*Clap* song *clap* reviews. I couldn't come up with a fancy title, but this is basically something I've been working on for months even if it doesn't seem like it, trust me you can ask Cara or Kate. I have a very uhh unique way of explaining things and these are a few songs reviewed by yours truly. I'd describe them as rough drafts of thoughts, written down and printed for your entertainment. I'll warn you, I'm a sucker for the oldies.
Dexy's Midnight Runners = Come On Eileen
Spoiler
Old old old. Everything about it, from the music to the video. From head to toe. God I wish I could rock denim overalls as well as girls do nowadays in the summer. One day I'll find a black pair or something and make it work. Mark my words. It's one of those songs your parents will get up from the sofa and dance to at the family get together. Your mother is a few glasses of wine in, and your dad about 5 beers. Your head is turned to the side, with your hand shielding your view of those two fools, the hand being the saviour from the horror of dying from embarrassment. It's a drunk song, and you'll be doing the same with a few drinks in you. Your parents dancing, that's you in 20 years. Soak it all up like a kitchen roll cleaning up the spilt beer on the floor after your dad got a little too excited after hearing this song come on, and jumping up from the couch. The beer jumping with him.
Womack & Womack - Teardrops
Spoiler
Told ya I'm a sucker for the old, like a gilf hunter suckling on those old teets. This is one of those you recognise instantly but you don't actually know many of the words. But you know damn well you be shouting "FOOTSTEPS ON THE DANCEFLOOR REMINDS ME BABY OF YOU". But mostly just staying quiet until "REMINDS ME BABY OF YOU". You'll be having a conversation with your friend while this shit is playing, cause you're at someone's 40th birthday party and they got some guy that looks like everyone's bald uncle doing the music and "REMINDS ME BABY OF YOU". Aight happy 40th Angela, here's a pack of fags for ya and some vodka. Enjoy.
Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill
Spoiler
The first time I heard this song was the other version. But after I heard Kate's original I was in love, I'm a sucker for the old school sounds, drums with reverb, old synthesizers. The power Kate gives for the chorus makes you clench a fist and throw it down, after such a calm verse. There's some drums later sounding like thunder to give that oomph, you know the oomph I'm talking about. Kate you did good, you can keep your bush. Ima bout to go run up some hills, and quit after 15 seconds because that shit is tiring as hell, and I ain't tryina get all sweaty. Get me a mobility scooter or something.
Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
Spoiler
I remember hearing this from a music channel on TV, before the whole meat thing when she was at the peak of her fashion ideas I believe. But the thing I adore the most is the chorus, Gaga you beautiful girl. Kinda electrical vibe to the backing music, got that 2000's pop feel until the chorus, then the vocals give a dreamy angelic feel. I know you're probably wondering if I'm high saying this shit, and the answer is no. The memory I have with this song is being round a friend's house, drunk and playing music from his Xbox. As he's scrolling down, through a lot of heavy metal, alternate rock etc, a little bright spark appears and lights up my drunken hazy eyes. "BRO! PLAY PAPARAZZI!" I shout in some major fucking excitement. He turns around like wtf, starts dying from laughter, and explains that sometimes his sister's music gets mixed into his. I force him to play it anyway. Good times.
Whitest Boy Alive - Burning
Spoiler
Whitest boy alive? Hey that's me haha. Like one of your normie jokes that depreciate you and isn't really that funny. Hey look it's a trashcan, just like me because I'm trash haha. Very funny jokes, many laughs. Anyways for some reason I'm always reminded of Ali by this song. Idk why, probably because it sounds a little like Death Cab For Cutie, with that whole indie sound. This is a very basic song, sick bassline running through it, but the little guitar parts breathe life into it and really makes it enjoyable despite being quite a moody song. The vocals are low and sound a little miserable, but it fits the song perfectly. i wouldn't be playing this out loud for everyone to hear tho, I'm not tryina bring down the mood, but definitely chuck it on for a car trip, or as a walking track when you've got your headphones in. It's a chill song and the melody of the guitar after the solo has a little leakage of white dripping from my ears. Yes. My ears are like pre cumming.
Ne-Yo - Miss Independent
Spoiler
This is kinda pillow grinding music. You know those guys that are in a small room, all shirtless rocking half chubs, humping and grinding against pillows and shit. IT AINT GAY THO. For real this is one of my all time favourites, the piano really sets this shit off to another level, reminds me kinda of one of those carousel toys that you wind up, with the princess and the horses spinning around while the beautiful melody plays. But then Ne-Yo's sexy ass vocals light this shit up into a feel good love song about an independent woman who don't need no man. I'm singing the chorus at least once every couple of weeks. Even Vybz Kartel and Spice had a hit with this backing music. But a hell of a lot more x-rated. Those crazy Jamaicans.
