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#26 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 01:52 PM

Has that been a point of contention at times?

Is it difficult?

Nope. But this is a mostly recent (in the last year) development in our marriage. I have always been interested in polyamory and whatnot. And my husband grew interested and curious. At the moment, it's just physical though. It took a lot of growing up on both our parts before we were willing to do this. We have boundaries and rules. And either of us are allowed to back out of the agreement at any point. If we flirt with people, or plan to have sex, or do anything, we tell each other, talk about it, discuss what our concerns are. And the people we do it with have full knowledge that we're married, our boundaries, etc. I don't recommend it for people who struggle with jealousy, emotional insecurity, communication or have difficulty being open with their partner(s), spouse, or whatever.



#27 Ali

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 01:55 PM

In hindsight, would you change the fact that you married so young?
(I'm not implying that you don't love your husband or regret getting marrying him.)

Nah, he's absolutely ace. 10 years together and I still think he's the absolute best thing on the planet. Eyes still brighten when I see him, and I feel the tension of a room change when he walks in. Can't imagine ever being that into someone else.

#28 blue

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 01:55 PM

This thread is all well and good but... WHERES THE ELITE FOUR THREAD YOU SLUT?! @Romy

#29 Cass

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:06 PM

I was recently married for 3 years. I like committed long relationships. I don't get on board if I don't initially believe it'll last (even if it changes later on). I've never had an open relationship or cheated, I'm pretty monogamous.

On the other hand, when I'm single I have no problems hooking up. I usually end up with a FWB as opposed to onenightstands wuth random strangers. Too many risks for me.

I like my hookups to be clear and well communicated. Some people get really intimidated when I blatantly tell them "listen, you're nice and all that but I'm just here for the d/v" but hey, it works. I hate uncertainties, especially when it comes to intimacy. I don't need puppylove drama bullshit with my hookups.

#30 LostinSpace

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:15 PM

Nope. But this is a mostly recent (in the last year) development in our marriage. I have always been interested in polyamory and whatnot. And my husband grew interested and curious. At the moment, it's just physical though. It took a lot of growing up on both our parts before we were willing to do this. We have boundaries and rules. And either of us are allowed to back out of the agreement at any point. If we flirt with people, or plan to have sex, or do anything, we tell each other, talk about it, discuss what our concerns are. And the people we do it with have full knowledge that we're married, our boundaries, etc. I don't recommend it for people who struggle with jealousy, emotional insecurity, communication or have difficulty being open with their partner(s), spouse, or whatever.

 

I find your relationship style intriguing.  How long have you been married?  

 

I don't understand all the stigmas and laws attached to relationships.  Who really cares?  Why should someone need a marriage license to devote themselves to another person, or risk jail if they devote themselves to too many others?  The government seems to say, sure, screw around with anyone you want, just don't take responsibility for it.  



#31 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:17 PM

I find your relationship style intriguing.  How long have you been married?  
 
I don't understand all the stigmas and laws attached to relationships.  Who really cares?  Why should someone need a marriage license to devote themselves to another person, or risk jail if they devote themselves to too many others?  The government seems to say, sure, screw around with anyone you want, just don't take responsibility for it.


I started dating my husband when I was 15. We got married on our three year anniversary when I was 18. We have been together for eight years and married for five this coming December. :)

#32 LostinSpace

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:24 PM

I started dating my husband when I was 15. We got married on our three year anniversary when I was 18. We have been together for eight years and married for five this coming December. :)

 

15 is so young to start a long term relationship.  Was your hubby 15 as well?  I can't imagine still liking the person I dated when I was 15 (oh wait, I DON'T like him!) let alone still being with him.



#33 Ali

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:26 PM

15 is so young to start a long term relationship. Was your hubby 15 as well? I can't imagine still liking the person I dated when I was 15 (oh wait, I DON'T like him!) let alone still being with him.

I met mine when I was 16 and he was 17, and we're still together a decade on. :p Nobody is who they were when they were that young, it's just fortunate if who you grow into is someone that likes who they grow into!

