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Dealing With Conflict


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#1 Dazz

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 07:34 AM

I'm just curious as to how everyone here deals with conflict whenever it may come up, since there's so many different situations that might require different actions from you. Like are you more likely to get into it with an online racist in the Buzzfeed comment section, than some random nutter in the street spouting off nonsence?

 

I guess first of all is how d'you usually deal with someone being a cunt in person, trying to start an argument with you? Is it the same way you would handle it if this person was one of your friends?

 

How d'you usually deal with someone online that's spouting off hateful shit about something or someone you care about?

 

What about if you see two strangers getting heated about a subject you care about? Would you jump in, or just ignore it?

 

What if some of your family members are getting into an argument and it's only escalating, are you getting involved in that to try calm the situation down? Or just let them hash it out.

 

Or what would you do if someone was specifically trying to bait out a reaction/argument from you? Like I know Michelle is a big fan of Beyonce, and let's say i'm an asshole so I get my kicks out of being a cunt to people, so I'm gonna try trigger her and bait out an argument. First of all I've already spelt her name wrong on purpose, and then I'll post something like Beyonce is actually a fucking horrible singer, and she can't even write her own songs. If you're Mishelle in this situation are you biting, and giving me what I want in the heat of it? At the same time what if I said this face to face, are you gonna knock a motherfucker out?

 

How about if you told an SJW your name is Hugh Mungus as a joke, and now she's in your face recording you shouting about how you just sexually harassed her? Would you keep your cool or flip out?

 

There's a hell of a lot more different situations so if you come up with more feel free to just add on, I'm just curious to see how different people handle the same things. Are your answers the same as what you would have done say 5 years ago? I'll answer all this myself at some point, but it takes me up to an hour to finish my posts because I get distracted and have the attention span of a 10 year old :p So I'm sorry if it's messy to read!



#2 Elindoril

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 01:04 PM

I avoid conflict at all costs in real life. Conflict is stressful and causes anxiety.

#3 Keil

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 05:56 PM

I avoid conflict at all costs in real life. Conflict is stressful and causes anxiety.

 

Same. I've been doing it for the last month except the opposite of real life.

 

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Life Hack: In a non-educational argument that serves no betterment for anybody, always start your opinions with the words "I think". If the other party says you're wrong, you can philosophically prove that as long as you really think what you think, you can't be wrong. If they call you stupid, you can take the moral high road and say that the other party resorted to ad hominem and would like to continue this "heated discourse" when the other has matured a bit more (more likely give them time to find out what ad hominem is since most likely than naught, those dumb asses wouldn't know the definition to begin with).



#4 Kaddict

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 07:21 PM

Same. I've been doing it for the last month except the opposite of real life.

 

---

 

Life Hack: In a non-educational argument that serves no betterment for anybody, always start your opinions with the words "I think". If the other party says you're wrong, you can philosophically prove that as long as you really think what you think, you can't be wrong. If they call you stupid, you can take the moral high road and say that the other party resorted to ad hominem and would like to continue this "heated discourse" when the other has matured a bit more (more likely give them time to find out what ad hominem is since most likely than naught, those dumb asses wouldn't know the definition to begin with).

Dafuq have you been @Kelvin @Trickster? I think you still own a blockbuster card and live in a van by the river. I also think you just discovered porn and had to go the the ER for rhabdo in your right arm.

 

I try to stay out of it now. I used to be very vocal, but I feel it is rarely worth my time to get into an argument where neither side will budge, or often even listen, and the only thing I get in return is an elevated heart rate and angry thoughts racing through my head all the time. If someone tries to bait/insult me, I usually let it go, but very often will same something that is insulting and true, but not rude enough that people around will view it as really mean, but on the inside the person becomes slightly broken and loses 40 self-confidence points (bc sometimes, if you want me to be a dick, I'll be a fucking 12 inch dildo). But it is when I see people picking on someone who can't/wont defend themselves or that I really care about that I will jump in full force. Other than that, I have really tried to calm my tits.