The Cure - Just Like Heaven
Spoiler
Ah the start of the goths. Wassup Cure. I'll be honest I've thought about wearing eyeliner before, nothing too crazy I'm not trying to look like a panda just a little hint, but that's one of those lines as a guy that's very iffy. Anyways, the intro alone with the bass + drums, then building up instrument by instrument, yes daddy that's what I like. Dreamy vocals, mmmm just take me now. AHEM, excuse me, it's a love song yes, but not too soppy I think. I've heard a lot worse, and so have you. You can chuck this song on at Angela's 40th birthday party and it'll go down like the last slice of the creamy vanilla cake. A Treat. Sandwiched together and somehow magically floating in front of a naked guy's pelvis... hold on a second... that's a fucking stripper. Oh Angela you naughty minx.
Sticky Fingers - How To Fly
Spoiler
That's a great fucking name for a band eh? Indie song but with a Jamaican reggae type influence, performed by Australians. Multi fucking cultural. This shit is a very chill song, their most popular I believe. The guitar with the pedal effects as an ambient type vibe has me feeling high or some shit while I'm listening, and I don't even smoke or anything. Honestly one of my favourites, I used to be that cunt that would sing this loud as hell walking back from the pub at 3am. I nailed the vocals tho, but singing along c-c-c-co-c-caine loudly isn't advised. Arms as wide open as possible doing a little moving white guy jig. What a knob.
Serj Tankian - Lie Lie Lie
Spoiler
One of the very rare times I heard a song from a friend and asked what it was. This was at a house party and playing in the kitchen, with everyone shouting TAKE MY HAND AND LETS END IT ALL. Sounds very exciting and happy right? To be fair to them, they had just recently come back from Download Festival. Anyways Serj probably has one of the most recognisable and unique voices in rock, and this little masterpiece paints an actual portrait of a story being told in your head. Kinda like what I do, except much more professional and well done. But then you realise what's going on in this story Serj is telling, and it's messed up. Just a dude talking to his lover, and fucking her. Asking her to prove her love in a suicide pact. Only for him to lie, let her go, breaking her bones and smiling about it. Oh yeah that's his sister by the way. Good fucking song tho.
Alice Cooper - Poison
Spoiler
One of the oldest memories I have of a rock song, when I used to surf the music channels on TV as a kid. Kerrang probably, when they'd do the 100 greatest countdowns or old rock programs. This song still holds up strong today, the intro with the drum hits then silence for the guitar rift, ooooh baby that gets me pumped. The kinda evil, sinister sounding vocals, but oh so memorable, I'm pretty sure most people can sing the chorus at least. Classico. I remember my friend played like an EDM version of this track from his phone and I had to school the boy on the real shit. This OG version. Fuck outta here with any others.
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Otherside
Spoiler
Best intro of all time? Maybe. I get all the feels during it with the smooth as fuck "how loooong how looooooooong" sliding in there like a slippery snake. Honestly the rest of the song for me is just alright, nothing truly special. But the guitar melody going along with the chorus, the backing vocals, it's actual perfection. This is some car driving music when you gotta go far as fuck, desert or countryside beside you, looking like you're entering into some hobbit fields or something.
Grease - You're The One That I Want
Spoiler
Olivia Newton John and John Travolta. But hey! We're back at Angela's 40th birthday party, before the stripper turned up. And your bald uncle lookalike chucked this song on, you hear that funky ass bassline intro, what do I do? You know my gangsta ass is jumping up onto the dance floor, sliding right in time for the I GOT CHILLLLS THEY'RE MULTIPLYING. Motherfuckers know I get down to this hard, I sing Olivia's parts too like a boss. Shoulder jig forward and backwards, one leg forward slightly bent ooh ooh ooooh honey. This is the best song in Grease and I'll fight you all on it. I was forced by my mother to watch Grease when I was a kid despite hating it, and she loved the movie so it was on often. As I got older it started to grow on me, but my hate for it was already out there and I'd look silly if I let her know I was starting to enjoy it. It became my guilty pleasure. Now I'm older it's all out there, it's my favourite drunk movie.
Good Charlotte - The River
Spoiler
Now there's a name you probably haven't heard in a while. Good old alternative rock? 2000's rock? It's not a phase mum rock? I don't even know the name for the genre. But my god I still listen to this one today. I have a memory where me and my best friend would always sing this on the way home from school. Playing it out of the phone before smartphones were even a thing, just your flip up Sony Ericsson. I would always sing M. Shadows part, he would sing the singer from Good Charlotte's part (no one really knows his name), and we'd air guitar like fucking dorks. But y'know what? I have no ragrets. It was fun as fuck and you know damn well I sung my little heart out. Even the adlibs, we had the song down to a T.
Parov Stelar - All Night
Spoiler
It's incredibly rare for me to like a song that someone has introduced to me. This one is an exception however, my friend introduced me to electro swing through a video of a girl shuffling to a track, all I remember from it was her tits bouncing and the sweet sound accompanying it. All Night I think is my favourite electo swing track, although I haven't listened to any in a long ass time. It bring the old and the new together, like a cougar and cub. Go throw on a suit, fedora is a must, and go throw some weird shapes and movements because you're a classy, funky motherfucker. M'lady.
Michael Gray - The Weekend
Spoiler
Find me a better hype song for the weekend. I'll wait.
