56 replies to this topic

[Padme]

What are the worst choices you've made in life?

What have been the repercussions?

What do you wish you could change?

 

 

NO RAGRETS

@Swarley

[Swar]

I only make good decisions :c

 

jk

 

Okay, probably not really studying during my last year of school. And this year as well. I could be in college, but my lazy ass didn't let me.

 

Sorry, that's all. I don't do much anyway lol

[Karla]

My only regret in life was taking up the viola.  As a result, my family forced me to major in viola performance to get a music job.  I never did feel committed to the viola, because I looked at it as an extra curricular activity, and not something I wanted to commit my life to.  I also hate the instrument, AND I'M STILL PLAYING THE DAMN THING. :\  Now as a result, I'm stuck here without a job, and currently trying to get a certificate in a field I'm actually interested in.

 

EDIT: Oh yes, I also regret saying a racial comment to one of the kids in middle school.  We could have been friends, but now we're not.

[Coops]

My only regret in life was taking up the viola.  As a result, my family forced me to major in viola performance to get a music job.  I never did feel committed to the viola, because I looked at it as an extra curricular activity, and not something I wanted to commit my life to.  I also hate the instrument, AND I'M STILL PLAYING THE DAMN THING. :\  Now as a result, I'm stuck here without a job, and currently trying to get a certificate in a field I'm actually interested in.

 

EDIT: Oh yes, I also regret saying a racial comment to one of the kids in middle school.  We could have been friends, but now we're not.

Wow. That sucks about your family. I love stringed instruments. But I can imagine you feel a lot of resentment and shit about it. :l

[Katya]

Hm, I probably have tons.

 

Regrets:

1. Innocently trusting an adult man at the age of 8 to be a protector and not the cause of one of the worst things that happened to me.

2. Pretty much the same but I was 15, I should have known better, there are no good people in the world.

3. All the times I tried to forgive my father for being a shitty human being.

 

Bad decisions:

1. Having my hair dyed blonde when I was a teen and a surfer/skater, because it was rad.

2. Not taking the chance to go to university. I was foccused on other things and I didn't want that to my life in that moment. I could do it now, but I don't think I would have the patiente or time. And I'd probably quit in the middle of it lol

[Coops]

Hm, I probably have tons.

 

Regrets:

1. Innocently trusting an adult man at the age of 8 to be a protector and not the cause of one of the worst things that happened to me.

2. Pretty much the same but I was 15, I should have known better, there are no good people in the world.

3. All the times I tried to forgive my father for being a shitty human being.

 

Bad decisions:

1. Having my hair dyed blonde when I was a teen and a surfer/skater, because it was rad.

2. Not taking the chance to go to university. I was foccused on other things and I didn't want that to my life in that moment. I could do it now, but I don't think I would have the patiente or time. And I'd probably quit in the middle of it lol

I can relate in so many ways to your third point. It's so hard to get to the point where you can protect yourself from toxic abusive humans. But once you get there and you can recognize it, it is incredibly freeing. I'm sorry about whatever happened to you. It's never easy dealing with that shit.

[HiMyNameIsNick]

No regrets so far

[Padme]

No ragrets

 

 

No regrets so far

 

[Katya]

I can relate in so many ways to your third point. It's so hard to get to the point where you can protect yourself from toxic abusive humans. But once you get there and you can recognize it, it is incredibly freeing. I'm sorry about whatever happened to you. It's never easy dealing with that shit.

 

It came to a point where he would kill us all or I would kill him. I could live with the latter, but my mum and brother wouldn't, so I made the decision for the three of us and took us out of that hell house. He can now die alone. Blood ties mean shit.

[Trichomes]

Ugh, I regret everything.

[Padme]

It came to a point where he would kill us all or I would kill him. I could live with the latter, but my mum and brother wouldn't, so I made the decision for the three of us and took us out of that hell house. He can now die alone. Blood ties mean shit.

 

Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family.

I was in the same situation but with my mother. She is a straight up psycho that abused my siblings and I in every way imaginable. 

 

 

Ugh, I regret everything.

 

I feel this way at least twice a day.  <3

[Romy]

Carrying extra baggage is a pain. I never understood how people actively hold grudges or regrets.

 

tl;dr

[Katya]

A while ago there were some really accurate things said about grudges in a status update. If I could find it... lol

[Trichomes]

Carrying extra baggage is a pain. I never understood how people actively hold grudges or regrets.