#5 Generic

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 09:50 PM

I'm just going to answer the questions in order so this has some form of coherency.

 

I'm just curious as to how everyone here deals with conflict whenever it may come up, since there's so many different situations that might require different actions from you. Like are you more likely to get into it with an online racist in the Buzzfeed comment section, than some random nutter in the street spouting off nonsence?

In regards to online racists or online nutters, I don't let 99% of things I see online personally bother me. The only things that will bother me are direct personal attacks on me or someone I care about AND feel the need to defend. Meaning I don't believe they can adequately defend themself. Considering I usually just avoid jumping in arguments, I don't often get in that situation. I guess I've just spent a lot of time online, and my sense of humor can be pretty twisted, so a lot of things people say don't get to me.

 

I guess first of all is how d'you usually deal with someone being a cunt in person, trying to start an argument with you? Is it the same way you would handle it if this person was one of your friends?

If a close friend was trying to start something with me in person, I'd either concede and just go with whatever they're saying OR just tell them I disagree and try to diffuse the situation. I won't usually have a significant argument with a friend unless I think I genuinely have to. If I think they're being intentionally a jerk about something, depending on how bad they're being, I'll either laugh it off or just be a little more cautious around them.

 

How d'you usually deal with someone online that's spouting off hateful shit about something or someone you care about?

Someone and something I care about are two vastly different things. Like I said, if it's someONE I care about and I think they're getting beat up bad (verbally), and it doesn't seem like they're doing okay I might try to defend them, but I won't usually go on the offense about it. Usually I don't bother arguing over someTHING I care about. Ideals don't have feelings, and people arguing online don't often change how they think. If I do argue for fun, it'll probably be anonymously and just for sport.

 

What about if you see two strangers getting heated about a subject you care about? Would you jump in, or just ignore it?

See above. Probably won't argue unless it's anonymously and for the hell of it.

 

What if some of your family members are getting into an argument and it's only escalating, are you getting involved in that to try calm the situation down? Or just let them hash it out.

I might try to calm the situation down by mediating, but I'll try to keep my personal opinion out of it. There's no point arguing with them and getting caught in the crossfire. Realistically I'd try to show each side the merit in the other side. Or point out why they are relatively equally wrong.

 

Or what would you do if someone was specifically trying to bait out a reaction/argument from you? Like I know Michelle is a big fan of Beyonce, and let's say i'm an asshole so I get my kicks out of being a cunt to people, so I'm gonna try trigger her and bait out an argument. First of all I've already spelt her name wrong on purpose, and then I'll post something like Beyonce is actually a fucking horrible singer, and she can't even write her own songs. If you're Mishelle in this situation are you biting, and giving me what I want in the heat of it? At the same time what if I said this face to face, are you gonna knock a motherfucker out?

If someone clearly was trying to piss me off in person, I'd just think they're a massive prick, possibly tell them to *insult of choice* and then probably leave. I'm sure it'd bother me, but I can't really see myself doing anything else. If it was online... guess my reaction would be almost identical, except it wouldn't bother me nearly as much.

 

How about if you told an SJW your name is Hugh Mungus as a joke, and now she's in your face recording you shouting about how you just sexually harassed her? Would you keep your cool or flip out?

If there's a camera involved I'd either as cooly as I could explain to the camera I meant no harm and then leave ASAP. If there were no camera I'd probably laugh at first, call them crazy and then leave. At least, I HOPE that's how I'd react. I'm really not great with conflict, so I'd probably be seething and upset inside, but considering I've never thrown a punch or anything at anyone, I can't see myself starting now. I'd probably just seethe and leave.

 

Are your answers the same as what you would have done say 5 years ago?

Honestly if I got in a big argument 5 years ago I'd probably internally be really upset but outwardly be a total pushover about it. Like I said, I still like to think I wouldn't go on the offense, but I feel like I'd be more defensive if I really had to.



