MissToadMember Since 07 Nov 2013
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I inherited my father's neopets accounts.Some people would say, that he isn't really my father, we're not related except that my triple great-grandfather is his double great-grandfather. I know, strange to call a person "father" when your only common relative died in 1887. He saved my mother when she was lost, saved her from an abusive monster, saved her from drugs, saved her "stardom". If not for him I would not be here. So, he is my father. It is his name on my birth certificate. I know that being "legitimate" went out a long time ago, but still this is what he did for me. Every year he sent me holiday gifts. I don't think its guilt. I don't think he knows guilt.
I'm staying with my " birth certificate father" and the woman that married him during this internship. He won't talk about it but I know I have a monster for my biological sire. I worry that his evil is in my soul. My dreams have become me endlessly arguing with my dead shit ass mother abuser. I sleep poorly but the dreams won't stop. I'm told I have some lesson to learn. I now wonder, no matter how evil a person becomes were they born evil. Can blood be evil? In the darkness, I dream of blood enveloping me, soaking under the door and filling my room. Trying to drown me, in black copper scented blood. I need to start drinking NyQuil before trying to sleep. I've never asked anyone who killed my biological sire, some days I think I am a coward for not asking. Would it matter. Would I still sit at their table and call them friend if I knew?
This is my secret blog. None visits no one reads. My dreams continue to be dark and troubled. How can I be a good person considering how I was born. I have been told that every soul is born innocent, free from the sins of the parent. I don't know if that applies to me. Is it enough that this stranger I barely know says I am worthy of love.
Talk about shit. This boy I hardly know has told my father that he intends to "prove his spirit and win my heart". He does not know me and I can't see that anyone who knows about me would want to become my husband. What an idiot. Still he almost has his degree. He doesn't drink. I catch him looking at me with a dumb ass smile at the Center. He has a nice ass I have to say that.
On March 18-19 he did the stupidest thing. He went to (*****) which is about 15 miles away. He slithered into a stable that trains horses and stole me a fine horse. Not that he expected me to keep it. It was chipped so pretty hard to hide. He just wanted to do something to "show that he was serious about proving his worth" and that "he promised to never let things get dull". He rides well, which explains his cute butt, and we did some oxers and gates jumps before loading up the horse to take home. The stable assumed he was drunk. He paid for me to take a couple of weeks worth of hunter jumper lesson so the police didn't haul him off. My "aunt" said that he is foolish and has money so it is my job to either smart him up or spend all of his money.
Still the boy and I have not told him no or told him yes. Politics are now gathering around me like vultures on the side of the interstate. My grandfather, the traditional old fart, thinks I shouldn't marry one of the eastern people. Screw him. He screwed up mom, why should I care what he thinks with his old ideas. Not like they've ever forgave me for being born. Now they think I can do better than this silly man with the nice ass. Oh and that chest of his! I swear I saw sparkles. I will decide. It is my right. Fuck them with a dildo, sideways! I have not decide but I will not do better than him. Did I say that. Is that what I believe that I must decide on a man just because he's going to have a good education, that he sings like like the summer storm, that he makes me laugh. What the fuck is love and why the fuck does he want me. Oh, this is your mother-in-law. She used to do porn. She's still on the internet. She did drugs and ran off with a shit ass man that did terrible things. Oh, BTW, he's dead and my biological sire. Oh also this man I call father, I think he killed my biological father to save my mother. Fuck how can he say he wants to love me. Fuck love. With a rusty dildo. Sideways. In the ass.
I just told @arcanum Better to be thrown off and land on your feet than to have the luck horse come and step on you. Getting thrown is part of the fun. Did a heron just shit on my grave because that is the advice I should take. I will ride his stolen horse, I will ride until it is time to jump off. If he ever grows sane than we'll remember the ride. Poor boy. If he wants to the love a damaged soul, then let us do this ride. To twist the words of my patron, I am the damned. I am the corrupt. I am the promise denied. I am the whirlwind. I am war itself.
4/19/2017 Oh damn, that was fun!
