14 replies to this topic

[Boggart]

I'm running a talk for my school (long story) and I was wondering if anyone could help me provide real-life examples of someone making a small comment that has stuck with you, whether positively or negatively, for a long time. the comment could have been just someone  teasing you, a passing compliment, or just someone saying something but for whatever reason, it has stuck with you or impacted your life significantly.

An example of a negative one, is one time I was just singing and a girl I don't know very well said "geez Chris, you're so tone deaf" (and at that time, I was considering choosing being a vocalist after i graduated high school). Minor comment, but stuck with me.

I'm trying to show the impact of simple words and how much they can affect people. If anyone has a few stories they wouldn't mind sharing, I'd appreciate it!

And for those who don't know me, hi I'm Boggart

[Coops]

Negative comment that stuck with me: "Why do you look so angry all the time?" - A girl I kinda knew. This really hurt. It's just my fucking face. It's just the way my face is. I have bad resting bitch face. And strangers, family members and even friends have said similar things to me. It taught me not to give a shit about what people think (specifically about my looks, I can't help how my lips are structured).

Positive comment that stuck with me: "You're so intense." - An acquaintance said this and clarified that he meant it positively. This taught me that I am intense and I fucking hate small talk, so I don't waste my time on people who want nothing but small talk and trivial shit. It's cool if that's what you like. No judgement. I just find that sort of shit boring 9 times out of 10. My closest friends are people who enjoy my intensity and exchange more than just small talk. Funny thing is, the more someone opens up or gets close to me, the easier it is for me to tolerate their small talk, I guess because I know the pond isn't so shallow, sort of thing.

Edited by Coops, 20 January 2016 - 10:32 AM.

[KaibaSama]

Oh boy...There's been so many, I can't remember them too well. The comments overlap with each other, and just sort of make a gigantic blob of comments.

 

I believe some were along the lines of:
"She's so weird". 

"Look at her" (when they're looking towards me or have already mentioned my name in the conversation)

"Look at what she's wearing." 

"She's sooo not normal". 

They made me think there was something seriously wrong with me, and that's why a lot of people didn't seem to like me at all. There was never anything wrong, but I became constantly concerned of how I looked (bodywise), my clothes, my actions, my words. Still I fear, even today, that there's something wrong with me but I can never find it. Because it doesn't exist. But in my mind it does. I'm constantly adjusting my clothes, looking in the mirror, and I don't talk much. If you hear me talk to you a lot in real life, it's because you've earned my trust and I trust you enough to speak that much to you. 

 

Bullying causes mental health issues that can last a lifetime. People need to think before they speak and not gossip behind people's backs. I can't even stand people whispering around me. Even if I don't know them, I still always think it's about me and there's something "wrong" with me, and I need to fix something. Actually, I just came down from a massive panic attack because of these kids who always whisper in Chem, and the last time they were, they were talking about me. Still feel depressed though (it came with the panic attack). I can't concentrate in class because of their whispering and how it affects me. 

[Cass]

This was a positive comment I got about 4 years ago but it left me with mixed feelings. I was in the board of my student association and in charge of member communication. Now I'm usually pretty cheerful regardless, but since I was the person of contact for all members, I felt it as my duty to be extra social and cheerful all the time, so as to represent the association in a positive way.

 

I remember one girl, who was usually pretty timid and quiet, having a talk with me. Suddenly she said, "Man, I wish I was as confident and fun as you. Were you never bullied? I was bullied so much in high school and it left me really insecure." I was so flabbergasted by the comment, because I was so sure everybody knew it was just a facade. But she really thought I was world's most confident and happy girl. I was flattered, but felt much more guilty because it felt deceiving, and I felt bad for how insecure the girl was.

[Kaddict]

Here is a positive one: I still remember the first time a girl complimented my eyes. I was in third grade and this girl just said "You have beautiful eyes." Since then, I have tried to give sincere compliments that people aren't expecting/fishing for. It costs nothing, but is really nice and changes the other person's day. 

 

On the negative side: I actually don't remember mean things people have said to me as often as I remember mean things I have said to people. It is rough because people can try to say mean things or spread rumors, but if you say something true and hurtful about someone--that can really break them. Sadly, I used to do that a lot. But I changed my ways...

