71 replies to this topic

[Rogue]

If so, how did you feel? Did they found out? Did you say? Did they forgive?

 

Would you forgive an infidelity?

 

I cheated once when I was 17 and I felt like shit right away, I didn't tell them I cheated but I broke up a week later. I have been cheated on twice, though, and I found out the first time because of mutual friends and the second time because I was already suspecting something as off and they finally confessed. I feel like I deserve it, Karma comes back around! 

[DonValentino]

This is heavy lol need at least one more bottle of wine

[Rogue]

This is heavy lol need at least one more bottle of wine

 

It's friday somewhere, don't hold back!

[HiMyNameIsNick]

It's friday somewhere, don't hold back!

 

No it's not (at least not yet)

[Swar]

If so, how did you feel? Did they found out? Did you say? Did they forgive?

I've never been to a serious relationship, so it's a no

 

Would you forgive an infidelity?

Honestly, I don't know. I don't think I would, but I can't be sure without it happening. I get quite mad when I hear stories about people cheating, even if I have nothing to do with the people involved.

[Rogue]

 

If so, how did you feel? Did they found out? Did you say? Did they forgive?

I've never been to a serious relationship, so it's a no

 

Would you forgive an infidelity?

Honestly, I don't know. I don't think I would, but I can't be sure without it happening. I get quite mad when I hear stories about people cheating, even if I have nothing to do with the people involved.

 

 

Right? How can I still trust that person? Back then I would never forgive who cheated on me...

 

Nowadays I would do, people change. It was 2 years ago, if we were to start over as an altogether new relationship, I guess I could give another try!

[Coops]

This is heavy lol need at least one more bottle of wine

Haha yeah. For real.

 

Okay. Here it goes though.

Spoiler

So, in the last year I was in AK, my husband got super distant. I've never been a particularly jealous person. But he would constantly text this one friend (happens to be a chick). Like he'd drunk text HER and not me kind of stuff. He stopped sharing his feelings and like being in the marriage emotionally. I was struggling with a lot of vulnerabilities still, going to therapy for abuse and just trying to get my shit together. We both came from highly volatile family situations, so we both got married a little less put together than I'd like. I started getting anxious because he seemed, to me, to dislike being around me and preferred to be around her all the time. This was a huge blow to my self-esteem and I admittedly, became somewhat jealous, something I never thought I'd experience. Anyways, mid-summer, I got a job and got super stressed between my health issues, school and work. And he went on a deployment to Guam, with this chick (he worked with her). And he just.. barely called me or texted me. Fast-forward, come December, he admits she drunkenly kissed him. 

 

I was more mad at her than him. I say this because she had a long history of coming onto married men in her shop. Anyways, it was emotional cheating with a kiss. It is the only genuinely horrible thing my husband has ever done to me. But it's not entirely his fault. A lot of it was my own insecurity, jealousy and just general emotional problems that pushed him away. So I don't 100% blame him. And that chick was manipulative as fuck. At some point, I read my husbands texts (the ones he hadn't deleted ), again, something I never thought I'd do and I only did that once - because I immediately regretted it. And she would trash me non-stop to him. Saying he should leave me, how I'm this horrible human being, etc etc. And I could get that he might need to bitch a bit here and there. But it was really horrible stuff she said about me. The whole thing is pretty complicated with a lot of context I could go into but it'd take forever. xD

 

It is a genuinely shitty thing to experience. But yes, I forgave my husband for his emotional infidelity. Sometimes it makes me sad still. But we are happier, more in-love, more communicative than ever. He apologized for it. It took awhile for me to be able to lay everything out with him. And we almost didn't make it. The only thing I wish is he'd stop talking to her, which is genuinely selfish of me, I just think she's a manipulative piece of crap who likes to meddle. He isn't texting her every day anymore, thank fuck. And yes, I'm happy that she got fat when she left the military. He promised never to talk to her ABOUT me anymore. Because that's where a lot of these issues were really coming up. Like she'd just hear his side and instead of sometimes letting him bitch and sometimes being like, well, maybe imagine how she's feeling, it was always "wow, Coops is a piece of shit cunt who should be glad you even married her".

 

Ahem.

 

tl;dr Cheating is never black and white. Yes it sucks. But yes it can be forgiven, depending on the circumstances and people involved.

[Rogue]

Haha yeah. For real.

 

Okay. Here it goes though.

