25 replies to this topic

[Fikri]

• homosexuals (and maybe bisexuals), have you come out to anyone yet?
• have anyone ever come out to you? what's your reaction?

recently while looking at her phone, my mom told me about this one malaysian guy who fled to canada because he's gay and his family rejected him. mom said, "good riddance. does he think anyone would care?" later i told her about manny pacquiao losing his nike sponsorship due to his homophobic comment and her response was, "i think he should be given even more sponsorship."

so yeah, no coming out to mom, i guess... although it is tempting to scream "MOM, I LOVE DICKS!!" whenever she asked if i have a girlfriend yet. perhaps i should try my brother? he has a lot of flamboyant friends and i'm sure one of them gay and he knows. i don't know why but i feel like i have to tell SOMEONE about being gay. is that weird?

[Frizzle]

Tell your mum she's a cunt and ride off into the western sunset on the back of a unicorn.

[jaredyne]

It's not that weird to feel that urge to come out and let people know the real you. Personally, I don't think I could ever come out to my family. Deeeeeep in the closet for me, at least until some of the older assholes die off >_>

 

I think talking to your brother sounds like it might be a good idea. Pity about your mum though...

[Coops]

Tell your mum she's a cunt and ride off into the western sunset on the back of a unicorn.

I have never liked you more than I do right now, for this comment.

[Junjie]

I have never liked you more than I do right now, for this comment.

Hahhahaha thisss. XD

Came out to family for being crossdresser. Cos, I wanted to get my own femme clothes but we live together, so I wanted to tell dems before they found out on their own hehehe.

The actual encounter didn't go so well. But after that the understanding emerged: they'd just lemme do what makes me happy, but can't be public/shame the family or their friends cannot know, etc etc. But I think after that our relationships really did improve, I suppose since I am able to share with them what they are not capable of accepting.

[Coops]

I came out as bisexual when I was in middle school to pretty much all my friends. No one really cared, so when I started high school all my new friends knew as well. Eventually my mom found out on her own because she found a collective of half naked women on my computer.  now I guess I don't really make a point to tell people that I'm bisexual because I ended up with a man and my sexuality isn't really anyone else's business. I can't even remember the last time I discussed my sexuality until now. 

My situation is similar to yours. I'm actually pansexual though. Physical parts are less important for me. But I'm equally attracted to women and men. I never talked about it though. I didn't feel the need. My family pretty much assumed I was heterosexual though. My husband knows. I think I told him when we got engaged that I liked men and women, but that for me, emotional/intellectual stuff is what leads me to be sexually attracted to a person. I did "come" out a year after I married. But it wasn't a big deal, except with my husband's family. They disowned me lol. But that was gonna happen anyways. They didn't like that their son ended up leaving the faith because of how badly they treated me. I'm atheist and they are pretty fundamentalist Christians. 

[Elindoril]

Came out to family for being crossdresser.

When I crossplayed one year for a couple conventions I was thinking of telling my friend and his family whom I was staying with, but a little before I was going to tell him we had a conversation with another friend that I told already and the first friend said "what goes through people's heads to want to crossplay?" My friend and I just kinda glanced at each other and stayed quiet.

[Kaddict]

I don't know your mom, but she probably knows and is saying those things to try to get you to tell her, or to "scare you straight." Either way, what she is doing does make her seem like

 

a cunt

 

Had to quote it. Never called someone's mom anything close to that, didn't want to start now. Even if it fits.

[Swar]

I'm sorry for your mom. I'm lucky to be in a very accepting family, even though I'm straight.
And about you feeling like you have to tell someone, I think that's pretty normal. If stupid secrets can make us feel like that, I can't begin to imagine how it must be if the secret is something that affects your life so much. Good luck Fikri (and everyone else going through the same thing)!

[Rogue]

I was outed when I was like 14. I had a school boyfriend and when we were through, he outed me to everybody and, yeah, to my parents. My mommy cried her eyes out for 3 days and thought it was "just a phase" *cringing*. My father though was a surprise, he was like "damn, this boy is a jerk, you should pick a better one next time". Eventually my mommy has come to terms with my sexuality and, nowadays it's all good, they even met my last boyfriend. I don't introduce my patners anymore because God knows, boys are jerks here, and I want them to meet just the right one.

[Rauul]

My mom cried and she said "i still love you, you are my son" and we never talk about it again

my dad.... he doesnt know and he is so homophobic, that why i cant tell him. Some of my friends didnt care, they said me "you like dicks and who cares" 

[Cass]

Sorry to hear about your mom I wouldn't know how to deal with it. I never had the need to come out. Only a couple of months ago I realized I never officially did and told my mom "Oh btw I'm bi" and she laughed and said "yeah I know".

Just know that ultimately you don't owe your mom abything. She may have raised you, yes, but you cant change being homosexual (even if you wanted to, which in a perfect world you shoild never feel the need to) and if she can't love you for who you are you shoild be able to choose your own luck.

[Kaddict]

Sorry to hear about your mom I wouldn't know how to deal with it. I never had the need to come out. Only a couple of months ago I realized I never officially did and told my mom "Oh btw I'm bi" and she laughed and said "yeah I know".

This is how I feel with most of my gay (closeted or not) friends. It typically isn't surprising to the people you are around. So telling them is extremely nerve wracking, but it usually isn't some huge revelation. To parents it might be different, because some will purposefully let themselves be blinded. But don't worry about telling your peers. Most won't be learning anything new about you. I can almost promise that.

[Frizzle]

Yeah it's not surprising because 8 times out 10 you're camp as fucking Christmas!