4/28/2017 So here I am, my family believes that they will be traditional and pay for my husband. Not that anything is final, this is like the downpayment. So far the offer is 25 apple trees, an acre of grapes and a bison skin. That sweet ass of his is getting expensive. Of course, his family does not approve of me, my "father" and grandfather are arguing about who has the responsibility to do this and that, Aunt Mitzi has taken T's medicine wine away from him until he starts acting sane. The only thing we all agree on is this my sweet buns's sister is the bitchiest bitch that ever bitched a bitch. I'm not sure what Grandfather and T were arguing about, but T heard at one point "you know I've killed before, what's one more". Aint love grand. I was born at the wrong place, I was born into the wrong religion, I'm too tall, my hips are too wide, my father is a killer, I'm born of evil and must be evil, oh Aint love grand. Yet, that stupid boy stands by me, we sit at the center and let the storm blow around us. It will all end badly but I am enjoying it on the way.
5/7//2017 Still the potential in-laws are arguing. Damn my boy's sister is one world class bitch. I think I'm lucky his mom is dead. The price for my beau is now 40 apple trees, an acre of blackberries and two bison skins. Then my "father" pulled out an old piece of cloth during the last negotiation/argument. He prayed, and then unwrapped it, it was some old quill and beadwork that dated back to the time when we actually had a living ancestor. That old man shocked the living shit out of me, I am not worthy of such a gift. I told him, to save it for his real daughters. He looked at me with a sad sad look, those brown eyes looking right past me, "But, you are my daughter". That sweet old lying murdering fucker, he says it like it were true, like I wasn't what I am. I don't deserve this. He's not family, he does not owe me anything, just someone that brought my mother back home when she'd hit rock bottom. For me he'd give up a sacred bit of history, that sweet murdering man.
5/16/2017 Well, my potential sister-n-law is still a bitch. My groom's price has been settled. I think we're spending too much, he's obviously crazy and deranged to want to love me. Fools should be cheap to buy. "T" says I have to stop coming here and calling him a murderer. Well, if he reads this again, Old man, just once tell me the straight truth instead of wrapping all your knowledge in riddles.
6/4/2017 I wonder if there is a size limit on this "About me" page. I know its a BLBO in the database, but even BLBO have limits. Although, if the SQL structure can hold images I guess I could write a novel in the space. So I will keep typing. I wonder if any silly person has made it this far. Silly penguins. Ladida, did you make it this far?
Why do we call it typing? Shouldn't it be keyboarding as I've never typed on a typewritter. I think Father T has. Old man talks about there being only two television channels. Wedding will be next year, July 4, 2018 If the crazy boy still wants a damned soul to stay with him.
Oh fuck, one of father "T"s aunts died yesterday. We or They, I don't know which one, will have the ceremony on Saturday to return her back to the world. I never met her, but I will go as "T"s daughter because he's crazy. Even crazier, that stupid, stupid boy is going to go with me as my promised one. Stupid brave idiot. Nothing worse than the protocols of a funeral, all those old dried up vags asking "well who's this young thing" "How's she related to us" "Oh, you're the one who's father was banished and killed, right dear?" All that shit. That crazy boy does not need to go. I see the fear in his eyes, nothing worse than the old sisters asking question. He is so stupid. He is so brave and he has a nice ass. He had his dress uniform all prepped and ready to go before telling me "Of course, I'm taking you, I am your intended" They'll eat him alive. They'll eat me alive. Damn I want to be married now!
Oh shit this is the day. This is the traditional one year before marriage in which we may, you know. Make sure things fit. One year under the wedding. Shit how insane is that.
Oh shit. Day one of the honey year. This is the year where we will practice to see if our souls and bodies fit. So far, oh, so damn good. He tries so hard. We are not going to do the three days yet. We will wait until after midwinter is the plan. Not the three day test yet. My father's wife says the three day test is overrated. I hope not. So far everything is so good. I think I will keep this crazy boy.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH Well I might have overreacted and I'm pretty sure the bruises will go away on him soon. I might be paranoid but NEVER ask me to do something my fucking slut mother did on video. I am not her I don't have her tits and this ass of mine is not hers. Stupid dumb ass boy can't block a blow.
