This is a tale of happiness and heartbreak, based on a true story.
So we find ourself on a stormy night, as cliche as it is. Living on the coast the wind is a lot more severe than i'm used to, the rain is pouring down heavily and the wind is battering against the windows every couple of seconds. But, i'm quite contempt. I'm relaxing on my freshly made bed, you know with the freshly washed sheets smell that can put me to sleep with ease. I've got my music playing, i'm playing some game on the TV, thoroughly distracted from the storm whirling up outside. When suddenly I notice something out of the corner of my eye.
What I noticed was a little black speck come into my room from the open door, crawl along the edge of the ceiling, all the way to the furthest corner right next to the window and hunkering down, or up technically. Now i'm not the biggest fan of spiders, in fact I absolutely hate them. Every single spider that comes into my room gets either picked up with a spider grabber and thrown back outside where they came from, or the unfortunately difficult ones get the vacuum treatment. But, there was something different about this one. Firstly it was small, which I don't mind much. Secondly it put itself in the furthest corner away from me, as if it wanted to keep to itself and not bother me, which again, I don't mind. The third reason is this little spider caught my curiosity so much that I picked myself up from my fresh bed to go and get a closer look. Upon inspection of the little spider I noticed he was wet, he had that sparkle on him from where light shines upon water a certain way, and it was beautiful. He had clearly made his way, battling against the wind and rain, to find shelter until it had passed, and for the first time ever, I let this little spider take shelter in the corner of my room. At one point I did something ridiculous, because that's the type of person that I am. I held out my fist next to the little spider. And you know what he did? He reached out his little feeler and tapped my fist. Thus, lil spider bro was born.
Lil Spider Bro
Over the next few days lil spider bro had spun his web, very majestically of course, it was magnificent. He would walk about next to the window, gazing outside into the cold, stretching his legs and exploring a little bit before returning back to his web. He never travelled that far away from his web which felt like a mutual agreement we both had, as much as I liked the little guy I don't want him near my bed while i'm trying to sleep. I witnessed him get his first catch. An equally small fly that somehow found it's way into his majestic web, struggling against the stick before lil spider bro strutted towards it in a kind of "yeah bro you done fucked up, you ain't going nowhere fast" way. He wrapped the small fly up into his web, with no escape, and walked away, saving the fly as his meal for later. I could feel one tear run down from my eye, y'know the Samuel L Jackson. I felt like a proud mother watching her child grow up with glee, and not the show, thankfully.
So over the next couple weeks it was very much rinse and repeat. He would adventure over to the window, to have a good look outside from where he came from, before travelling back to his web. He would catch little flies to fill up his stomach, except for one time when I noticed he had gone without a catch for a while, so I picked up an ant from outside and placed it gently onto his web much like I used to do as a kid. We were great, both happy, both contempt. Until...
PLAYER 2 HAS ENTERED THE GAME
This big mother fucker creeps in from my door. He wasn't very pleasant at all, in fact he was an asshole. Very angry, very fast, and kept running around disrespecting my boundaries. And so became big spider not bro. I tried to evacuate this guy from the premises but every time I went for him with the spider grabber he would slip away, run very fast, and hide. There was no getting to him until he came out of the hell hole he resided in. Big spider not bro would show up around night time when I would want to sleep, then when I go out to get the spider grabber and come back into the room to pick his fat ass up, he was gone. We had a modern day asshole Houdini on our hands.
Lil spider bro up on his web was visibly shaken by this asshole. Every time I would check up on lil spider bro he would have moved places in his web, a lot more than he normally would. He was acting very abnormal and it was worrying me. I was sorry towards lil spider bro, for not being able to protect him from the bully and get rid of that asshole, walking around doing whatever he wants like he owns the place. Bitch this is my room, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
But big spider not bro had evaded my wrath for another night. When I woke up something felt odd, something didn't feel right at all. I shrugged it off, got dressed, had a cup of tea and a cigarette. When I returned to my room in the corner of my eye I noticed something. An empty web. Lil spider bro was no where to be seen. My heart felt heavy. I checked all around my room in case he had adventured out further, but he wasn't there, I even checked the window he loved looking out into, nothing. The only conclusion that I could come to was that he moved out, back to the outside world that he would gaze out into, pushed out by big spider not bro. He didn't write a leaving note for me, he didn't say goodbye, but that was probably for the best, it would have been far too emotional for us to cope with, he saved us the tears. Wherever he went, I promised never to forget lil spider bro, and wished him nothing but the best for his future. That smooth mother fucker will be killing it with the spider girls, I know it.
I returned back outside to the garden to have a farewell fag. A cigarette btw. It was a small moment of serenity, accepting that lil spider bro had moved on, and I was okay with it. As i dragged my feet back up the stairs and entered my room, there he was. Lil spider bro? No. Big spider not bro. Standing on the wall directly in front of me as though he was taunting me, obviously I couldn't see his face but I imagine he had a big shit eating grin going on. Oh hell naw this time was it, no more big spider not bro, and i'm not playing nice anymore. I wasn't going to get the spider grabber only to find him gone, i've got him right in my sights and he ain't going nowhere this time. I raised my foot up, bended my knee bringing it toward my chest, and aimed my boot at this mother fucker on the wall. These weren't little soft boots either, these were some big ass leather boots. As I aimed them towards big spider not bro, I remember the thought that went through my head, that this was for being an asshole and bullying my lil spider bro out of the room. I pushed my leg with a mighty force, my boot travelling towards the wall where he resided with such speed. BOOM. A loud thundeous thud echoed throughout the whole house as my leather boot impacted the wall. With no spider to be seen. I pulled my boot away from the wall to see the squished remains of that asshole, stuck to the wall. Sweet sweet justice. Obviously I grabbed some kitchen roll and cleaned him off the wall before throwing him in the trash, WHERE HE BELONGS. That was for you lil spider bro. I kissed my fingers and threw a peace sign up in the air.
Thus concludes the tale of lil spider bro. But the memory of him shall live on forever.