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#26 cara

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 05:29 AM

Initially, for myself, finding a label that I identified with was about validation: validation that I wasn't the only one to ever feel this way, validation that even though I do feel this way I'm deserving, validation that I'm not just some freak accident. I fully believe that sexuality in and of itself is fluid; I believe that every major stage of life has the ability to shift the sexuality of people in general but more so of myself. I've definitely gone from saying "I am THIS" to "I'm somewhere in between here and there, and sometimes it's as simple as depending on the day". But it's still, somewhat, about validation for me - when I explain how I feel to others, I have a word that shows THEM that I'm not just making something up to be "special".


So basically we live in a society full of assholes where you feel as though you need to not only explain anything to them to begin with, but to identify with a sexuality in the hopes that they don't think you're trying to be 'special'? Because if you were some wonderful, amazing 'freak accident', that would be horrible, right? Isn't that rather sad?

#27 Sirius

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 05:34 AM

So basically we live in a society full of assholes where you feel as though you need to not only explain anything to them to begin with, but to identify with a sexuality in the hopes that they don't think you're trying to be 'special'? Because if you were some wonderful, amazing 'freak accident', that would be horrible, right? Isn't that rather sad?

I don't feel that way. I mean, yeah, I feel frustrated sometimes in having to explain myself to others but I take it in stride as part of the education of others. Some get it and accept it and move on, and others don't and aren't ever going to. Both are okay. The label helps me feel secure in myself and my experiences and my feelings when I come across those who fall into the latter category. I can go back to that label, and therefore that core group of people who identify with the same feelings and experiences as I do, and find reassurance that I'm still okay. Everyone has the things that knock their self esteem, and someone calling me cold or a prude or a hundred other things because I don't want to have sex with them is one of mine.



#28 Fikri

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 06:18 AM

why do you guys think gay marriage is such a big deal for the LGBT community? that is something that i never understand.

 

nevermind, dumb question... thanks for setting this thread up, @Aria! :)



#29 Ellea

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 06:37 AM

So I suppose my question to everyone who strongly identifies with a certain sexuality - why? Why label yourself? Does this entire idea of labeling and categorizing every type of sexual preference not promote segregation? 

 

I don't personally think so. For me, coming to the eventual conclusion that my orientation is what it is and reaching a place where I could say, pretty definitively, "I am a lesbian" let me feel like I could have access to spaces and support systems meant for people in the lgbt community. Being able to find people who fall under the same "label" as me and who shared a fair bit of my experiences has been helpful in reaffirming that it's not weird/wrong/a satanic abomination/etc to be this way. I sort of think of it as, in an ideal world we wouldn't need to have words for these kinds of things, but in this world we do and having visible and accessible communities specifically for lgbt people that can act as a sort of temporary haven from the judgement and actual hatefulness that some of us regularly experience, especially for young people who are sorting things out for themselves.

 

Essentially, I think the need to label oneself comes from a desire to find others like them.



#30 cara

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 06:52 AM

I don't feel that way. I mean, yeah, I feel frustrated sometimes in having to explain myself to others but I take it in stride as part of the education of others. Some get it and accept it and move on, and others don't and aren't ever going to. Both are okay. The label helps me feel secure in myself and my experiences and my feelings when I come across those who fall into the latter category. I can go back to that label, and therefore that core group of people who identify with the same feelings and experiences as I do, and find reassurance that I'm still okay. Everyone has the things that knock their self esteem, and someone calling me cold or a prude or a hundred other things because I don't want to have sex with them is one of mine.

 

 

I don't personally think so. For me, coming to the eventual conclusion that my orientation is what it is and reaching a place where I could say, pretty definitively, "I am a lesbian" let me feel like I could have access to spaces and support systems meant for people in the lgbt community. Being able to find people who fall under the same "label" as me and who shared a fair bit of my experiences has been helpful in reaffirming that it's not weird/wrong/a satanic abomination/etc to be this way. I sort of think of it as, in an ideal world we wouldn't need to have words for these kinds of things, but in this world we do and having visible and accessible communities specifically for lgbt people that can act as a sort of temporary haven from the judgement and actual hatefulness that some of us regularly experience, especially for young people who are sorting things out for themselves.

 

Essentially, I think the need to label oneself comes from a desire to find others like them.

 

 

It seems that both of you go back to something along the lines of 'society makes me feel different so I try to find people who don't' .. and I'll be honest, it makes me immensely sad that we live in a world like that.