[Junjie]

Yeah it's not surprising because 8 times out 10 you're camp as fucking Christmas!

Hahahah yaaa thiss. xD
 

When I crossplayed one year for a couple conventions I was thinking of telling my friend and his family whom I was staying with, but a little before I was going to tell him we had a conversation with another friend that I told already and the first friend said "what goes through people's heads to want to crossplay?" My friend and I just kinda glanced at each other and stayed quiet.

I know the type, who say homophobic/transphobic things and then it's like ok, for this person let's not get to know dem too wells...

[Elindoril]

I know the type, who say homophobic/transphobic things and then it's like ok, for this person let's not get to know dem too wells...

Too late. He's been my friend for almost 20 years now.

[Junjie]

Oh. Sorry to hear that then. Well, I guess you could continue to be close friends if you want to, but just not perhaps in this aspect of your life or soos.

Though. It's also possible to introduce the person gently, at the right moment, to the fact of you crossplaying. Assuming you do genuinely want to share that with them. Most people just seem to need some time n space (and possibly also boundaries) to come to terms with what's quite beyond their own 'normal'.

All this is assuming that all that is important enough for you to do/consider all that of course. If it isn't and you're just like say, continuing to discuss your experiences on this topic in an online forum, well then please ignore the unsolicited advice thang I suppose.

[Kiyono]

I kind of came out to my friends, I guess? I have a girlfriend and I told a handful of my pals about her and they were all really chill about it. The twist is, most of my friends just happen to be not heterosexual in some way. I had no idea about their sexualities, but one by one, they all came out as not heterosexual or just popped up with girlfriends (I only have female friends, sad) out of nowhere. 

 

I've had plenty of people come out to me and I didn't mind at all, but then again, being homosexual myself, it would be peculiar if I did have a problem with others coming out.

 

Anyway, I've seen many situations where the parents are openly homophobic, but turn out to be more accepting once they find out their own child doesn't identify as straight. But this isn't the case with everyone. If I were you, I'd skip out on informing my parents at the moment, because things could get dicey easily. However, when you do decide the right time to come out to your parents, I would recommend you prepare for any scenario to play out, with the worst case being you getting kicked out of the house and exiled from the family. 

[Junjie]

I kind of came out to my friends, I guess? I have a girlfriend and I told a handful of my pals about her and they were all really chill about it. The twist is, most of my friends just happen to be not heterosexual in some way. I had no idea about their sexualities, but one by one, they all came out as not heterosexual or just popped up with girlfriends (I only have female friends, sad) out of nowhere.

Hehehe that sounds pretty cool really! Maybe in some ways you all just were drawn to one another before you realised you were all not particularly straight or soo. xP

[Adam]

I kind of came out to my friends, I guess? I have a girlfriend and I told a handful of my pals about her and they were all really chill about it. The twist is, most of my friends just happen to be not heterosexual in some way. I had no idea about their sexualities, but one by one, they all came out as not heterosexual or just popped up with girlfriends (I only have female friends, sad) out of nowhere. 

 

I've had plenty of people come out to me and I didn't mind at all, but then again, being homosexual myself, it would be peculiar if I did have a problem with others coming out.

 

Anyway, I've seen many situations where the parents are openly homophobic, but turn out to be more accepting once they find out their own child doesn't identify as straight. But this isn't the case with everyone. If I were you, I'd skip out on informing my parents at the moment, because things could get dicey easily. However, when you do decide the right time to come out to your parents, I would recommend you prepare for any scenario to play out, with the worst case being you getting kicked out of the house and exiled from the family. 

To add to this I'd suggest moving out of your parents house before informing them due to the aforementioned situation.

[Mishelle]

This guy at my job came out to me over Facebook messenger. He's one of those pray the gay away types and he's homophobic and transphobic because it's ~against the bible~ or whatever. It's such a walking contradiction I don't even bring it up.

[Kiyono]

Hehehe that sounds pretty cool really! Maybe in some ways you all just were drawn to one another before you realised you were all not particularly straight or soo. xP

Oh yeah, at one point, I started thinking that I was some sort of gay magnet - no joke. >__>; I mean, I'm not complaining. It's great knowing all these not-straight people, haha. 

 

To add to this I'd suggest moving out of your parents house before informing them due to the aforementioned situation.

Something to that effect, yeah. OP needs to be prepared for the worst, which usually means getting cut off. Some parents will be accepting, some will be reluctant, some will feign ignorance all the while rejecting your coming out (like my parents... even though I have a long distance girlfriend, they refuse to acknowledge that I'm gayer than all the rainbows in the sky) and finally, some will utterly reject you, which is pretty terrifying. 

[Waser Lave]

I haven't come out yet but I imagine my parents would be ok with it as long as they didn't have to see it. When there are so many legitimate reasons to dislike people it's quite sad when the reason they choose is something silly like a person's sexuality.

[Elindoril]

Oh. Sorry to hear that then. Well, I guess you could continue to be close friends if you want to, but just not perhaps in this aspect of your life or soos.

Though. It's also possible to introduce the person gently, at the right moment, to the fact of you crossplaying. Assuming you do genuinely want to share that with them. Most people just seem to need some time n space (and possibly also boundaries) to come to terms with what's quite beyond their own 'normal'.

All this is assuming that all that is important enough for you to do/consider all that of course. If it isn't and you're just like say, continuing to discuss your experiences on this topic in an online forum, well then please ignore the unsolicited advice thang I suppose.

It wasn't a big turning point in my life more than just a silly situation. How everything kinda fell into place like it did added to the hilarity.

I appreciate the advice though.