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#51 Sweeney

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:04 AM

Personally, I'm against it. Online relationships only reveal a tiny window to both person's lives, and relationships require trust and much communication. That being said, you can hide your weight, lifestyle, etc. Therefore, I think it would always end up with both sides never really knowing each other fully. I've heard too many stories of people meeting for the first time face to face and... didn't break down too well.

This is an unbelievably ignorant thing to say.
Do you truly believe that dating is any different to this? That people don't only present the view of themselves that the person they're interested in is most likely to fall for?
Because if so, you're incredibly naive.

Relationships develop in the same way both offline and online. It's easier to keep things hidden for longer online, true, but that's no reason not to invest in relationships across the internet.

#52 Juturna

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:14 AM

Just to play the devil's advocate, you can also say that the online medium allows a timid and secretive person (in real life) to open up more freely? If you're socially awkward, then I can see how the lack of physical contact will make you feel more comfortable. I don't mean to create stereotypes, but I have a geek friend who is socially awkward and more comfortable with the computer. It's evident that it's easier talking to her online than in real life. But of course that's just at friendship level. You may say that relationships need more to sustain, but I feel it's unlikely she'd have a better chance starting a relationship in real life than online.

This is me to a T. In real life, I have an extremely hard time being social and doing in an appropriate manner offline. But if I met them online, then, as you said, it's a sort of a necessary springboard for me.

As for online relationships... Sure. Go for it. If it's starts online, what's the issue? If it's to go anywhere, then it indeed has to go into real life somehow, (marriage, living together, all taht) But with the idea of itself, I don't see why there's an issue. If there's really a connection, distance shouldn't be an issue.

#53 chipndale

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:16 AM

This is an unbelievably ignorant thing to say.
Do you truly believe that dating is any different to this? That people don't only present the view of themselves that the person they're interested in is most likely to fall for?
Because if so, you're incredibly naive.


But hey, that can be a good thing can it not? I mean, of course I see all the potential for scams and cheats and all, but it does allow people with let's say physical insecurities to open up does it not? It strips away all the superficial exterior appearances and allow you to see a person's virtues.

I think dreller has a point too. Gullible people may be scammed and cheated. But then again if they were gullible I'm not entirely sure they'd have avoided it in real life either.

Sorry getting very jumpy on the subject. Personal experience lol.


yeah, sounds corny, i wouldnt believe it personally but it happened and it worked out. shes not the hottest girl in the world my gf, (just being honest) but i love her and im not a 10 either. (: together we make a 10 though xD, and we are happy. yeah their are some girls out there who are like sex symbols to me, and thats all they will be to me. would never want to make a wife out of them.


THIS.

it CAN work IF YOU WANT IT TO.
do i reconmend it? Fuck no. it sucks, hard/ stressfull/boring/ and about a million other things.


THIS TOO.

#54 Sweeney

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:17 AM



But hey, that can be a good thing can it not? I mean, of course I see all the potential for scams and cheats and all, but it does allow people with let's say physical insecurities to open up does it not? It strips away all the superficial exterior appearances and allow you to see a person's virtues.

I think dreller has a point too. Gullible people may be scammed and cheated. But then again if they were gullible I'm not entirely sure they'd have avoided it in real life either.

Sorry getting very jumpy on the subject. Personal experience lol.

It's neither good, nor bad. It is just how it works.
You start with a tiny view of somebody, and, with work, that view expands to include everything about them.

I don't think you actually understood my post.

#55 chipndale

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:24 AM

It's neither good, nor bad. It is just how it works.
You start with a tiny view of somebody, and, with work, that view expands to include everything about them.

I don't think you actually understood my post.


Enlighten me pls? :)

#56 Sweeney

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:30 AM

Enlighten me pls? :)

Dreller made a distinction between online and offline relationships by addressing a point across which there is no real difference.

I pointed that out.

You replied to my post asking if "that [was] a good thing", indicating that you didn't understand the point that I was making, because the absence of a difference by itself can be neither good nor bad.

A fact that I subsequently pointed out, and have now explained again in greater detail.

Up to speed?

#57 Pilot

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 04:37 AM

it can work, i was 15, lived in florida, met a girl in alaska (icq chatroom) had no intention just chatting in chatroom and asked this girl if she had ever seen a penguin in alaska, i thought they had them here. lol. i was stupid, we ended up becoming best friends, talked 3-4 years. then i joined army, army sent me from key largo florida to alaska, we met, met up at mall, went out, got drunk. got to be better friends, and ended up getting together, here we are. 2 years together. friends of almost 5-6 years now.
(my current gf is who im talking about) didnt plan it or anything. just happened, then she went back home to her dads for awhile (cancer etc) we dated online for almost a year, granted, i saw her every 2-3 months for a week or two via traveling to see her and vice versa. thousands of $ s later. (cost 1400 for a roundtrip to see eachother) and we've done it like 10x now.


yeah, sounds corny, i wouldnt believe it personally but it happened and it worked out. shes not the hottest girl in the world my gf, (just being honest) but i love her and im not a 10 either. (: together we make a 10 though xD, and we are happy. yeah their are some girls out there who are like sex symbols to me, and thats all they will be to me. would never want to make a wife out of them.


it CAN work IF YOU WANT IT TO.
do i reconmend it? Fuck no. it sucks, hard/ stressfull/boring/ and about a million other things.


