145 replies to this topic

[Mishatu]

See? That's a good explanation for an intrinsic appeal in sexual exclusivity. She needs emotional intimacy with someone to feel comfortable having sexual intimacy, therefore, she will probably stick to one partner. What if you get emotional intimacy with two people? Are you going to fuck them both?

I already have emotional intimacy with more than just my significant other. However, that other person has already proven himself to be a bad partner in a few different ways (and I'm not referring to him in bed. Though I don't think he's that good there, either ).

To answer your question, though, I would say no. When I become close to someone, I am incredibly loyal. I may flirt hard, but I simply cannot betray the trust of my significant other.

(The one time I did, I simply kissed another guy, then flipped out and called my bf right away, crying and upset. Yeah, I don't think it's going to happen again.)

[8143FF763271]

I already have emotional intimacy with more than just my significant other. However, that other person has already proven himself to be a bad partner in a few different ways (and I'm not referring to him in bed. Though I don't think he's that good there, either ).

To answer your question, though, I would say no. When I become close to someone, I am incredibly loyal. I may flirt hard, but I simply cannot betray the trust of my significant other.

(The one time I did, I simply kissed another guy, then flipped out and called my bf right away, crying and upset. Yeah, I don't think it's going to happen again.)

It isn't a matter of loyalty though, it's why the sexual exclusivity exists to begin with. Why does it matter if you or your partner wants to do someone else?

[Mishatu]

It isn't a matter of loyalty though, it's why the sexual exclusivity exists to begin with. Why does it matter if you or your partner wants to do someone else?

I don't know about other people, but I have major insecurity issues (issue with my parents, bla bla bla, long backstory no one wants to read bla bla bla). If my partner wanted to have sex with someone else, I'd start questioning myself about what I could have done better or what was wrong with me, and probably fall into a painful downward spiral.

Do I have issues? Yes. Yes, I do.

[8143FF763271]

I don't know about other people, but I have major insecurity issues (issue with my parents, bla bla bla, long backstory no one wants to read bla bla bla). If my partner wanted to have sex with someone else, I'd start questioning myself about what I could have done better or what was wrong with me, and probably fall into a painful downward spiral.

Do I have issues? Yes. Yes, I do.

Interesting. Well, that's valid.

Anyone have a justification for monogamy that doesn't involve insecurity?

[lexis]

We're attracted to many people at the same time. That I'm attracted

I'm not.

I think the case here is that you are looking only at the "sex" factor. On the other hand (and here most people are going to disagree with me but that's how I feel so is a personal opinion) others date and get married because they love.

[8143FF763271]

I'm not.

I think the case here is that you are looking only at the "sex" factor. On the other hand (and here most people are going to disagree with me but that's how I feel so is a personal opinion) others date and get married because they love.

I stopped reading after I'm not because I can't take dishonest people seriously. Everyone is attracted to more than one person.

[Bone]

Not everyone is a horny teenager.

/thread

[8143FF763271]

I think the issues of self-worth brought up by Mishatu sum the entire dilemma up. I understand the primitive need and construction of monogamy in traditional patriarchal society as a way for men to guarantee that their children are their own. However, such a function becomes null with the development of parental testing. The problem is that we have based numerous social interactions around this archaic institution so they have stayed with us paradigmatically. Monogamy itself as a cultural institution may be useless, but the fact that sexual exclusivity is a romantic norm will make us tie issues of anxiety and emotional involvement to sex.

Take kissing as an example. Kissing people is normal in some groups, it is a normal day to day interaction practiced with anyone. In others, it is an exclusively romantic interaction. In the former, we don't really care who our partner kisses. We aren't supposed to be the only person kissing them so good for them if they enjoy kissing others. In the latter, however, it creates anxiety because we're the only person supposed to kiss our partners. If your partner kisses other people and enjoys it, it directly makes you question your worth as a lover. It's like parenthood, a father may feel anxious if he doesn't provide monetarily for his kids, but a mother won't. This isn't due to natural reasons, it's due to different expectations in certain social roles. Partners are expected to be satisfied with just one lover (as unrealistic as that is) and, thus, lovers are expected to satisfy their one partner. The fact that we deem this a normal arrangement will create anxiety when we don't live up to it despite of the fact that it is perfectly possible to be sexually satisfied by more than one person and enjoy sexual variety.

[8143FF763271]

What the fuck! hahahah!
Really? If I felt I couldn't provide for my children I'd be pretty fucking anxious.
Mothers are generally more maternal than a father is paternal, so this really doesn't make sense.
Maybe I am misunderstanding..

A mother won't because females (until recently) didn't have the role of provider. It was the father who had to get a job and foot the bill so he'd feel anxious over not being able to provide, while the mother is perfectly happy staying at home and taking care of the kids (she doesn't worry about her income, she isn't expected to). She's living up to her parental expectations, the father isn't.

What I mean is that if you had to reverse traditional roles, you'd probably feel guilty for not spending as much time with your kids as you feel that's what you should do, where a man would feel guilty over not making money as he feels that what he should do.

Edited by kami12, 16 August 2012 - 10:02 AM.

[Mishelle]

Some people just haven't heard of condoms yet. Which, by the way, are statistically more trustworthy than the human beings you're dating.