7/6/2017 So two days into our honey year we've fought. Father TL. told me that he didn't fight back because he was either wrong or brave or both. That such was the mark of a good husband, then he laughed at me and told me I'd chosen well. OOOOKKAAAY. He then told me all the times that little sweet Aunt M hurt him, including the head but when he had her arms locked behind her back. Supposedly, having sex while you've got a concussion is really good. I'll pass. I guess there isn't much that my man and I do that wasn't on videotape by me mum decades ago. She did way too many things. Well, everything but shave. I am calm now, we are going to market to get some apples and strawberries. There is one trick that I know isn't on tape I think I'll try that one on my sweet bruised man. Damn how can I be mad at him and still want his body all at the same time?
7/20/2017 Life is still good, my boy toy is great. Not much else to say.
8/18/2017 While I am not morally obligated to finalize this year-marriage, I have every intention to have mercy upon this stupid boy that wants to love me. I may kill him yet, but I'll make him happy in the in between times. So, now my latest dilemma, is that some from the rapey side of my biological side of the family want to come to the wedding. At first I was angry but my sweet crazy boy explained to me that I might need a kidney from a biological uncle or aunt at some time. Even T, says that they did not do evil and that just because their uncle or brother was a monster does not mean they are to be hated. We're supposed to be better than that. Also, they will bring gifts. I think its fucking sick but I hate that dead bastard. Don't know what to do. Even if I invite my bio-relatives I think I'll have to not allow T to do the wedding ceremony. T says he has done Christian ceremonies in the based. Legally he's ordained in a church he doesn't believe in. Fuck, my life is a soap opera.
8/21/2017 Drove down south to see the total eclipse. Stopped in the middle of nowhere, some dirt road running between two fields. Our nation was founded partially because of an eclipse, although since the explanation is magik, and we all know that eclipses are not magic. I guess we're founded on a lie. Still a good story makes more sense than a couple of wolf sucking babies. T did a sun dance, my boy toy assisted. Must have worked, the sun did come back. It was impressive. It was a poorly planned trip, a last minute cancellation, the road we wanted to go on was packed so we went "alternative" route. Phone had no service so we couldn't get GPS updates and recalculates. Yet, still we got there, watched the sliver get smaller and smaller, and then it just went funkadunk. Cold wind, roosters crowing, barn swallows filling the air and that color. Never saw it before. That color. Then my crazy old man and my crazy young boy singing and the sun returned. Then we drove back, making car cocktails and eating jerky and travel food.
10/15/2017 Call it a bridal shower. An old custom my married friends and my female relatives we all went to a sauna like place to discuss about my upcoming or potential marriage. I thought the were going to talk about wedding plans, honeymoon, girl stuff. They told me about the birds and bees. If the birds and bees were a bunch of old pervy ladies telling me about sexual shit I had never heard of before. Shit I was not expecting that. My long legs seemed to get most of the comments, about what I could do with them. The drunker and sweater everyone got the worse the comments. Supposedly my long toes are useful if I am flexible enough, oh gawd! I thought my mother was bad. Aunt K said that modesty is for those with shame and no wife should be ashamed to enjoy her husband. I thought that was sweet. Then she gave me a gift of a man's electric raiser so he'd remember to shave before hand. Damn those old women. I don't know if I was being hazed or it was the pumpkin cider but apparently I have many things to still learn.
10/29/2017 Well, I took some of the old women's advice. Hubby-2-B was impressed. He cried. I never knew making a man cry could be a good thing.
11/11/17 I've heard the story from "T" and I've heard this story from Mom. They tell all the fact the same but the way they tell it are so different. I was about four months from being born, and Mom was still shooting video and heroin. She decided she had to get away from my demon father. Mom tells it like like this angelic knight appeared to save her. "T" tells it like he was picking up groceries and found a druggie preggo and brought her home like she was a lost kitten. They are both fucking liars. I know my father didn't let her go without a fight. They found his body a week later, "T" is still alive. Does not take a genius to know what must have happened. "T" says to tell him what I want for a wedding gift. I think I'm going to ask for the truth.
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Arkbraska or Nebansas
Cats, Space Cats, Water Cats, Wild Cats, Kittens, Catfood, Lint Brushes, Sandy Klaws, Cat videos, Catwoman and Flying Frogs. Sex with my Husband-2-be.