Quantcast

Jump to content


Photo

Spanking? Yes, no, or grey area?


  • Please log in to reply
95 replies to this topic

#51 Jess

Jess
  • 🍴Aioli-American🍴



  • 9,215 posts


Users Awards

Posted 24 July 2017 - 03:57 PM

This is a good way to put it! But again in my defense, just because my experience is the "wrong" or minority way of thinking, doesn't mean I am going to spank my kids as well! Since I am not going to spank my kids, it shouldn't matter what I think as long as I am not teaching my views to my children either. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even after 50 years of not drinking, they will always be an alcoholic. No amount of "not drinking" will take that definition away from them. Just like I will always be in my ways for my views, no amount of arguing is going to change my mind. But at least the thought and views stop with me, why should that matter? I am not saying necessarily that the research itself is wrong, I am saying that in my experience, I don't agree with the majority. The problem isn't the research, it's me. 

Also, I am not sitting here saying that I want people to spank their kids either. So, I am not necessarily praising spanking. Just illustrating how my experiences warrant my opinions.
 
And while I may have said some dumb things earlier, specifically about the bible or that kids are worse now than they were back when children were being spanked, I see that those statements themselves are wrong too. But that doesn't change my thought process still.

Everyone's thoughts matter because they have the ability to influence others.

#52 Coops

Coops
  • 🌧️🌩️🌧️




  • 3,607 posts


Users Awards

Posted 24 July 2017 - 04:26 PM

Everyone's thoughts matter because they have the ability to influence others.


I was trying to say this too but couldn't word. As usual, you provide awesome and succinct insights.

#53 Shiemi

Shiemi
  • 131 posts


Users Awards

Posted 24 July 2017 - 05:19 PM

No. I don't think fear based discipline is morally okay. A child shouldn't be physically threatened, period. 

 

I believe you can raise a child effectively without threatening them physically.



#54 Sweeney

Sweeney
  • 1,097 posts


Users Awards

Posted 24 July 2017 - 05:29 PM

This is a good way to put it! But again in my defense, just because my experience is the "wrong" or minority way of thinking, doesn't mean I am going to spank my kids as well! Since I am not going to spank my kids, it shouldn't matter what I think as long as I am not teaching my views to my children either. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even after 50 years of not drinking, they will always be an alcoholic. No amount of "not drinking" will take that definition away from them. Just like I will always be in my ways for my views, no amount of arguing is going to change my mind. But at least the thought and views stop with me, why should that matter? I am not saying necessarily that the research itself is wrong, I am saying that in my experience, I don't agree with the majority. The problem isn't the research, it's me.


That's not a defence. That's intentional ignorance.

You can blame your past all you want, but what it comes down to is that you are making a conscious decision to ignore the information that you're getting from outside your own experiences. That is probably an even more dangerous attitude than being in favour of corporal punishment.

#55 pancakeface

pancakeface
  • 768 posts


Users Awards

Posted 25 July 2017 - 09:07 AM

As a person who has been spanked many times in her life, I can guarantee that it has not taught me right from wrong. It just taught me fear of "when's the next spanking coming." Not to mention I felt more fear than I did correction.

 

I actually felt more correction whenever my mom or dad would talk to me in a strict tone.

 

I don't support spanking, and I would only use it as an absolute last resort.

 

I totally got spanked (in the spirit of it, not so much the literal) as a child but interestingly they also stopped when I was older. I barely remember being spanked and I can't say for sure the influence it had on me.

 

But on your point about feeling more correction, one of the most powerfully corrective things I ever experienced was my mom thanking me for letting her 'use the water' (to explain the phrase, water pressure wasn't great in our pipes and using the water anywhere in the house would reduce water everywhere else.)

 

It wasn't a simple or fleeting "thanks" either. She singled out this thing I did (without really thinking too much about it) and expressed a clear appreciation for the consideration I showed. Ever since that, I am inclined to pay attention to water usage and being considerate of how it might affect others.

 

And the strangest thing? It was a one time thing and I've never received thanks or acknowledgement for doing so again, but I still continue to do it if applicable for anyone with no resentment or expectation of thanks.



#56 Silentqueen

Silentqueen
  • 187 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 03:44 AM

I don't have kids yet, but would never spank. It's just not how we were brought up. My parents never spanked us either, instead we had  discussions and things taken away from us for a short period of time until we learned our lesson. 

