45 replies to this topic

[Coops]

What are your thoughts on the idea of the friendzone? Do you think people are individual or that the friendzone is a perceived intentional action on the part of women in general?

Please keep it civil. Sexism (misandry or misogyny) is not tolerated and violates the Neocodex rules. Please try to be respectful, empathetic and understanding when discussing this controversial topic. If you make a claim, please try to back it up with a combination of sources (personal experiences, research, etc). Try not to make this personal.   

Here is a link for the urban dictionary meaning:
http://www.urbandict...erm=Friend Zone  

Ready, set, go!

[Padme]

I've friend zoned men.

They've friend zoned me.

I've also friend zoned women.

 

 

So I think it happens from both men & women.

It isn't just women who friend zone males.

 

It definitely exists.

If people try to push themselves out of the friend zone with me and don't respect that they can't be more, then they go to the ghost zone which is a zone I don't visit at all.

[Coops]

I've friend zoned men.

They've friend zoned me.

I've also friend zoned women.

 

 

So I think it happens from both men & women.

It isn't just women who friend zone males.

 

It definitely exists.

If people try to push themselves out of the friend zone with me and don't respect that they can't be more, then they go to the ghost zone which is a zone I don't visit at all.

@Padme If it happens to both men and women, would it just be "I'm not attracted to you, can we be friends or not?" then? I think the core of the friendzone is males are entitled to sex for being decent to a lady and if she isn't interested, then he is friendzoned and she's a cold-bitch. I might be misunderstanding the idea, but that seems to be the gist of it from what I've seen people talk about (beta-males, nice guys finish last, etc). 

Edited by Coops, 01 September 2015 - 07:50 PM.

[Swar]

It exists.

 

Some guys often say they were friendzoned, when the girl just doesn't want anything with him. Not being interested =/= friendzone-ing(?). So that could be why people usually think women friendzone more than men.

 

I friendzoned my crush one time.

Edit: forgot to mention; I was her crush too.

[Adam]

#YesAllWomen

[Padme]

I think the issue I seem to find is that we usually hear these stories from butt hurt people aka rejected men.

I think it can be the exact same thing but I do understand what you are getting at.

I just refuse to succumb to people letting men victimize themselves over a woman not letting him play hide the pickle with her. 

(to be clear I'm not saying you're doing so just that I see a lot of people do this.)

#YesAllWomen

 

omg Adam. Men have thoughts and feelings too! 

#meninist 

[Coops]

It exists.

 

Some guys often say they were friendzoned, when the girl just doesn't want anything with him. Not being interested =/= friendzone-ing(?). So that could be why people usually think women friendzone more than men.

 

I friendzoned my crush one time.

 

Mind telling me more? Were you legitimately just not ready/interested at the time? Or did you do it with the intent of something else?

I think the issue I seem to find is that we usually hear these stories from butt hurt people aka rejected men.

I think it can be the exact same thing but I do understand what you are getting at.

I just refuse to succumb to people letting men victimize themselves over a woman not letting him play hide the pickle with her. 

(to be clear I'm not saying you're doing so just that I see a lot of people do this.)

 

omg Adam. Men have thoughts and feelings too! 

#meninist 

@Padme I see what you're saying. I'm genuinely curious about people's feelings and ideas about the concept. I'm going into psychology, so my motivation for asking is social insight, curiousity and whatnot. I think I'm different. I tend to view people as individuals, rather then their gender/sex. Friendzone appears (to me) as a generalization of rejection with men and women. I'm looking to try to see the other sides of it.

[Swar]

Mind telling me more? Were you legitimately just not ready/interested at the time? Or did you do it with the intent of something else?

Oh, just realized I forgot to include an important part. I was her crush as well lol

It was completely unintentional xD I just thought she wasn't interested in me, so I kinda gave up and decided to just be her friend. Turns out she had a crush on me the whole time and was just shy......

[Coops]

Oh, just realized I forgot to include an important part. I was her crush as well lol

It was completely unintentional xD I just thought she wasn't interested in me, so I kinda gave up and decided to just be her friend. Turns out she had a crush on me the whole time and was just shy......

@Swarley I see. That's interesting. You still consider it friendzoning rather than just a missed connection? I feel like there is supposed to be intent involved. I just don't get the concept well. To me, it translates as "I'm nice to you, now I'm entitled to some reward (ie. sex, affection, etc)". Please note, I mean this as men and women do nice things and then expect reward, within the context of friendzoning. I feel like I'm missing some fundamental concept that would allow me to relate and understand better. Haha.

