Ok, so I am having a tough time figuring out where to start...
I have been married for a few years, have a baby and a great relationship. My wife has struggled with depression since she was in high school. She never really used meds until, idk, maybe a year ago? They haven't really been helping, she has been having her dose increased, going to therapy to try working some awful shit out that happened to her. But yesterday, I was going to be in the hospital for 16 hours. For whatever reason, while I was still on call, I decided to go home (which I usually dont due, because pediatrics is super busy and I get called to admit new kids constantly, and I live 15min away from the hospital). I get home, and my wife is in the garage (door closed) in her car, engine running. When I opened the garage door, she ran inside, but I could tell she was crying. It took me a second to put it together. We were able to talk, and she says that she just feels like she will never get over her depression. She said sorry a million times and that she would never do this again (the whole time I was doing my best to absolve her of most of the guilt she was feeling). I ask her all the time how I can help her (before this event and now) in any way--but she doesn't know how. She is gonna talk to her doc about switching meds (especially bc she hasn't felt they have been helping and he has continued to increase dose with no effect for more time than is normal imo), but what other things could I do to help? Having never really struggled with any form of depression/anxiety, it would be great to have opinions from you guys (because I don't want to talk to my friends about it and make my wife feel like a pariah). We had a really good talk last night, and I trust her when she says she won't try to kill herself again, but part of me worries. Also, the fact that she had made arrangements waaayyyy ahead of time worries me. We've talked about her depression, and a couple months ago she said she felt like she wanted to hurt herself. I asked if she had a plan, which she denied--but last night she told me this was a lie.
So, one of my many questions is this: How do I help her? I am currently just trying to show her even more love than I normally do, but not treat her any differently than I did before. She was mad and embarrassed that I came home early--but if I didn't, she may have been dead. While we were talking she said she had a wicked headache, which I worry was due in part to the amount of CO exposure she already had. This is really kinda scary for me guys.
Sorry this is so jumbled. I just really wanted to talk to someone and get advice. I know a lot of you are open about your struggles with dif issues so I would love to hear from you. Thanks.