By this simple reaction, trees are able to remove CO2 from the atmosphere and use it to make glucose, releasing oxygen in the process. Since ancient times, children have been taught that this is a highly desirable trait, and is the primary reason why people believe that conservation of the rainforests is so important.
EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD IS A LIE.
After years of careful study, investigation, industrial espionage, and sucessful use of the magic of Wikipedia, I have discovered a horrible conspiracy in the plant world: THE TREES ARE TRYING TO KILL US.
It sounds crazy, I know, but allow me to shed some light on my findings.
Think about some of the greatest disasters in history - the Great Fire of London; the Hindenburg exploding; the Holocaust; the 9/11 terrorist attacks. What did all of these events, and many more not mentioned here, have in common? FIRE.
Now, I know you're all thinking, "what the hell does fire have to do with any of this shit about photosynthesis, yo?" It's quite simple, really. All you have to do is break it down logically, and the most atrocious secret of the forests will be revealed.
Article 1: Photosynthesis produces oxygen. Oxygen speeds the rate of combustion (i.e. it makes things burn faster). The more oxygen you have, the more efficient your fires become. It's like speed for fires. I think you get the idea.
Article 2: Photosynthesis depletes CO2. CO2 also happens to be the primary ingredient in FIRE EXTINGUISHERS. So, not only does photosynthesis produce a fire-enhancing substance (oxygen), but it also uses up one of the primary fire-fighting elements. This is already looking a little fishy.
Article 3: One of the most commonly used combustible substances is wood, which comes from the very trees which practice photosynthesis. So these bastards make the conditions ideal for fire, deplete what we need to fight fire, and then use their own bodies as a fuel source. Suicide bombers have nothing on these guys.
Article 4: Fire kills people. It's a proven fact. Therefore, by using themselves as catalyst for the fires they have created with their masterminded chemical warfare, trees are DESTROYING INNOCENT HUMAN LIVES.
Open your eyes to the truth! Stop conservation efforts worldwide! Bulldoze the forests! Replace them with safe, non-flammable concrete and asphalt as soon as possible! WE MUST HURRY! ARMAGEDDON IS NEAR!
