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Spanking? Yes, no, or grey area?


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#1 Amethyst

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 11:59 AM

This is a continuation of our discussion in my weird smells thread.

 

But to clarify this is about punishment in children, not anything to do with sexual adults!



#2 Kate

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:02 PM

Please daddy



#3 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:03 PM

Please daddy


*points to Debate section*

NO LEVITY

#4 Coops

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:03 PM

Please daddy

okay.



#5 Amethyst

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:05 PM

Please daddy

 

Shhh, I mean for kids not consenting adults having fun :p



#6 Emily

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:11 PM

Shhh, I mean for kids not consenting adults having fun :p

 

Maybe clarify :p 



#7 Amethyst

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:12 PM

Maybe clarify :p

 

It's a continuation of the thread this started on, i'll edit the post



#8 cara

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:12 PM

Let me quote my extremely poetically liltic post in the other thread:

 

Wouldn't you rather teach your child right from wrong on the basis of morals as opposed to fearing physical punishment?



#9 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:13 PM

Let me quote my extremely poetically liltic post in the other thread:
 
Wouldn't you rather teach your child right from wrong on the basis of morals as opposed to fearing physical punishment?


You mean:
"For reals, you think the only way to instil respect and manners is through inflicting pain?"

#10 Emily

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:13 PM

It's a continuation of the thread this started on, i'll edit the post

 

Yeah, I saw but anyone who didn't see that wouldn't know :p 



#11 cara

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:14 PM

You mean:
"For reals, you think the only way to instil respect and manners is through inflicting pain?"

 

Admit that you read my post and based your post off of mine you fiend.



#12 Kate

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:14 PM

Okay, on a serious note. We don't spank in our household, that's not to say we've never given any of our kids a swat on the bum.

With my oldest we never spanked or swatted, he didn't really get into any trouble or dangerous situations.
My second oldest was an extremely busy child and a few times when he'd be violent, or touch something dangerous, I'd swat his bum. 
My youngest has never been touched either.

What I learned: It's silly to swat my second oldest child's bum for hitting someone. That completely confuses him. How can I teach him not to touch other people by doing just that to him? It's something I've always carried a lot of guilt about and when I did do it, it had zero affect on him as far as teaching him anything. The more effective approach for us were time outs and loss of privileges. 

I remember one day just stopping and asking myself if that was really the only way to teach him and I knew in my heart it wasn't. I was spanked a lot growing up and not just gentle taps on the bottom, I was full on spanked, over the lap, and I carried a lot of resentment towards my parents straight through into adult life because I knew there were other ways they could have disciplined me without inflicting physical pain on me. It can really scar a child. 



#13 Coops

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:14 PM

Spanking is lazy parenting and abusive.



#14 Amethyst

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:16 PM

Yeah, I saw but anyone who didn't see that wouldn't know :p

 

Edited for clarification

 


What I learned: It's silly to swat my second oldest child's bum for hitting someone. That completely confuses him. How can I teach him not to touch other people by doing just that to him? It's something I've always carried a lot of guilt about and when I did do it, it had zero affect on him as far as teaching him anything. The more effective approach for us were time outs and loss of privileges. 

 

This is exactly the point that I think most people should realize, spanking me only made me more violent. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized violence wasn't getting me anywhere. Spanking did turn me into a pacifist, but only because I realize hitting people (Self defence doesn't count.) isn't an okay thing to do. 

 

Spanking is lazy parenting and abusive.

 

Couldn't agree more tbh



#15 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:17 PM

Admit that you read my post and based your post off of mine you fiend.


I take inspiration from many places. If anything, you should be honoured.

xD

Real talk:
I don't understand why this is a debate at all. On one side you have decades of research pointing towards spanking being ineffective and a net detriment to the wellbeing of the child, and on the other you have "Well, I was spanked and I turned out fine".
I mean, sure - but what about the people that don't turn out fine. Or would have turned out better. Y'know? It's daft.

#16 Coops

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:19 PM

Okay, on a serious note. We don't spank in our household, that's not to say we've never given any of our kids a swat on the bum.

With my oldest we never spanked or swatted, he didn't really get into any trouble or dangerous situations.
My second oldest was an extremely busy child and a few times when he'd be violent, or touch something dangerous, I'd swat his bum. 
My youngest has never been touched either.