#6 Ladida

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Posted 25 September 2016 - 10:25 PM

I'm just curious as to how everyone here deals with conflict whenever it may come up, since there's so many different situations that might require different actions from you. Like are you more likely to get into it with an online racist in the Buzzfeed comment section, than some random nutter in the street spouting off nonsence?

 

I guess first of all is how d'you usually deal with someone being a cunt in person, trying to start an argument with you? Is it the same way you would handle it if this person was one of your friends?

 

How d'you usually deal with someone online that's spouting off hateful shit about something or someone you care about?

 

What about if you see two strangers getting heated about a subject you care about? Would you jump in, or just ignore it?

 

What if some of your family members are getting into an argument and it's only escalating, are you getting involved in that to try calm the situation down? Or just let them hash it out.

 

Or what would you do if someone was specifically trying to bait out a reaction/argument from you? Like I know Michelle is a big fan of Beyonce, and let's say i'm an asshole so I get my kicks out of being a cunt to people, so I'm gonna try trigger her and bait out an argument. First of all I've already spelt her name wrong on purpose, and then I'll post something like Beyonce is actually a fucking horrible singer, and she can't even write her own songs. If you're Mishelle in this situation are you biting, and giving me what I want in the heat of it? At the same time what if I said this face to face, are you gonna knock a motherfucker out?

 

How about if you told an SJW your name is Hugh Mungus as a joke, and now she's in your face recording you shouting about how you just sexually harassed her? Would you keep your cool or flip out?

 

There's a hell of a lot more different situations so if you come up with more feel free to just add on, I'm just curious to see how different people handle the same things. Are your answers the same as what you would have done say 5 years ago? I'll answer all this myself at some point, but it takes me up to an hour to finish my posts because I get distracted and have the attention span of a 10 year old :p So I'm sorry if it's messy to read!

If someone tries to start an argument with me personally, I'd just listen to what they have to say. When it's clear that the person, stranger or family or friend, is talking absolute trash, I'll stop listening and either zone out or excuse myself. Usually when someone sees I'm not listening to anything they're saying, they'll stop and pester someone else. If they decide to start berating me over that, I'd tell them that I have somewhere else to me, and I'm out of there. Sometimes family and friends get a rise out of me, and I might argue for a while. If the argument isn't going anywhere, I change the subject or leave. Usually most of these happen over instant messages, so it's easy to just not reply anymore. They might send a few more messages til they realize that they're talking to themselves, and that shuts them up pretty fast.

 

I try and ignore what I see online. Usually completely ignorant life forms are the ones instigating some drama, and they apparently feel better about themselves if they spew hatred and make horrendously derogatory remarks about anyone who doesn't agree with them. These people are not worth my valuable time, and I refuse to be baited by trolls whose only goals in life are to be hateful, obnoxious, and downright stupid as Hell. I might feel pissed off for a bit after reading their drivel, but it's better than talking to them and feeling white hot rage.

 

If I heard two strangers talking loud enough within earshot, I'd just listen. It's their conversation, not mine, and I don't believe I have the right to butt into it even if they're speaking loud enough for me to hear. There have been a LOT of murders here when someone said or did something someone else didn't like, and I don't intend on engaging people I don't know in an environment in which I have no control. Sometimes I might form an argument in my head, but keep it to myself or discuss it with friends. I don't trust strangers, I don't know anything about them, so their actions would be unpredictable to me.

 

For family members, I have tried to step in and diffuse arguments when it's clear that everyone's anger is getting out of control. I try to put a complete stop to the topic that's pissing everyone off, so that they can cool off. They can leave, or talk about something else until they don't feel like scratching each other's eyes out. I try to do this before someone says something terrible or that they would regret, because it's much harder to come back from that. I know families fight, but it's just not productive when it gets to that stage. I would do this for family and friends, but not strangers, as I know what my family and friends are capable of. If it's a bunch of strangers, I'd be calling security or the police depending on how is escalates.