Hold on let me put my specs on, wait I can see the fucking future through these things. There's my tombstone, and if I look closely enough I can see the engraving reads "I was right" with a big fat middle finger. For real though this song was always in the pre drinks playlist, never failed to put us in such a great mood (of course Jack Daniels helped). If you haven't heard this song, do it. You'll be sat at work on a Friday, chair dancing with the chorus jammed into your brain, like hammering a nail through jelly.
Deadmau5 - Strobe/Eric Prydz - Opus
Spoiler
The double whammy. I'm putting these two together even though they really shouldn't be, but simply because I have the same to say about them. These are two of the greatest EDM songs ever made. They give you a long ass build up, like waiting for your girl to finish putting on her face. Many moments later you're still sat on the sofa as she cries out from the bathroom "I'm almost done". That's exactly what it feels like with the build up, except you're actually enjoying the wait. 6 minutes later and the main part drops and it's like climaxing after edging for so long. When the songs are done you're sat there mouth open, a fly thought about entering but knew better, and you feel like you've been on a rollercoaster with the different stages.
Scorpions - Still Loving You
Spoiler
My favourite song at the moment. I can never listen to this without picturing myself up on the dance floor during karaoke night, in some grubby ass pub. The only people watching being the few friends I have, the other 10 people in the pub too drunk to notice or too engrossed in conversation about why dicks are great. But you know damn well I'm singing my heart out to this cheesy ass rock song, from the whispering to the belting. Holding the notes, not letting go for the long "youuuuuus". "This one's for you" I exclaim, pointing at the three friends who are laughing at my drunk ass, while I think I'm Elvis or someone, blessing the floor with my presence.
Fleetwood Mac - The Chain
Spoiler
This is my favourite song of all time. I think this was the first song I heard from Fleetwood Mac. Listening to the beginning, I wasn't that keen, I thought it was some old boring hippy rock. But the more you listen, the more you love. The vocals are suhweet, it's very mellow, and as you think it's building up, it takes yo ass, puts it right back into your chair again, and goes mellow once more for a run back. The true beauty of this song is the transition into that orgasmic, iconic bassline that everyone knows. The guitar starts going and fuck yeah I'm all in baby. 1000 on black. I get goosebumps and the outro vocals are the cherry on top. I can't not sing along. Chaiiiiiins keep us together! Running in the shadows!
Stevie Knicks - Edge Of Seventeen
Spoiler
I listened to this song before I even knew who Fleetwood Mac were. It was from School of Rock and I still have the images burnt into my head of the oldish glasses wearing teacher letting loose to it. Stevie has some pretty unique vocals, a little rough and raspy but I love it. It's poifect. You ma gurl Stevie. Get it. Then wrap it up like it's been gift wrapped by a store, sparkles and all, hand deliver it to Santa, and let him magically fit his T H I C C body down everyone's chimney to deliver this masterpiece. My girl can barely fit into her jeans, but you can fit your fat ass down a fucking chimney? Alright then.
Guns 'n' Roses - Sweet Child o' Mine
Spoiler
Who the fuck doesn't love this song? Who the fuck doesn't know most of the words to it? The now famous guitar rift was just a warm up exercise Slash used to play until someone heard it and said "Hey my dude put that shit on a song my dude". Bam. You got a huge hit. Axl's vocals are on point, the lyrics are beautiful, the guitar solos are spicy. You got yourself a 5 star full course meal right here. Now eat it all up you ungrateful little shit. The breakdown is incredible, the guitar screams out during it's solo beforehand, and during the breakdown there's tiny little calls from the guitar, like it's rearing to go again, grrrr let me at it. Even the drums want to be released and in on the action. Then it happens and my oh my it's glorious. They all come together in perfect harmony, and so do I.
Guns 'n' Roses - One In a Million
Spoiler
Fun fact, I found this song through porn. I was so distracted I had to pause the video, stop what I was doing, and google the lyrics to find out what the song was. Turns out it has it's racist and bigoted moments, but if you ignore those lyrics it's actually a really fucking good song. What I love most is the guitar riff here, I just wish the song went equally through both headphones because the riff is left ear only. I feel like Slash is actually a magician, and under his top hat is actually hundreds of little scrunched up bits of golden paper, with hot riffs on them. I'm onto you Slash. Call me Detective Darren. Bitch. Anyways 10/10 would watc- I mean listen again.
So that's that, my eyes are dry and my knuckles are buckled. You probably think I'm more insane than I was when I started and that's okay. I was planning on doing a hell of a lot more, variety of all genres etc but I've realised that that's a huge ask and would take me years. I did want to take suggestions from you all but I don't really know how well I'd be able to do that, I have to be in the right kind of mood for it and switched on. Hence why it took so long.
I do want to encourage you to do your own, the more creative and entertaining the better. Hell I'll even draw an incredible masterpiece in MS Paint for the best one. I know you have favourite songs you could definitely write about and have some fun with. 
Much love and appreciation for reading, take care.
I'm outta here, peace out.