[Coops]

I used to tell people "it could be worse" or "be lucky you have this and this" when they'd complain and one time my friend responded to me without missing a beat "Just because someone's problems aren't big to you, doesn't mean they aren't problems." And I felt so bad I have never forgotten it. I try to remember that when people confide in me about things in their lives that are troubling them.

As someone who has had health issues my entire life, thank you @Tauriel - genuinely, for realizing how damaging "it could be worse" is/can be. I've heard that phrase so many times in the last nine years of chronic illness. 

"It could be worse."
"At least you don't have cancer."
"At least you can still walk."
"At least you're still alive."

When people said that stuff to me, this is what I'd hear: "your problems aren't real enough for me to care", "you don't matter to me", "you're just whining", "you complain too much" or "you're just looking for sympathy/attention". People don't realize if they follow that logic ("it could be worse") then you can't be happy, because someone has it better than you.

I don't know you Tauriel, but it really does mean quite a bit to me, as someone who has faced an inordinate amount of invalidation, that you heard what your friend said and changed how you reacted to situations like that.
 

[Rocket]

I was bullied a lot growing up from elementary school through high school for having red hair. Nothing specifically that I can remember, but to this day I don't like it when people call me "Big Red" due to how insulting it was when I was younger. I lived in a relatively small town so there were very few people (I can count on one hand at that time) that had red hair. It would make me go home and cry and beg my parents to let me dye my hair but they always said no. Until I was 16 I finally got them to let me dye it, I was so insecure with being a "ginger" because I was "different". 

Now I embrace it because gingers are awesome and we eat souls for breakfast.

 

I am constantly complimented on my eyes, probably so much so that I have an ego about it. I once had a lady come up to me, who I didn't know and she said "I want to cut out your eyeballs and wear them." I was flattered yet creeped out.

 

My Mom's complete lack of empathy and understanding for mental disorders.. I've suffered from depression since I was a kid, but she always failed to recognize it and would, and still to this day, tells me to "grow up and get over yourself." Not only did she make it worse at times but she made me doubt myself. I don't think she knows about the countless psychiatrists I've seen nor the amount of medication I've taken over the years, and I'm still afraid to tell her because her words and lack of understanding hurt so deep.

[DregsandDregs]

So you're going to be talking about micro-agressions and visa versa?  And then the more overt stuff.

 

I have a lot of the negative ones, but those were in...heightened circumstances that gave them their traumatizing weight.

Edited by DregsandDregs, 20 January 2016 - 12:51 PM.

[Required]

As a negative one, I remember back when I was 10-12 years old in middle school I really liked playing videogames. I don't know how it was in the US back then, but here it was not as mainstream as it is right now. I mean, it wasn't weird, but most kids weren't as into games as I was. Anyway, I was talking with this friend of mine about how big of a change was going to be high school and she said "Yea, you are gonna have to change, videogames are just for little kids and you are beginning to be a bit of a freak". It really hurt and especially because the other kids looked down on me a little. Big hit to my confidence lol. Funny thing is that nowadays with the whole youtube thing and games being really big, the girl that called me a freak is now a big "gamer". She has 2 consoles, gaming PC and is always posting pictures of herself playing.

 

Positive one, quite recent actually. After my first year in college my Language teacher gave each student a personal talk about our performance during the year. I was a bit afraid because my grades were not that good and although he is a really nice guy, he is also demanding. He ended up congratulating me for my effort knowing that my grades did not actually reflected how good I was. Then he said "I imagine that you are teaching, aren't you? If not, you really should. You are prepared!". Before that, I hadn't really thought about working as a teacher just yet. Small comment that really boosted my confidence, after that I looked for a job and spent a really nice 2015 working

 

 

Edit: after reading @cassiopeiic comment I remembered something else

 

During high school I was really shy. Not because I suffered bullying (luckily I didn't). It was just my personality. During my first year in college things hadn't really changed for me, but I had changed my attitude towards new people and I felt much more confident in that regard. One day, in a class, one of my teachers decided to do a quick play in order to explain something. He called me right away and I told him that I didn't want to do it because I was a bit shy. Some people started laughing as if I was making a joke. They thought it was a lie because I was always the cheerful guy in class. It felt good

Edited by Scavi, 20 January 2016 - 02:13 PM.

[Honchkrow]

"Its just a drawing, you can just draw another one, right?"