#31 Amethyst

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 06:57 AM

It seems that both of you go back to something along the lines of 'society makes me feel different so I try to find people who don't' .. and I'll be honest, it makes me immensely sad that we live in a world like that.

 

I think that's a pretty good way to put why I've labeled myself, and reached out for support in the community.



#32 cara

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 07:03 AM

I think that's a pretty good way to put why I've labeled myself, and reached out for support in the community.

 

I'm not sure why, but this never occurred to me. I suppose I happen to have so many friends that already identify with the LGBT community, along with very liberal parents, that my own sexuality or whoever I dated was never an issue for me or anyone around me and I never needed to slap a name on it. But your answers really do make me think. Props, good topic.



#33 Amethyst

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 07:04 AM

I'm not sure why, but this never occurred to me. I suppose I happen to have so many friends that already identify with the LGBT community, along with very liberal parents, that my own sexuality or whoever I dated was never an issue for me or anyone around me and I never needed to slap a name on it. But your answers really do make me think. Props, good topic.

 

My problem was, I grew up in an area where it was a no no to talk about stuff like that at all. I have parents who are EXTREMELY religious and conservative. (You can probably imagine how me coming out was.) I feel like all I have to relate to is the LGBT community. I don't have family, and I don't really have very many friends. 



#34 Sirius

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 08:01 AM

It seems that both of you go back to something along the lines of 'society makes me feel different so I try to find people who don't' .. and I'll be honest, it makes me immensely sad that we live in a world like that.

Something like that, yes. It's a positive experience for me, even if it initially comes from a negative place.



#35 Coops

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 08:59 AM

It seems that both of you go back to something along the lines of 'society makes me feel different so I try to find people who don't' .. and I'll be honest, it makes me immensely sad that we live in a world like that.

It is really sad. But it's how all of society is, how it's always been. In one of your previous posts, you mention an ideal world being everyone is pansexual - I think some day we could psychologically evolve to that point, or being sapiosexual and/or demisexual. It takes time though and I don't believe we will see that sort of society, in our time. If only though, right? I think this psychological evolution may be one of the next great barriers for humanity. Because until tribalism is eliminated there will always be in and out groups, majorities that oppress minorities, etc.

 

Any time there is a minority - disabled people, LGBTQ+, etc, they will try to find people who don't make them feel different. 



#36 Adam

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 09:04 AM

Any time there is a minority - disabled people, LGBTQ+, etc, they will try to find people who don't make them feel different. 

This^. I'm in a support group to help me deal with something that I can't come to terms with.



#37 Amethyst

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 09:07 PM

This is an official bump. 

I know this thread is older than dirt, but it IS still open for questions guys. 



#38 ohml

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 10:00 PM

 "If Gays can be married, why not make polygamy legal too? Why not make that 60 year old man marry the 15 year old, they might have true love!" 

 

Personally, I disagree with that statement because I just don't think polygamy and pedophilia is right.  However, just saying "it just isn't right" won't cut it for me. How could one differentiate the LGBTQ community with polygamists or pedophiles?


Edited by ohml, 05 February 2017 - 10:00 PM.


#39 Bone

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:49 AM

"If Gays can be married, why not make polygamy legal too? Why not make that 60 year old man marry the 15 year old, they might have true love!" 
 
Personally, I disagree with that statement because I just don't think polygamy and pedophilia is right.  However, just saying "it just isn't right" won't cut it for me. How could one differentiate the LGBTQ community with polygamists or pedophiles?


Because it's impossible for a child to consent to sex with an adult.

Polygamy is a bit more complicated because it'a historically linked to cultural practices that are oppressive towards women, but I can't find any reason to object to polyamorous relationships between consenting adults.

#40 Amethyst

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 06:54 AM

Because it's impossible for a child to consent to sex with an adult.

Polygamy is a bit more complicated because it'a historically linked to cultural practices that are oppressive towards women, but I can't find any reason to object to polyamorous relationships between consenting adults.

 

That's my exact feelings on the topic. I'm strictly monogamous, so I can't really speak for those people.


But there is really large difference between forcing a child into a relationship, and three or more people loving each other and enjoying a relationship.

 

Before someone else brings it up, animals can't consent either, so that too wouldn't applicable to the relationship. 



#41 ohml

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 06:26 PM

So, simply because of age, some people can't make decisions on their own?