 

tl;dr

 

Not everyone has the ability to forget and move on. I don't think many people choose to carry extra baggage with them, unless it's purely out of spite. It's especially hard when you suffer from mental illness, be it depression, anxiety, OCD, or whatever, because your brain is constantly replaying negative scenarios and reminding you of moments when you fucked up.

[Coops]

Not everyone has the ability to forget and move on. I don't think many people choose to carry extra baggage with them, unless it's purely out of spite. It's especially hard when you suffer from mental illness, be it depression, anxiety, OCD, or whatever, because your brain is constantly replaying negative scenarios and reminding you of moments when you fucked up.

Or when someone fucked you up. Like, if someone abuses you, you have every right to not like that person and withhold forgiveness, especially if that person makes no effort to apologize, take responsibility or be better. That is up to you if someone hurt you. Also, some people need to be able to walk away from certain people and that may or may not involve a grudge or not.  

[Padme]

Carrying extra baggage is a pain. I never understood how people actively hold grudges or regrets.

 

 

Not everyone has the ability to forget and move on. I don't think many people choose to carry extra baggage with them, unless it's purely out of spite. It's especially hard when you suffer from mental illness, be it depression, anxiety, OCD, or whatever, because your brain is constantly replaying negative scenarios and reminding you of moments when you fucked up.

 

Sometimes its good to have regret... to use it as a lesson in life.

To help you from repeating poor decisions.

Sort of like forgiving, but not forgetting.

 

Just letting go of things in life isn't always the right decision that everyone makes it out to be. 

Honestly, gonna reference the movie 'Inside Out' where you learn that you need sadness sometimes to develop empathy/compassion/caring and that it isn't always a bad thing.

:3 

Emotions and experiences provide a spectrum for our lives to make mature and informed decisions. 

 

Sometimes shitty things happens with no reason and are done to you without your consent.

[Coops]

 

Just letting go of things in life isn't always the right decision that everyone makes it out to be. 

 

This. Letting go can mean so many different things for different people, depending on their circumstances. Sometimes it's okay not to be the bigger person, or not to forgive and forget. It's all about perspective.

[Padme]

This. Letting go can mean so many different things for different people, depending on their circumstances. Sometimes it's okay not to be the bigger person, or not to forgive and forget. It's all about perspective.

 

100%

 

I will say that if something from your past is negatively effecting you all the time, causing you anguish and endangering you then you should seek medical attention but wiping out our pasts only causes us to live in a false reality which is usually even less healthy in the long run. 

[Coops]

100%

 

I will say that if something from your past is negatively effecting you all the time, causing you anguish and endangering you then you should seek medical attention but wiping out our pasts only causes us to live in a false reality which is usually even less healthy in the long run. 

I think the key here is life is not black and white. There is no blanket fix for abuse, mistakes, regrets, sadness, anger, resentment, contempt, or whatever else you might experience as you live. The best we can all do is to try to learn from what we do, what we experience, what we feel and to understand that we cannot compare our experiences to someone else's. Then we must find a way to live with that. Living means something different for everyone. 

[Katya]

Holding a grudge doesn't have to be an extra baggage or cause pain. None of my grudges cause me any pain, but they remind me everyday that because of every single one of them I'm still alive today. Grudge doesn't have to be a bad thing. Not everything is black and white, there's hell of a lot gray tones in everyone's lives.
If it wasn't for holding a grudge to everything that my father did to my family, we would probably be dead by now.
If it wasn't for holding a grudge to the person that ruined my life when I was kid, I'd probably be dead by his hands or worse.
Holding grudges made me stronger and happier. The day I stopped forgiving everyone for everything I became more happy.

Not everything liable of forgiveness, especially if it makes us more aware for whatever crap is in the road ahead, because life is not a fucking perfect lilies field like some people like to think it by swipe under the mat every shit that happens to them thinking "I don't care". One day, the consequences will engulf you alive.

 

 

Besides, having the conscience we made a bad decision in our past or that we regret something we did, is not holding a grudge. It's being a real human being, because people should be aware of their mistakes, unless the point of one's life is to repeating every mistake ever made and not learn anything from it.

[HiMyNameIsNick]

Hakuna matata guys

[Romy]

Sometimes its good to have regret... to use it as a lesson in life.

To help you from repeating poor decisions.

Sort of like forgiving, but not forgetting.

 

Just letting go of things in life isn't always the right decision that everyone makes it out to be. 