You wouldn't happen to have stationed at Ford Richardson would you?

#58 Pilot

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 05:06 AM

Was there 3 1/2 years.
airborne infantry 1-501st. if your curious about anything more, or may know me. private message me.
i just got out half a year ago, still living in anchorage, like 5minutes from base. has a lot of perks, commisarry etc.


No kidding? My cousin was there as well, 59th signals. He stays downtown now.

#59 chipndale

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 06:09 AM

Dreller made a distinction between online and offline relationships by addressing a point across which there is no real difference.

I pointed that out.

You replied to my post asking if "that [was] a good thing", indicating that you didn't understand the point that I was making, because the absence of a difference by itself can be neither good nor bad.

A fact that I subsequently pointed out, and have now explained again in greater detail.

Up to speed?


Oh okay I get it. Thanks for making yourself clear, and sorry if it got on your nerves :D

#60 chini

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 07:02 AM

I have been very lucky with my relationship that originally started online. So back in 2003, I was in my freshman year of high school and was still into writing JRPG fanfics. So I had a preference to reading semi-lemon stories, and one day, I found one that I really really liked. So I talked to the author via AIM, and for awhile he thought I was just another guy, as I wrote semi-lemony stories too. So about a month of talking he finally discovered I was a fake man over the internet. We just continued talking until we started to like each other. Yes...I have to admit, we met on fanfiction.net.


So June comes along, and we finally get to meet in person. He was lucky that his sister was going to college not too far from my city, so he was able to visit her and visit me as well. So we saw each other in person about 2-3 times a year.

Our relationship continued to be long distance until I had a bad divorce happen in the family, and my only safe place was where he lived. So from 2004 up until 2010, we were in a long distance relationship. We have been currently living together since, without much problems. We plan on getting married when we are finished up with school. Getting married lowers the amount of financial aid that you can get.
As far as having relationships go on while on a long distance, I have to admit I had a local friends with benefits for a while. When I moved, he was able to find a girlfriend shortly after and is still with her now. My boyfriend and I kept an open relationship and agreed not to be secretive about other people in our lives. I found that it took away the pressure of "omg what if he founds out he'll never speak to me again" sort of feeling.

My friend has tried online dating and she has had some very bad relationships as a result. She got married to a guy in Japan, worked out for a couple of months, then he kicked her out because he couldn't handle her mental problems. Posted Image I wish she could find someone nice or open more to people (she only wants to date asian guys, thinks white guys are dicks).

Edited by chini, 03 January 2012 - 07:03 AM.


#61 MsRose

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 05:42 AM

Once upon a time there lived a girl we'll call... "Bubbles". Bubbles very much enjoyed playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Although she enjoyed the game she enjoyed even more talking to the weirdos who flocked to her female voice. In particular, a man from North Carolina we'll call "Weirdo #1". Weirdo #1 told Bubbles how very much he loved her despite never meeting her and how "annoying all the girls were that wanted him in his town". Love struck, she bought a plane ticket to see Weirdo #1 and called home to tell them how absolutely wonderful things were going...that is, until a day later when she called crying. Weirdo #1 was very much in love, just not with Bubbles. In fact, he was in love with a fifteen-year old, who had spent the night and slept in the same bed as Weirdo #1. Broken-hearted, she returned home...and jumped back on CODMW2. This time, she met Weirdo #2 and Weirdo #3. Weirdo #2 was pretty blunt: He was going into the army and had no interest in a relationship while Wierdo #3 did extra-creepy stuff like send Bubbles puzzles and roses in the mail. Well, Bubbles finds it in her heart to go drive 200 miles to personally deliver a booty call to Weirdo #2 while on the way back, see Weirdo #3 only to discover he's actually creepier in person than she suspected. After he begged her to stay the night at his mom's place where he had a bedroom filled with completed puzzles of dragons and wizards she decided to high-tail it out of there by having her mother call her with a phony "Jessy!...oops Bubbles! Come home I'm sick and going to the hospital". Once home and bummed the booty call didn't sway Wierdo #2 out of joining the army and into her arms she began again! This time she was in luck there was a new Weirdo who lived close to her. At last, this could work! But after a month of dating mister Weirdo #4 she came to a realization: He might be literally retarded. Well, that just wouldn't do. She ended things with poor retarded #4 and decided she was completely done with these CODMW2 err....weirdos. Luckily, there was (potentially) a plethora of good datable men on Black Ops! It didn't take long until she snagged a real winner. Weirdo #5 at the young age of 18 not only owned his own house, he was an veterinarian assistant! Hot damn! She was so in love she decided that she was going to quit her job and meet the man who claimed unconditional love for her. She spent her last paycheck on a plane ticket, which he promised to reimburse her once she arrived and headed out to California. She got off the plane and waited for her love to appear. The first hour went by and she was positive he was stuck in traffic. The second hour went by and she was getting a little nervous. The Third hour went by and her phone calls went unanswered. Finally, when night came and the terminal started clearing out she burst into tears. Stranded and out of money, she called her Uncle, who fortunately, saved the day.


