Greenstranger

If ever, on my stomach

I would advise that you don't call her up, because when somebody says stuff like that on the phone, they have the option of hanging up and never talking to you again. Plus, I don't know if this is true with most people, but when I tell a friend how I feel about her, she looks disgusted every time she's near me, and she tries to avoid me. My advice is: if you're not her friend already, become her friend. Try to hang out with her as much as you can, and when you two have a good connection going on, invite her over to your house, and that's when you tell her what she means to you

I believe the part where he bought stuff from stores with blank paper.
He was probably distracting them so they wouldn't realize what he's paying with.
They're so used to accepting cash, that the paper seemed like any other cash.
The rest I didn't believe

my mom used to call me Critter-Babe

Vista sucks, their's absolutely no doubt about it. I takes a lot of memory, it makes it less convenient to use a computer that has it installed on, it makes your computer run slower, and it is made by microsoft.
I hate microsoft and I hate their annoying visual languages.