Spoiler

So, in the last year I was in AK, my husband got super distant. I've never been a particularly jealous person. But he would constantly text this one friend (happens to be a chick). Like he'd drunk text HER and not me kind of stuff. He stopped sharing his feelings and like being in the marriage emotionally. I was struggling with a lot of vulnerabilities still, going to therapy for abuse and just trying to get my shit together. We both came from highly volatile family situations, so we both got married a little less put together than I'd like. I started getting anxious because he seemed, to me, to dislike being around me and preferred to be around her all the time. This was a huge blow to my self-esteem and I admittedly, became somewhat jealous, something I never thought I'd experience. Anyways, mid-summer, I got a job and got super stressed between my health issues, school and work. And he went on a deployment to Guam, with this chick (he worked with her). And he just.. barely called me or texted me. Fast-forward, come December, he admits she drunkenly kissed him. 

 

I was more mad at her than him. I say this because she had a long history of coming onto married men in her shop. Anyways, it was emotional cheating with a kiss. It is the only genuinely horrible thing my husband has ever done to me. But it's not entirely his fault. A lot of it was my own insecurity, jealousy and just general emotional problems that pushed him away. So I don't 100% blame him. And that chick was manipulative as fuck. At some point, I read my husbands texts (the ones he hadn't deleted ), again, something I never thought I'd do and I only did that once - because I immediately regretted it. And she would trash me non-stop to him. Saying he should leave me, how I'm this horrible human being, etc etc. And I could get that he might need to bitch a bit here and there. But it was really horrible stuff she said about me. The whole thing is pretty complicated with a lot of context I could go into but it'd take forever. xD

 

It is a genuinely shitty thing to experience. But yes, I forgave my husband for his emotional infidelity. Sometimes it makes me sad still. But we are happier, more in-love, more communicative than ever. He apologized for it. It took awhile for me to be able to lay everything out with him. And we almost didn't make it. The only thing I wish is he'd stop talking to her, which is genuinely selfish of me, I just think she's a manipulative piece of crap who likes to meddle. He isn't texting her every day anymore, thank fuck. And yes, I'm happy that she got fat when she left the military. He promised never to talk to her ABOUT me anymore. Because that's where a lot of these issues were really coming up. Like she'd just hear his side and instead of sometimes letting him bitch and sometimes being like, well, maybe imagine how she's feeling, it was always "wow, Coops is a piece of shit cunt who should be glad you even married her".

 

Ahem.

 

tl;dr Cheating is never black and white. Yes it sucks. But yes it can be forgiven, depending on the circumstances and people involved.

 

Wow. I'm impressed how you got it together. It was very mature of you to still let him talk to this chick, I could neeever in a million years.

 

I'm very jealous, I've never seen somebody as jealous as me, to speak the truth. I could never stay together with somebody who cheated on me. I could get back together... one day, but I could never stay and just try to move on. I have a low self esteem and my skin is paper thin, so I'd take eveything really personally.

 

Everytime I start a new relationship I can barely sleep for the first couple of weeks because I think 24/7 I'm being cheated on, my mind becomes a chaos.

 

I suffer for the cheating way before it happens.

[Kaddict]

I did once. Its kinda convoluted. I was dating this girl for a while, but she went away to school. At first we thought we were gonna do long distance. She cheated on me with a couple of dudes (though, they were both abusive in different ways, so I think she stayed with them longer than she wanted to). After that, we sorta semi-mutually decided to stop seeing each other while she was gone for a year, and pick it back up when she got home. I started seeing other people. Got into a relationship with one. After a while, the girl thought we were more serious than I thought we were (poor communication on my part probably). Original girl comes back home and we hooked up a few times. Once I was with girl A and then later with girl B on the same night.  Anyway, Girl B found out and was mad, but didn't want to break up (even though I heard her say on multiple occasions that there was no excuse and no forgiveness for cheating). We tried it for a while, but then, a while before girl A was coming back from school, girl B told me I had to cut off all relationships (even platonic) with girl A, which I refused. I felt really bad, but girl A and I had known each other for years and dated for almost 2 years. So I told her I would be faithful to girl B and remain friends with girl A or I would end relationship with girl B. We ended up breaking up. Sucks. I felt really bad. That what you get when you think with your dick. But she is married and seems happy now. We remained friends after we broke up (for a while) and kept accidentally hooking up (for a shorter while). So, I guess it happens...

tl;dr Don't think with your dick--unless you don't have emotions/looooooove making whoopie

[Elindoril]

I did once.

Told @Turnip I'd eat better, and then had an ice cream sandwich.

[Kitty]

Been cheated on once - hurt like lot all I can say on that matter.. My mum was in a super bad relationship with a cheater.. even tried making a pass out me. Know i'm legal but not cool dude. She cut ties after that bull. But cheaters in my opinion usually go down a tier anyways... or Feel unloved for some reason..

 

Personally I've never cheated, I dont really have beliefs for that sorta thing..

