31 replies to this topic

[Mishelle]

So I read online that that Teen Mom 3 girl is pregnant with her 2nd child at 18. According to her she was told by her doctor because of her Type 1 diabetes she would be unable to have kids by 21 so she decided to pregnant again as soon as possible. 

 

This got me wondering,what I would do if I was put in that situation. Recently I got preached to by this lady who had her kids in her teens that because women are waiting so long to have kids many of them are having fertility issues and that "I can't control mother nature" and that all women should start trying to have kids by their mid-20s. I would like to have kids, but not enough to change my life and my plans for them. I feel like I would be a shitty parent if I decided to have a kid asap and struggle to provide for them because I had them in some kind of biological panic before I was ready. I would continue toward getting my degree and achieving the career I want, even if that meant passing my deadline and never having kids.

 

So what would you do? This isn't just a question for girls I would like input from guys as well.

[Elindoril]

I don't want to have a kid without the means of supporting them. I will risk the issues to be able to give them a life they deserve.

[Romy]

Is adoption not an option?

Just because you don't give birth to a child doesn't automatically exclude you from being a good parent for them.

[Mishelle]

Is adoption not an option?

Just because you don't give birth to a child doesn't automatically exclude you from being a good parent for them.

 

Adoption is an option but you still miss out on the experience of going through a pregnancy and a childbirth.

[Romy]

Adoption is an option but you still miss out on the experience of going through a pregnancy and a childbirth.

Is that really a bad thing? That experience has no impact on how good of a parent you could potentially be.

[Scot]

freeze egg and sperm

[Mishelle]

Is that really a bad thing? That experience has no impact on how good of a parent you could potentially be.

 

Actually it could have an impact considering there are people out there who feel like they wouldn't be able to love an adopted child like they would their own biological child. Adoption isn't for everyone, otherwise people wouldn't be going into crippling debt to receive fertility treatments. Lets also not forget that not everyone can adopt. In some areas single parents, unmarried couples and gay couples are discouraged and sometimes even outright banned from adopting.

[Elindoril]

Is that really a bad thing? That experience has no impact on how good of a parent you could potentially be.

Some people would rather raise their own flesh and blood than an adopted child.

┐('～`；)┌

[Syntax]

Heh, this was basically what me and a few others were discussing in TC the other day.

 

Adoption is an option but you still miss out on the experience of going through a pregnancy and a childbirth.

 

I would actually consider adopting over pregnancy and childbirth. I'm not particularly keen on getting pregnant, but then again, I'm not particularly keen on having kids in general. I don't like the idea of having something grow inside me for 9 months then forcefully expelling it through my vagina.

[Fikri]

i don't know why people these days think that they NEED to have kids. it's like their sole purpose on life or something. personally, i don't want and will never have kids. don't take me wrong, i love kids but i can't picture myself being a father.

 

i prefer having pets more. maybe goldfish!

[luvsmyncis]

My grandmother gave birth to her youngest at age 44. And my mother had her youngest at 30. There's plenty of time.

Unless I die tomorrow.

[NapisaurusRex]

I'm one of those people who has a burning desire to be a mommy. I've always dreamed about being a mom and having kids... but I've also felt like a career and schooling in all would change my plans of having kids instead of the other way around.

 

If I KNEW I were unable to have children, I would've put more effort into establishing a career and stuff so that I could adopt and be a foster parent. Since I'm able to have kids, that stuff isn't as important to me. I have a degree and started a career, but I would rather have kids. Even though I can biologically have kids and want a zillion more, I'm still planning on being a foster parent at minimum and adopting a couple if I can. It hurts my heart that there are so many unloved children when I have so much love to give to people. (Also, my ovaries are bigger than my brain and I don't think I could ignore a ticking uterus even if I wanted to.)

 

While I'm ok with adopting and fostering and raising kids that aren't biologically mine, there are plenty of people who aren't. I'm pretty sure that this is due to science. I think people were designed to reserve energy for kids that are biologically theirs to help make sure that their genes continue. (which is also how the stereotype of guys not wanting women with baggage came about.)

 

My first was an accident, but tbh, I'm surprised I didn't have her sooner. The littlest monster was planned down to the second, and the step-kid is a bonus.

[Adam]

What would you do if your child was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor?

Because he's hungry and the only way to feed him is ta - sleep with a little bit of money,

cause' his daddy's gone and we he ain't got a job now - in and outta lock-down.

                                                 p.s. That's a song.