What I learned: It's silly to swat my second oldest child's bum for hitting someone. That completely confuses him. How can I teach him not to touch other people by doing just that to him? It's something I've always carried a lot of guilt about and when I did do it, it had zero affect on him as far as teaching him anything. The more effective approach for us were time outs and loss of privileges. 

I remember one day just stopping and asking myself if that was really the only way to teach him and I knew in my heart it wasn't. I was spanked a lot growing up and not just gentle taps on the bottom, I was full on spanked, over the lap, and I carried a lot of resentment towards my parents straight through into adult life because I knew there were other ways they could have disciplined me without inflicting physical pain on me. It can really scar a child. 

You didn't know any better because that's what you learned from your parents. It's great you realized how negatively it can impact children. 


I take inspiration from many places. If anything, you should be honoured.

xD

Real talk:
I don't understand why this is a debate at all. On one side you have decades of research pointing towards spanking being ineffective and a net detriment to the wellbeing of the child, and on the other you have "Well, I was spanked and I turned out fine".
I mean, sure - but what about the people that don't turn out fine. Or would have turned out better. Y'know? It's daft.

It's a debate because people don't believe in science lol. And more simply, people have this weird nostalgia about the past. They've romanticized previous generations of children. It shouldn't be a debate but it is.



#17 Kate

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:20 PM

You didn't know any better because that's what you learned from your parents. It's great you realized how negatively it can impact children. 

I think somewhere deep down I knew better because I never felt good about doing it. I never felt it was effective and I was constantly questioning myself after doing it. I want my children to know that no one has a right to touch their body without their consent and that includes physical discipline. But I was contradicting myself every time I swatted his butt. I'm glad I realized too, but I wish I hadn't done it in the first place.



#18 Coops

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:23 PM

I think somewhere deep down I knew better because I never felt good about doing it. I never felt it was effective and I was constantly questioning myself after doing it. I want my children to know that no one has a right to touch their body without their consent and that includes physical discipline. But I was contradicting myself every time I swatted his butt. I'm glad I realized too, but I wish I hadn't done it in the first place.

It's not okay that you did it, but it's okay because we all do bad things and mess up. You decided to do better. That's all that matters in the end. Hopefully, they will grow up and if they have kids, they won't make the same mistakes.



#19 Romy

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:24 PM

I think spanking is okay.
I was hit extremely often by my parents as a child and all I ended up with was trust issues.

 

I could've become a drug dealer or something. /s



#20 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:24 PM

It's a debate because people don't believe in science lol. And more simply, people have this weird nostalgia about the past. They've romanticized previous generations of children. It shouldn't be a debate but it is.


That's true, and I do know that. I guess I meant that I despair that this is still a debate that we seem to need to keep having.

#21 Amethyst

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:25 PM

It's not okay that you did it, but it's okay because we all do bad things and mess up. You decided to do better. That's all that matters in the end. Hopefully, they will grow up and if they have kids, they won't make the same mistakes.

 

That's my feeling on the matter. You did do wrong, but you admitted it and learned and moved on. That's what makes you a better person



#22 Coops

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:25 PM

That's true, and I do know that. I guess I meant that I despair that this is still a debate that we seem to need to keep having.

Yeah. That makes sense. I feel the same. I thought maybe that's what you meant but I'm shitty at subtext lol.



#23 Kate

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:26 PM

It's not okay that you did it, but it's okay because we all do bad things and mess up. You decided to do better. That's all that matters in the end. Hopefully, they will grow up and if they have kids, they won't make the same mistakes.

I think my only saving grace is that it was only 3-5 times and he doesn't remember it at all. So I still have my lovable squish and I piss him off in different ways (grounded from the xbox lol).



#24 Sweeney

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:29 PM

That's what makes you a better person


A good parent. Nobody goes into it as an expert, so it's learning to do better and the willingness to change that makes you good at it.

#25 Nymh

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Posted 24 July 2017 - 12:59 PM

It's a continuation of the thread this started on, i'll edit the post


Yeah, I saw but anyone who didn't see that wouldn't know :p

 
Maybe a nice mod could move those posts to this thread so the continuity is maintained


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