Moral of the story: If you can't manage relationships with the numerous people around you, the chances that there is a fleeting soul mate somewhere out there in the interwebs is slim-to-none. Be realistic. The internet is what you make of it.

Edited by MsRose, 05 January 2012 - 05:46 AM.


#62 elkid27

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 08:26 AM

Im a little confused by the question. I see a lot of people describing situations that end with and then we met. Wouldnt that not be an online relationship then? I was under the impression that online relationship meant you have never, and do never, meet the person in real life. So what are we defining as an online relationship?

#63 Turnip

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 09:45 AM

Relationships that start off online can definitely 100% work if both people make the effort to see each other often! Maybe not so much if they stay strictly online-only, but hey, anything is possible~

I'm not sure why people are told/think ~*ooohh every man you talk to on the internet is some fat, greasy neckbeard paedophile who is going to rape and kill you!!!!!! And every woman is actually a man!!!*, because that sure as hell isn't true :V I've met so many people (both guys and chicks!) from IRC/forums/4chan and they were pretty awesome people who wouldn't hurt a fly if they had to, and I love them all ♥
Heck, all of the relationships I've been in started off online, and all of them lasted quite a long time! The one I'm in right now started off on IRC as well, heheh~

idk maybe I'm just good at finding friends online?? Or have good luck with it! Since really, I've only met one guy who could qualify as an overweight dude who likes little girls and pretended to be a woman on the internet but came out of that closet eventually, but I knew what I was getting into :whistling: (plus, I like little girls as well, so there weren't any problems or awkwardness there)


Edited by Turnip, 05 January 2012 - 09:49 AM.


#64 Goose

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 09:58 AM

Bad.

While I agree that meaningful relationships could potentially come from meeting someone online, it's rare that your perception of someone you only interact with online will be accurate. I also think it would have to eventually transform into a physical relationship to enter the 'good' category...until then it's still bad. No sex = bad. Physical contact is integral. And if you are committed to someone online then you aren't getting any (if you're decent), and that's also plain bad.

I'm about to move 6000 miles away from my partner (7 days), so will be doing the online only thing....it's bad. :<

#65 MsRose

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 11:37 AM

I've met so many people (both guys and chicks!) from IRC/forums/4chan

(plus, I like little girls as well, so there weren't any problems or awkwardness there)


Posted Image


I think of 4chan and all I can think of is the notorious /b/

Edited by MsRose, 05 January 2012 - 11:42 AM.


#66 Turnip

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 11:55 AM

I think of 4chan and all I can think of is the notorious /b/


Ahahahahahhahah







/b/

welp, dear god no :V No one I know goes near or even speaks of that place, heheh~ Apart from a couple of people who mainly browse Reddit and think 4chan = /b/ and nothing else, and yell at me about it :p
But nah, the people I've met came from /v/ and/or /g/, and /vp/ back when it was first made and was decent! It's horrible now.... and they're pretty awesome people!! Not the meme-spouting idiots one would expect



#67 MsRose

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 12:16 PM

For shits and giggles I went on 4chan and checked each channel and put it either on a nice or naughty list. Basically, if I saw nudity, cp or furries it went on the naughty list and if it didn't have anything it went on the nice list. According to my crappy, half-ass survey about 26% of 4chan is on the nice list and 74% is on the naughty list. Keep in mind I'm including on the nice list things like weapons and do-it-yourself, in which people explain how to make homemade bombs, ect.

No offense to you, there are quite a few channels that could easily earn a PG rating. I just thought it was kind of interesting xD

Edited by MsRose, 05 January 2012 - 12:17 PM.


#68 Boggart

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 12:24 PM

I told myself that I would never fall for someone online.

It happened, and it didn't end extremely well *shrug*. It's true people act differently online as opposed to IRL, so all I say is that if one goes into one, be wary that this can occur. And be realistic of course. If they live across the world and neither of you have means or are able to fly across the world/uproot your life, then don't get your hopes up.

#69 Tomo

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 11:20 PM

I told myself that I would never fall for someone online.