 

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I want to have kids by the time I'm 25, but I need to find someone to do that with ._. 4everalone

My reason for that is; I don't want to be a 40 year old man who is unable to go outside and play baseball with his teenage son due to a bad knee. I also know that in my line of work, I could die any day and I feel I would be doing my parents / family an injustice by not leaving behind children. I really love kids, and the fact that the military pays for all child birth costs, and healthcare is free - why not have kids while I'm still in? That way I wouldn't be thousands of dollars in debt due to hospitalization fees and what not. 

Edited by Adam, 08 October 2013 - 11:57 AM.

[Syntax]

My reason for that is; I don't want to be a 40 year old man who is unable to go outside and play baseball with his teenage son due to a bad knee. I also know that in my line of work, I could die any day and I feel I would be doing my parents / family an injustice by not leaving behind children. I really love kids, and the fact that the military pays for all child birth costs, and healthcare is free - why not have kids while I'm still in? That way I wouldn't be thousands of dollars in debt due to hospitalization fees and what not. 

 

But you would do the kid the injustice of growing up without his father?

 

As in this is a legit question, I know it sounds curt but I'm curious and I don't mean to offend. THERE IS NO SUBTEXT WHATSOEVER OKAY. ily Adam.

[Adam]

But you would do the kid the injustice of growing up without his father?

 

As in this is a legit question, I know it sounds curt but I'm curious and I don't mean to offend. THERE IS NO SUBTEXT WHATSOEVER OKAY. ily Adam.

Any parent could die any day for any reason, so the argument of "It's irresponsible to have children because you could die" is irrelevant.  I also know that if I die; my child would not have to worry about money ($400,000 life insurance policy), and have great family to (help) take care of him or her. My dad was never around, and when my mom started dating my step-dad; I found my father figure. Just about anyone can take the role of a father; many children grow up with just one parent and that single parent is forced take on both parental roles. Unless of course they are shitty parents and reject their responsibilities...but that's besides the point. We're talking about parents who love their children.

 

<3

Edited by Adam, 08 October 2013 - 01:17 PM.

[blue]

What would you do if your child was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor?

Because he's hungry and the only way to feed him is ta - sleep with a little bit of money,

cause' his daddy's gone and we he ain't got a job now - in and outta lock-down.

                                                 p.s. That's a song.

What the hell...

Is this the censored kiddy version? Adoom, I am disappoint...

 

What would you do if your son was at home
Crying all alone on the bedroom floor
Cause he's hungry
And the only way to feed him is to, sleep with a man for a little bit of money
And his daddy's gone
Somewhere smokin' rock now, in and out of lock down
I ain't got a job now
So for you this is just a good time, but for me this is what I call life.

[Elindoril]

What the hell...
Is this the censored kiddy version? Adoom, I am disappoint...

Please, this is a family website.

[Adam]

I did it from my (not very good) memory. I was actually fairly impressed how close I was to the original version

[Syntax]

Any parent could die any day for any reason, so the argument of "It's irresponsible to have children because you could die" is irrelevant.  I also know that if I die; my child would not have to worry about money ($400,000 life insurance policy), and have great family to (help) take care of him or her. My dad was never around, and when my mom started dating my step-dad; I found my father figure. Just about anyone can take the role of a father; many children grow up with just one parent and that single parent is forced take on both parental roles. Unless of course they are shitty parents and reject their responsibilities...but that's besides the point. We're talking about parents who love their children.

 

<3

 

I see. That's a good way of looking at it. I never really did see it that way. :3

[pyke]

If I was on a (presumed) MTV show called Teen Mom, I would probably get a vasectomy. From looking at my own slightly extended family, I can say that an 18 year old with kid #2 already on the way is likely not mature or intelligent enough to even be a halfway good parent. This lady would probably do the world a great service by not having a 3rd.

[janktech]

To make it simple, no one should be having kids without the means to take care of them.

[NapisaurusRex]

That's pretty subjective... the needs of children vary from child to child and the idea of what children need vary from adult to adult.

[redlion]

Recently I got preached to by this lady who had her kids in her teens that because women are waiting so long to have kids many of them are having fertility issues and that "I can't control mother nature" and that all women should start trying to have kids by their mid-20s. I would like to have kids, but not enough to change my life and my plans for them.

You pose an excellent point. If you value both your career potential and your biological potential, consider moving to a country with rational healthcare. In France both parents can request maternity/paternity leave for what (to an American) seems like an unreasonably long amount of time..

I personally am a part of the church of euthanasia. One of the tenets of our belief system is that humans are killing the planet. Our One Commandment is "Thou shall not procreate." The four pillars of our faith (sodomy, abortion, suicide and cannibalism) are emphasized because of their negative impact on human population growth.


Reverend Korba, leader of the faithful