[Adam]

The following statement(s) are coming from someone who has been put in the friend zone Juan too many times (oh and I'm a few beers in, so I'll probably talk in circles). I can tell you first-hand that most men don't categorize themselves as friend zoned if she doesn't put out. I've always been annoyed with never even having a chance with a girl who thinks she's way too good for me. After I've been put in the friend zone, I'll see her with some shit-head that is emotionally abusive, and refuses to get his(or her) priorities together, and is all together a bad person. What does he have, that I don't other than a fucking record with the local PD? After a few times of this happening is when the "fuck women, I'm so fucking sick of their friend zone shit" happens. The previous statement is a very immature way of handling the situation. She doesn't owe you anything. She can feel how she wants, and should not be scrutinized for it. Guys that get bitter about being in the (very real) friend zone, need to grow the fuck up, and get over it. You're not God's gift to women, and they're probably a shit head for thinking so. . . no wonder she wanted nothing to do with those guys.

 

[Coops]

The following statement(s) are coming from someone who has been put in the friend zone Juan too many times (oh and I'm a few beers in, so I'll probably talk in circles). I can tell you first-hand that most men don't categorize themselves as friend zoned if she doesn't put out. I've always been annoyed with never even having a chance with a girl who thinks she's way too good for me. After I've been put in the friend zone, I'll see her with some shit-head that is emotionally abusive, and refuses to get his(or her) priorities together, and is all together a bad person. What does he have, that I don't other than a fucking record with the local PD? After a few times of this happening is when the "fuck women, I'm so fucking sick of their friend zone shit" happens. The previous statement is a very immature way of handling the situation. She doesn't owe you anything. She can feel how she wants, and should not be scrutinized for it. Guys that get bitter about being in the (very real) friend zone, need to grow the fuck up, and get over it. You're not God's gift to women, and they're probably a shit head for thinking so. . . no wonder she wanted nothing to do with those guys.

@Adam This clarifies for me the aspect of the friendzone that I have been missing, I think. So, it's a real place but is a culmination of bitterness caused by rejection (rejectee) and just unintentional disinterest (rejector)? I agree. Anyone should be allowed to feel interested, or not - that is their prerogative. They should not be scrutinized for their taste in partner(s). I always have felt individuals should be allowed to be attracted or not, but I've never looked at the issue with the lens of a specific gender primarily rejecting or being rejected. 

[Swar]

@Swarley I see. That's interesting. You still consider it friendzoning rather than just a missed connection? I feel like there is supposed to be intent involved. I just don't get the concept well. To me, it translates as "I'm nice to you, now I'm entitled to some reward (ie. sex, affection, etc)". Please note, I mean this as men and women do nice things and then expect reward, within the context of friendzoning. I feel like I'm missing some fundamental concept that would allow me to relate and understand better. Haha.

Yeah, it's kinda confusing. I don't have an explicit definition, but I think it can have multiple meanings. For example, it seemed like I didn't have any chance, and I gave up. In that case, I wouldn't consider it friendzone because (to me) I never had even a chance. On the other hand, when I gave up on her and decided to be friends, I feel like I friendzoned her because I had feelings for her, but instead of insisting, I decided to be only her friend, therefore friendzoned her.

 

This might make no sense at all, it's 1 am and I'm really tired. It does in my head

[Adam]

 Please note, I mean this as men and women do nice things and then expect reward, within the context of friendzoning. I feel like I'm missing some fundamental concept that would allow me to relate and understand better. Haha.

This is a key part of ending up in the friend zone.

 

 

*situation*

Guy listens to her problems, goes on casual outings with girl, buys her lunch every so often, etc, and then develops a (presumably) on-sided attraction. When the other person does not have the same feelings, and as a result does not return the same amount of affection, then the woman shaming, name calling, and blaming the friend zone comes into play.

[Coops]

Yeah, it's kinda confusing. I don't have an explicit definition, but I think it can have multiple meanings. For example, it seemed like I didn't have any chance, and I gave up. In that case, I wouldn't consider it friendzone because (to me) I never had even a chance. On the other hand, when I gave up on her and decided to be friends, I feel like I friendzoned her because I had feelings for her, but instead of insisting, I decided to be only her friend, therefore friendzoned her.

 

This might make no sense at all, it's 1 am and I'm really tired. It does in my head

No, this makes sense. I think it's valid to feel like you friendzoned someone. I mean, you're entitled to your feelings about your actions and whatnot. I'm just trying to conceptualize it, without generalizing that type of situation.

 

This is a key part of ending up in the friend zone.

 

 

*situation*

Guy listens to her problems, goes on casual outings with girl, buys her lunch every so often, etc, and then develops a (presumably) on-sided attraction. When the other person does not have the same feelings, and as a result does not return the same amount of affection, then the woman shaming, name calling, and blaming the friend zone comes into play.

Yeah, okay. That lays it out nicely for me. I actually have a cousin like this. He is rather contemptuous if a woman does not return his affection, just for being a decent person. I feel like everyone deserves a baseline of decency and respect. I don't think being nice necessary = reward/affection. I mean, I'm nice to strangers and shit without expectation. If they don't return the favor, I don't give it a second thought. I've never experienced the friendzone or friendzoned a guy. I married a very nice man, who people might consider "beta" or "nice guy who finishes last". I paid for his meals and was there for him when we were dating and he returned the same level of affection. So, I don't have a lot of experience with the one-sided romantic interest.