 

I have been baited by family and friends before, and I have flipped out. Over the years I've become more mellow, and I've become more aware of how they bait me. Any time I see them doing that, I just leave the conversation and walk away. I don't even say why. Just, 'I'm not interested in talking to you anymore right now'. That has helped a lot because I feel more in control of myself, and I avoid the embarrassment of looking like a loose cannon. Feeling in control of my emotions is awesome. Before, it was like a runaway train and I was stuck on for the ride.

 

I have no idea what I would do if I ever met an SJW. I have never met one in my country, thankfully, although I do know some exist. If she was recording me, I'd sincerely apologize for making her uncomfortable, and that my joke was just a joke and not an attempt to get into her pants. After I'm sure she has that part recorded, I would get the Hell away from her, because I'm sure she's stark raving mad and I have no idea whether she would cause me bodily harm. If someone is recording you, it's best to keep cool, because you can bet that would be posted all over online as evidence about your 'terrible character'. If you sound calm and rational, then the screaming lunatic is the one who will look bad.



#7 smashie90

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 08:10 AM

I avoid conflict at all costs in real life. Conflict is stressful and causes anxiety.

Yup, I agree with you 100%. It makes me anxious as hell. I just suffer silently most times.



#8 cara

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Posted 26 September 2016 - 08:49 AM

No, you don't jump into a discussion that two strangers are having on the street. That's extremely obnoxious. However, I will be extremely obnoxious and call someone out for doing something that involves me (ie I do this often with people who push me on public transit).

 

I don't mind conflict at all as long as it's civil and respectful. Once one side starts to respond with rudeness, I bow out. Because odds are, they are not the smartest person if they need to resort to that kind of behaviour in an argument. It's childish and I will automatically lose a lot of respect for someone who is not able to control their temper.



#9 Jess

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Posted 28 September 2016 - 06:04 AM

I'm just curious as to how everyone here deals with conflict whenever it may come up, since there's so many different situations that might require different actions from you. Like are you more likely to get into it with an online racist in the Buzzfeed comment section, than some random nutter in the street spouting off nonsence?
 
I guess first of all is how d'you usually deal with someone being a cunt in person, trying to start an argument with you? Is it the same way you would handle it if this person was one of your friends?

This doesn't normally come up because I swing wildly between resting bitch face and smiley/bubbly, both of which intimidate people. I'm more likely to butt in online, but mainly because there's almost no consequences and my kids can't see if I'm being rude or not lol. In person, I don't get into conflict unless someone is being an ass directly to me first, then I just assume they deserve it and how I react depends on my mood.

How d'you usually deal with someone online that's spouting off hateful shit about something or someone you care about?

Block them.

What about if you see two strangers getting heated about a subject you care about? Would you jump in, or just ignore it?

Ignore it.

What if some of your family members are getting into an argument and it's only escalating, are you getting involved in that to try calm the situation down? Or just let them hash it out.

Only if they're under 13. If you're older, you either need to develop problem solving skills or should have them already.

Or what would you do if someone was specifically trying to bait out a reaction/argument from you? Like I know Michelle is a big fan of Beyonce, and let's say i'm an asshole so I get my kicks out of being a cunt to people, so I'm gonna try trigger her and bait out an argument. First of all I've already spelt her name wrong on purpose, and then I'll post something like Beyonce is actually a fucking horrible singer, and she can't even write her own songs. If you're Mishelle in this situation are you biting, and giving me what I want in the heat of it? At the same time what if I said this face to face, are you gonna knock a motherfucker out?
 
How about if you told an SJW your name is Hugh Mungus as a joke, and now she's in your face recording you shouting about how you just sexually harassed her? Would you keep your cool or flip out?

Explain to them exactly how they're wrong in an incoherent rant. Or ignore it.


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