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I need to change.

Posted by vay, 25 January 2015 · 386 views
So, I'm going back to school tomorrow for the new semester. I don't really know where I'm going with this post, just things that bring me slight worry about the changes going on in my life. I honestly, can't wait to get the semester over with, all I've had with school is pretty much bad experiences, I want to get the hell out of high school, now! My main worries? Well, my social life is pretty much fucked up. Yeah. It wasn't as bad before, but say, I started out freshman year with a bunch of "friends", but eventually, drifted apart/fought/fellinlovewith,oops/don't get along? I've been left with no more than two and a half-ish friends. It's okay, though, it's been partially a learning experience, because I've been shown quite a few of my own flaws that tend to get in the way of everything, friendship included. I've resolved that I'm emotionally immature, self-centered, over-thinking, and ill-tempered, amongst other things, and, best of all, I realized: I need to change, for the better. I know I'm broken, have been for a while, but it's about time I got a reality check, and tried to fix up the flaws in my character that hurt me rather than define who I am. I've been through a lot of shit, my family, people hurting me, having to get through with some pretty harsh stuff. I know this sounds confusing, mixing up everything that's happened to me with the flaws that hinder me personality-wise & mentally, my point is, I'm kind of messed up, and I have to pull myself together. I have to learn, to be myself, to be forgiving of others and of me, to care a little less for those who don't care enough, focus on my goals, change that awful temper, and to be nice again (you see, I was afraid to be nice for a long time) without letting people take advantage of being too nice. I need to find a balance. What I'm looking for, really, is to evolve. For my own good and the good of those who care for me.

-- I know it's a little much, but I needed to get this out somehow. I don't mean to be overwhelming :p

February 2019

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