 

A classmate said this to me when he took a drawing of mine, I wasn't the greatest at drawing at the time so I was really proud of it, I showed it off to my friends and such. I hate this phrase so much, I worked hard on it what right do you have to take it then devalue my work by saying that I could just create another one? It's this kind of mentality where artists get ripped off or cheated out of being paid because people are too fucking cheap to appreciate their passion or recognize the years it takes to create their art. 

Edited by Honchkrow, 20 January 2016 - 08:24 PM.

[Elindoril]

"Hentai".

 

Chapter 1:

 

Back in middle school I discovered that my public library had a massive stock of manga available to read. Oh! My Goddess, Chobits, Ranma, Akira... A whole pile of books waiting to be fondled picked up and read by budding otaku. I was always a fan of Oh! My Goddess so I was ecstatic when I saw the library had so many different volumes. I'd grab my lot and check them out. It was great. I had a valid reason to read in school that wasn't boring, educational book studies. Hitler? Psh who cares I got goddesses. Grammar? Yeah right like I care about that. I'd keep bringing manga to school so I'd have more time to read and thus be able to get more volumes quicker. It was amazing. Except...People saw that there were girls showing the slightest bit of skin on the cover and started thinking I was perverted. Obviously, I thought, if the library had it in the teen section then it was acceptable by teens. Why would anyone ever care to mock me on my reading choices? At least I'm reading. Right?

 

Chapter 2:

 

This continued on with different books and different peers. Wait no. Peers is the wrong choice of word. Bully. Yeah that's the word I want. People passive aggressively bullied me by calling me "pervert" or "hentai", the latter I corrected them on until I learned that the word didn't mean "porn" but perverted in Glorious Nipponese, This continued from middle school to the end of high school. Funny enough I had already read what I wanted at the library and never really brought manga to high school so I don't even know what basis the kids had to classify me a dreaded "hentai".  Maybe my laptop background? I only ever had that in grade 12. Plus it was a perfectly normal image of an anime girl spooning protecting another anime girl from something outside the image. Obviously. Right? Whatever. I spent a good amount of time trying to convince people that I was not a "hentai", but a normal member of society. I only ever masturbated to normal anime porn! Didn't everyone? They didn't? Well...hmm...Moving on. Plus I only ever made ONE comment about spying on girls in the bathhouse given the chance. Then there was that misunderstanding with my Japanese teacher regarding an ad in the anime magazine I was reading. I read it for the articles! I don't care about the page sized ads with bikini girls! Honest!

 

Chapter 3:

 

After high school I gave up trying to persuade everyone that I wasn't a pervert. I decided that instead of denying my destiny I should embrace it. I shall be the pervert I am perceived to be! I started researching the weirdest junk I could find and slowly accustomed myself to the wide world of hentai: Ahegao, breast-expansion, centaur, dandere, tsundere, deredere, egg-laying, futanari, futanari-on-futanari, sex with hats on, inverted nipples... These are just some of the examples of the monstrous genres I've forced upon myself to become what the world has decided I to be. I am not the innocent boy who thought of being a teacher, or even better, a substitute teacher. I am the beast that society ignored when he cried for help and left to wither until he morphed to fit in. I am Frankenstein's monster. Pieces torn from my very flesh and sewn on are the disfigured remnants of perverts of the past. I am the ultimate pervert. The quintessential "hentai" I was labelled so long ago.

 

So yeah. The end. Thanks for reading.

 

Spoiler

Nah. The small comment just made me feel like enjoying my hobby was wrong until I met some nerds in high school that were just as bad as I was. Albeit I was probably worse because of my anxiety.

[Mishelle]

When I was in middle school I went to summer school because I was just really nerdy and went for the fun of it. Every morning I would bike 1 1/2 miles to and from school. This is in the middle of Van Nuys summer which consistently ranges between 90 and 115 degrees during the day. So one day when I got home I took my shirt off and I was just hanging around the house in jeans and a bra and my moms husband basically told me to cover up because I was fat and I needed to control my weight or else men are never going to want me and I'm never going to get married. At the time it pushed me into an eating disorder that I struggled with for years but now I'd rather have tacos than a man.

[Mishelle]

I'd rather have tacos than almost everything. But what I wanted to say is that I'm glad you aren't struggling with it anymore because your body is beautiful and I'm jealous of your butt.

Lol thanks. Karma came for his ass. He's like in his mid 50s, broke and forever alone because he's trash.