 

I have been teaching early years and lower elementary for 19 years, and 8 of that I have been teaching in Lebanon, roughly. I cannot tell you the number of times parents have said to me during parent-teacher meetings

 

"If my son doesn't listen please slap him/hit him, I give you permission, it's the only way he listens."

 

I was shocked the first time, then as more and more parents here started telling me the same thing, I realized this was normal here in the Middle East. But of course I never did it, I always explained to them that it was against school policy, and that there are other ways to get a child to listen...etc. 



#57 Jess

Jess
  • 🍴Aioli-American🍴



  • 9,215 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 05:38 AM

But of course I never did it, I always explained to them that it was against school policy

mind=blown

#58 Sweeney

Sweeney
  • 1,097 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 06:59 AM

mind=blown


That happens everywhere. There are an awful lot of shitty parents out there.

#59 Amethyst

Amethyst
  • I swallowed a rock


  • 2,737 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 07:15 AM

 

 

"If my son doesn't listen please slap him/hit him, I give you permission, it's the only way he listens."

 

Sounds like my mom lmfao



#60 Jess

Jess
  • 🍴Aioli-American🍴



  • 9,215 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 02:01 PM

That happens everywhere. There are an awful lot of shitty parents out there.


I'm more surprised it's legal here, but not a third world country.

#61 Sweeney

Sweeney
  • 1,097 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 03:36 PM

I'm more surprised it's legal here, but not a third world country.


Well, I'm sure it's still done in places where it's not legal :p At home, I mean.

#62 Nymh

Nymh
  • Keeper of Secrets

  • 4,626 posts


Users Awards

Posted 26 July 2017 - 04:10 PM

Corporal punishment is still used in schools in America. Though just smacking/hitting kids is a little different than that

Fun story ~ When I was in 8th grade, another entire 8th grade class got paddled one day because they were locked outside their classroom and just hung out in the hall not knowing what to do. One of the parents came to school the next day and beat the shit out of the teacher that did it in the parking lot. The teacher got suspended and had to go to anger management classes.

#63 Padme

Padme
  • 1,577 posts


Users Awards

Posted 28 July 2017 - 02:51 PM

I'm shocked by how many of my friends, coworkers & acquaintances think that spanking is okay, useful and the best option.

 

It's a definite no to me. 



#64 Cyo

Cyo
  • Pauly D

  • 2,559 posts


Users Awards

Posted 02 August 2017 - 11:32 AM

Dno I got the belt as a child but it was always for stupid ass shit I did. Like putting the neighbor's apartment on fire, or lighting up the barn down the road, or igniting the old abandoned fish cannery a couple of kilometres aways from home, for stealing shit or just general semi-illegal tomfoolery with the lads or what have you.

 

I never got punished for 'stupid' shit like getting bad grades or saying a bad word or 'talking back' some shit like that. And most of the time I got warned beforehand (e.g. when talking back nonsensically alà just calling dad a faggot when we argued about something, which is I guess just an ad homomen attack lol) that I'd be getting the belt if I'm keeping it up like that. Or when the deed had already been done and he found out that I had done something bad he'd always just call me over and tell me he's spanking me because there's consequences to every action you do.

 

Tbh all it taught me was to lie better and to not get caught, which in a sick way was what he wanted lol. Then again I guess in a way it has made me more analytical as well - if I do this, then X or Y might happen, better find a way to hide the evidence (if doing something 'bad') or find the evidence of action Z by if you're suspecting somebody is lying or some shit like that.

 

Honestly, if my kid did some heinous shit I'd probably belt him/her as well to instill that every action has a consequence (if you're caught), if you're not caught then great - no problems on my end lol.



#65 Nymh

Nymh
  • Keeper of Secrets

  • 4,626 posts


Users Awards

Posted 11 August 2017 - 05:24 AM

I love Mayim Bialik, and she just released this video yesterday.  Not too fond of the new "Grokkites" thing we're doing lately and she tends to respond to religion more than I do but this reflects my thoughts on corporal punishment well.

 

 

Honestly, if my kid did some heinous shit I'd probably belt him/her as well to instill that every action has a consequence (if you're caught), if you're not caught then great - no problems on my end lol.

