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Rules of Acquisition

Posted by Hopeless, 24 November 2014 · 313 views

star trek neopets ferengi
I finally started Deep Space Nine - besides already being completely in love with Dax, I have a new fondness for the Ferengi. The Rules of Acquisition they follow translate pretty well into the "fair cheating" atmosphere I've become used to around here, so I thought I'd share.

Not all of these translate to every single "cheater" in Neopia, and not all of these are necessarily good or bad things. These are simply rules followed by a race of aliens who hold profit above all else in the Star Trek universe. ;) Most Star Trek-specific words have been replaced with Neopets alternatives. These are just a few adapted rules from the many original Rules of Acquisition... enjoy!

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Neopian Rules of Acquisition:

Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

A Neopian is only worth the sum of their possessions.

Keep your inbox open.

Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

Anything worth doing is worth doing for Neopoints.

A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along.

A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Neofriends.

A Neopian without profit is no Neopian at all.

Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

Never place friendship above profit.

Nothing is more important than your Neopets' health--except for your Neopoints.

There's nothing more dangerous than an honest Neopian.

It never hurts to suck up to TNT.

Profit is its own reward.

Never confuse wisdom with luck.

Never ask when you can take.

Good customers are as rare as Magical Chia Pops -- treasure them.

There is no substitute for success.

The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

Win or lose, there's always Neocodex.

Never let the competition know what you're thinking.

Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

Enough ... is never enough.

Every Neopian has their price.

Trust is the biggest liability of all.

Sleep can interfere with profit.

Faith moves mountains ... of inventory.

Everything is for sale, even friendship.

There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket.

Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

Know your enemies ... but do business with them always.

Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

Let others keep their reputation. You keep their Neopoints.

March 2019

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