It happened, and it didn't end extremely well *shrug*. It's true people act differently online as opposed to IRL, so all I say is that if one goes into one, be wary that this can occur. And be realistic of course. If they live across the world and neither of you have means or are able to fly across the world/uproot your life, then don't get your hopes up.


Shit. Something like this happened to me too. The guy was a total sweetheart, and I was going to meet him in person (lives 30 min away) and he stopped going on MSN and eventually I pieced it all together and he was just fucking around.
& Yeah it definitely depends, I had friends that had pretty stable online relationships. Not sure how it worked out. How do people get turned on just staring at a person through the computer?

#70 Turnip

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 12:13 AM

For shits and giggles I went on 4chan and checked each channel and put it either on a nice or naughty list. Basically, if I saw nudity, cp or furries it went on the naughty list and if it didn't have anything it went on the nice list. According to my crappy, half-ass survey about 26% of 4chan is on the nice list and 74% is on the naughty list. Keep in mind I'm including on the nice list things like weapons and do-it-yourself, in which people explain how to make homemade bombs, ect.

No offense to you, there are quite a few channels that could easily earn a PG rating. I just thought it was kind of interesting xD


Eh, it's no good just going in there for a few seconds and leave, then base what you think of it just off that x3 You have to lurk there for a while and take the board's topic into consideration~


(I mostly just go on /jp/, /ck/ and /g/ nowdays :3)



#71 cornymikey

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 10:34 AM

How would it even work? I couldn't imagine a relationship where the most common interaction would be something like: "lol." Just using internet speech and whatnot would be so dumb.

#72 Sida

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 02:20 PM

Some people seem to be talking about meeting people online, and others about having a relationship online, which are pretty different imo. Meeting someone online is fine and has just as much of a chance of working as meeting someone offline, but having a relationship online is a different story. At some point, and often pretty soon, you have to make it real. One or both of the people involved will have to make the plunge and move closer to the person they're in the relationship with or it will eventually fail (not always, but often). The amount of time will always vary of course.

#73 apinkascot

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 02:40 PM

One of my best friends met her boyfriend, who she's still dating, through Deviantart and they're still going pretty strong. In an age where Skype is pretty much universal, I think it's definitely doable. It probably helps that they're both pretty shy people who don't really need sex, so I think it really depends on who's looking for a relationship and why. They're not in a relationship for social status among their friends, or because they want each other's bodies, but because they get along really well and teach each other things about themselves. Someday they plan to meet, even though they live on opposite sides of the country, but it's been going pretty well so far for them.

#74 Jake

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 03:35 PM

Regardless if online dating works or not it is hardly a conventional way of dating. I'm assuming people only resort to it because they are fugly, afraid of outside, have no friends, are depressed etc. You cannot enjoy 5% of the warmth you receive from being around another human being, especially when you like that person. I rarely say this but dating should be done the good ole fashioned way.

#75 redlion

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Posted 08 January 2012 - 08:39 PM

In an age where Skype is pretty much universal, I think it's definitely doable. It probably helps that they're both pretty shy people who don't really need sex

lolwut.

Two things. First, Skype is not universal. It has ~660m registered users, among which there are probably 5-10% inactive accounts, 1-5% corporate dummy accounts, and 2-5% repeat or reregistered accounts, which would bring the total amount of users down to something like 580-600m. That's still a lot of people, but there are over 7 billion people on earth. That's 7 with nine zeros after it. Hardly Universal. Universal would be Microsoft Windows (which ominously enough, owns Skype).

Second, they're shy and don't need sex? More like, they're shy so they cope with not having sex. Sex is a basic biological requirement. It's hardwired into us, like eating and shitting. Denying that need is a good way to repress your humanity. As an aside, there are a very small minority of individuals who are truly asexual, but this is rare in the extreme.

Someday they plan to meet, even though they live on opposite sides of the country, but it's been going pretty well so far for them.

Lol! Believe me, I've contemplated that existence. It's easy to say 'yeah I have a girlfriend/boyfriend' as a way of getting out of social engagements, even though you've never personally, physically met your SO. Further, this type of behavior, wherein a shy, net-centered individual makes meaningful connections solely though the internet, is highly irregular and unstable. Google closed shell syndrome for a highly accurate, albeit fictional account of what the internet can do to people.

As far as the original argument goes, here are some additional points. Something like 90% of human communication is nonverbal, meaning that the majority of what you communicate to your significant other is not encoded in the words you speak. That 90% includes tone of voice, body language, eye contact, appearance, volume, whether or not you are directly facing the person, and scent. On the subject of scent, let me say that pheromones are real. Humans release pheromones that other humans can subconsciously smell and pick up on. This plays a large role in forming relationships, particularly casual hookups. Barflies get good at determining who is in the mood, so to speak, by their scent. There's something that you can't get over skype.

Anyway, my opinion is almost exactly the same as it was on page one (if you can't tell).


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