 

You can consequence a person without hitting them.  I've only been hit twice in the last 25 years but I have run into a hell of a lot of consequences over things I've done.  Consequences come about naturally, their concept doesn't need to be reinforced with violence.

 

Semi gravedig sorry



#66 Coops

Coops
  • 🌧️🌩️🌧️




  • 3,607 posts


Users Awards

Posted 23 August 2017 - 12:49 PM

I wanted to post this before but couldn't find it until now.

 

20992517_1464165810343492_25007371780753



#67 Amethyst

Amethyst
  • I swallowed a rock


  • 2,737 posts


Users Awards

Posted 23 August 2017 - 01:18 PM

I wanted to post this before but couldn't find it until now.

 

20992517_1464165810343492_25007371780753

 

I'm saving this. 



#68 Muirex

Muirex
  • 102 posts

Posted 23 August 2017 - 05:52 PM

I work with younger kids, and I can't really say that I support hitting them. Most of the time when kids misbehave, taking away privileges to things works well enough in my opinion. For example, no internet/tv/games if they don't show respect to their parents/classmates and misbehave in school.

#69 graciea

graciea
  • 103 posts


Users Awards

Posted 23 August 2017 - 07:33 PM

I got hit a ton of times when I was a child to the point where family services actually had to get involved, and honestly all I ever learned from getting hit was to be scared of my parents and to flinch whenever someone raised their hand towards me. I genuinely hate the mentality of "my kid(s) will never listen unless if I physically hurt them"; especially when a bunch of parents don't even try alternative ways to communicate to their child that they've done something wrong and just automatically try to scold them with spanks and slaps.

 

I have a lot of acquaintances in my life who have kids and use physical discipline towards them and it actually baffles me. They always use the "they won't listen unless if I hit them" excuse or "they're too young to get it if I try to talk it out" but some of these kids are like 6yrs+; I'm sure most of these kids if you actually sat them down and had a serious talk with them explaining why what they're doing is bad, they'd understand!

 

 

I wanted to post this before but couldn't find it until now.

 

20992517_1464165810343492_25007371780753

 

This is honestly one of my fave flowcharts.



#70 TheTrader

TheTrader
  • 20 posts

Posted 25 August 2017 - 07:29 PM

No spanking, maybe slaps and that's about it.



#71 Sweeney

Sweeney
  • 1,097 posts


Users Awards

Posted 25 August 2017 - 07:33 PM

No spanking, maybe slaps and that's about it.

 

What's the difference between a spank and a slap?



#72 TheTrader

TheTrader
  • 20 posts

Posted 25 August 2017 - 07:38 PM

Spanking is more rough. Well the slap is a much tamer version of physical pressure. And only on the cheeks. This should be the last resort if they refuse to abide the law and after the child reaches a certain age you can't raise your hand anymore.



#73 Sweeney

Sweeney
  • 1,097 posts


Users Awards

Posted 25 August 2017 - 07:40 PM

Spanking is more rough. Well the slap is a much tamer version of physical pressure. And only on the cheeks. This should be the last resort if they refuse to abide the law and after the child reaches a certain age you can't raise your hand anymore.

 

Why is it ok to tamely apply physical pressure to the cheeks of a child in order to "discipline" them?



#74 TheTrader

TheTrader
  • 20 posts

Posted 25 August 2017 - 07:47 PM

Why not? If the child doesn't do their homework, fights other kids, flushes the phone..etc. They need some sort of pressure and like I said there is a limit to physical pressure.  Without no discipline the child will live like satan.


Every child needs to toughen up a bit for the real world or they will be easily exploited if they are too naive and open minded.



#75 Nymh

Nymh
  • Keeper of Secrets

  • 4,626 posts


Users Awards

Posted 25 August 2017 - 07:50 PM

Why not? If the child doesn't do their homework, fights other kids, flushes the phone..etc. They need some sort of pressure and like I said there is a limit to physical pressure.  Without no discipline the child will live like satan.
Every child needs to toughen up a bit for the real world or they will be easily exploited if they are too naive and open minded.


Again, you can discipline a person without hitting them. You can also prepare them for the real world without hitting them.

The only people who have hit me in the real world are my parents and an abusive boyfriend.


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users