#42 Amethyst

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 07:08 PM

So, simply because of age, some people can't make decisions on their own?

 

That would be the point of age of consent yes



#43 Trapezeo

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 07:39 PM

That's my exact feelings on the topic. I'm strictly monogamous, so I can't really speak for those people.


But there is really large difference between forcing a child into a relationship, and three or more people loving each other and enjoying a relationship.

 

Before someone else brings it up, animals can't consent either, so that too wouldn't applicable to the relationship. 

 

 

Currently in a triad relationship. It's not for everyone, but my boyfriends and I really enjoy it. I don't think I could be in an open relationship though.



#44 Amethyst

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 09:03 PM

Currently in a triad relationship. It's not for everyone, but my boyfriends and I really enjoy it. I don't think I could be in an open relationship though.

 

What is it like loving more than one person and having that happiness together? Would you say it's similar to monogamy? Or is it another experience entirely?



#45 Bone

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 04:46 AM

So, simply because of age, some people can't make decisions on their own?


It's kind of alarming that you need LGBT people to explain why pedophilia is wrong.

#46 Amethyst

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 07:42 AM

It's kind of alarming that you need LGBT people to explain why pedophilia is wrong.

 

Not entirely no. 

 

A lot of people (wrongly) lump pedophilia and bestiality in with LGBT. 

 

Why they do that? I have no idea. But it's pretty common, even my own mom said she didn't feel safe leaving me alone with animals and kids when she suspected I wasn't straight.



#47 Trapezeo

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 03:23 PM

What is it like loving more than one person and having that happiness together? Would you say it's similar to monogamy? Or is it another experience entirely?

Well, this surprisingly has been my first real relationship lol. I'd say it's pretty similar to monogamy. My boyfriends were together before I came along. We were just planning on hooking up, but then I came back and back and back and then it just kinda became what it is now. I didn't move in until around 8 months into everything. Good thing they have a king bed. 

 

At first it took time getting used to. A little bit of jealousy if one of us was gone for a little while, but we eventually worked out the kinks. If there is any disagreement I find it to be between one of my boyfriends a lot more than the other. We don't really argue, but if anything happens, it's usually between Randy and I. 



#48 Bone

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 04:23 PM

Not entirely no.

A lot of people (wrongly) lump pedophilia and bestiality in with LGBT.

Why they do that? I have no idea. But it's pretty common, even my own mom said she didn't feel safe leaving me alone with animals and kids when she suspected I wasn't straight.


I guess I meant that "simply because of age, some people can't make decisions on their own?" is a eyebrow-raising question for someone to ask in the context of pedophilia. Looking back at it now though I think he was just being contrarian.

Well, this surprisingly has been my first real relationship lol. I'd say it's pretty similar to monogamy. My boyfriends were together before I came along. We were just planning on hooking up, but then I came back and back and back and then it just kinda became what it is now. I didn't move in until around 8 months into everything. Good thing they have a king bed.

At first it took time getting used to. A little bit of jealousy if one of us was gone for a little while, but we eventually worked out the kinks. If there is any disagreement I find it to be between one of my boyfriends a lot more than the other. We don't really argue, but if anything happens, it's usually between Randy and I.


Are you open to friends and family about the nature of your relationship? I've always been curious about that kind of relationship but I think the social stigma would be far too discouraging for me.

#49 Trapezeo

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 06:01 PM

I guess I meant that "simply because of age, some people can't make decisions on their own?" is a eyebrow-raising question for someone to ask in the context of pedophilia. Looking back at it now though I think he was just being contrarian.

Are you open to friends and family about the nature of your relationship? I've always been curious about that kind of relationship but I think the social stigma would be far too discouraging for me.

 

My brothers know and I suspect my parents know. All of my friends know, but don't care. Maybe they do care, but they never tell me. A lot of my friends love my boyfriends and are happy that I'm happy.



#50 JinxProof

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 07:44 PM

Currently in a triad relationship. It's not for everyone, but my boyfriends and I really enjoy it. I don't think I could be in an open relationship though.

Oh wow, a legit triad?! That's awesome, I've never heard of that actually working IRL! I'm in a few V's. Husband has a girlfriend and I've been seeing a girl as well. We almost had a triad but it dissolved almost as soon as it began.

 

(sorry to hijack, also if anyone wants to PM me questions I am bi & genderqueerish. Also poly. Be nice :p)




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