Honestly, gonna reference the movie 'Inside Out' where you learn that you need sadness sometimes to develop empathy/compassion/caring and that it isn't always a bad thing.

:3 

Emotions and experiences provide a spectrum for our lives to make mature and informed decisions. 

 

Sometimes shitty things happens with no reason and are done to you without your consent.

Being sad and regretting something are two completely different though.

I can be sad about not going to hang out with my friends but not regret it because I got to stay home and play Skyrim in my underwear.

 

 

Holding a grudge doesn't have to be an extra baggage or cause pain. None of my grudges cause me any pain, but they remind me everyday that because of every single one of them I'm still alive today. Grudge doesn't have to be a bad thing. Not everything is black and white, there's hell of a lot gray tones in everyone's lives.
If it wasn't for holding a grudge to everything that my father did to my family, we would probably be dead by now.
If it wasn't for holding a grudge to the person that ruined my life when I was kid, I'd probably be dead by his hands or worse.
Holding grudges made me stronger and happier. The day I stopped forgiving everyone for everything I became more happy.

Not everything liable of forgiveness, especially if it makes us more aware for whatever crap is in the road ahead, because life is not a fucking perfect lilies field like some people like to think it by swipe under the mat every shit that happens to them thinking "I don't care". One day, the consequences will engulf you alive.

 

 

Besides, having the conscience we made a bad decision in our past or that we regret anything we did, is not holding a grudge. It's being a real human being, because people should be aware of their mistakes, unless the point of one's life is to repeating every mistake ever made and not learn anything from it.

Holding a grudge (by definition) is holding resentment towards a person or event in your life.

I choose not to hold resentment towards anything or anyone.

 

I don't need grudges, regrets or resentment to learn from a bad experience. It's toxic.

[Katya]

@Romy, it's toxic for you.

[Coops]

Holding a grudge doesn't have to be an extra baggage or cause pain. None of my grudges cause me any pain, but they remind me everyday that because of every single one of them I'm still alive today. Grudge doesn't have to be a bad thing. Not everything is black and white, there's hell of a lot gray tones in everyone's lives.
If it wasn't for holding a grudge to everything that my father did to my family, we would probably be dead by now.
If it wasn't for holding a grudge to the person that ruined my life when I was kid, I'd probably be dead by his hands or worse.
Holding grudges made me stronger and happier. The day I stopped forgiving everyone for everything I became more happy.

Not everything liable of forgiveness, especially if it makes us more aware for whatever crap is in the road ahead, because life is not a fucking perfect lilies field like some people like to think it by swipe under the mat every shit that happens to them thinking "I don't care". One day, the consequences will engulf you alive.

 

 

Besides, having the conscience we made a bad decision in our past or that we regret something we did, is not holding a grudge. It's being a real human being, because people should be aware of their mistakes, unless the point of one's life is to repeating every mistake ever made and not learn anything from it.

I wanna +rep this but I'm out for today. :l 

My mom is like what you describe. She thinks family is all that matters and swept some pretty fucked up shit under the mat, to avoid facing the fact that her husband is an abusive piece of trash. Because of that she has lost closeness to me. I can't be okay with someone who blamed me for all the abuse (physical & emotional) I received, who said I should be the bigger person and just accept my dad as an abuser and be okay with it, who said I won't make a good therapist if I can't be objective about my own dad even, etc. That is toxic. I calmly told her I was done with that. As a grown ass woman, I can choose my family and I can be a good person while still holding my dad accountable. That it's okay for me to lack objectivity with the person who smacked the shit out of me for being autistic, or being a woman or whatever other fucked up excuse he used to legitimatize tormenting me. 

 

 

Being sad and regretting something are two completely different though.

I can be sad about not going to hang out with my friends but not regret it because I got to stay home and play Skyrim in my underwear.

 

 

Holding a grudge (by definition) is holding resentment towards a person or event in your life.

I choose not to hold resentment towards anything or anyone.

 

I don't need grudges, regrets or resentment to learn from a bad experience. It's toxic.

I disagree. I resent my dad and hold a grudge. But it doesn't hurt me. It prevents me from ever trying to rebuild that bridge. Because if I do rebuild it, he will continue to abuse me and that is worse than dealing with the occasional feeling of resentment. Some people can't change. That's okay. For you, it works. But it definitely doesn't work for everyone. Keep doing it if it works for you.