Condoms don't fully protect against herpes or HPV which is transmitted by skin to skin contact. It's much safer to use condoms and be in a monogamous relationship (on both sides obviously otherwise its not monogamous) than to both sleep around with a bunch of people.

[brainbabe]

Interesting. Well, that's valid.

Anyone have a justification for monogamy that doesn't involve insecurity?

Being content with the existing situation.

Looking at it from the material sense, say you have a cell phone that you are content with. It does everything you need/want it to, and it's pretty reliable. Sure, there are other cell phones around that you think have awesome features and seem more reliable, but (financial issues ignored) you would only bother with a new cell phone (or a second cell phone) if you weren't fulfilled or happy with the first.

Unless you were a collector of cell phones. In which case, maybe you just don't know what makes you happy yet, and this is your way of exploring and understanding yourself. Or maybe you just like cell phones, lol.

Personally, I don't have any qualms with people being polygamous. I believe that love is based on personal definitions, not social norms. I'm quite happy with my current relationship, and just don't feel any need to look elsewhere.

[8143FF763271]

Condoms don't fully protect against herpes or HPV which is transmitted by skin to skin contact. It's much safer to use condoms and be in a monogamous relationship (on both sides obviously otherwise its not monogamous) than to both sleep around with a bunch of people.

I'll take the risk of using condoms with a lot of people than using condoms with just one.

[ElBastardoVerde]

That escalated quickly.

I don't see why you find it necessary to throw her opinion back in her face and make it seem illogical or incorrect.

Not everyone has the capability to have sex with multiple people as most people attach feeling and emotion to the act.

P.S. There's no reason to be a dick when people disagree.

[8143FF763271]

That escalated quickly.

I don't see why you find it necessary to throw her opinion back in her face and make it seem illogical or incorrect.

Not everyone has the capability to have sex with multiple people as most people attach feeling and emotion to the act.

P.S. There's no reason to be a dick when people disagree.

It was pretty illogical though.

[ElBastardoVerde]

It was pretty illogical though.

It was to you, but it wasn't to her. Either way, that doesn't give you the right to go on a tirade about why you'd rather slut around then just stick with one partner.

To avoid being off topic, I'll answer your question. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being sexually exclusive. If you ask, more often than not the answer will be because they love someone and are married to them or just don't want the hassle of dealing with a multitude of sex partners or the risk that comes with them.

[Mishelle]

I'll take the risk of using condoms with a lot of people than using condoms with just one.

Congratulations?

[8143FF763271]

It was to you, but it wasn't to her. Either way, that doesn't give you the right to go on a tirade about why you'd rather slut around then just stick with one partner.

To avoid being off topic, I'll answer your question. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being sexually exclusive. If you ask, more often than not the answer will be because they love someone and are married to them or just don't want the hassle of dealing with a multitude of sex partners or the risk that comes with them.

It's illogical because it's circular. It doesn't answer the question. Let's take your reiteration of her answer as an example:
Question: "Why do people care about being monogamous to each other?"
Answer: "Because they are married and love each other."

How does being married and loving each other relate to being monogamous? Why is marriage and love mutually exclusive with monogamy? If they love each other, what's wrong with allowing each other to have fun with other people? The premises just don't have any connection. It's an illogical answer, an irrelevance.

Your other answer was valid, though.

[Mishelle]

I don't see the point in believing everyone should be monogamous or be polyamorous or have multiple sexual partners when love and sexuality varies so often among people. There are people who want to have sex with multiple people, people who only want to have sex with one person and people who don't want to have sex period. What's the point in even discussing it? Focus on your own sex life.

[ElBastardoVerde]

It's illogical because it's circular. It doesn't answer the question. Let's take your reiteration of her answer as an example:
Question: "Why do people care about being monogamous to each other?"
Answer: "Because they are married and love each other."

How does being married and loving each other relate to being monogamous? Why is marriage and love mutually exclusive with monogamy? If they love each other, what's wrong with allowing each other to have fun with other people? The premises just don't have any connection. It's an illogical answer, an irrelevance.


Your other answer was valid, though.

I understand where you're coming from completely, and it's kind of difficult to answer. It's ingrained into human beings that we can only really love and be with one person. Polygamy has always been taboo in western culture and is particularly frowned upon outside of Utah (hahaha). Marriage is exclusive with monogamy because it's defined as two people, not multiple people. Love has never been exclusive with anything, it just states that you have an immense feeling of compassion for someone/thing.

[8143FF763271]

The way I look at it, people are naturally physically attracted to a lot of people. They can have sex with a lot of people but they choose not to without getting anything in return for their decision, other than knowing there's someone that will only have sex with them. Why do they care about this? Personal preference or not, there has to be a sort of logic to this. If I like to eat different foods (as all humans do), then what are my reasons to eat just one? The only way to get rid of archaic cultural conventions is to question the norms that we conform to when they offer us nothing.

Hahaha exactly!
It's not a matter of debate, it's another subject that comes down to personal preference lmao.
Which is why I am not even bothering getting into it, people shouldn't have to continuously answer "why, why, why, why?"
Maybe there is no answer, maybe it is just how they are programmed. Why do I pee sitting down? Jesus christ lol. Why do I pee? Why?

All those questions have answers.