[Adam]

Yeah, okay. That lays it out nicely for me. I actually have a cousin like this. He is rather contemptuous if a woman does not return his affection, just for being a decent person. I feel like everyone deserves a baseline of decency and respect. I don't think being nice necessary = reward/affection. I mean, I'm nice to strangers and shit without expectation. If they don't return the favor, I don't give it a second thought. I've never experienced the friendzone or friendzoned a guy. I married a very nice man, who people might consider "beta" or "nice guy who finishes last". I paid for his meals and was there for him when we were dating and he returned the same level of affection. So, I don't have a lot of experience with the one-sided romantic interest.

The underlined portion explains one portion of why you're awesome. I wanted to say something else, but the beer made me forget.

[Swar]

No, this makes sense. I think it's valid to feel like you friendzoned someone. I mean, you're entitled to your feelings about your actions and whatnot. I'm just trying to conceptualize it, without generalizing that type of situation.

I don't think it's possible to conceptualize it, to be honest. I'm trying to think why I think that, but I'm not coming up with anything, sorry. But I think this is mostly subjective.

 

Ugh brain, work.

[Coops]

 

The underlined portion explains one portion of why you're awesome. I wanted to say something else, but the beer made me forget.

Ahaha. Well, thank ya.   
We actually used to sort of... argue over who was going to pay. Eventually, we grew up and decided to be gracious when the other was trying to be kind or thoughtful. We both were/are stubborn people, so it took us awhile to grow into graciousness. But it's never been one-sided. My friendships aren't one-sided either. I don't half-ass relationships with people.
 

I don't think it's possible to conceptualize it, to be honest. I'm trying to think why I think that, but I'm not coming up with anything, sorry. But I think this is mostly subjective.

 

Ugh brain, work.

Lol, you're right. It's definitely subjective and it isn't something we can measure. But I appreciate the input. It helps me a lot, to try to relate and understand. 

Sorry about the brain work. 

[Adam]

Ahaha. Well, thank ya. 

 

We actually used to sort of... argue over who was going to pay. Eventually, we grew up and decided to be gracious when the other was trying to be kind or thoughtful. We both were/are stubborn people, so it took us awhile to grow into graciousness. But it's never been one-sided. My friendships aren't one-sided either. I don't half-ass relationships with people.

 

 

 

 

Where can I find one of you? Srs

[Swar]

Lol, you're right. It's definitely subjective and it isn't something we can measure. But I appreciate the input. It helps me a lot, to try to relate and understand. 

Sorry about the brain work. 

No problem if you want more information, you should go to 9gag. So many "friendzoned" guys. Emphasis on "friendzoned".

 

Oh, no! I meant as "ugh brain, can you work please?" It doesn't want to work for some reason lol

[Coops]

Where can I find one of you? Srs

I dunno! I didn't realize how I act wasn't easy to find in a person? I was a hot mess 3 years ago though... my poor husband had to put up with it, lol. Poor guy - he's been through so much with me. I love him dearly though. He's challenged me to be a better human.

I'd clone myself but idk how that'd work. Sorry. :l

 

@Swarley - Oh. Haha herpaderp. xD My brain isn't functioning full capacity either, apparently. 

Edited by Coops, 01 September 2015 - 08:37 PM.

[Adam]

I dunno! I didn't realize how I act wasn't easy to find in a person? I was a hot mess 3 years ago though... my poor husband had to put up with it, lol. Poor guy - he's been through so much with me. I love him dearly though. He's challenged me to be a better human.

I'd clone myself but idk how that'd work. Sorry. :l

It's the thought that counts. I forgive you, this time :evilface:

[Adam]

Why would the friend zone not be real? Trying to wrap my head around that. 

Why wouldn't an elephant have a conscious? #Throwback

[Padme]

Why would the friend zone not be real? Trying to wrap my head around that. 

When you make love to something other than a cello, then you will understand.  

[Swar]

Why would the friend zone not be real? Trying to wrap my head around that. 

It could be just another name for "rejection", but rejection sounds like it's your fault, while "friendzone" sounds like the other person's fault.

Idk.

[Coops]

Why would the friend zone not be real? Trying to wrap my head around that. 

@ortin Because sometimes people perceive things and then generalize or overreact without checking themselves first. I didn't mean to phrase it and discount the pain of being rejected. But my perception of the popular context of the friend zone initially was that it was someone's overblown ego and entitlement took a hit. Thus they decided to blame the person they pursued, instead of accepting that sometimes people just aren't interested. See: people who say "I wasted two months on [insert person's name]" etc.

However, some people have offered insight and I've changed my perception. It's a complex situation and there can be different perspectives, all of which have validity in the eyes of the person involved. Instead of judging someone, I should try to empathize with what a person is reflecting by claiming they've been friend zoned (ie. they've been hurt, they might need to learn better communication skills, etc) and I should seek to understand it. 

It could be just another name for "rejection", but rejection sounds like it's your fault, while "friendzone" sounds like the other person's fault

This is a good summation.