[Rogue]

I did once.

Told @Turnip I'd eat better, and then had an ice cream sandwich.

 

OMG, that's so lame. Did she forgive you?

 

Hope she dumps your ice cream sandwich eating ass.

Been cheated on once - hurt like lot all I can say on that matter.. My mum was in a super bad relationship with a cheater.. even tried making a pass out me. Know i'm legal but not cool dude. She cut ties after that bull. But cheaters in my opinion usually go down a tier anyways... or Feel unloved for some reason..

 

Personally I've never cheated, I dont really have beliefs for that sorta thing..

 

Maybe, when I cheated, I did that because I was feeling slighted on the relationship Some people cheat just because!

[Elindoril]

OMG, that's so lame. Did she forgive you?

Hope she dumps your ice cream sandwich eating ass.

Once she saw the melted ice cream and chocolate smeared all over my face she packed up and moved out. I've since lost control of my life and have doubled my weight on ice cream sandwiches alone. I might need help.

[Adam]

Ex girlfriend is a lesbian. She was a lesbian while I was dating her. She rubbed taco's with her "best friend", and thought I didn't know. I never cheated on anyone, and I never will. Why be in a relationship if you're not happy and have to cheat?

[Turnip]

OMG, that's so lame. Did she forgive you?
 
Hope she dumps your ice cream sandwich eating ass.

 
I just couldn't believe it. We both agreed that we wouldn't eat the ice cream sandwiches but look at what he did!! I don't think I'll ever get over this
 
(lmao I ate an ice cream sandwich even though I said I wouldn't eat one either)
 

Once she saw the melted ice cream and chocolate smeared all over my face she packed up and moved out. I've since lost control of my life and have doubled my weight on ice cream sandwiches alone. I might need help.

 
One time I woke up to him making chocolate pudding at 4am and I just stood there in shock. I refused to believe what I witnessed

[Kaddict]

Ex girlfriend is a lesbian. She was a lesbian while I was dating her. She rubbed taco's with her "best friend", and thought I didn't know. I never cheated on anyone, and I never will. Why be in a relationship if you're not happy and have to cheat?

Philosophical question for all: Would you be ok with your SO rubbing tacos with another girl? Would you be more or less ok with it if they let you watch? 

[Adam]

Philosophical question for all: Would you be ok with your SO rubbing tacos with another girl? Would you be more or less ok with it if they let you watch? 

I remember talking about this last time the topic of porn came up. I'm not into girl on girl stuff -- I don't find it attractive at all. I watch porn to imagine myself doing the deed, and I sure as hell don't want to imagine myself with junk that bleeds every so often.If I'm going to be in the same room with my girlfriend, while she's making the beast with two backs with another girl, I'm going to jump in.

[Kitty]

OMG, that's so lame. Did she forgive you?

 

Hope she dumps your ice cream sandwich eating ass.

 

Maybe, when I cheated, I did that because I was feeling slighted on the relationship Some people cheat just because!

True I've known men AND WOMEN who cheat just to cheat I dont understand it but i'm not them

[Comet]

I was 24.
I was cheated on and he got the girl pregnant!!

I am now in a 13 year relationship and have never ever cheated and I hope I haven't been cheated on. I am sure I haven't because when he isn't at work he is either home or golfing. Plus I trust him!

[Padme]

I've been cheated on. In every serious relationship I've had.

 

My ex wanted to label me cheating on him when we weren't even together anymore but 'he said - she said' all that miscommunication jazz. He's admitted he just wants to be mad at me and make me feel like shit about my life. Ironic since he cheated on me with more than one girl early on in our very long term relationship. This guy also said it was totally okay for me to do ANYTHING with a woman and it wouldn't be cheating, basically the opposite of @Adam . 

 

Another relationship, another infidelity which I won't discuss here. 

 

There was one more but that doesn't even warrant discussion because I'm totally over it and don't care what this person does with their life. It was the best thing they could of done because I decided they were a PoS and lost all attraction to them thank God!

 

Forgiveness is really really hard... I'd like to think that I've forgiven people but a lot of times it wasn't even an act 'against me' it's their own shit and they just took me along for the ride. Sometimes it was an act against me, and worse than being physically cheated on is the disrespect, humility and embarrassment that came with it. When someone has done something 'because they can', or blamed it on me. If you love someone, care for them and want to spend your life with them... why treat them worse than you would an acquaintance or friend. :| 

 

Blah. I need a drink or two or ten right now.

[Coops]

I've been cheated on. In every serious relationship I've had.