#34 LostinSpace

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:34 PM

I met mine when I was 16 and he was 17, and we're still together a decade on. :p Nobody is who they were when they were that young, it's just fortunate if who you grow into is someone that likes who they grow into!

 

I think you both must be doing something right if you both are growing into people you both still want to be with more than anyone else.  It seems like it would also be easy to grow apart in that time frame.  

 

I have been married to my husband for 16 years, but he was my third try.  Third times a charm.  :)



#35 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:37 PM

15 is so young to start a long term relationship.  Was your hubby 15 as well?  I can't imagine still liking the person I dated when I was 15 (oh wait, I DON'T like him!) let alone still being with him.

My husband is a year older than I.

 

And it's just what @Ali said. It's just fortunate if you're able to grow with someone and accept them when they change.

 

I love my husband more now than I did when we married.



#36 Harris

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:37 PM

I'm raging with testosterone I'll hump anything #nohomo 



#37 Nonexistent

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:38 PM

I find your relationship style intriguing. How long have you been married?

I don't understand all the stigmas and laws attached to relationships. Who really cares? Why should someone need a marriage license to devote themselves to another person, or risk jail if they devote themselves to too many others? The government seems to say, sure, screw around with anyone you want, just don't take responsibility for it.

It is a lot of responsibility and mental preparations, there have been a few askreddit threads where people detailed their experiences of this kind of life style.
For quite many people, it seems that they've entered a world of pain and hurt when they underestimated their knowledge and understanding of trust, emotions, personalities of their partners when they agreed to try it out. From the experiences I've read, it's definitely not something to undertake just Willy nilly

#38 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:38 PM

I think you both must be doing something right if you both are growing into people you both still want to be with more than anyone else.  It seems like it would also be easy to grow apart in that time frame.  

 

I have been married to my husband for 16 years, but he was my third try.  Third times a charm.   :)

I can understand. I think in my situation (dunno about Ali's) there were some specific factors that led to him and I being more mature than the typical 18 year old though, so we definitely were more ready to be married than our peers.



#39 Romy

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:42 PM

This thread is all well and good but... WHERES THE ELITE FOUR THREAD YOU SLUT?! @Romy

Still working on something that may/may not work out :p
I haven't forgotten.


Nah, he's absolutely ace. 10 years together and I still think he's the absolute best thing on the planet. Eyes still brighten when I see him, and I feel the tension of a room change when he walks in. Can't imagine ever being that into someone else.

That's adorable. I've been with @Chappy since we were 15 (we're both turning 23 this year) and I completely understand where you're coming from. 

 

I started dating my husband when I was 15. We got married on our three year anniversary when I was 18. We have been together for eight years and married for five this coming December. :)

Holy shit. You basically have been together for as long as Chappy and I.



#40 UnicornSoul

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:43 PM

Oh yeah! This is my kinda thread! I love sex. I have done the FWB with one guy, then it turned into dating, which turned back to FWB because we didn't actually want to date each other, we knew we weren't meant to be together, we just wanted sex from each other and that made us happy. I have tried an open relationship because I am bi-sexual and I started dating a guy after coming out as bi-sexual so I didn't want to just be with a guy, I wanted to openly be with girls as well. That part of the relationship was fine. I have been a mistress. Still friends with him, but the poor guy is in a miserable marriage and his wife won't let him divorce until the kids are all 18+. When I am single, I like casual sex. But I don't like it with strangers. If I meet someone out at the clubs that I think is bangable, if he makes me feel like we have known each other for years, then maybe, but other wise, I usually fawn to someone I know whom I have never been with before. If I get married and then divorce, I will be a serial casual sex person. No more marriages for me.



