting FUCKING KIDNAPPED

Ugh, sounds like a shitty game, nty.

 

 

Here's mine:

You punch trees all day long, trying to get by on a stale piece of bread and some rotten eggs you picked up off the ground at some point in your travels. Meanwhile, building a hut out of dirt to keep you out of the cold, cold night and away from the 'nasties' because that's all that you can afford right now. Then some fucker decides they want to come along and be your 'friend' and offer you 'hugs', when all they really want to do is BLOW UP YOUR FUCKING MUD HUT YOU SPENT AGES MAKING.



#18 Cyo

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 05:34 AM

Fake ass lego that ain't even real.



#19 Bone

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 05:38 AM

You're a tiny alien tasked with creating giant balls.



#20 Emily

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 05:41 AM

You create your own people and then make their lives miserable. 



#21 Clutch

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 05:54 AM

You play as a bland, stereotypical American soldier hellbent on eradicating the world of brown people, Russians, and dogs. You play through countless hours of repetitive action including, but not limited to: shooting enemies that hide like pussies behind a wall, breaching doors in slow motion, saying and/or listening to soldiers say overly-patriotic things about America, watching as American soldiers sacrifice themselves to save a foreign leader, chasing a terrorist around the globe, or getting into trouble and calling the only Russian your character is friends with.

 

When you aren't playing this award winning "Campaign Mode", you can dive into "Multiplayer", a fast-paced, also quite repetitive safe-haven for the world's population of obnoxious, sadistic, foul-mouthed twelve year olds who have not only made you feel worthless by killing you twenty times in the same match, but have also apparently "banged your mom". Unlock countless of Killstreaks, five of which you will use regularly, and one that you'd like to use, but can't, because the twelve year old keeps killing you. Enjoy countless hours of this fully-addictive multiplayer, and experience everyone's favorite things like: hackers making the game unplayable, migrating hosts, being killed by the countless campers, being killed by a n00b using a grenade-launcher, or being killed by some guy who just fucking 360 no-scoped you.

 

And if those modes aren't enough, enjoy Special Ops, a game-mode that is entirely repetitive and ultimately bland as hell. Do simple missions like: completing a training session that they give to police officers, clearing a town of all brown people (but watch out for civilians!), shooting things from a helicopter as your friend wanders through the field in a much less eventful fashion, race down a mountain in a thoroughly ridiculous sequence taken straight from the Campaign mode. If those seem to easy for the experienced player, you can change the difficulty to make it completely unenjoyable.*

 

*This is not recommended. Just as it is not recommended to taunt the twelve year olds, as it will ruin your self esteem and make you lose all respect for yourself, it is not recommended to change the difficulty. This will make you throw your controller at the wall, because the AI who was previously hopelessly incompetent can now somehow see you through a wall and shoot you in the head. Seriously, stick with Regular.

 

 

Anyone care to guess what game this is? Lol. By the way, this is actually one of my favorite games.



#22 aritsumiki

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Posted 30 May 2015 - 08:06 AM

So, basically, you find some wild animals and throw balls at them in hopes of enslaving them forever. Then you pit said animals in brutal fights against each other to make them stronger.



#23 poofka

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Posted 03 June 2015 - 02:52 PM

You play as a bland, stereotypical American soldier hellbent on eradicating the world of brown people, Russians, and dogs. You play through countless hours of repetitive action including, but not limited to: shooting enemies that hide like pussies behind a wall, breaching doors in slow motion, saying and/or listening to soldiers say overly-patriotic things about America, watching as American soldiers sacrifice themselves to save a foreign leader, chasing a terrorist around the globe, or getting into trouble and calling the only Russian your character is friends with.

 

When you aren't playing this award winning "Campaign Mode", you can dive into "Multiplayer", a fast-paced, also quite repetitive safe-haven for the world's population of obnoxious, sadistic, foul-mouthed twelve year olds who have not only made you feel worthless by killing you twenty times in the same match, but have also apparently "banged your mom". Unlock countless of Killstreaks, five of which you will use regularly, and one that you'd like to use, but can't, because the twelve year old keeps killing you. Enjoy countless hours of this fully-addictive multiplayer, and experience everyone's favorite things like: hackers making the game unplayable, migrating hosts, being killed by the countless campers, being killed by a n00b using a grenade-launcher, or being killed by some guy who just fucking 360 no-scoped you.

 

And if those modes aren't enough, enjoy Special Ops, a game-mode that is entirely repetitive and ultimately bland as hell. Do simple missions like: completing a training session that they give to police officers, clearing a town of all brown people (but watch out for civilians!), shooting things from a helicopter as your friend wanders through the field in a much less eventful fashion, race down a mountain in a thoroughly ridiculous sequence taken straight from the Campaign mode. If those seem to easy for the experienced player, you can change the difficulty to make it completely unenjoyable.*

 

*This is not recommended. Just as it is not recommended to taunt the twelve year olds, as it will ruin your self esteem and make you lose all respect for yourself, it is not recommended to change the difficulty. This will make you throw your controller at the wall, because the AI who was previously hopelessly incompetent can now somehow see you through a wall and shoot you in the head. Seriously, stick with Regular.

 

 

Anyone care to guess what game this is? Lol. By the way, this is actually one of my favorite games.

This is amazing and if I had to guess I would say... Call of Duty? 



#24 Amarillo

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Posted 03 June 2015 - 07:53 PM

i have to use chains and sword for protect me from some stupid assholes who wants to kill me, my boss is a fucking douchebag, she tries to help me, she thinks she is god, so stupid, her brother is dead, i killed him, had to pay to devil, but i scaped from hell, i said my boss's father hates me? i dont know what he thinks about me, but i was on drug when i killed one of his sons



#25 Keil

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Posted 03 June 2015 - 08:08 PM

An underwater soccer player in a civilization teeming with advanced technology is transported to a future of more underwater soccer games and a humongous flying whale killing everyone in sight. Eventually this guy laughs like a homicidal maniac at the whim of a socially awkward, kimono-wearing girl who talks to ghosts dwelling in large boulders.




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