 

My ex wanted to label me cheating on him when we weren't even together anymore but 'he said - she said' all that miscommunication jazz. He's admitted he just wants to be mad at me and make me feel like shit about my life. Ironic since he cheated on me with more than one girl early on in our very long term relationship. This guy also said it was totally okay for me to do ANYTHING with a woman and it wouldn't be cheating, basically the opposite of @Adam . 

 

Another relationship, another infidelity which I won't discuss here. 

 

There was one more but that doesn't even warrant discussion because I'm totally over it and don't care what this person does with their life. It was the best thing they could of done because I decided they were a PoS and lost all attraction to them thank God!

 

Forgiveness is really really hard... I'd like to think that I've forgiven people but a lot of times it wasn't even an act 'against me' it's their own shit and they just took me along for the ride. Sometimes it was an act against me, and worse than being physically cheated on is the disrespect, humility and embarrassment that came with it. When someone has done something 'because they can', or blamed it on me. If you love someone, care for them and want to spend your life with them... why treat them worse than you would an acquaintance or friend. :| 

 

Blah. I need a drink or two or ten right now.

 

I think that's sort of like what happened with my husband -- he took me along for the ride when he was trying to deal with his shit and some marriage shit I won't go into. I think that's partially why I was able to forgive him for emotional cheating. I know he's not 100% to blame. Like sure, in the simplest terms, yeah. He did a thing that was crummy. But it's so much more complicated. I don't think cheating is necessarily black and white, ever. At least, I have yet to meet cheaters and those who were cheated on who didn't have a ton of events that precipitated the cheating. And it's really, reaaaaally hard to try to be objective and reasonable about something so emotional. 

[Padme]

I think that's sort of like what happened with my husband -- he took me along for the ride when he was trying to deal with his shit and some marriage shit I won't go into. I think that's partially why I was able to forgive him for emotional cheating. I know he's not 100% to blame. Like sure, in the simplest terms, yeah. He did a thing that was crummy. But it's so much more complicated. I don't think cheating is necessarily black and white, ever. At least, I have yet to meet cheaters and those who were cheated on who didn't have a ton of events that precipitated the cheating. And it's really, reaaaaally hard to try to be objective and reasonable about something so emotional. 

 

100%, it's different for everyone too. Some people are married and will just up & leave if their spouse cheats on them; totally their right to do so. Others will try and want to be able to move past any issue (infidelity or otherwise.) Usually people cheating has very little to do with their partner (not always like you said very grey not black & white.)

 

I'll say this: In my opinion, cheating is not the worst thing that can happen to you in a relationship. Usually it is a myriad of other issues that pile on top of your partner playing 'hide the pickle' with someone else. People just focus on the ugly physicality of it because it's easy to. People ignore or play down the neglect, dishonesty, lack of communication, complacency, laziness, etc.

[Coops]

100%, it's different for everyone too. Some people are married and will just up & leave if their spouse cheats on them; totally their right to do so. Others will try and want to be able to move past any issue (infidelity or otherwise.) Usually people cheating has very little to do with their partner (not always like you said very grey not black & white.)

 

I'll say this: In my opinion, cheating is not the worst thing that can happen to you in a relationship. Usually it is a myriad of other issues that pile on top of your partner playing 'hide the pickle' with someone else. People just focus on the ugly physicality of it because it's easy to. People ignore or play down the neglect, dishonesty, lack of communication, complacency, laziness, etc.

I agree with your opinion. It's a cop out to ignore all the symptoms that lead to the ugly bits -- and I think sometimes people don't wanna talk about the neglect, dishonesty, etc etc because that's admitting they have a problem that contributed to the poor relationship, which maybe contributed to their SO cheating.

[Daria]

ive never been cheated on or cheated myself. 

 

my dad, however, had cheated on my mum. even ran off overseas (back to russia) to be with the other chick and even stole mine and my sisters' birth certificates to divorce my mum without her presence.. anyways i don't know whether or not my mum has genuinely forgiven him, but to this day they still sleep in the same bed and i think still have sex... mum claims she got back with him for my sisters and i, especially for my little one, who is 12 years younger than me, so she can grow up in a 'normal' family with two parents. our family is far from normal lol.

 

anyway, this experience will definitely make cheating unforgivable for me. i wouldn't put up with the person who would do that to me, no matter if we already have children or not.

on this note, my boyfriend's grandfather and father BOTH had separated with their wives, found someone else 10-20 years younger than themselves and had a kid (boyfriend's dad's new little girl is like 6 months old now).. and this makes me suspicious of it running in the family and my boyfriend also falling into the crazy middle aged man ordeal.. our relationship is pretty serious and we always talk about living together and having a family. and when i think about him cheating, i fear that i wont be able to let go of him and make the same mistake my mum did

 

anyways time will tell lets all hope for the best lol