#41 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:44 PM

It is a lot of responsibility and mental preparations, there have been a few askreddit threads where people detailed their experiences of this kind of life style.
For quite many people, it seems that they've entered a world of pain and hurt when they underestimated their knowledge and understanding of trust, emotions, personalities of their partners when they agreed to try it out. From the experiences I've read, it's definitely not something to undertake just Willy nilly

Yes absolutely. I think people assume it's just going to be easy, and typically they don't communicate well with their partner(s). Seriously communication is the foundation of a monogamous relationship and if you can't handle that even, don't try to bring a 3rd person in for sex and/or emotional intimacy.



#42 Ali

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:47 PM

I can understand. I think in my situation (dunno about Ali's) there were some specific factors that led to him and I being more mature than the typical 18 year old though, so we definitely were more ready to be married than our peers.

Also this. My dad had died, I was estranged from my mother, I'd moved in with the Boy after a year together. We weren't normal teenagers.

#43 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:47 PM

Still working on something that may/may not work out :p
I haven't forgotten.


That's adorable. I've been with @Chappy since we were 15 (we're both turning 23 this year) and I completely understand where you're coming from. 

 

Holy shit. You basically have been together for as long as Chappy and I.

Yeah. I think that's why we're able to do what we do. We've grown up so much since. And I'm not going to lie, there were times I didn't know whether we'd last because we weren't communicating with each other. But we did and I'd not trade my husband for anything.



#44 UnicornSoul

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:47 PM

July 23 Ryan and I will have been together for 4 years! We want to be married but for my financial aid, we can't so I can keep getting loans and scholarships based on my own tax information and not his. He makes too much but surely not enough to pay for my school.



#45 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:49 PM

Also this. My dad had died, I was estranged from my mother, I'd moved in with the Boy after a year together. We weren't normal teenagers.

That kind of situation forces you to grow up immensely. It's awesome Boy was there for you.

 

For me, I came from an incredibly abusive family. And then our third year of dating, I did chemotherapy and realized just what kind of human he was because he was there for me, and the rest was history.



#46 Drops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 02:51 PM

I'm in a serious and long relationship but we are very open about sex. I just missed a amazing hook-up today and i'm very sad, btw. lol


Edited by Drops, 10 June 2016 - 02:52 PM.


#47 LostinSpace

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 03:13 PM

It is a lot of responsibility and mental preparations, there have been a few askreddit threads where people detailed their experiences of this kind of life style.
For quite many people, it seems that they've entered a world of pain and hurt when they underestimated their knowledge and understanding of trust, emotions, personalities of their partners when they agreed to try it out. From the experiences I've read, it's definitely not something to undertake just Willy nilly

 

I know enough about myself to know I would never do well in an open relationship like that.  That doesn't make it less intriguing though.  


That kind of situation forces you to grow up immensely. It's awesome Boy was there for you.

 

For me, I came from an incredibly abusive family. And then our third year of dating, I did chemotherapy and realized just what kind of human he was because he was there for me, and the rest was history.

 

Anyone can be a good person when times are good.  Its when the shit goes bad that you find out what a person is really about.



#48 Coops

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 03:15 PM

I know enough about myself to know I would never do well in an open relationship like that.  That doesn't make it less intriguing though.  


 

Anyone can be a good person when times are good.  Its when the shit goes bad that you find out what a person is really about.

Yeah, absolutely. And he was amazing. He's been through a lot with me and vice versa. Two moves cross country. Chemo. Brain surgery. Chronic illness. I can't ask for a better person to be my best friend and husband.



#49 Bone

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 04:06 PM

TEAM EMOTIONALLY CRIPPLED SLUT

#50 Amethyst

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Posted 10 June 2016 - 04:07 PM

 

Anyone can be a good person when times are good.  Its when the shit goes bad that you find out what a person is really about.

 

This, just so much this. 

For the longest time, I had absolutely shitty relationships. (I won't go into detail. I think at least two of my exes still lurk these forums. Though one of them didn't put me through hell so I don't hate that one. And if you're lurking, you know I'm talking about you.)

 

Until I got into my current relationship, and had some absolutely horribly fucked up shit happen, and she stayed and tried to help me. I knew she was the one. 





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